Help for Mother (very long)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: CT
Posts: 1
Help for Mother (very long)
Hi everyone. I'm a 22 yr old college student. These past few years have been difficult for my mother; she had two knee replacements and one of them failed, they had to remove the knee. It was tried again, but the same thing happened--it got infected. Apparently she picked up some kind of bacteria in the operating room and has a lawyer working on a malpractice case, but that's another story.
She walks with a brace on her bad leg and crutches, and she has chronic pain. She's also been very depressed these past few years because of the loss of this knee. She goes to a pain management doctor, a psychiatrist, and has group therapy meetings once a month (which are a joke).
I cannot even tell you the amount of drugs that these doctors have my mother taking. First off, she is on Oxycotin and Percocet for the chronic pain. She gets these from her pain management doctor. She's been on a variety of psychological drugs, but right now I think she's only taking Effexor and Seroquel. She has had difficulty sleeping since the very long hospital stays (She was in the hospital for months while they tried to save the knee). I think her psychiatrist had her on Doxepin for a while also, if not now?
Anyway, the past few months she's been abusing these medications. I come home and find her half-asleep all the time and groggy. She slurs her speech. She becomes belligerent and morbidly depressed when her prescriptions run out (usually early due to her taking too much of them). I've tried to confront her about this, and she doesn't want to talk about it (of course). She says what she does is none of my business and she is not abusing her medications. To make matters worse, the grogginess these medications are inducing are making her unsteady on her feet, so she has had several falls. These of course end up causing her more pain and soreness, leading to her taking more medication.
I've spoken with my father about this, and while it totally upsets him, I don't think he's going to do much about it until it gets much worse (and it has only been getting worse). I know that he fears upsetting her, feels bad for her due to her leg, and probably is worried that she'll only spiral into another bout of depression should he take any action besides saying "You need to stop taking so many medications."
I feel that since my mother has been seeing this psychiatrist she's only been more depressed, and I feel that the pain doctor is irresponsible prescribing her addictive and overly strong medications that she is abusing on a daily basis. The psychiatrist was giving my mother Ambien a year ago, which she developed a dependence on. My understanding is that Ambien is to be used for short intervals and not prescribed for a solid year. These doctors disgust me.
My father had to eventually flush them down the toilet and tell the psychiatrist to not prescribe them as they were making her dizzy, groggy, irritable when she didn't have them, and apt to fall. I'm not exactly sure what happened there as I was away at school, but I know she stopped getting them.
So, my question is, what do I do here? My passive/workaholic father is not going to be the man and talk to her doctors; should I? I feel like I'm going to be starting WWIII here if I do that. When my mother finds out, she'll make my life a living hell (through her depression, yelling at me for weeks, etc). I've already confronted her multiple times about her constant grogginess, slurred speech, confusion, and falling asleep all over the place. She is in deep denial about having any sort of problem, and even tries to tell me that she didn't take anything when I ask her what she overmedicated herself with THIS time.
Should I just ignore it and not visit home? Let my father deal with it? I go to college in-state, and I tend to go home most weekends, but this is really depressing. I feel like I no longer have a mother. We're best friends and do a lot of stuff together, but who wants to be around someone that's falling asleep and slurring all the time?
Any feedback is appreciated. I want to help her get her life back, even the one she had 6 months ago!
She walks with a brace on her bad leg and crutches, and she has chronic pain. She's also been very depressed these past few years because of the loss of this knee. She goes to a pain management doctor, a psychiatrist, and has group therapy meetings once a month (which are a joke).
I cannot even tell you the amount of drugs that these doctors have my mother taking. First off, she is on Oxycotin and Percocet for the chronic pain. She gets these from her pain management doctor. She's been on a variety of psychological drugs, but right now I think she's only taking Effexor and Seroquel. She has had difficulty sleeping since the very long hospital stays (She was in the hospital for months while they tried to save the knee). I think her psychiatrist had her on Doxepin for a while also, if not now?
