damascus1986

Havent started any of my own posts here. Admin please move if its in the wrong place. Hi im lance been clean a little over 5 and a half years now through NA. found out roughly a month and a week or two ago that my sponsor had been drinking and hiding it( had 9 years) this threw me for a loop. I've tried to talk to him some mostly when his girlfriend has called me late at night but it doesnt seem to be sinking in. Last conversation we had i could see that he is not ready yet. Ive always told myself that i would never let someone elses relapse drag me out. I usually attend a meeting about once a week and keep in contact with a few people. At my last meeting a guy kinda gave a a small lecture about getting on getting a new sponsor. I do not want to hurry but i know i should find one. Just looking for experince with this and thoughts. thank you

Dee74

Good to see you again Damascus

I have no experience with sponsors but I'm sure others will chime in. I'm glad you're trying to help the guy, but be mindful of your own recovery too - a new sponsor doesn't sound like the worst idea in the world to me?

D

damascus1986

yes i should find a new one since the last meeting ive been praying about it. i just want to be sure hes the right one for me. that our personalities " click"

GratefulJunkie

I know alotta ppl take time to find just the right sponsor, like you said. At 5+ years sober, that may be a good route to go. My experience with picking a sponsor has been that I just need to get one. And then trust in my God, that it's the right one. I once 'picked a sponsor that I thought was right' and after a time of talking/working with him, he 'fired' me, and told me I should work with another guy he sponsors ( who still had 2+ years more sobriety than I ) and it turned out to be the best sponsor I've ever had. However, based on things I might have looked at to 'pick a sponsor' he probably wouldn't have been my first or second pick. But my God knew who I needed to work with, and lined things up to make that happen. So i dont know, I think it's more about getting a sponsor than it is finding just the right one. Just getting a sponsor is my action to take, beyond that it's up to my God. But maybe it's diff after 5+ years... Just my experience.

Mountainmanbob

Nothing wrong with asking someone to be your temporary sponsor for now. Might work into a permanent relationship.

When a sponsor relapsess it's time to move on.
But, if and when they are ready you might be of some help?

Mountainmanbob

damascus1986

my experince with my first sponsor ( about the first 6 months of my sobriety ) has kind of put this mindset in place. i was 3 days out of rehab at the end of a meeting made a comment about not having a sponsor and a lady who was chairng the meeting said "hey! how about him" On the one side im am forever grateful to the guy he did help me alot those first six months but after that six months we basically didnt talk anymore sat on my 3rd step for 2 months with many ignored calls before i moved to the one i just lost. Insanity is repeating the same things and expecing a different result. Montain bob the idea of a temporary one is a really good idea, my higher power may leadme in the right direction. and i agree if he decides hes ready id always be there to help him.

just talking about it helps sometimes

IvanMike

Sorry to hear about your situation.

I don't have experience with that. I can tell you that there are a small group of guys that have what I want that I would consider if all of a sudden my sponsor were to die, relapse, or tell me he was sick of me.

That list has changed over time a bit, but it's pretty solid. - I also have a small group of guys that I go to on a regular basis to talk to and check in. Some of them are in my AWOL step group I'm in as I go through the steps again.

This would be a really good time to pick up meeting attendance, in and outside of your usual area and listen and watch the guys there. One a week is a bit slim. Maybe something magic happens after 5 years, but I can tell you that at 4 years two meetings just doesn't cut it for me for very long.

damascus1986

I may try some new groups too. ive been doing one a week for quite a while here.
went to church last sunday too got a good message about acting without asking god first ( while its not the program) i did get something out of it. Stepping up meetings im sure wouldnt hurt good news is im moving this weekend and will be closer to my home group by about 20 mins and another group that ive been to and feel comfortable at. Were all sick people just trying to get better.