Going on 4 years...
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Join Date: Aug 2004
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Going on 4 years...
My name is Liam and I am 21 yrs old. I was prescribed Vicodin ES almost 4 years ago for a back injury I got from snowboarding. I know I dont really need to take them any more, but I cant seem to make myself stop. Its not affecting my work or social life. Its not ruining any of my relationships with my family or friends. As a matter of fact only one of my buddies even knows I still take them. I am only taking approx 3 a day, and only at night, after work when I am ready to sit down and relax. My friend thinks I am addicted, but I just dont see it. I dont crave them during the day and I dont think about how I cant wait to take more. However, the first thing I do when I walk in the door from work is take them. I dont know why I am posting this, but it does feel good to talk about it with others.
I guess I want to know...am i an addict?
I guess I want to know...am i an addict?
Last edited by cant_stop; 08-16-2004 at 06:08 PM. Reason: Adding to post
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Join Date: Apr 2003
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http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm
NA has a pamphlet with questions which have helped many of us decide teh answer to this very question. Click on IP #7 "Am I an Addict?"
NA has a pamphlet with questions which have helped many of us decide teh answer to this very question. Click on IP #7 "Am I an Addict?"
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: De
Posts: 19
Thank you both for your replies. I took the "Am I An Addict" quiz like you recommended. I answered Yes to 9 of the questions. I cant seem to grasp the fact that I am 21 yrs old and addicted to painkillers. It just doesnt seem possible. I thought that addicts cant hold down a job, are in trouble with the law and have problems with family and friends. I dont know what to do. My buddy that knows I take them tells me I should stop, but I just dont know.
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Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Venice, Florida
Posts: 414
You CAN Stop!!
.gif "Yes(1)")
Liam,
Boy, did I see myself in your story. I was addicted to opiates, ( Vicodan) for over 10 years. Through all that time I held a job as a nurse, did all the family stuff and for about 7 of those years I never thought of myself as an addict. But I was! I tried to stop on my own for 3 years and couldn't. It wasn't until I lost my job that reality sunk in and I got help. I am clean and sober for almost 6 years now. It isn't always easy, but it can be done. I also remember the feeling of liking the "buzz" the pills gave me. I never took them until I got home from work and knew I wasn't going out. I had lots of rules, Never use if I was going to drive, ( I eventually did) never use at work, ( towards the end I did ) never steal the pills, ( did for a long time). It creeps up on you. And the longer you take them, the more you end up needing.
It sounds as if you have a wonderful friend who recognizes that you do have a problem. I am betting you can confide in him and he can stick with you.
Confide in your doctor. Tell him/her that you think you are addicted and need help getting off of them. Go to Narcotics Anonymous and there you will find such wondeful support. You are so wise to ask for the little help here we can offer. Now go a step further and get clean. You will feel so much better.
Keep posting and you know we are here night and day. :35:
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Well, I told myself all day at work today that I wasnt going to pop my pills when I get home.
Without even thinking about it, I did.
Sometimes I think my bud is right, but others, I just cant accept it.
Without even thinking about it, I did.
Sometimes I think my bud is right, but others, I just cant accept it.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Greentree, PA
Posts: 276
Can't stop,
I am addicted to vicodin, too. And I started out using as you do, only at night, only on weekends, etc. That went on for YEARS. Eventually, I progressed to using every day, then to needing the pills to get out of bed in the morning, etc.
Addiction is progressive. You have your job, friends, etc, NOW. The future is another story.
Some people progress to late stage addiction (when you lose your job, friends, family, freedom, etc.) slowly, like me. For others, it's faster. But progress you will. (If you don't stop using, that is....)
You have had excellent advice above, and I admire your honesty in examining your situation.
I know you will stop when and if you are ready, and not before. But I hope you choose to look at this closely. Once you have passed a certain point in opiate (or any other, I suppose) addiction, it becomes VERY difficult to stop.
