Triton30

I recently moved to a new city (Ontario, Canada)for work and my casual coke usage has expanded rapidly. Its effecting my work, finances and health. I have gone from 1gm on the odd weekend for years to up to 5gm/week. Being new to the city, I quickly found a hook up and new 'friends' to hang with.

I have not told any friends or family from my hometown about my use. My girlfriend and I decided to take a break with me moving 4 hours away. I need people to talk with (that understand the craving) and could hold me accountable. I hoped I could be strong enough to identify and fix this by myself. But I am not have much success.

I am going to explore the resources on the site and hope that I can meet some people on this site that may be dealing with the same issues.

I heard a line from a song last night that so clearly defined coke use for me. Its from Bright Eyes - Lua '...We may die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain..'. Its not that fun any more, but I cant stop going back.

shestruggles

Welcome to SR, Triton30!
You will find tons of resources and support on this site. Just keep posting/talking and you will quickly find some 'new friends to hang with online. There are a ton of people dealing with the exact same issues here, all in different stages of recovery. You made a step in the right direction by realizing you had a problem and asking for help.
I wish you all the best & look forward to getting to know you!
Much love: SS

Evanna

Welcome Triton, glad you found us. Warmest wishes Evanna.

mackat

triton

yep- like bukowski wrote:' you may kill me, but you got what i need....'

now i know that what i REALLY needed was a way to fill the void without the chemicals- they're just the quck shortcut that delivers walkin death for me

i do NA/AA.
i do life BIG
you can too

mackat

Jared112987

Welcome Trinton30! I can't really help you understand your cravings for coke because I only dabbled with and and realized I liked it waaay too much and needed to stop. And I did so but had a really tough time giving up other drugs and it took me 2 felony arrests and if it wasnt for having a good lawyer and me changing my life I woudlnt be here typing right now. But the thing I can say about coke is that when I did do it if I blew one line I would do the whole bag within an extremly short period of time and not be able to control it. Cokes one of those drugs that makes you feel almost perfect, it doesnt really make you feel messed up at all and I can see how you can get physically addicted. Some good advice would be to stop hanging out with these new friends, see if you can get some time off of work to get into a rehab without it afecting you having a job. I know it's hard to see especially after doing it for so long even though you werent doin alot for almost the whole time but I have a friend whos addicted and he really couldnt stop even if he wanted to. If you ever need to talk I'm here for you.

littlebopeep

Im in the same boat as you at the moment. I found this site this week and its really helped as I have noone to talk to where I am. I identify with everything your saying. Its difficult as everyone around me does it. All of my family members also do coke, except for 2 that are alcoholics (one of my brothers and his son). So I do it with friends and family. Its flippin hard to stay away from it. I used to be able to control it, but my young nephew committed suicide (17 years old) just down from the back of my house 2 years ago and since then my whole family's use of coke shot through the roof. We would hang out, crying about what Gary did to himself and how we missed him so, bang to coke hard and try to talk our feelings out and thats how it took a hold and now Im seriously ******.

Try to stay strong. These people here helped me enormously last night and I know they will help you too.

Kissy kisses, Mo xxxx

bluskies

Hi,
I just read your post and felt like I should reply. I am too new to this board (joined today) although I am not addicted to coke my husband of 13 years is. We are now separated due to his addiction. He went thru 5 rehabs.. he is also an alcoholic. Anyway, his downfall was trying crack. The cocaine was controlable for him but when he tried crack he left this world. He had his own great business, we built a new house, had 2 wonderful children..4 vehicles, boat, rv, etc. Now, he has nothing..I just heard thru the grapevine he sold his only possesion (his truck) for 600.00 just to get cash. The children that he lived for and worshiped now haven't seen him in a month and god knows where he is living. My reason for telling you all of this is that you seem to be at a turning point in your life. You seem to be sincerely want to change for the better and have people who love you. Stay strong and don't ever try to smoke crack..my husband told me he did it because the coke wasn't strong enough and he told me he didn't want to stop the crack. He lost everything including his mind.
I wish you the best, you can get control of you life one day at a time. Sound like you are on the right track. Don't let it control you..you control it.
I wish I could tell you something that would really help you out at this time, the only thing I can tell you is there are alot of people out there in your situation, don't feel alone and hold your head up- You can do it.
Best Wishes.