Anyway, the past few months she's been abusing these medications. I come home and find her half-asleep all the time and groggy. She slurs her speech. She becomes belligerent and morbidly depressed when her prescriptions run out (usually early due to her taking too much of them). I've tried to confront her about this, and she doesn't want to talk about it (of course). She says what she does is none of my business and she is not abusing her medications. To make matters worse, the grogginess these medications are inducing are making her unsteady on her feet, so she has had several falls. These of course end up causing her more pain and soreness, leading to her taking more medication.
I've spoken with my father about this, and while it totally upsets him, I don't think he's going to do much about it until it gets much worse (and it has only been getting worse). I know that he fears upsetting her, feels bad for her due to her leg, and probably is worried that she'll only spiral into another bout of depression should he take any action besides saying "You need to stop taking so many medications."
I feel that since my mother has been seeing this psychiatrist she's only been more depressed, and I feel that the pain doctor is irresponsible prescribing her addictive and overly strong medications that she is abusing on a daily basis. The psychiatrist was giving my mother Ambien a year ago, which she developed a dependence on. My understanding is that Ambien is to be used for short intervals and not prescribed for a solid year. These doctors disgust me.
My father had to eventually flush them down the toilet and tell the psychiatrist to not prescribe them as they were making her dizzy, groggy, irritable when she didn't have them, and apt to fall. I'm not exactly sure what happened there as I was away at school, but I know she stopped getting them.
So, my question is, what do I do here? My passive/workaholic father is not going to be the man and talk to her doctors; should I? I feel like I'm going to be starting WWIII here if I do that. When my mother finds out, she'll make my life a living hell (through her depression, yelling at me for weeks, etc). I've already confronted her multiple times about her constant grogginess, slurred speech, confusion, and falling asleep all over the place. She is in deep denial about having any sort of problem, and even tries to tell me that she didn't take anything when I ask her what she overmedicated herself with THIS time.
Should I just ignore it and not visit home? Let my father deal with it? I go to college in-state, and I tend to go home most weekends, but this is really depressing. I feel like I no longer have a mother. We're best friends and do a lot of stuff together, but who wants to be around someone that's falling asleep and slurring all the time?
Any feedback is appreciated. I want to help her get her life back, even the one she had 6 months ago!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: florida
Posts: 24
Hi SFreed:
I myself am new here, so I will leave it to more experienced members to give you direction - one thing, though, you said that you thought your mom was only taking effexor and seroquel right now. I would not suggest taking these pills away from her, as they are not narcotics, they are anti-depressants. You can't just stop taking them, you must be properly weened off (unless they are actually helping with dpression an d anxiety, in which case, I would continbue to take them). I was on Effexor for 7 years and didn't have great results, but my father and brother currently take it, and it seems to help. My sister takes Seroquel for depression/pyschosis (she has borderline personality disorder) She recently stopped taking it as she was gaining weight and suffered a horrible breakdown.
Of course there may very well be a link between your moms painkiller abuse and her depression and inability to sleep. I am sorry to hear of the pain this is causing you and your family. I might also suggest posting in the nar anon forum, for family and friends of drug addicts.
I hope you can find some useful advice and comfort here.
Take Care
I myself am new here, so I will leave it to more experienced members to give you direction - one thing, though, you said that you thought your mom was only taking effexor and seroquel right now. I would not suggest taking these pills away from her, as they are not narcotics, they are anti-depressants. You can't just stop taking them, you must be properly weened off (unless they are actually helping with dpression an d anxiety, in which case, I would continbue to take them). I was on Effexor for 7 years and didn't have great results, but my father and brother currently take it, and it seems to help. My sister takes Seroquel for depression/pyschosis (she has borderline personality disorder) She recently stopped taking it as she was gaining weight and suffered a horrible breakdown.
Of course there may very well be a link between your moms painkiller abuse and her depression and inability to sleep. I am sorry to hear of the pain this is causing you and your family. I might also suggest posting in the nar anon forum, for family and friends of drug addicts.
I hope you can find some useful advice and comfort here.
Take Care
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