You don't have to wait that long. Your dosage is fairly low, and you will probably be able to detox without too much pain.
You don't want to wake up at age 40 and wonder what happened. And I have seen many people your age in my rehab who are addicted to painkillers. You're not alone!
Ashley
PS, I would also suggest you check out an NA meeting. It couldn't hurt, right?
I am addicted to vicodin, too. And I started out using as you do, only at night, only on weekends, etc. That went on for YEARS. Eventually, I progressed to using every day, then to needing the pills to get out of bed in the morning, etc.
Addiction is progressive. You have your job, friends, etc, NOW. The future is another story.
Some people progress to late stage addiction (when you lose your job, friends, family, freedom, etc.) slowly, like me. For others, it's faster. But progress you will. (If you don't stop using, that is....)
You have had excellent advice above, and I admire your honesty in examining your situation.
I know you will stop when and if you are ready, and not before. But I hope you choose to look at this closely. Once you have passed a certain point in opiate (or any other, I suppose) addiction, it becomes VERY difficult to stop.
You don't have to wait that long. Your dosage is fairly low, and you will probably be able to detox without too much pain.
You don't want to wake up at age 40 and wonder what happened. And I have seen many people your age in my rehab who are addicted to painkillers. You're not alone!
Ashley
PS, I would also suggest you check out an NA meeting. It couldn't hurt, right?
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,139
Welcome Liam,
I have a thread on this forum too **"Help with detox questions"..} and am just now getting to the point that I feel comfortable enough to maybe try giving some advice to others who might benefit from it...please pardon the rambling though...LOL, I've always done that!
Someone once described the addiction process this way to me....think of it as if you are on a slow train right now and still have the power to jump off without getting hurt too badly...eventually though, that train will speed up and it will get tougher and tougher to jump off!!!! After what I have just been through and thankfully survived, loosing only time {thank God!!}, this really makes alot of sense to me.
You've been given alot of good advice here...these were some of the same angels who helped me...please take heed and "jump off that train before it speeds up"...Keeping you in thought and prayers!!
Jane
I have a thread on this forum too **"Help with detox questions"..} and am just now getting to the point that I feel comfortable enough to maybe try giving some advice to others who might benefit from it...please pardon the rambling though...LOL, I've always done that!
Someone once described the addiction process this way to me....think of it as if you are on a slow train right now and still have the power to jump off without getting hurt too badly...eventually though, that train will speed up and it will get tougher and tougher to jump off!!!! After what I have just been through and thankfully survived, loosing only time {thank God!!}, this really makes alot of sense to me.
You've been given alot of good advice here...these were some of the same angels who helped me...please take heed and "jump off that train before it speeds up"...Keeping you in thought and prayers!!
Jane
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Join Date: Aug 2004
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I just wanted to thank everyone for all the advice they have given me. But, like Ashley80 said in her post, I have to want to stop. I honestly don’t see myself as being an addict. My buddy calls it denial, I call it the truth. I am only 21 years old. I have seen friends become addicted to drugs/alcohol before, mostly alcohol, but there were a couple that got into hard drugs. They were always asking me to join in, but I never took them up on it, I was smarter than that. I don’t think what I am doing is nearly as bad as what they did. I don’t see how taking a few pills at night to relax is really that bad. I don’t really find myself craving them. I don’t know, maybe I am naive, but my mom always told me I was hard headed.
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Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Venice, Florida
Posts: 414
I would ask yourself these questions. Why do I not want to stop taking them? What is it that I am trying to avoid thinking about or feeling? If I don't take the pills, do I think about taking them? Do I plan my day/evening around taking them? Do I hide my pills use from family and friends? Why? Do I get uneasy if I think I may not have pills to take or not be able to use them and "enjoy" the feeling they give me to the fullest? Do I get cranky or hard to be around if I have not used them?
If you answer yes to any of the questions that are yes or no, or if you can recognize behavior you don't like--please reconsider all you have said in your previous posting.
