Alice's Soapbox
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 353
Alice's Soapbox
ARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
I know that we can’t save anyone. I know all we can do sometimes is stand by watching while people slowly kill themselves. I know what to say, how to say it, and when to say it. I know that when someone wants to really die they will find a way. Can I just make a suggestion? All you people on meds take the f***ing medication EVEN AFTER you feel okay. Get over the stigma and self hatred of being on meds and be glad you have some. The meds are not going to dummy you down anymore than watching T.V. will.
One more has died. One more had friends, neighbors, and family who gave a s*** but, no matter what was said or done…no one could get through to support or to help. One more who went on and off meds… over and over…and then…back to drinking, back to drugs…and then drinking while on medication.
So she drank herself to death and the drugs and the alcohol combined together and her liver slowly and painfully quit working. She kept bleeding internally and her dog sat next to her barking and whimpering. Friends and neighbors who were concerned, and desperate to help called the paramedics yesterday because they were afraid for her, they cared about her. Somehow she was able to refuse them… she wanted to die. So tonite I got off a plane and I went and picked up the hungry& scared, shaking& traumatized, filthy, dog who sat there for hours next to her trying to guard and protect her…. but she was already dead. I hugged her neighbors who stood there crying because they had tried and tried. I am just the part time dog walker who gave a s***…who burst into tears in a casino in Vegas when I got the call because it absolutely broke my heart. Why am I writing this? I didn’t know her that well. I just fill in walking her dog when my friend goes out of town and asks me to work for him. But… I am the one who took her dog when she was rushed to the hospital a month ago from drugs and alcohol. I am the one who sat down way before that and started chanting for her because she seemed so unhappy and something told me she was really in danger. I am up late and exhausted writing this because I am an addict and I feel her suffering and her pain…..I am her but, I am sober now. I feel the familiar aching loss of One more.
PEOPLE…. there is always HOPE. There is always SOMETHING we haven’t thought of or SOMEONE who gives a s*** and will help. Keep fighting for your happiness. Don’t EVER give up…. And if you are on meds and feel like stopping them because you feel okay….please don’t. If you can’t do it for anyone or anything… do it for Max he’s a great dog. love-alice
p.s. this just friggin blows i'm going to bed... sigh
I know that we can’t save anyone. I know all we can do sometimes is stand by watching while people slowly kill themselves. I know what to say, how to say it, and when to say it. I know that when someone wants to really die they will find a way. Can I just make a suggestion? All you people on meds take the f***ing medication EVEN AFTER you feel okay. Get over the stigma and self hatred of being on meds and be glad you have some. The meds are not going to dummy you down anymore than watching T.V. will.
One more has died. One more had friends, neighbors, and family who gave a s*** but, no matter what was said or done…no one could get through to support or to help. One more who went on and off meds… over and over…and then…back to drinking, back to drugs…and then drinking while on medication.
So she drank herself to death and the drugs and the alcohol combined together and her liver slowly and painfully quit working. She kept bleeding internally and her dog sat next to her barking and whimpering. Friends and neighbors who were concerned, and desperate to help called the paramedics yesterday because they were afraid for her, they cared about her. Somehow she was able to refuse them… she wanted to die. So tonite I got off a plane and I went and picked up the hungry& scared, shaking& traumatized, filthy, dog who sat there for hours next to her trying to guard and protect her…. but she was already dead. I hugged her neighbors who stood there crying because they had tried and tried. I am just the part time dog walker who gave a s***…who burst into tears in a casino in Vegas when I got the call because it absolutely broke my heart. Why am I writing this? I didn’t know her that well. I just fill in walking her dog when my friend goes out of town and asks me to work for him. But… I am the one who took her dog when she was rushed to the hospital a month ago from drugs and alcohol. I am the one who sat down way before that and started chanting for her because she seemed so unhappy and something told me she was really in danger. I am up late and exhausted writing this because I am an addict and I feel her suffering and her pain…..I am her but, I am sober now. I feel the familiar aching loss of One more.
PEOPLE…. there is always HOPE. There is always SOMETHING we haven’t thought of or SOMEONE who gives a s*** and will help. Keep fighting for your happiness. Don’t EVER give up…. And if you are on meds and feel like stopping them because you feel okay….please don’t. If you can’t do it for anyone or anything… do it for Max he’s a great dog. love-alice
p.s. this just friggin blows i'm going to bed... sigh
I was struck with tremendous sadness reading this post, for those who dont make it...once again I am reminded there but for the grace of God there go I .. ((((( Alice ))))
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
((((((((((((((ALICE)))))))))))))))
I feel the pain along with you. I have lost several good friends to addiction part of me dies with them. Actually part of us all dies....
It is terribly terribly sad thank God Alice you are one of the clean ones and lets keep praying for the ones who haven't made it in.
I feel the pain along with you. I have lost several good friends to addiction part of me dies with them. Actually part of us all dies....
It is terribly terribly sad thank God Alice you are one of the clean ones and lets keep praying for the ones who haven't made it in.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 353
thanks everyone this one knocked me hard. it resonates and taps some issues i have with addiction like WANTING PEOPLE "NOT" TO DIE and stuff like that. ugh. this whole horrible experience has been hard.
