"I want to do Coke occasionally" - ex bf
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Join Date: Oct 2017
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"I want to do Coke occasionally" - ex bf
Hi,
I was dating this guy for two for two years. I the last two months of the relationship he completely changed ! We moved to Another state together and he were living together . I was supporting him and pushing him in his career. I was like his little cheerleader. I was buying him books and motivating him . I would tell him to try his best and ignore everyone else . I would even call my mum up and have him speak to her , so she could tell him about how my dad succeeded .Every time he came home from work he had a big meal made . Because he was just starting out in his career I was paying majority of the rent .I basically cared a lot for him . we were doing good and everything was fine . He would even tell me he wants to marry me . He would tell me I'm the best thing that happened to him . Then he started hanging out with this guy and I become second place . He would go out and come home at 6am in the morning . I wouldn't hear anything from him . He would leave the house at 10 or 11 am and don't come home till the next day after 6 am . He turned into this dick ! He would tell me that I'm acting crazy because his friends girls doesn't mind when the Come home the next day . Then after that he wouldn't come home for two days sometimes . He was no longer calling or texting me . He was not longer the same caring person . When I told him that my dad use to treat my mum the same way he laughed and left anyway . He would come and take a shower , get changed and then leave . He would purposely start an arguments and then say he doesn't want to talk about it and leave . He would call me a bitch and a hoe . When he would finally come home he would look like **** , and look tired . He told me that it hurt when he swallowed at one point . That he hasn't been eating because of it . I thought it was just because he was drinking a lot . Well I found out he was doing Coke again. I'm not a drug user or anything but idk I'd that explains his rapid change . Like he would say no guy wants a girl that stays at home , how he can't teach me how to be in a relationship, he should have walked away from this relationship in the beginning, how I'm inexperienced and too young , there is no reason for him to come home , I don't know how to handle a guy like him , he called me a bitch and a hoe a couple of times. He was being very aggressive and tried to have sex with me even though I said no . Then told me he could just pay a homeless girl outside his job for sex .
On multiple occasions I said I we should separate and both times he told me no and that he wants to be with me and doesn't want to lose me . We went to Europe for two weeks and I was going to cancel my trip , he told me no . He wants to go with me . He even yelled at his mum telling her that she is the reason why I'm canceling my trip . In the end I went , but I was going to stay in a hotel , he told me no , to cancel my hotel because he wants to be with me . On vacation it was like he was back to himself . He was caring for me , telling me how much he missed me . Telling me that there is no one else for him then me . Sending me heart emojis and kisses . Cuddling and kissing with me . Taking me on trips to meet his child hood friends . Meeting his best friends and wife . It was like he was finally back . While on vacation we were talking and I told him to think what he wants cause I don't want to go back to America to the same situation. He told me he wants to be with me and there is no one else . It was like he was this guy that I fell for again. Smiling and being caring . Then when we got back to America it lasted for 4 days . Then he came home at 6am again . This time he texted and said he was sorry and rushed home . He brought home workout tshirts and said we should workout together . I was mad so I didn't say anything . I went to work came home and yet again he wasn't home . He didn't come home till after 2 am this time .
He would tell me thinks like we are not compatible and how he wants to go on hikes and wilderness. He wants to do out door actives and all I do is stay at home . He wants to go to bars and I don't . He would tell me that I don't want a family and he does, he wants to have a family ( I never said I didn't want a family ). All of a sudden it was me why the relationship wasn't working, not because he was doing drugs .He would say that he is 30 and want to enjoy life and occasionally do Coke until he gets married and have kids then he will stop . So all of a sudden there were things wrong in the relationship.
