Lompocian

I don't know what to do....

Hi, guys, I have something that's really been running space in my head. I've prayed about it, talked it over with my sponsor, etc. and I'm honestly having a difficult time with "Turning it over" and "Let Go and Let God".

My husband relapsed last weekend after being clean for over 5 years. He relapsed with his boss' son; both Sr. and Jr. are in the program.

Sr. has over 7 years and Jr. has been going in/out for the two years he's been in. Well, Jr. had confided in my husband many times about him still using and even O.D.'ing not too long ago (without Sr. having any knowledge).

Well, we are all human and make mistakes. There are many people in the program that work @ Sr.'s place of business. Whenever someone would relapse, they would always be told to get back to the program if they wanted to continue working at his business.

My husband never got that chance. He was fired instantly because Sr. felt betrayed that my husband never said a word to him. And then my husband "supposedly" crossed the line when he "took Jr. back out with him". The "blame-game" began and so did the finger-pointing.

My husband had taken some vicodin for a "legitimate" medical situation. The non-narcotics hadn't been working and I was even "monitoring" the dosage. (I'm also an addict/alcoholic). Anyways, my husband believes that's what started his relapse because of having that crap in his system his disease wanted more and that's where it began..... he knew exactly who to ask for some H (which was never his d.o.c and had only snorted it once before about 9 years ago)---- Jr.

Well, husband is plugged back into the program and is at Day #7.

Jr., on the other hand, is still coming to AA meetings while being strung out. He's still shooting up dope and gave an "addicts" version of the story to his dad Sr.. He had even gone to his father that Sunday night after hugging me after the meeting - while I still didn't know where the hell my husband was!to "admit" what happened but I believe he only did this to cover his own ass.

The reason's I was getting for why my husband never came home after work (and they were going to go to an out of town meeting/and eat that Saturday- nothing unusual) just were not adding up.

When my husband finally came home in the wee hours of Monday morning, I called Sr. at a reasonable hour to let him know my husband had come home and to thank him for his support.

There was also Jr.'s girlfriend involved. She finally called me two nights ago and said "she thinks she's hitting bottom". After a week of me and the kids dealing with the affects of my husband's relapse, and fighting for my own sobriety those first 72 hours.... I had put this behind me to continue my road to recovery.

She's still been shooting up though....... but after that phone call (she had never used my # and after my husband's relapse I would hug her, tell her I loved her, and will always be there as her sister in recovery) and knowing Jr. is still "feeding her high", I don't know what to do. She's the tiniest little thing and I am concerned now.

She was the one to call me, not Jr. I realize each person is responsible for their own recovery. Jr., yes, I do care what happens to him, but now that I know he's still using and supporting her habit - I am finding it so hard to keep quiet.

Sr.'s family used to invite my family to their family functions. We would be the only ones from both work and the rooms.... so it's a bit different than if it were anybody else from my fellowship. I wouldn't say a word.

But this is kind of personal now.

Do I call Sr. and let him know his son is still using (remember, he blamed my husband for his son's relapse - although he doesn't know jr. has been/still is using)?

I just don't want this on my conscience if something bad happens to either Jr. or his girlfriend. It's not only that..... I do sincerely care about what happens to these two young people.

I could sure use some feedback!!! ASAP

Thanks family.

Lompocian

Thanks Cynthia -

I thought I had posted a reply to you the other day... looks like it didn't post.

I was a chronic relapser for 6 years myself. My recovery is my #1 priority. The only difference between with this relapse of my husband's compared to the first 6 years I was in the program is that THIS TIME I had a solid program that I've actually been working!

My husband got a new job with a former employer who is aware he's in recovery. As for leaving town, that was never an option for me. There are children involved and the one thing I promised them was that I would never take them from this town which they've grown to call home. We've only lived here 4 years but it's the longest they've ever lived in one place thanks to me always "running away" during my active addiction.

I'm just living "life on life's terms" right now. Yes, I was too close to the situation and felt like I got "dragged" back into it when I received the phone call from Jr.'s girlfriend last Sunday asking for help and telling me she thinks she's "hit bottom". I am a firm believer in Priciples before Personalities and made it clear to her that I hold no resentments or hate towards either of them.

Believe me, I stay out of the soap opera's that go on in both fellowships I attend. When the phone calls from other members were coming in or when I would be approached at meetings these past two weeks I started asking those who were not involved, "Why are you telling me this?" ("reports" that the two newbies were high or still using) My husband or I are neither of their sponsors." Yes, that might sound cold but it's how I'm dealing with it.

By the way, the young lady hasn't called me again. :saywhat?:

Thanks for replying Cynthia - yes, my thoughts were running all over that day! Sr. didn't even acknowledge me at the last meeting I saw him at but that's okay - I will continue to keep him and his family in my prayers.

Hopefully, this post will go through this time.

Have a wonderful 24 hours.

Carol