Sean328104

It is 6:00 a.m as i write this. I have a 2-4 bags a day habit (IV) I just started using H about 5 months ago, Previous to that i was taking 60 - 90 mg a day oxycodone for about a year. So all in all this time i'm at about a year and a half of opiate use, 5 months heroin. I'm as scared as can possibly be of this. I've done cold turkey twice before, once off dilaudid, and once off oxycodone. But neither time seemed nearly as bad as it is this time, When i hit my 24 hour point im going through full withdrawal, I need people to talk to me through this and support me, maybe even someone who is going through this at the same time as me might help. I have my girlfriend but she doesn't use any drugs so she doesn't understand what it is i'm really going through. Please respond with any advice and support. I'm scared... i also have court in 3 days which scares the **** out of me as well. i have about 6 mg of suboxone, 4 150 mg trazadone, 1 10mg valiume, a box of 2mg immodium, and a bunch of naproxone. ANY advice and support is greatly appreciated. God i want to get through this so bad.. i'm sick of the hurting every day, and the shortage of funds. I'm probably going to jail thursday because i don't have the 167.00 i need in order to prevent that from happening. Which of course doesn't help with my depression and anxiety right now. But 1 step at a time i suppose..

Hope2014

I'm sorry that you are suffering. Can you get to an ER and just be honest with them? It's not worth risking your life. You can turn things around if you decide to. I'll pray for you today.

Sean328104

In my small town the ER won't do anything except send you home and tell you to take some ibuprophen. It's sad but true. unless you come to them with life threatening symptoms such as a seizure or something they won't do anything for me. And i can't go to a detox center because my Probation Officer will be informed of it and it will be a violation of my probation. So cold turkey is really my only option here. I'm hoping i hear from a few people with some success stories of there own to help boost my confidence a little.

Hope2014

I'm sorry to hear that . I don't have experience with drugs, so hopefully soon someone can respond and help you through this. I wish you peace today. Make today the beginning of your new life. You can do it!

Sean328104

Thank you for the support still!

SoberJohn

I know this sounds crazy but maybe start a taper of the H and find a godd doctor that will refer you to a clinic that prescribes methadone to help ween off safely. Quitting H cold turkey is not easy on the body and will be dangerous. Be careful and good luck.

Druwyd

Hey Sean, sadly, I've more experience with this shite than I've ever written about, at least all at once, pieces here and there on different threads. I used to blog also but I dunno where the blog section went. Anyway, I blather and digress. I've fought opiates of just about every flavor for 8+ years. Prior to that, I wasn't fighting them, just riding the crazy train. For me, and my local buddies, the mental psych out is about as bad, if not worse, than the 3-7 days of direct dopesickness. I'm not going to get in to PAWS, post a cute withdrawal syndrome...Google it. As I sit here on my patio, in the sun, I'm on day 8 of a cold turkey walk away. It's no party, detoxing, and you've said an inpatient assist isn't in your cards. So, it is what it is. I've hurt worse the last week than after a 6 round undercard after getting my a$$ mostly stomped. BUT. The alternative is months or years of continued hell, yes? If it was easy there wouldn't be an international opiate addiction epidemic. You CAN do this. It sucks. It feels like you will never rest again. It feels like the King Kong of all flu. Time slows down, perceptually, stretching out how long it seems. But, it's a week in the first step to the rest of your life. And you know what? I went for a long walk this morning. I lifted some, admittedly, fairly light weights. I had a cup of tea....and it didn't come out my nose. Detoxing is often step one...after which there are usually mental demons to address and, yes, PAWS. So, if i didn't come across as an a$$hole, which wasn't my intention, feel free to PM me once the system allows.

Opivotal

Sorry Sean328104, we have a strict rule on giving medical advice.

Sean328104

Yeah i cant do treatment anywhere but home right now sadly. And i woud do a taper but i know me and my addiction and that wont end as planned. And thank you for your story im gonna definitely PM you!

shall2pass

Hi Sean and welcome. What you are doing is such a brave thing and it is no easy feat. I too am going through a cold turkey withdrawal off H but I was using more like 20 bags a day. So you are going to hurt but it will be tolerable. My biggest advice to you is to treat getting off H with as much focus and passion as you did with meeting your dealer and getting more H. You need to work hard at this and get excited about recovery and knowing that happiness and freedom are attainable. Also, As others have stated, the worst part is by far the mental aspect and the anxiety. I know that I can fight the physical; for me, I get restless syndrome but only in my arms, never my legs and I have a burning sensation in my chest; I also experience shakes and insomnia. But Imodium is a life savior. And remember, it is only a few days of bad sickness and then you NEVER have to go through this flue like withdrawal again. Think about it -- wouldn't you rather trade four days of screaming muscles and sadness and anxiety and shitting to allow yourself freedom and happiness. There is no such thing as a really old addict, someone once told me. It's not a sustainable way to live so now is the best time to get clean because there is no other way out that is a positive way at least. Feel free to pm me. I am literally going through the exact same thing at the exact same time as you. Keep pushing through. Although this is the first time I am doing it as a result of my own choice to get off drugs, I have detoxed two other times in the past five years and have found that by day four almost all my body symptoms are gone, except insomnia. We got this, I've never been more ready to embrace love and light and freedom; it is time to leave the broken and soulless inner demons in the past.

Mountainmanbob

Good advice. They deal with it all the time these days. They can help you so as to safely detox.

Mountainman

IvanMike

Go check out the NA meetings in your area. Let people know what you're going through.

I'd check out the ER or your doctor and take whatever help they can give, and try to get yourself into a detox. - By the way, going to detox is not a violation of your probation - USING is.

If 167 will keep you out of jail, you could probably raise it. You could find that much to buy heroin.

Ultimately, there is nothing that will make you not dope-sick that won't make you dope-sick later when you decide to stop using that. The good news is that you never have to feel that way again.

NA can't make you feel not dope-sick. That's not what it's for. It's about staying clean in the long term and finding some recovery, because life without drugs is life, and we aren't so good at that.

RedManc7

Stay strong mate - that's a nasty habit you have there pal - the fear of cold turkey is always the worst. If you can afford the time to go through the pain do it brother.

Check

How's it going Sean?

finaltime

yes check in. We are here for you. NA is the way to go also in my opinion..don't have to do this alone anymore.

Be3rad

you will be fine I quit a 30-40 bag a day habit cold turkey
8 days laying on the couch and drinking nothing but gatorade and eating toast. Its a real rough time but you can do it.