Before we went on vacation he spent two nights out . He was at this new friends place house and was getting drunk , partying and doing drugs . The Friday before our vacation , he came home looking like **** and begging me to stay home with him . He was complaining about how bad he felt and saying that he really needs me and how he wants me to stay home with him . He was hugging me and holding my hand , telling me how much he wanted me to stay with him and take care of him . When I refused cause I had enough ( the night before I called and begged him to come home . Was crying on the phone with him and he refused to come home saying he can't drive . I even offered to pay for an uber for him to come home and just hung up the phone and said he will be home tomorrow). So when he noticed I didn't care , was getting dressed to go out , he started saying I'm dressing like a hoe and calling me a hoe . He turned into this jerk again . The next day( day of our trip ) he was suppose to go to work but instead he called off . He got dresssed and went to this friends house . All of a sudden he came home made like an hour before we had to leave saying he can't believe the guy asked him for money and he made a mistake . He looked soo high and eyes were red . He said he had to go smoke weed to mellow out .
When we got back from the trip he brought back two big bottles of alcohol from the trip . He drunk both bottles by himself in 1-2 weeks . He was taking a shots before work and drinking after work . Then when though we're finish he was buying bottles of wine every night . I finally said I'm done because he would go out and not come home . Then say things like oh why didn't you tell me you were cooking , I would have came home (because I use to tell him and send pics ). Or he would come home and ask me if I'm ok . He even called me and texted me saying he wanted to check up on me . Then at one point he texted me and said he was going to sober up and come home . It was like he was trying but then every time he was home he would tell me we are not compatible and list all my flaws . He would say that I'm too good for him and all his friends says I'm too good for him too . He would say all this stuff and then ask me what are we going to do . Finally I had enough crying and not sleeping. So I broke up with him the next morning when I woke up . His response was "how did you come to that conclusion?" As if he was totally lost about the situation and had no clue what was going on !
Then the next day he text me and said he was a mess and not to judge him when I come home. I walked in and he was doing Coke all day . He did Coke on the kitchen counter. He told me he was crying all day and spoke with his friend on the phone . He said I'm the only one he can trust . When I didn't say anything he took a shower and got dressed . Took some Coke off the counter . I told him I would never get back with him after seeing that . He looked at me with this little baby face and then left . He came back later and did Coke again before leaving again . I didn't see him again till I came home from work the next day . This day I opened the door to my apartment to see a girl standing there at the counter . He just looked at me , drink his beer and went in the living room . The girl told me she is his gf !!! I asked this girl to leave my apartment multiple times and she just kept saying "we are about to leave" then he was saying the same thing in the background. Finally I grabbed her by the arm to throw her out and a fight broke out . After the fight he left with her . Then he came back and told me I didn't have to attack her . They were about to leave and she has a right to be there because his name is on the lease . Not only did he do that and leave me in the apartment (gf of two years ) by myself and leave with the girl but he also called my mum and told her that a fight broke out , and told my mum that she knows we were just Roomate's for a while now . Which was a complete lie . He also told her he does Coke occasionally!!!
I don't know how drugs work or anything but it's crazy that he doesn't believe he cheated , he honestly believes he did nothing wrong and how we were over for a while because I'm crazy enough to live with my ex !
He called the police on me and said he was scared and didn't what know I was going to do . He also came back into the apartment before the police came and grabbed Some drug from his side of the night stand . The drug was off yellow and looked like a rock wrapped in plastic .
In the space of a 1 month he turned into this lying , cheating jerk ! It's crazy how fast he changed ! I went from being his priority and number one to partying and getting wasted becoming his priority! It's crazy because I truly loved him .I honestly believed he loved me because even in the two months when **** went down he was still talking to his mum about me and telling her how much he liked me and the things that I do . He was sooo excited when we came home from vacation and his mum said she really liked me . His face lit up . But then he started hanging with this guy again . But as soon as he got to hanging out with these people he changed in a second all of a sudden he was partying , coming home at 6 am and doing drugs ! It was so bad at the end that everyday he had a drink in his hand. I never taken drugs in my life but does Coke / crack change you that much ? Literally he was a different person in the last two months of or relationship. It was like a switch went on and all of a sudden he was this jerk ! They end of the relationship ended so quickly it was like a blur ! He wouldn't pick up his phone or answer texts . All of a sudden I had all these flaws and things wrong with me. I became the reason the relationship wasn't working . Also , I called his mom and told her everything and apparently she has been sending him money because He told her lies . Also when I would tell the mom everything she would just say " oh he is emotional" or " oh he doesn't know where he wants to be thats why" like she would make excuses for him and continue sending him money .
