gpashtun

well... the title pretty much says it all. I've been taking oxycontin, hydrocodone, codeine, etc almost daily for the past two years. From time to time I'll go a couple weeks without and deal with the sweats, sleepless nights, etc. This latest binge has been going on since November with the last 75 days or so of taking a time release morphine cap every day. I haven't used in three days and I'm miserable. My legs are aching and I can't sleep. I'm not having any hot flashes or chills at the moment, but my legs have never hurt like this in the past. I have about a dozen morphine caps just a few feet away from me as I write this, but I'm determined not to use. Although I did take a couple valium earlier in the hopes that it would help me sleep. I know I shouldn't be using one drug to combat the other, but I think if I can just get past the next few days...

Anyway... like I said, I'm miserable. anyone out there that can give me some words of encouragement?

peace.
gp

Jane63

Wlcome gp!!
My best advice to you would be to flush any remaining pills you have because you know that you will take them when the going gets bad enough and why throw away the 3-days clean you already have?! Find some support whether it be an AA/NA meeting, talking to a doctor, family or close friend and visiting here to post or read how others got and are staying clean.

The achy legs are withdrawal symptoms and can be helped by warm baths, Ibuprofen and mild exercise...It will pass!! YOU CAN DO THIS if you really want it bad enough! Keep focused and hang in there and please keep posting!
**{HUGS}}
Jane

best

Have never been there myself but from what others have posted, I would say that taking one pill to counter act another is just going to prolong the pain.

Your posting here tells me you are commited to taking hold of things.
One moment at a time if need be... keep saying no more and flush those pills if they become a temptation.

Your two weeks of going without has proven to yourself...You can do this.

gpashtun

Thanks for the replies. Now I'm crying. I've been through this all before with cocaine back in the eighties. I went into rehab and was clean a bit over seven years and spent a lot of time in AA/NA. A move to a new State a couple years ago had me drinking socially here and there for a year or so. I thought I could handle it, but of course... it eventually got worse again. And now it's the pills.

I'm going to flush the rest right now. Thank you.

peace and love
gp

Jane63

Good for you gp!! And please don't cry! I know this is hard but if you have been through it once before then you know what you are in for and what you need to do! Just try to get to sleep tonight and focus on starting the day clean tomorrow and taking it one day at a time!

Hang in there and please keep posting!
**{HUGS}}
Jane

best

Keep coming back.
You will find that SR is a great support. Your not alone.

gpashtun

They're gone. I gave them to my wife to flush. She didn't know I've been having a problem until earlier tonight. That was an emotional roller coaster! She's never done drugs besides smoking pot a couple times in college so she thinks it just a matter of me not doing them anymore, but she has been very supportive and has been rubbing my legs. She's back in bed now, but I don't think there will be any sleep for me tonight. I'm glad I came upon this forum. You guys are beautiful... thanks again.

jenn1063A

I hope that you ended up getting through the night Okay. I am going to quit taking codeine on Friday so that my husband will be home to help me through the worst of it (hopefully?). I really hope that you are doing better today. When I quit before the worst part for me was the "crazy legs". I am not looking forward to it but am looking forward to getting it over with and coming out the other side. Hang in there.

Jenn

gpashtun

I'm good - for the moment. I sat on the couch most of the night miserable, but I laid down at 6am when my wife got up and managed to fall asleep for three hours. The legs are ok at the moment, but my jaw is killing me. I must have been grinding my teeth when I did sleep.

Jen1063A... good luck. I'm pulling for you and hopefully suffering together can bring us some comfort.

peace & love

PS - why are shows like A&E and the HIST channel sold out to paid programming in the middle of the night??

best

and why don't they add more channels like them?

Right in the middle of a good program and next thing you know...
Hello I am the Bread man. You to can make great bread with the Mr Bread man dough maker.

The only one getting any dough are the TV channel and they guy who is selling the thing. Buy it, use it once, and then it doesn't get used again. *LOL*


Good to see you are doing better. Each day will bring a bit more.

windysan

Hang in there, man. Fight the good fight and as soon as you can get to a meeting. Stay hydrated !!

Andygirl

Stay strong, man. I am pretty much absolved of all of my physical withdrawals, but I am feeling the craving so very badly. It's been five full days with no pain meds, and I tapered down prior to that. At this very moment, I would take pills if I had them in front of me.

Earlier today I felt great and confident, I went to a meeting where two guys celebrated nine years sober. One of them was living in a crackhouse when he started going to AA, the other, just ****** up and not a good person. They are both really inspirational.

