A little advice please
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 2
A little advice please
Hello, I am recently dealing with learning my husband had done heroin for about 2 months. During that time I felt him become distant. He worked out of town so there was only a couple days we were together. Once he told me his problem I have been so angry and worried for him. In the past we have had problems from him taking prescription drugs here and there. Heroin was something I never expected him to touch. He told me I needed to let it go because my anger and stress just her. I had so many questions but he made me feel the problem was over because he chose to quit but he had to tell me what he had done. I made a list of questions and he answered each one. Truthfully I don't know but he answered them. He agreed to drug tests but I have yet to give him o e. For a while things felt normal and like he was back to himself again. Recently I have felt him being distant again and have asked him if he was using again and he says no. But I still feel he is hiding it from me and lying. I don't know if I'm wrong but I hope I am. I'm worried that I will now always be this way and constantly worry if he's using again. Should I have him take a drug test or just back down? I've threatened to leave but I can't seem to get past the fear of actually doing it.. Any advice,concerns reality checks ect are welcomed. Thanks.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Sorry for what brings you here. You are on the addicts side of the house, so I can only respond from that perspective. If I was using and my wife wanted me to take a drug test, I'd balk, deflect, protest, do whatever to keep from taking it.
If I was clean, I'd take it. I'd have nothing to hide.
We have a fairly active board for Friends and Family of Addicts. Many folks there who have been in your shoes.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...tance-abusers/
If I was clean, I'd take it. I'd have nothing to hide.
We have a fairly active board for Friends and Family of Addicts. Many folks there who have been in your shoes.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...tance-abusers/
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 219
I agree with doggonecarl... if he is using, he will more than likely deflect taking the test.. and be prepared for backlash towards you... (i.e. blaming you for not trusting, etc...). Even if he does take the test and comes back positive, then at least you have some knowledge that may help you decide the next step.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 7
I once read a post by another user that has stuck with me:
"Recovery looks like recovery, and addiction looks like addiction."
As an addict, I know how true this is. When I've fallen off the path my actions are always the same, and when I'm doing well I have nothing to hide. People on the path to recovery rarely get extra distant (though, everyone is different). I agree with the others. I think you should ask him to take a test. If he is doing well he shouldn't oppose it. He may be a tad upset that you maybe don't trust him 100%, but he will still do it to prove he is on the right track. Just make sure you tell him why you want him to take the test and be prepared for the worst. He may lash out. It's for the best, though, because if he is using he needs to get back on track sooner than later. Tell him you feel his distance lately is a concern and you just want to be sure that he's still on track. You care for him and you just want to be sure he is doing the right thing....for him and for you.
Addiction is a difficult road, and I hope all the best for you. It can be a long journey, but it's worth it. Stay positive, trust your gut, and keep your chin up. I wish you all the very best
"Recovery looks like recovery, and addiction looks like addiction."
As an addict, I know how true this is. When I've fallen off the path my actions are always the same, and when I'm doing well I have nothing to hide. People on the path to recovery rarely get extra distant (though, everyone is different). I agree with the others. I think you should ask him to take a test. If he is doing well he shouldn't oppose it. He may be a tad upset that you maybe don't trust him 100%, but he will still do it to prove he is on the right track. Just make sure you tell him why you want him to take the test and be prepared for the worst. He may lash out. It's for the best, though, because if he is using he needs to get back on track sooner than later. Tell him you feel his distance lately is a concern and you just want to be sure that he's still on track. You care for him and you just want to be sure he is doing the right thing....for him and for you.
Addiction is a difficult road, and I hope all the best for you. It can be a long journey, but it's worth it. Stay positive, trust your gut, and keep your chin up. I wish you all the very best
1withGod
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Oklahoma City,OK
Posts: 7
Similar to my past
Hi there! I'm new to the site and your thread is the first I've read!
I been sober over 6 months 9-9-17!!!!
Sorry to hear you going through this. Your story is kinda similar to mine. I had no clue my fiance was addicted to Heroine. When I found out I didn't look at him any different nor judge him. I really didn't know it understand the addiction to Heroine was. He had gotten dope sick so bad and that's when he told me the truth. Looking back I hated to see him dope sick. My biggest mistake was not getting him the help he needed. Instead I enabled it. Then I started doing it. The first time I did it I had fallen in love with it. I was addicted to heroine for about a year. After 6 months of using I got clean but relapsed 12 days later. Then the 2nd time around had gotten way worse. I lost EVERYTHING I had. We became HOMELESS with a habit of $300 or more a day. Srartred doing things I never imangened doing just to "GET RITE", to be sick. Our tolerance went from buying a half gram ($40) to buying an 8 ball($120-$140) every single day.
Honestly you can't just do it "SOMETIMES", It's all the time. And people that say they do it "HERE AND THERE", that's a lie. Its an everyday thing until you go get the Professional help from a treatment facility.
If I was in your shoes rite now, I would take him to treatment. But you can't force them unless they are absolutely 100% ready to improve themselves.
Hope my story can help. Good luck and God bless.
I been sober over 6 months 9-9-17!!!!
Sorry to hear you going through this. Your story is kinda similar to mine. I had no clue my fiance was addicted to Heroine. When I found out I didn't look at him any different nor judge him. I really didn't know it understand the addiction to Heroine was. He had gotten dope sick so bad and that's when he told me the truth. Looking back I hated to see him dope sick. My biggest mistake was not getting him the help he needed. Instead I enabled it. Then I started doing it. The first time I did it I had fallen in love with it. I was addicted to heroine for about a year. After 6 months of using I got clean but relapsed 12 days later. Then the 2nd time around had gotten way worse. I lost EVERYTHING I had. We became HOMELESS with a habit of $300 or more a day. Srartred doing things I never imangened doing just to "GET RITE", to be sick. Our tolerance went from buying a half gram ($40) to buying an 8 ball($120-$140) every single day.
Honestly you can't just do it "SOMETIMES", It's all the time. And people that say they do it "HERE AND THERE", that's a lie. Its an everyday thing until you go get the Professional help from a treatment facility.
If I was in your shoes rite now, I would take him to treatment. But you can't force them unless they are absolutely 100% ready to improve themselves.
Hope my story can help. Good luck and God bless.
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