Acceptance
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The Field of Dreams
Posts: 7,249
Acceptance
Acceptance, Then What?
by Marie T. Russell
One of the teachings that has been emphasized by many teachers is that of
acceptance. Accepting what is. What exactly does that mean? Does it mean
accepting the way things are? Well, yes it does, but it doesn't stop there.
Acceptance is in a sense acknowledging how things are -- without judgment,
without negativity, without anger and blame. It is an impartial observation:
I see how this is, I acknowledge that this is so. Yet, does it mean that
nothing can change? No. It is said that the only constant is change -- in
other words, everything is always is a state of change, either growing or
disintegrating. There is no such thing as stability, everything is always
moving, changing.
So when we accept things as they are, we are simply noticing them,
acknowledging that they exist. For example, let's say that your house is
dirty. In order to clean it, you first have to accept, acknowledge, admit,
that it is dirty. From that observation, you then decide to clean it (or
not). In order for things to change, one must first accept, or acknowledge
them as they are.
The important part of acceptance is to accept or notice without judgment,
criticism, blame, or anger. We seem to have a tendency to attach emotions to
our observations, as in, My house is dirty, I'm such a slob or I just can't
seem to keep this house clean. It's overwhelming. These statements are
charged with judgment and criticism. Acceptance on the other hand simply
says, The house is dirty. The next step then becomes simply another step in
the observation process, asking what I can do about it -- and then doing it
without having beaten myself up about it.
Yet, so many times, we get angry when we notice behaviors that we have, or
that others have. Noticing in itself is impartial -- we simply notice, we
are aware of something. But the next step is the one that gets us in
trouble -- the part where we attach a judgment to the observation. We look
at something and then get into criticizing it, blaming someone, heaping
anger upon it. Then we get caught up in focusing on "the problem" and
noticing all the things we don't like about it, everything that is "wrong
with it".
Acceptance, or non-judgment, on the other hand also notices these things but
without the added charge of anger, blame, self-righteousness, etc.
Acceptance sees what is, and then goes on to ask if there is anything that
can be done. If the answer is yes, then we can move forward. The choice in
direction or attitude comes immediately after noticing something -- that's
when we have a choice. We can launch into criticism, anger, etc., or we can
say, I can do something about this.
To go back to the example of the dirty house. Once I observe that the house
is dirty, I can choose the self-recriminating path (bad girl, blaming
someone else, etc.) or I can say, what can I do about it now? Maybe I can
only do a very small step now -- like deciding that I will pick up one thing
now and put it away, I can make a decision to do that each time I walk
through the room, or I can "make an appointment" with myself to clean it up
after work, or I can stop and clean it up now. Whatever the decision is
irrelevant. The important thing is to make a decision to move forward and
change the situation -- a decision that is not based on blame, criticism,
anger, blame, etc.
First I accept the fact that the house is dirty -- after all if I don't
accept that fact, then I get caught up in either pretending it is clean, or
simply trying to ignore it. We do this a lot with other situations in our
life. We ignore (or criticize) things that we really need to accept (or be
aware of), so that we can then go on and make a change. If we are unhappy in
our job, we first need to accept that (acknowledge it), then we can ask
ourselves what we can do about it. If we feel stressed, we first must notice
the stress, and then we can see what has to be done. If we are ill, we must
first accept that this is a fact, and then make choices as to what we can do
to become well again.
Without self-examination, or self-observation, we do not see the way out.
Yet, many times, we are afraid to look closely, because we fear that there
is no solution. Yet, there is always a solution, there is always an
alternative. If at first the solution or alternative that appears before you
seems undoable, then you have choices. You can keep looking for another
alternative, you can examine the one that you see and decide which part is
workable and which part is not, or of course, you can choose to do nothing
about it at the moment. That is what is called free will.
The important part of any decision we make is to accept the choice we are
making, and realize that we can always make a different choice later on. For
example, let's say that we are dealing with an addiction (either substance
abuse, relationship addiction, behavior or habit, etc.). First we
acknowledge (accept) that there is an addiction. Then we ask ourselves if we
want to change this behavior. If the answer is yes, then we go from there.
