pravchaw

My son is a 21 yo Marijuana addict. I have posted before in the friends and family section. In February I had to ask him to leave because his lifestyle was making our getting unbearable for my wife and I. We told he could move back if he cleans up and this can be verified with a blood test.

Since then he has been living by him self and is living on social assistance (welfare). He is still smoking but says he has reduced. I think he has improved a little but basically unemployed. We see his about once a week. We feel really bad seeing his life go down the toilet - its in our mind constantly. I basically realized that nagging, scolding or pleading with him goes no where. We try to be positive whenever we interact with him and basically try not to cause any stress as stress seems to be a big trigger for him. At the same time we are trying hard not to enable and don't give him any monetary help. We have an open door policy so he can come home as long as we are home.

What does recovery look like. Is reduction in marijuana use an improvement? Is it possible to have progress towards recovery while still smoking pot?
Are we doing the right thing? Should we just accept some pot smoking as a permanent part of his personality?

Dee74

I don't know there are any real answers to the questions you're asking pravchaw

You accept what you accept, I think.

For me, as long as I was smoking, I was still in the cycle....only the depth varied....but I never really managed to smoke less unless I couldn't get any or I had other things going on in myself.

For what it's worth you seem to be doing a good job - keep in mind tho - his recovery is up to him not you - these boundaries are for you. His recovery choices are his.

D

pravchaw

Thanks Dee. I guess you are telling me to "take it easy":-). Wish I could but will keep on trying. I tried detaching but really can't - finally I decided the best I could do is stay engaged but not to enable in his addiction or interfere in his choices even though I hate them.

I keep on wondering if he is even aware of what he doing to himself? How do people get out of this addiction rut?

Dave H

It's tuff to tell an adult child what to do, but until he decides on his own to stop...he won't. And if he does decide, then he must seek help. He should enroll in a rehab clinc for a few weeks. Then he should attend meetings as often as he can. I do no less than 3 a week.

Nobody will quit for someone else. Any counselor will tell you that. He must do it for himself and then take every step needed to succeed. It's tuff on the parents to watch this, but try and talk him into rehab. It might work.

pravchaw

That is what I have been suggesting to him - or even out patient treatment. He went to a 3 week rehab last year - but relapsed soon after and has continued to smoke. But I in hindsight I see he was not ready and really went in because of family pressure. Lesson learnt. This time - its upto him to sign up.