Surfknotsea

I really don't know what to do to keep sober. I am trying aND not willing to give up on myself. I just don't know what to do to keep sober and know I need to and want to

Dee74

Hi soberknotsea

I think, if you keep going back to using, it's a sign that you need to do more for your recovery.

Some people go to NA or AA or SMART or Lifering , some go to rehab, (inpatient or outpatient) some see their DR or a counsellor, some really plug into a community like SR and post here daily, not just after they fall.

some folks do a mixture of most, if not all, of those things.

I spent a lot of years declaring I would try again to stay clean and sober - but I just did the same things I did last time - hanging out with the same crew, mostly gritting my teeth, exhausting myself facing temptation and thinking eff it, I'll try again after this time.

I had no template to look at to think about how I might handle life and its problems differently.

Without alternatives I was fated to going back to the status quo and drinking and drugging again.

You've proved you can get clean - now you have to stay clean.

Think about what you're prepared to change in your life and what you're prepared to add to what you've been doing.

Surfknotsea

Thank you for thoughtful response. Yeah you are right I gotta do more. I don't have those contacts and aren't gonna hang around those people. My dealer even called me today and I told him no and I am staying away. Deleted the number.
I think making myself go to meetings can't hurt and I can go on Mondays. I guess I'll keep posting on here and give that a go. I know I just need to get that first week under my belt. Day 1 in the books and working thru day 2.
taking kratom to get thru withdrawals, having a tough time this go round but really trying

do you think I can do 12 steps and still keep it from my fiance? I can't reveal this to her

Dee74

I've never done meetings personally and I don't know your relationship, man.

I couldn't keep it from my wife, as in I wouldn't want to, and she has ESP anyway.

I'm read some pretty bad things about Kratom too - I'd be careful about developing a cross addiction.

D

AnvilheadII

do you think I can do 12 steps and still keep it from my fiance? I can't reveal this to her

why?

Surfknotsea

Cuz she will have 0 sympathy or understanding

Surfknotsea

Yeah I know you are right about kratom. Gonna do a step down but just using it as a crutch for the first few days. I was able to say no to my dealer calling me today and told him I am staying away, then I deleted the number again

PhoenixJ

I was on 5 litres of rotgut wine a day when I stopped

I went to (and still do) AA and SMART meetings, walked a lot- lots, GP checkups for depression, counsellor ,for addiction ( I was in a recovery program), psychologist- CBT to deal with my fried brain

I FORCED myself to do volunteer work- running AA meetings, a meet/greet role at State museum, volunteered at community centre, joined art groups and a creative writing group and joined in a few community art projects

I use SR daily and journal a lot

support to you

mirrorball

I had to cut off all routes to supply... cut ties with all using friends, deleted numbers for dealers (and if they texted me again deleted straight away).... currently I still have cravings but have no physical way of getting any. I even had my husband change the password on my phone account so I can't look up old records, and I can't change the pass without it sending him an email to check.

That kind of watertight cutting off. I guess if I was really really determined to score I could still try and find some on the street or something, when there's a will there's a way, but I know I don't want to anymore and I've just made it ultra difficult for myself to actually go and score.

Surfknotsea

Yeah cutting myself is Def the way to go. Gonna keep 0 balance in my bank account for a minute and just give it to the wifey