Not only that but two weeks after I broke up with him . He Is on fb saying he loves this new girl he cheated on me with and announcing there relationship. Some time after that he stole money from me even though he has a new gf ! Does addicts not have any feelings? Does he sound like an addict ?
I was dating this guy for two for two years. I the last two months of the relationship he completely changed ! We moved to Another state together and he were living together . I was supporting him and pushing him in his career. I was like his little cheerleader. I was buying him books and motivating him . I would tell him to try his best and ignore everyone else . I would even call my mum up and have him speak to her , so she could tell him about how my dad succeeded .Every time he came home from work he had a big meal made . Because he was just starting out in his career I was paying majority of the rent .I basically cared a lot for him . we were doing good and everything was fine . He would even tell me he wants to marry me . He would tell me I'm the best thing that happened to him . Then he started hanging out with this guy and I become second place . He would go out and come home at 6am in the morning . I wouldn't hear anything from him . He would leave the house at 10 or 11 am and don't come home till the next day after 6 am . He turned into this dick ! He would tell me that I'm acting crazy because his friends girls doesn't mind when the Come home the next day . Then after that he wouldn't come home for two days sometimes . He was no longer calling or texting me . He was not longer the same caring person . When I told him that my dad use to treat my mum the same way he laughed and left anyway . He would come and take a shower , get changed and then leave . He would purposely start an arguments and then say he doesn't want to talk about it and leave . He would call me a bitch and a hoe . When he would finally come home he would look like **** , and look tired . He told me that it hurt when he swallowed at one point . That he hasn't been eating because of it . I thought it was just because he was drinking a lot . Well I found out he was doing Coke again. I'm not a drug user or anything but idk I'd that explains his rapid change . Like he would say no guy wants a girl that stays at home , how he can't teach me how to be in a relationship, he should have walked away from this relationship in the beginning, how I'm inexperienced and too young , there is no reason for him to come home , I don't know how to handle a guy like him , he called me a bitch and a hoe a couple of times. He was being very aggressive and tried to have sex with me even though I said no . Then told me he could just pay a homeless girl outside his job for sex .
On multiple occasions I said I we should separate and both times he told me no and that he wants to be with me and doesn't want to lose me . We went to Europe for two weeks and I was going to cancel my trip , he told me no . He wants to go with me . He even yelled at his mum telling her that she is the reason why I'm canceling my trip . In the end I went , but I was going to stay in a hotel , he told me no , to cancel my hotel because he wants to be with me . On vacation it was like he was back to himself . He was caring for me , telling me how much he missed me . Telling me that there is no one else for him then me . Sending me heart emojis and kisses . Cuddling and kissing with me . Taking me on trips to meet his child hood friends . Meeting his best friends and wife . It was like he was finally back . While on vacation we were talking and I told him to think what he wants cause I don't want to go back to America to the same situation. He told me he wants to be with me and there is no one else . It was like he was this guy that I fell for again. Smiling and being caring . Then when we got back to America it lasted for 4 days . Then he came home at 6am again . This time he texted and said he was sorry and rushed home . He brought home workout tshirts and said we should workout together . I was mad so I didn't say anything . I went to work came home and yet again he wasn't home . He didn't come home till after 2 am this time .
He would tell me thinks like we are not compatible and how he wants to go on hikes and wilderness. He wants to do out door actives and all I do is stay at home . He wants to go to bars and I don't . He would tell me that I don't want a family and he does, he wants to have a family ( I never said I didn't want a family ). All of a sudden it was me why the relationship wasn't working, not because he was doing drugs .He would say that he is 30 and want to enjoy life and occasionally do Coke until he gets married and have kids then he will stop . So all of a sudden there were things wrong in the relationship.