If the answer is no, then we need to accept the choice we have made -- which
doesn't mean we can't make a different choice later. We always have another
chance to make another decision.
There are many things in the world that we can look at and judge and
criticize and seek to lay blame. However, where does that get us? Simply
deeper in the mire of judgment, negativity, and anger. If we apply the
concept of acceptance to "the outside world", we accept what is -- in other
words we notice it, we become aware of it without getting all worked up
about it. We notice the corruption in business, in government, in human
behavior. We notice the problems in our educational system. We notice that
the environment has been polluted, and damaged. We notice these things
without getting into a rage about them. We accept that these things are
currently a reality.
However, accepting that they are a reality, doesn't mean lying down and
"taking it". In other words, seeing that "something is" doesn't mean that we
can't change it. Once we notice these things (whether in ourselves or in the
outside world), the next step is to ask ourselves what we can do about it.
There is always something we can do -- usually there are many things we can
do. This is where our choices lay -- we can see the ways things are and
ignore them; we can see the way things are and get angry and rant and rave
and do nothing constructive; or we can see the way things are and choose to
make a difference.
The only way our world will change (our personal interior world and the
world outside) is for us to take action, in whichever way we feel
appropriate. However, it behooves us to realize that acting from acceptance
means letting go of the energies of anger, blame, criticism, revenge,
self-pity, etc. We can much more efficiently affect change by doing so with
an impartial energy -- one that seeks to improve, to heal, to "make
better" -- rather than one that want to prove the "other behavior" wrong.
Whether we focus on cleaning our living room, or the planet itself, we will
get much better results if we do so from love instead of anger and
impatience. We can decide to make a difference because we want to live in
harmony, beauty, and peace. We can decide to make changes in our lives
because we desire to live in a more harmonious and loving environment. We
can decide to make a difference in the world because we have a vision of a
better world.
We first accept that changes are needed, then we take the steps to create
those changes. It is our life, it is our energy, it is our world. We can
choose to live in heaven on earth, or in hell on earth. It is our choice
because we decide which direction we go from here. each and every moment of
our day. If not us, then who?
A Prayer
Dear God...
Please show me how to love.
Teach me how to extend my light into the life of another.
Remove the barriers to my soul,
the walls which stand in front of my heart,
my commitment to aloneness,
my resistance to joining.
I do not seek love, dear God, for I know it is all around me.
I seek instead the healing of my resistances to it,
the strengthening of my spirit;
That I might learn to love, to love well, to love fully, to love deeply.
When my true love calls, dear Lord,
please keep my ears open.
Let me not shut down.
Let me not forsake him/her.
Let me always remember that his/her call to love him/her
is my call to love You.
Thank You very much.
Amen.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Live And Let Live*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The Freedom
Our life experiences,
whether we admit them or not,
are our foundation.
We must see, understand, and accept
our imperfections that lie at our very core.
To do so changes the "Why me?",
into the "What can I do now?".
For it is in accepting what is beyond our control,
we give up the endless struggle;
Surrendering to our inability to change our yesterdays,
and our powerlessness to control our tomorrow's.
Living instead for today's moments of rapture,
and seemingly endless sorrows,
Because it is in this balance we find The Freedom:
The Freedom from:
our secret fears that make us feel weak,
The Freedom from:
our secret desires that horrify us,
and The Freedom from:
our all-consuming active addictions.
Ultimately this freedom gives us the power
to forgive ourselves;
Bringing us to our knees,
when we finally allowed ourselves,
to have faith in our Higher Power.
Letting him take care of our fears and defenses;
Finally hearing our truths:
I am willing,
I am special,
I am loved,
I am me!
An Addict
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Keep The Focus On You*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
We ask for help and help is given.
Often we do not recognize that other people's alcoholism,
sexual betrayals, chronic illnesses, and
alienation behavior are really cries for help.
But, unquestionably, God recognizes every plea,
no matter what form it takes,
and He finds some way to give us
as much help as we are willing to receive at that time.
Gerald G. Jampolsky, MD, Teach Only Love
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Let God and Let Go*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Controlling is self-defeating.
It doesn't work.
By overextending ourselves to make something happen,
we may actually be stopping it from happening."