And you are right. You need to want to stop. Most addicts don't wonder if they are addicted if they are not.
If you answer yes to any of the questions that are yes or no, or if you can recognize behavior you don't like--please reconsider all you have said in your previous posting.
And you are right. You need to want to stop. Most addicts don't wonder if they are addicted if they are not.
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: out there...
Posts: 2,653
I had a job, paid my bills, and still managed to wind up hating myself for not being able to live life without the dope.
Addiction doesn't follow the "script" like those movies suggest. On wed. night I will be attending a special recovery anniversary celebration for a friend who is a recovering grandmother.
You may not be ready to want to quit yet. Thats ok. Maybe you don't have enough despair or trouble in your life. Addiction is patient. It will wait and dig deeper tendrils into us until when we finally do manage to get clean, we find it's been affecting every decision we ever made even before we took the first hit.
At our meetings we read something that says "in desperation we sought help from each other in Narcotics Anonymous" .. Not everyone has to get desperate but its one hell of a motivator.
I appreciate your honesty Can't. Not much else I could tell you until you decide you really want to stop. I hope your experince with us recovering addicts leaves you with a resource when you need it.
Butterfly .. it's a reasonable fascimile.. lets just say the crime victim would tell the police sketch artist "Thats close! Can you make him look older and scragglier?"
lol
Addiction doesn't follow the "script" like those movies suggest. On wed. night I will be attending a special recovery anniversary celebration for a friend who is a recovering grandmother.
You may not be ready to want to quit yet. Thats ok. Maybe you don't have enough despair or trouble in your life. Addiction is patient. It will wait and dig deeper tendrils into us until when we finally do manage to get clean, we find it's been affecting every decision we ever made even before we took the first hit.
At our meetings we read something that says "in desperation we sought help from each other in Narcotics Anonymous" .. Not everyone has to get desperate but its one hell of a motivator.
I appreciate your honesty Can't. Not much else I could tell you until you decide you really want to stop. I hope your experince with us recovering addicts leaves you with a resource when you need it.
Butterfly .. it's a reasonable fascimile.. lets just say the crime victim would tell the police sketch artist "Thats close! Can you make him look older and scragglier?"
lol
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
CS-
I am wondering about how you are getting your pills and if from a doctor why does he not think it unusal that some one who is only 21 needs to take pain meds for 4 years....I am 50 yrs old and have a broken neck and don't need pain meds to go to sleep some times my neck hurts but, I won't take narcotics for it.
Someone 20 yeras old should not need to take pills to go to sleep if everything is good in their life....
I am wondering about how you are getting your pills and if from a doctor why does he not think it unusal that some one who is only 21 needs to take pain meds for 4 years....I am 50 yrs old and have a broken neck and don't need pain meds to go to sleep some times my neck hurts but, I won't take narcotics for it.
Someone 20 yeras old should not need to take pills to go to sleep if everything is good in their life....
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 15
Liam, I was 21 a long time ago. I played with pills for fun. Weekends gave way to nights, gave way to early afternoon, gave way to lunchtime. By the time I was 30 I knew how to con a doctor by taking aspirin to thin my blood then giving myself a good wallop on the tail bone with a brick. Made an impressive bruise, I tell you. "I tripped over a rollerskate and fell backwards into the Barbie House".
But I stayed on the train too long. Here I am, 40 years old. My credit card is maxed out from online buying, I am a thief, a liar, a con artist. My self respect is nil.
Since I didn't use everyday, I wasn't addicted.
Since I didn't use during the day, I wasn't addicted.
Since I didn't crawl the curbs and go on the game, I wasn't addicted.
You get the picture?
In you, I see me 20 years ago. I wish I had quit then.
Until you decide to stop, please keep coming here. Maybe you'll see something in someone that will trigger a desire to stop playing with fire.
Good luck.
But I stayed on the train too long. Here I am, 40 years old. My credit card is maxed out from online buying, I am a thief, a liar, a con artist. My self respect is nil.