Before we went on vacation he spent two nights out . He was at this new friends place house and was getting drunk , partying and doing drugs . The Friday before our vacation , he came home looking like **** and begging me to stay home with him . He was complaining about how bad he felt and saying that he really needs me and how he wants me to stay home with him . He was hugging me and holding my hand , telling me how much he wanted me to stay with him and take care of him . When I refused cause I had enough ( the night before I called and begged him to come home . Was crying on the phone with him and he refused to come home saying he can't drive . I even offered to pay for an uber for him to come home and just hung up the phone and said he will be home tomorrow). So when he noticed I didn't care , was getting dressed to go out , he started saying I'm dressing like a hoe and calling me a hoe . He turned into this jerk again . The next day( day of our trip ) he was suppose to go to work but instead he called off . He got dresssed and went to this friends house . All of a sudden he came home made like an hour before we had to leave saying he can't believe the guy asked him for money and he made a mistake . He looked soo high and eyes were red . He said he had to go smoke weed to mellow out .
When we got back from the trip he brought back two big bottles of alcohol from the trip . He drunk both bottles by himself in 1-2 weeks . He was taking a shots before work and drinking after work . Then when though we're finish he was buying bottles of wine every night . I finally said I'm done because he would go out and not come home . Then say things like oh why didn't you tell me you were cooking , I would have came home (because I use to tell him and send pics ). Or he would come home and ask me if I'm ok . He even called me and texted me saying he wanted to check up on me . Then at one point he texted me and said he was going to sober up and come home . It was like he was trying but then every time he was home he would tell me we are not compatible and list all my flaws . He would say that I'm too good for him and all his friends says I'm too good for him too . He would say all this stuff and then ask me what are we going to do . Finally I had enough crying and not sleeping. So I broke up with him the next morning when I woke up . His response was "how did you come to that conclusion?" As if he was totally lost about the situation and had no clue what was going on !
Then the next day he text me and said he was a mess and not to judge him when I come home. I walked in and he was doing Coke all day . He did Coke on the kitchen counter. He told me he was crying all day and spoke with his friend on the phone . He said I'm the only one he can trust . When I didn't say anything he took a shower and got dressed . Took some Coke off the counter . I told him I would never get back with him after seeing that . He looked at me with this little baby face and then left . He came back later and did Coke again before leaving again . I didn't see him again till I came home from work the next day . This day I opened the door to my apartment to see a girl standing there at the counter . He just looked at me , drink his beer and went in the living room . The girl told me she is his gf !!! I asked this girl to leave my apartment multiple times and she just kept saying "we are about to leave" then he was saying the same thing in the background. Finally I grabbed her by the arm to throw her out and a fight broke out . After the fight he left with her . Then he came back and told me I didn't have to attack her . They were about to leave and she has a right to be there because his name is on the lease . Not only did he do that and leave me in the apartment (gf of two years ) by myself and leave with the girl but he also called my mum and told her that a fight broke out , and told my mum that she knows we were just Roomate's for a while now . Which was a complete lie . He also told her he does Coke occasionally!!!
I don't know how drugs work or anything but it's crazy that he doesn't believe he cheated , he honestly believes he did nothing wrong and how we were over for a while because I'm crazy enough to live with my ex !
He called the police on me and said he was scared and didn't what know I was going to do . He also came back into the apartment before the police came and grabbed Some drug from his side of the night stand . The drug was off yellow and looked like a rock wrapped in plastic .
In the space of a 1 month he turned into this lying , cheating jerk ! It's crazy how fast he changed ! I went from being his priority and number one to partying and getting wasted becoming his priority! It's crazy because I truly loved him .I honestly believed he loved me because even in the two months when **** went down he was still talking to his mum about me and telling her how much he liked me and the things that I do . He was sooo excited when we came home from vacation and his mum said she really liked me . His face lit up . But then he started hanging with this guy again . But as soon as he got to hanging out with these people he changed in a second all of a sudden he was partying , coming home at 6 am and doing drugs ! It was so bad at the end that everyday he had a drink in his hand. I never taken drugs in my life but does Coke / crack change you that much ? Literally he was a different person in the last two months of or relationship. It was like a switch went on and all of a sudden he was this jerk ! They end of the relationship ended so quickly it was like a blur ! He wouldn't pick up his phone or answer texts . All of a sudden I had all these flaws and things wrong with me. I became the reason the relationship wasn't working . Also , I called his mom and told her everything and apparently she has been sending him money because He told her lies . Also when I would tell the mom everything she would just say " oh he is emotional" or " oh he doesn't know where he wants to be thats why" like she would make excuses for him and continue sending him money .