Melody Beattie
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Come*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
There are times we will be tempted
to make other people "them"
according to the color of their skin,
their education, their economic background--
whatever your training is that keeps you in separation.
Don't wait for the world to change in order for you to change.
Refrain from gossip.
Hold good thoughts for others.
Try even after you fail.
Bring reconciliation in places of separation.
Mary Manin Morrissey
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Come To*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"I can't be found in myself;
I discover myself in others.
That much is clear.
And I suspect that I also love and care for myself in others."
Hugh Prather
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Come To Believe*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
What I have in my life is a gift from God,
and who I become is my gift back to Him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Look For The Beauty*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
We are stronger together
than we are alone.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Today Is A Gift*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The ego does not forgive,
The spirit forgives.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Keep Stepping*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The mind can not serve two masters.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Stay In The Light*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
NA is not a sentence, it is a reprieve.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*Put Gratitude In Your Attitude*~*~*~*~*~*~*
(\o/\o/) we are each of us angels with only one wing (\o/\o/)
/_\/_\ and can only fly by embracing each other /_\/_\
by Marie T. Russell
One of the teachings that has been emphasized by many teachers is that of
acceptance. Accepting what is. What exactly does that mean? Does it mean
accepting the way things are? Well, yes it does, but it doesn't stop there.
Acceptance is in a sense acknowledging how things are -- without judgment,
without negativity, without anger and blame. It is an impartial observation:
I see how this is, I acknowledge that this is so. Yet, does it mean that
nothing can change? No. It is said that the only constant is change -- in
other words, everything is always is a state of change, either growing or
disintegrating. There is no such thing as stability, everything is always
moving, changing.
So when we accept things as they are, we are simply noticing them,
acknowledging that they exist. For example, let's say that your house is
dirty. In order to clean it, you first have to accept, acknowledge, admit,
that it is dirty. From that observation, you then decide to clean it (or
not). In order for things to change, one must first accept, or acknowledge
them as they are.
The important part of acceptance is to accept or notice without judgment,
criticism, blame, or anger. We seem to have a tendency to attach emotions to
our observations, as in, My house is dirty, I'm such a slob or I just can't
seem to keep this house clean. It's overwhelming. These statements are
charged with judgment and criticism. Acceptance on the other hand simply
says, The house is dirty. The next step then becomes simply another step in
the observation process, asking what I can do about it -- and then doing it
without having beaten myself up about it.
Yet, so many times, we get angry when we notice behaviors that we have, or
that others have. Noticing in itself is impartial -- we simply notice, we
are aware of something. But the next step is the one that gets us in
trouble -- the part where we attach a judgment to the observation. We look
at something and then get into criticizing it, blaming someone, heaping
anger upon it. Then we get caught up in focusing on "the problem" and
noticing all the things we don't like about it, everything that is "wrong
with it".
Acceptance, or non-judgment, on the other hand also notices these things but
without the added charge of anger, blame, self-righteousness, etc.
Acceptance sees what is, and then goes on to ask if there is anything that
can be done. If the answer is yes, then we can move forward. The choice in
direction or attitude comes immediately after noticing something -- that's
when we have a choice. We can launch into criticism, anger, etc., or we can
say, I can do something about this.
To go back to the example of the dirty house. Once I observe that the house
is dirty, I can choose the self-recriminating path (bad girl, blaming
someone else, etc.) or I can say, what can I do about it now? Maybe I can
only do a very small step now -- like deciding that I will pick up one thing
now and put it away, I can make a decision to do that each time I walk
through the room, or I can "make an appointment" with myself to clean it up
after work, or I can stop and clean it up now. Whatever the decision is
irrelevant. The important thing is to make a decision to move forward and
change the situation -- a decision that is not based on blame, criticism,
anger, blame, etc.
First I accept the fact that the house is dirty -- after all if I don't
accept that fact, then I get caught up in either pretending it is clean, or
simply trying to ignore it. We do this a lot with other situations in our
life. We ignore (or criticize) things that we really need to accept (or be
aware of), so that we can then go on and make a change. If we are unhappy in
our job, we first need to accept that (acknowledge it), then we can ask
ourselves what we can do about it. If we feel stressed, we first must notice
the stress, and then we can see what has to be done. If we are ill, we must
first accept that this is a fact, and then make choices as to what we can do
to become well again.