Despite that inspiration, I want to use more than ever. I feel like I belong in a rehab somewhere, but that is not an option for me. I don't know what will happen. I think I'm kinda doomed.

gpashtun

This is day five for me. I managed to get a pretty good night's sleep, probably due to exhaustion. My wife said I was twitching a bit during the night, but at least I didn't wake up. The worse of the physical symptoms have abated, but my joints still ache... especially my knees and elbows. I know from my own past experiences that the mental cravings will be coming back soon... usually about a week or so after I've stopped they get real bad. I'm worried about situational triggers at the moment. I play in a band and we have a show tomorrow night. That should be ok, but I'm going to the Wakarusa music festival in a couple of weeks and I know that one will be tough.

ANDYGIRL... like you, I tapered down for a while. Sort of... I was taking just enough to keep the physical withdrawals at bay for a while. Thanks for the words... I pray you'll stay strong as well. It helps to know that others are going through the same hell. Speaking of meetings... there's not much in the way of NA meetings in my area. There's one every day, but only one so it's that or nothing (they're all around 6pm each day). In the city I grew up in you could find a meeting just about any time of day! I guess I should check the AA schedule as well, but when I used to go to meetings I always found NA to be more helpful to me for some reason. The people I guess, but it could have just been my area. Hang in there with me, my friend.

BEST... I think I saw Mr. Bread man the other night on TV!! Don't these people know there are addicts out there and that their shows can drive them back to the depths?! Home grills... orange scented super duper cleaner... knives that cut through steel, but not your skin... it's enough to drive some one bananas (I was going to say crazy, but I wanted an excuss to put that dancing banana in there) I'm joking... life is good!

Peace and love to everyone out there.

jenn1063A

How are you doing today? I hope things are starting to ease up and you are feeling a little better. It was good to hear that you got some sleep.

I am on day one as planned. So far so good but I know the worst is on the way. I am really trying to pump myself up mentally for the road ahead.

Let us know how you are doing.

Jenn

gpashtun

jenn1063A - thanks for checking in with me. I meant to post earlier today. I had another bad night last night where I couldn't sleep and I was twitching around and finally got up and sat on the couch. I managed to fall asleep before sunrise... somewhere around 4:30 or so. At least there was a couple of movies on TV.

It's so cruel to be so exhausted during the day, but as soon as night comes... BAM!, wide awake and craving. I know it's going to mess up my sleep schedule even more, but I'm going to take advantage of the long weekend and nap some each day. I know my body needs sleep so I need to grab it where I can. During the week it's the ol "keep up appearances" at work, etc, etc.

Congrats on your day one. I'm pulling for you and I'll think of you and others when the cravings get too strong. Strength in numbers, yada, yada.

I have to say, I'm almost afraid of when the physical wd stops because when the mental craving kicks in you seem to forget about the hell you went through. I start thinking... "oh hell, that wasn't so bad". Besides posting here, I've started to keep a diary so that when things get bad I can hopefully remind myself of the hell.

I don't know what tonight will bring... it's after midnight already and I'm not tired except for my legs... they feel like I just got through with a twenty mile hike.

Day six down and out... what will the next hour bring...

peace and love. namaste.

gpashtun

Day ten... can't sleep again. Twitching, anxious, restless... I slept an average of four hours a night the past four days or so, but not tonight... oh no... it's gonna be a long night. And I have to drive and hour and a half in the morning for a funeral.

On the other hand... still strong.. determined... grateful. I'm going to look in my medicine cab for some Tylenol PM. Maybe that will help.

jenn1063A

Really sorry to hear that you had another bad night. It has to be getting closer to the end. I know that lack of sleep is the worst. I get panic feelings when I can't sleep. I too have been using some over the counter sleep aids but don't want to do that for long. I hope it helped some. Let us know how you are doing. Glad your still strong...determined...grateful. I am finally starting to feel those feeling too.

Jenn

hopealwayz

Hi, I hope you are feeling a bit better. Take care and know that you are in my thoughts. Remember, this too shall pass.

Big hugs--

gpashtun

Never found the Tylenol PM last night. Ah well... managed to drift off sometime after 5:30am (that was the last time I glanced at the clock). Alarm went off at 7am... quick shower... 2 hour drive to funeral... all day affair (emotionally and physically draining)... just got in at 10:15pm.

I'm feeling very tired and I'll be in bed within minutes... just needed to check w/ a few people before hitting that pillow. Someone pray I sleep the night through! ha ha... (I'm actually laughing outloud... awesome... unless I've lost my mind )

Hope everyone had a good day. Much love to all.

I'll be back here in a little while if this sleep thing doesn't work out as planned.

gpashtun

8 full hours of sleep! And I had the most wonderful, lucid dreams this morning. I had forgotten about the dream aspect... it's been my experience every time I'm going through this that I get these really lucid (and usually weird) dreams.