Since I didn't use everyday, I wasn't addicted.
Since I didn't use during the day, I wasn't addicted.
Since I didn't crawl the curbs and go on the game, I wasn't addicted.
You get the picture?
In you, I see me 20 years ago. I wish I had quit then.
Until you decide to stop, please keep coming here. Maybe you'll see something in someone that will trigger a desire to stop playing with fire.
Good luck.
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: My Own Little World
Posts: 102
Hi Liam!! You said "I have seen friends become addicted to drugs/alcohol before, mostly alcohol, but there were a couple that got into hard drugs. They were always asking me to join in, but I never took them up on it, I was smarter than that. I don’t think what I am doing is nearly as bad as what they did. I don’t see how taking a few pills at night to relax is really that bad. I don’t really find myself craving them."
My sister and brother-in-law were in NA since they were around 15. They are in their 30's now, and no longer in the program. Anyway, I messed around with drugs too, but when I was in my early 20's, I was injured and I got muscle relaxers from the doctor. At first, I started off taking them only as prescribed. But as I found ways to get more, I'd take more.
I finally ran out. So when I "discovered" I still hurt, I tried to take them only at night, or on weekends, when I wasn't going to drive. That worked for a while. See, I thought the same way as you did with what you said above. That these weren't "real" drugs. I was WAY too smart to get addicted. I knew what drugs did to people & there was NO way it was going to happen to me!! So if I stayed away from acid, pot, crack, coke, & all the hard drugs, I'd be fine!! And I too, was only taking these pills to relax at night. I have an extremely stressful job. Not only that, but my bosses hate me. I am the target of a lot of stuff going on there. It's been that way for years.
Well, because of that, I began to take these pills from the moment I woke up until the I went to bed at night. See, I found a way to "trick" my doctor into giving me a double prescription of the muscle relaxer. And to add to that, something was messed up & the second dose was being sent to me every 10 days!! This was 120 pills, allowing me to take about 30 pills a day!! Now most people can't even take 1/2 of this pill & stay conscious!!
What I'm trying to say here is that I started out just like you. With maybe a couple of pills a day for a long time, totally in denial about myself. And it escalated incredibly fast for me. All of the sudden, I was cut off from this muscle relaxer. I can't even remember what happened. So I got a narcotic for migraines, which I really DO suffer from. I paid the price SEVERLY for that one, because I abused them so badly. I almost lost my job, I was almost arrested, and I was in 3 accidents in 2 months. Bad ones.
Please think about this seriously. EVERYBODY tried to tell me I needed help, and I was in major denial. I'm clean now, and they STILL think I'm using, lol. It's just that you sound an awful lot like me, and that scares me. Even when I admitted I was an addict, I didn't stop using. The cop took away my pills, called my parents (I'm 40 years old!!), and they called my doctors!! Otherwise, I might still be trying to "trick" my doctors into giving me more pills. How pathetic am I?? Don't let this happen to you. Don't let this ruin your life. I know it's a decision only you can make.... we can't do it for you, but please, consider maybe going to a meeting or 2. Or hang out here & talk to us until you're ready to do that. The people on this board are amazing!!
My sister and brother-in-law were in NA since they were around 15. They are in their 30's now, and no longer in the program. Anyway, I messed around with drugs too, but when I was in my early 20's, I was injured and I got muscle relaxers from the doctor. At first, I started off taking them only as prescribed. But as I found ways to get more, I'd take more.
I finally ran out. So when I "discovered" I still hurt, I tried to take them only at night, or on weekends, when I wasn't going to drive. That worked for a while. See, I thought the same way as you did with what you said above. That these weren't "real" drugs. I was WAY too smart to get addicted. I knew what drugs did to people & there was NO way it was going to happen to me!! So if I stayed away from acid, pot, crack, coke, & all the hard drugs, I'd be fine!! And I too, was only taking these pills to relax at night. I have an extremely stressful job. Not only that, but my bosses hate me. I am the target of a lot of stuff going on there. It's been that way for years.