Without self-examination, or self-observation, we do not see the way out.
Yet, many times, we are afraid to look closely, because we fear that there
is no solution. Yet, there is always a solution, there is always an
alternative. If at first the solution or alternative that appears before you
seems undoable, then you have choices. You can keep looking for another
alternative, you can examine the one that you see and decide which part is
workable and which part is not, or of course, you can choose to do nothing
about it at the moment. That is what is called free will.
The important part of any decision we make is to accept the choice we are
making, and realize that we can always make a different choice later on. For
example, let's say that we are dealing with an addiction (either substance
abuse, relationship addiction, behavior or habit, etc.). First we
acknowledge (accept) that there is an addiction. Then we ask ourselves if we
want to change this behavior. If the answer is yes, then we go from there.
If the answer is no, then we need to accept the choice we have made -- which
doesn't mean we can't make a different choice later. We always have another
chance to make another decision.
There are many things in the world that we can look at and judge and
criticize and seek to lay blame. However, where does that get us? Simply
deeper in the mire of judgment, negativity, and anger. If we apply the
concept of acceptance to "the outside world", we accept what is -- in other
words we notice it, we become aware of it without getting all worked up
about it. We notice the corruption in business, in government, in human
behavior. We notice the problems in our educational system. We notice that
the environment has been polluted, and damaged. We notice these things
without getting into a rage about them. We accept that these things are
currently a reality.
However, accepting that they are a reality, doesn't mean lying down and
"taking it". In other words, seeing that "something is" doesn't mean that we
can't change it. Once we notice these things (whether in ourselves or in the
outside world), the next step is to ask ourselves what we can do about it.
There is always something we can do -- usually there are many things we can
do. This is where our choices lay -- we can see the ways things are and
ignore them; we can see the way things are and get angry and rant and rave
and do nothing constructive; or we can see the way things are and choose to
make a difference.
The only way our world will change (our personal interior world and the
world outside) is for us to take action, in whichever way we feel
appropriate. However, it behooves us to realize that acting from acceptance
means letting go of the energies of anger, blame, criticism, revenge,
self-pity, etc. We can much more efficiently affect change by doing so with
an impartial energy -- one that seeks to improve, to heal, to "make
better" -- rather than one that want to prove the "other behavior" wrong.
Whether we focus on cleaning our living room, or the planet itself, we will
get much better results if we do so from love instead of anger and
impatience. We can decide to make a difference because we want to live in
harmony, beauty, and peace. We can decide to make changes in our lives
because we desire to live in a more harmonious and loving environment. We
can decide to make a difference in the world because we have a vision of a
better world.
We first accept that changes are needed, then we take the steps to create
those changes. It is our life, it is our energy, it is our world. We can
choose to live in heaven on earth, or in hell on earth. It is our choice
because we decide which direction we go from here. each and every moment of
our day. If not us, then who?
A Prayer
Dear God...
Please show me how to love.
Teach me how to extend my light into the life of another.
Remove the barriers to my soul,
the walls which stand in front of my heart,
my commitment to aloneness,
my resistance to joining.
I do not seek love, dear God, for I know it is all around me.
I seek instead the healing of my resistances to it,
the strengthening of my spirit;
That I might learn to love, to love well, to love fully, to love deeply.
When my true love calls, dear Lord,
please keep my ears open.
Let me not shut down.
Let me not forsake him/her.
Let me always remember that his/her call to love him/her
is my call to love You.
Thank You very much.
Amen.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Live And Let Live*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The Freedom
Our life experiences,
whether we admit them or not,
are our foundation.
We must see, understand, and accept
our imperfections that lie at our very core.
To do so changes the "Why me?",
into the "What can I do now?".
For it is in accepting what is beyond our control,
we give up the endless struggle;
Surrendering to our inability to change our yesterdays,
and our powerlessness to control our tomorrow's.
Living instead for today's moments of rapture,
and seemingly endless sorrows,
Because it is in this balance we find The Freedom:
The Freedom from:
our secret fears that make us feel weak,
The Freedom from:
our secret desires that horrify us,
and The Freedom from:
our all-consuming active addictions.