Not only that but two weeks after I broke up with him . He Is on fb saying he loves this new girl he cheated on me with and announcing there relationship. Some time after that he stole money from me even though he has a new gf ! Does addicts not have any feelings? Does he sound like an addict ?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, NeverAgain17.
Welcome to SR
I am glad you found us, as there is a lot of support here for you if you would like it.
Based on the behavior of your SO that you describe in your post, I would agree that he is looking like an addict.
There really isn’t anything you can do for him, but you can take care of you.
Learn as much as you can about addiction, because knowledge is power.
A couple of practical things: examination for STD’s.
If you and he were sexually active but he was with someone else as well, then....
Also, if he has access to bank accounts or credit cards, cut them off.
Guard your finances.
That’s it for now. I am sure others will be along to welcome you soon.
Welcome to SR
I am glad you found us, as there is a lot of support here for you if you would like it.
Based on the behavior of your SO that you describe in your post, I would agree that he is looking like an addict.
There really isn’t anything you can do for him, but you can take care of you.
Learn as much as you can about addiction, because knowledge is power.
A couple of practical things: examination for STD’s.
If you and he were sexually active but he was with someone else as well, then....
Also, if he has access to bank accounts or credit cards, cut them off.
Guard your finances.
That’s it for now. I am sure others will be along to welcome you soon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by least 
To be honest, he sounds like a loser and you're better off without him.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by Maudcat
Hi, NeverAgain17.
Welcome to SR
I am glad you found us, as there is a lot of support here for you if you would like it.
Based on the behavior of your SO that you describe in your post, I would agree that he is looking like an addict.
There really isn’t anything you can do for him, but you can take care of you.
Learn as much as you can about addiction, because knowledge is power.
A couple of practical things: examination for STD’s.
If you and he were sexually active but he was with someone else as well, then....
Also, if he has access to bank accounts or credit cards, cut them off.
Guard your finances.
That’s it for now. I am sure others will be along to welcome you soon.
Welcome to SR
I am glad you found us, as there is a lot of support here for you if you would like it.
Based on the behavior of your SO that you describe in your post, I would agree that he is looking like an addict.
There really isn’t anything you can do for him, but you can take care of you.
Learn as much as you can about addiction, because knowledge is power.
A couple of practical things: examination for STD’s.
If you and he were sexually active but he was with someone else as well, then....
Also, if he has access to bank accounts or credit cards, cut them off.
Guard your finances.
That’s it for now. I am sure others will be along to welcome you soon.
I've already taken the test , I'm all good !
I forgot about my financial stuff and I'm paying for that now , couple of months after leaving him . I definitely learned my lesson
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by least
I'm sorry for being so harsh. 
No, you're not crazy. An addict's behavior doesn't make sense. Their love for their drug is the primary force in their life.
No, you're not crazy. An addict's behavior doesn't make sense. Their love for their drug is the primary force in their life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Essex, England
Posts: 52
Hi there, I'm not great at sharing so hope this helps. Reading your share, it sounded like my wife have written it about me. For years I was ' using Coke occasionally'. But that turned into occasionally using, 7 days a week. Hence my name, I denied for many years, that 20 years of doing Coke, believing I was in control, was actually addiction. Even with my wife, 3 kids, and house to lose, I used in every opportunity I could, and also lied to family members to deceive, obtain money, and enable me to keep using. The only way I have stayed clean for 134 days, is by admitting to myself there was a problem, attending meetings regularly, and talking to people honestly and openly. It was hard to do it and see myself that way, because of the hurt, embarrassment and guilt I felt. Bit the longer it wrnt on for me, the more hurtbrought to my wife and kids, who I love more than anything. The lies made it worse and I found it so hard to be honest when I kept quiet to protect her, but it was the addict telling me to carry on sneaking about, it didn't want me coming clean. It is possible to change if he wants to. I wish I recognised it earlier as I would of caused less hurt. Good luck.
Mrdenial
Mrdenial
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