Cynthia i am happy that you fight for your happiness it is the only thing worth fighting for and there is a lot in your post for others to learn from.
i am thankful and really appreciate the support and love you all have given. xxxooo
Max the wonder dog has been fed properly,scrubbed thoroughly, and hugged all day by me, and various friends who stopped by to love him up. he is sad and so am i. i know Emily loved him as much as she was able to. i am feeding him everything out of my fridge and cupboards to get him back up to his usual 160 lbs!!!! please send food. love-alice
Cynthia i am happy that you fight for your happiness it is the only thing worth fighting for and there is a lot in your post for others to learn from.
i am thankful and really appreciate the support and love you all have given. xxxooo
Max the wonder dog has been fed properly,scrubbed thoroughly, and hugged all day by me, and various friends who stopped by to love him up. he is sad and so am i. i know Emily loved him as much as she was able to. i am feeding him everything out of my fridge and cupboards to get him back up to his usual 160 lbs!!!! please send food. love-alice
Truth is the only lasting joy
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Trenton, NJ
Posts: 238
Loss...
Peace & Blessings,
Alice I was moved by your words/spirit...
WhenI first got clean, I would hear people say, "Some must die so others can live." I thought I understood...Until my sister killed herself (at 25 years old) as a direct result of her disease. I hated that saying and anyone who said it!!
Over and over, I kept saying, "What could I have done?" "Why couldn't I see it coming?"
It wasn't until I "came to believe" that I got some acceptance with the fact that we live, we die, and in between life happens... I, like you, do believe that there is always hope. I don't know if I am the one to give it to someone, but i'll always keep trying.
Hang in there and keep coming back, pain shared is pain lightend..
Peace be unto you...
Alice I was moved by your words/spirit...
WhenI first got clean, I would hear people say, "Some must die so others can live." I thought I understood...Until my sister killed herself (at 25 years old) as a direct result of her disease. I hated that saying and anyone who said it!!
Over and over, I kept saying, "What could I have done?" "Why couldn't I see it coming?"
It wasn't until I "came to believe" that I got some acceptance with the fact that we live, we die, and in between life happens... I, like you, do believe that there is always hope. I don't know if I am the one to give it to someone, but i'll always keep trying.
Hang in there and keep coming back, pain shared is pain lightend..
Peace be unto you...
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Never, Never land
Posts: 2,851
Alice,
I don't know what to say. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. I can understand your anger. Not to disagree with Shakur, But I believe that NO addict seeking recovery need ever die from the horrors of this disease. However, those not seeking recovery often do. Take comfort in knowing that God gets those who don't get this. Her pain is now over.
Hugs to both you and max.
Shakur, hugs for you and your sister as well.
Love ya
Laurie D
I don't know what to say. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. I can understand your anger. Not to disagree with Shakur, But I believe that NO addict seeking recovery need ever die from the horrors of this disease. However, those not seeking recovery often do. Take comfort in knowing that God gets those who don't get this. Her pain is now over.
Hugs to both you and max.
Shakur, hugs for you and your sister as well.
Love ya
Laurie D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 353
i took Max up across the county line today past Malibu to one of my favorite beaches where i go when i need to think or just experience how truly small i am compared to the vast beautiful Pacific Ocean. We both just needed to get away and see some real beauty to remind us that it is there when we need it. i let Max run around and play in the waves. i thought Emily might see him enjoying his doggie life and i said prayers for her and for your sister too Shakur. i had a moment of appreciation for all of those who do not make it, a moment of appreciation for the life i have been given.
i will never believe that some must die so that others may live. I believe people die. period. some die because they actively seek death. those that actively seek death are the ones we can learn NOT to do this from. simple. we can learn from them to find the value in our lives even when things are sh*tty. Emily is not suffering anymore and so is anyone who is dead. death brings peace but leaves suffering and grief in it's wake especially if the person actively seeks death. so what can we do? we can tell the story and share the LOVE and the HOPE. Shakur of course!!! you are the one to bring and give HOPE... I think we ALL are and that is why I posted. We have to help remind each other of this sometimes and i am thankful for the opportunity that SR gives us to do this. When one of us loses we all feel the loss but I am determined to keep fighting for my happiness and the happiness of others. love- alice
i will never believe that some must die so that others may live. I believe people die. period. some die because they actively seek death. those that actively seek death are the ones we can learn NOT to do this from. simple. we can learn from them to find the value in our lives even when things are sh*tty. Emily is not suffering anymore and so is anyone who is dead. death brings peace but leaves suffering and grief in it's wake especially if the person actively seeks death. so what can we do? we can tell the story and share the LOVE and the HOPE. Shakur of course!!! you are the one to bring and give HOPE... I think we ALL are and that is why I posted. We have to help remind each other of this sometimes and i am thankful for the opportunity that SR gives us to do this. When one of us loses we all feel the loss but I am determined to keep fighting for my happiness and the happiness of others. love- alice
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