Ultimately this freedom gives us the power
to forgive ourselves;
Bringing us to our knees,
when we finally allowed ourselves,
to have faith in our Higher Power.
Letting him take care of our fears and defenses;
Finally hearing our truths:
I am willing,
I am special,
I am loved,
I am me!
An Addict
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Keep The Focus On You*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
We ask for help and help is given.
Often we do not recognize that other people's alcoholism,
sexual betrayals, chronic illnesses, and
alienation behavior are really cries for help.
But, unquestionably, God recognizes every plea,
no matter what form it takes,
and He finds some way to give us
as much help as we are willing to receive at that time.
Gerald G. Jampolsky, MD, Teach Only Love
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Let God and Let Go*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Controlling is self-defeating.
It doesn't work.
By overextending ourselves to make something happen,
we may actually be stopping it from happening."
Melody Beattie
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Come*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
There are times we will be tempted
to make other people "them"
according to the color of their skin,
their education, their economic background--
whatever your training is that keeps you in separation.
Don't wait for the world to change in order for you to change.
Refrain from gossip.
Hold good thoughts for others.
Try even after you fail.
Bring reconciliation in places of separation.
Mary Manin Morrissey
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Come To*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"I can't be found in myself;
I discover myself in others.
That much is clear.
And I suspect that I also love and care for myself in others."
Hugh Prather
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Come To Believe*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
What I have in my life is a gift from God,
and who I become is my gift back to Him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Look For The Beauty*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
We are stronger together
than we are alone.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Today Is A Gift*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The ego does not forgive,
The spirit forgives.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Keep Stepping*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The mind can not serve two masters.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Stay In The Light*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
NA is not a sentence, it is a reprieve.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*Put Gratitude In Your Attitude*~*~*~*~*~*~*
(\o/\o/) we are each of us angels with only one wing (\o/\o/)
/_\/_\ and can only fly by embracing each other /_\/_\
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 398
Long post but so very awesome. Just being able to notice things objectively -- that was always a hard thing for me to do. I would notice then go into the "let's-go-ahead-and-beat-the-crap-out-of-ourselves" mode. I'm getting a lot better, I think.
Thanks for sharing!
ChrisMan
Thanks for sharing!
ChrisMan
doing the inside job
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: planet happy
Posts: 542
Kick arss !!!
thanks for sharing time2surrender.
For me acceptance is the very, every basic of my recovery
foundation or the principle of step #1, and it builds on that,
as I learn or add more principle as I work the steps.
step#2 accepting that I'm freanken nutz !!, but there's hope
step#3 accepting a loving God. A gift, can I accept IT and surrender.
step#4 accepting me, the good, the bad, the ugly and have courage
and so on.
accepting things as they are at the moment, stops
my addict mind from spining round, round. if this , if that
it should be, ..ect. Once that ball gets rolling...holy schmoly !
My thought drives my emotions or feelings. With all the crazy
feelings going inside of me. I React....old habits are the easiest.
If I do nothing, it fester inside of me, then the resentments starts going.
What a wastes of time and energy. Thinking requires a lot of energy.
Repairing wreackage from my reactions requires more time and
energy. Not a healthy way to live. Can I accept this and have courage
to change?
thanks for sharing time2surrender.
For me acceptance is the very, every basic of my recovery
foundation or the principle of step #1, and it builds on that,
as I learn or add more principle as I work the steps.
step#2 accepting that I'm freanken nutz !!, but there's hope
step#3 accepting a loving God. A gift, can I accept IT and surrender.
step#4 accepting me, the good, the bad, the ugly and have courage
and so on.
accepting things as they are at the moment, stops
my addict mind from spining round, round. if this , if that
it should be, ..ect. Once that ball gets rolling...holy schmoly !
My thought drives my emotions or feelings. With all the crazy
feelings going inside of me. I React....old habits are the easiest.
If I do nothing, it fester inside of me, then the resentments starts going.
What a wastes of time and energy. Thinking requires a lot of energy.
Repairing wreackage from my reactions requires more time and
energy. Not a healthy way to live. Can I accept this and have courage
to change?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
