therapy vs. drugs
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Join Date: May 2021
Location: Georgia
Posts: 56
therapy vs. drugs
I've been self-medicating since I was 13. "for what?" is a hard question to answer. I don't really know what I've been treating myself for... obviously depression and anxiety are pretty much a given with almost anyone who abuses substances. I've always struggled with restrictive eating disorders and self harm, but what was I actually using the drugs for?
Looking back, the substances never helped. Pot and benzos made me sleep through my problems. Alcohol made me forget what I was worried about. Uppers distracted me. Psychedelics and hallucinogens made me feel like I was leaving the planet that my issues existed on. But when I was using I truly thought that I was "self medicating," even when I was actively seeing a therapist. I'd be tipsy during my counseling appointments, ecstatic because I got the best feedback from my psychologist when I was two or three drinks in. Then it'd wear off and I'd be worse than I was before.
I've relapsed twice since I decided to become sober, the first with MDMA and the second with LSD. It wasn't until my last relapse, on the 3rd of June, that I realized I've never actually treated any of my issues, I've only been making them worse. I made an appointment with a psychiatrist to actually get myself some real help, on the 15th. It's time for me to be finished with the excuses, that "people are prescribed Xanax or Adderall for my issues," or "there are ketamine and psilocybin treatment centers for people like me," because even though these things do help people, I'm not like those people. I'm incapable of moderation and I can't use any substance for the way that it's intended unless I'm supervised.
It feels good to admit it.
Looking back, the substances never helped. Pot and benzos made me sleep through my problems. Alcohol made me forget what I was worried about. Uppers distracted me. Psychedelics and hallucinogens made me feel like I was leaving the planet that my issues existed on. But when I was using I truly thought that I was "self medicating," even when I was actively seeing a therapist. I'd be tipsy during my counseling appointments, ecstatic because I got the best feedback from my psychologist when I was two or three drinks in. Then it'd wear off and I'd be worse than I was before.
I've relapsed twice since I decided to become sober, the first with MDMA and the second with LSD. It wasn't until my last relapse, on the 3rd of June, that I realized I've never actually treated any of my issues, I've only been making them worse. I made an appointment with a psychiatrist to actually get myself some real help, on the 15th. It's time for me to be finished with the excuses, that "people are prescribed Xanax or Adderall for my issues," or "there are ketamine and psilocybin treatment centers for people like me," because even though these things do help people, I'm not like those people. I'm incapable of moderation and I can't use any substance for the way that it's intended unless I'm supervised.
It feels good to admit it.
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Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 637
Originally Posted by happylandfills 
I've been self-medicating since I was 13. "for what?" is a hard question to answer. I don't really know what I've been treating myself for... obviously depression and anxiety are pretty much a given with almost anyone who abuses substances. I've always struggled with restrictive eating disorders and self harm, but what was I actually using the drugs for?
Looking back, the substances never helped. Pot and benzos made me sleep through my problems. Alcohol made me forget what I was worried about. Uppers distracted me. Psychedelics and hallucinogens made me feel like I was leaving the planet that my issues existed on. But when I was using I truly thought that I was "self medicating," even when I was actively seeing a therapist. I'd be tipsy during my counseling appointments, ecstatic because I got the best feedback from my psychologist when I was two or three drinks in. Then it'd wear off and I'd be worse than I was before.
I've relapsed twice since I decided to become sober, the first with MDMA and the second with LSD. It wasn't until my last relapse, on the 3rd of June, that I realized I've never actually treated any of my issues, I've only been making them worse. I made an appointment with a psychiatrist to actually get myself some real help, on the 15th. It's time for me to be finished with the excuses, that "people are prescribed Xanax or Adderall for my issues," or "there are ketamine and psilocybin treatment centers for people like me," because even though these things do help people, I'm not like those people. I'm incapable of moderation and I can't use any substance for the way that it's intended unless I'm supervised.
It feels good to admit it.
Looking back, the substances never helped. Pot and benzos made me sleep through my problems. Alcohol made me forget what I was worried about. Uppers distracted me. Psychedelics and hallucinogens made me feel like I was leaving the planet that my issues existed on. But when I was using I truly thought that I was "self medicating," even when I was actively seeing a therapist. I'd be tipsy during my counseling appointments, ecstatic because I got the best feedback from my psychologist when I was two or three drinks in. Then it'd wear off and I'd be worse than I was before.
I've relapsed twice since I decided to become sober, the first with MDMA and the second with LSD. It wasn't until my last relapse, on the 3rd of June, that I realized I've never actually treated any of my issues, I've only been making them worse. I made an appointment with a psychiatrist to actually get myself some real help, on the 15th. It's time for me to be finished with the excuses, that "people are prescribed Xanax or Adderall for my issues," or "there are ketamine and psilocybin treatment centers for people like me," because even though these things do help people, I'm not like those people. I'm incapable of moderation and I can't use any substance for the way that it's intended unless I'm supervised.
It feels good to admit it.
I know the feeling I do anything and everything to self medicate. With all the different substances we used our has changed and the way of thinking. I am not a doctor just from years of experience with drugs and alcohol. There is a shot that can be administered that is a long dose of medicine required for mental health recovery. This was explain to me by a doctor that is alot easier for people like myself that abuse any medication. I hope this helps . I put my recovery first so that everything that I love will not come last. Take care
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