leaving the drug addict and forgiving yourself
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 408
leaving the drug addict and forgiving yourself
I've been broken up with my ABF for 3 weeks now. After catching him trying to use synthetic urine on an at-home drug test, I kicked him out of the house. He has since been in a psych ward and relocated to Arizona to stay with his mother. His mother has been out of his life for 6 years, but he was at the end of his rope-or as he phrased it "had burned all other bridges" and contacted her.
I emailed him on Friday and asked him not to reach out to me for two weeks. I need to take some time to regroup and gather my thoughts. But, his mother reached out to me yesterday to tell me how much her son "loves me" and is "trying really hard." She sent me several large paragraphs over the weekend saying she "applauds me" for how I handled the situation, and that she knows that he needs to "earn back my trust." She then proceeded to follow me on Instagram...
Please note that I have stood by this man for 3 serious relapses (how many slips? Not sure.) He's been to rehab 3 times in the last year, and has been admitted to a psych ward twice in the last year. In totality he has been to seven rehabs and 4 or so psych wards. Needless to say, it's been a very difficult and challenging relationship.
Let me say that, I know this is a disease. I know he is sick. On top of the addiction, he suffers from PTSD, bipolar disorder, paranoia, etc.
I love him. But, I am at the end of my rope. I do not want this to be my life. I can't deal with the anxiety, nerves, uneasiness. Questioning his sobriety when I come home from work...looking for small pupils, or tics, sweating or clammy hands...Over exhaustion...the uneasy feeling in my gut when he says he will go to a meeting and doesn't.
With all of this being said. I feel 80% ready to move on, and 20% inclined to "stay and help him." I talked to my sponsor (I'm in al-anon) and he said to me: "I think you've tried that before, but HEY YOU CAN ALWAYS TRY AGAIN. As long as YOU are willing to pay the price."
AKA, don't be an idiot.
I'm just looking for support, a similar story? Anything. Despite my meetings and friends in program, I'm really struggling with not feeling compelled to try and help see him through this again.
Thank you.
I emailed him on Friday and asked him not to reach out to me for two weeks. I need to take some time to regroup and gather my thoughts. But, his mother reached out to me yesterday to tell me how much her son "loves me" and is "trying really hard." She sent me several large paragraphs over the weekend saying she "applauds me" for how I handled the situation, and that she knows that he needs to "earn back my trust." She then proceeded to follow me on Instagram...
Please note that I have stood by this man for 3 serious relapses (how many slips? Not sure.) He's been to rehab 3 times in the last year, and has been admitted to a psych ward twice in the last year. In totality he has been to seven rehabs and 4 or so psych wards. Needless to say, it's been a very difficult and challenging relationship.
Let me say that, I know this is a disease. I know he is sick. On top of the addiction, he suffers from PTSD, bipolar disorder, paranoia, etc.
I love him. But, I am at the end of my rope. I do not want this to be my life. I can't deal with the anxiety, nerves, uneasiness. Questioning his sobriety when I come home from work...looking for small pupils, or tics, sweating or clammy hands...Over exhaustion...the uneasy feeling in my gut when he says he will go to a meeting and doesn't.
With all of this being said. I feel 80% ready to move on, and 20% inclined to "stay and help him." I talked to my sponsor (I'm in al-anon) and he said to me: "I think you've tried that before, but HEY YOU CAN ALWAYS TRY AGAIN. As long as YOU are willing to pay the price."
AKA, don't be an idiot.
I'm just looking for support, a similar story? Anything. Despite my meetings and friends in program, I'm really struggling with not feeling compelled to try and help see him through this again.
Thank you.
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