Wanting to use
Learning as I go
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 730
Wanting to use
I feel so bad this morning and I don't know why. Like there is major doom hanging over my head and all I can think about right now is getting high. I hate these moments and I don't know where they come from. Nothing bad has happened but I feel like bad is going to happen so I should just use so I will stop thinking about it. I want out of my head so bad!
I'm an addict.
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hyde Park, NY
Posts: 1,201
kathy,
it is perfectly normal for an addict to want to use, we have no power over that thought comming to us it's one of those "powerless over our addiction" things....the thought of using and feeling that there is a need to change how we feel by an outside force is part of this disease.
Don't use and the feeling will pass, I promise.
It is a very good thing that you came here to share about it. I used to be ashamed when I would have that thought cross my mind, then one day my sponsor told me, "holy ****! an addict that wants to go get loaded....imagine that?!?!?!?" it put things back into perspective for me.
Today you don't have to use just b/c your brain tells you that you need to....and that is what recovery is about, making that choice.
Stay strong, call your sponsor, go to a meeting, DON'T USE NO MATTER WHAT!
Keep up the good fight, you can do it!
Blake
it is perfectly normal for an addict to want to use, we have no power over that thought comming to us it's one of those "powerless over our addiction" things....the thought of using and feeling that there is a need to change how we feel by an outside force is part of this disease.
Don't use and the feeling will pass, I promise.
It is a very good thing that you came here to share about it. I used to be ashamed when I would have that thought cross my mind, then one day my sponsor told me, "holy ****! an addict that wants to go get loaded....imagine that?!?!?!?" it put things back into perspective for me.
Today you don't have to use just b/c your brain tells you that you need to....and that is what recovery is about, making that choice.
Stay strong, call your sponsor, go to a meeting, DON'T USE NO MATTER WHAT!
Keep up the good fight, you can do it!
Blake
I'm an addict.
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hyde Park, NY
Posts: 1,201
Hey kathy,
I just read today's meditation on the NA forum and it talks about these feelings....check it out.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...3-a-87862.html
I just read today's meditation on the NA forum and it talks about these feelings....check it out.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...3-a-87862.html
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
(((Kathy)))
It will pass. I've been having those days too. I keep hearing Just go through it, go through the motions and that dark feeling will pass.
It's very true, that's all you have to do is just go throught the uncomfortable feeling.
You CAN DO IT GIRL..........
You'll feel better soon, just hang in there.
DWI
It will pass. I've been having those days too. I keep hearing Just go through it, go through the motions and that dark feeling will pass.
It's very true, that's all you have to do is just go throught the uncomfortable feeling.
You CAN DO IT GIRL..........
You'll feel better soon, just hang in there.
DWI
Still learning; ever grateful
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: VA
Posts: 842
Kathy, PLEASE hang in there! It's true, we ALL have those days, and God knows I had mine this week, but using (or drinking, for me) would only make us feel worse. You know that. The temporary high will go away, and then we're left 10 times as low as before we started. You are better than that.
Tell that cloud of gloom to go pick on someone else!!
Smile, hon. This, too, shall pass.
Hugs,
DG
Tell that cloud of gloom to go pick on someone else!!
Smile, hon. This, too, shall pass.
Hugs,
DG
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Terminus, GA
Posts: 522
Kathy,
I have those days from time to time. Honestly, the only thing that works for me is to swim laps. The cloud lifts, and the sunshine reappears. 1/2 hour of continuous exercise usually sustains me for a day or two.
I'm pretty sure it's chemical. You get the heart rate up and the endorphins pour in. My brain knows they are missing and the exercise makes me feel normal again . . . if briefly.
I just passed 60 days WD from HC.
When I took HC for 8 years I was almost never depressed. I have my good and bad days now. But I'm pretty sure that it's the missing meds.
Some people are motivated by positive reinforcement; others by negative. I can't stand the thought of relapsing and feeling as sh**ty as I did a month ago. That's what helps me to stay sober.
Make no mistake . . . . I feel 300% better than the 1st week or two after quitting. But I say all that to say that it is a process, maybe a long one, and I'm dedicated to staying the course . . . . and I'll hang there right along side you even though we are strangers.
So give yourself a pat on the back for resisting temptation, and think how far you've come!
Buzz
I have those days from time to time. Honestly, the only thing that works for me is to swim laps. The cloud lifts, and the sunshine reappears. 1/2 hour of continuous exercise usually sustains me for a day or two.
I'm pretty sure it's chemical. You get the heart rate up and the endorphins pour in. My brain knows they are missing and the exercise makes me feel normal again . . . if briefly.
I just passed 60 days WD from HC.
When I took HC for 8 years I was almost never depressed. I have my good and bad days now. But I'm pretty sure that it's the missing meds.
Some people are motivated by positive reinforcement; others by negative. I can't stand the thought of relapsing and feeling as sh**ty as I did a month ago. That's what helps me to stay sober.
Make no mistake . . . . I feel 300% better than the 1st week or two after quitting. But I say all that to say that it is a process, maybe a long one, and I'm dedicated to staying the course . . . . and I'll hang there right along side you even though we are strangers.
So give yourself a pat on the back for resisting temptation, and think how far you've come!
Buzz
Learning as I go
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 730
Thanks everyone, I've bee thinking maybe it wasn't that I wanted to use but I wanted to hold on to the obsession to use because it's so familiar. I just started step two a few days back and that's when I realized how bad I felt. I hate change and I think I wanted to keep the obsession since I know it so well and that shows me how sick an addict thinking can really be.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Righthere, Rightnow
Posts: 1,424
Glad to hear that Kathy!
I meant post on this thread earlier, but I got caught up in something, and when I checked back, someone had already said “it will pass.” I am doing my Fifth Step with my temporary sponsor tonight. This is not my first time, but my first in a while. Anyway, I want to say “be fearless and thorough." But that is probably because I need to hear it! Good luck! Those steps kept me off drugs and alcohol for many years – something I could never do on my own. And don’t forget that the “promises” are said to materialize half way through step nine. So don’t get discouraged if you have ups and downs, which you almost certainly will.
Before:
After: :Weightlif
Before:
After: :Weightlif
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Kathy, I know what you mean by obession. I still face that quite a bit. It got a lot worse when I was quitting smoking. It reared its ugly head 24/7 all over again, nearly driving me crazy. Suddenly I realized that I had been letting go of it, and when it came back I was wondering how I had managed without it intruding everything I did/thought.
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