Well, because of that, I began to take these pills from the moment I woke up until the I went to bed at night. See, I found a way to "trick" my doctor into giving me a double prescription of the muscle relaxer. And to add to that, something was messed up & the second dose was being sent to me every 10 days!! This was 120 pills, allowing me to take about 30 pills a day!! Now most people can't even take 1/2 of this pill & stay conscious!!
What I'm trying to say here is that I started out just like you. With maybe a couple of pills a day for a long time, totally in denial about myself. And it escalated incredibly fast for me. All of the sudden, I was cut off from this muscle relaxer. I can't even remember what happened. So I got a narcotic for migraines, which I really DO suffer from. I paid the price SEVERLY for that one, because I abused them so badly. I almost lost my job, I was almost arrested, and I was in 3 accidents in 2 months. Bad ones.
Please think about this seriously. EVERYBODY tried to tell me I needed help, and I was in major denial. I'm clean now, and they STILL think I'm using, lol. It's just that you sound an awful lot like me, and that scares me. Even when I admitted I was an addict, I didn't stop using. The cop took away my pills, called my parents (I'm 40 years old!!), and they called my doctors!! Otherwise, I might still be trying to "trick" my doctors into giving me more pills. How pathetic am I?? Don't let this happen to you. Don't let this ruin your life. I know it's a decision only you can make.... we can't do it for you, but please, consider maybe going to a meeting or 2. Or hang out here & talk to us until you're ready to do that. The people on this board are amazing!!
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: PLainview, NY
Posts: 43
you will definitely see it man.
I never wanted to smoke pot every night, but I ended up doing it anyway.
Seriously - everyone here already said what I was gonna say, but Chy said literally what I was gonna:
Quit for a week, few days whatever, then see how you feel. When you feel like total crap and can't deal - you'll have your answer.
By the way, and I truly mean this in the friendliest way possible - YOU ARE AN ADDICT.
Keep coming back here and read through as many posts as you can. Ya know why? Your story will be the same as every other person's. Every addict speaks a similiar story. Different circumstances, different problems, same addiction.
Beleive every person here.....you WILL wake up and see what we all do. You really want that to happen sooner than later. The longer it carries out, the worse it is.
Seriously, come here every day for a week or two, and read lots of different posts and stories from all the columns - maybe it will hit you so you don't have to learn through first hand experience.
Take care, and post again if you got more questions. Everyone here wants to help.
I never wanted to smoke pot every night, but I ended up doing it anyway.
Seriously - everyone here already said what I was gonna say, but Chy said literally what I was gonna:
Quit for a week, few days whatever, then see how you feel. When you feel like total crap and can't deal - you'll have your answer.
By the way, and I truly mean this in the friendliest way possible - YOU ARE AN ADDICT.
Keep coming back here and read through as many posts as you can. Ya know why? Your story will be the same as every other person's. Every addict speaks a similiar story. Different circumstances, different problems, same addiction.
Beleive every person here.....you WILL wake up and see what we all do. You really want that to happen sooner than later. The longer it carries out, the worse it is.
Seriously, come here every day for a week or two, and read lots of different posts and stories from all the columns - maybe it will hit you so you don't have to learn through first hand experience.
Take care, and post again if you got more questions. Everyone here wants to help.
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: De
Posts: 19
I was going to take the advice and go this week without taking any and see how i feel, but i ended up taking 3 when i got home. not sure if i had to take them, but i did. maybe out of habit more than anything. I will try that next week now. ive got too much going on this week to even think about it.
So Far So Good...
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Boise Idaho
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by cant_stop
I was going to take the advice and go this week without taking any and see how i feel, but i ended up taking 3 when i got home. not sure if i had to take them, but i did. maybe out of habit more than anything. I will try that next week now. ive got too much going on this week to even think about it.
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