kzaug2014

I feel so very depressed! I feel like my mind is at a breaking point!

Aug.2014, I quit methadone, norcs, klonopin & heroin. Went into rehab and haven't done any drugs w/the exception of suboxine , which I quit 12 days ago & a $20 pc. of crack that I smoked a few days ago, when my husband of 20yrs. told me he had relapsed...again ( w/heroin. )

We are both disabled ( he w/Brittle Type 1 Diabetes & I have rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia & PTSD. )

I still am going through withdrawals from the suboxine ( jumped from 2mg & apparently I was supposed to taper down to .25mg or even .125mg. ) But , that is neither here nor there.

What's getting to me the most is my state of mind.

Our 20the anniversary is 3wks away on Apr.1 & instead of celebrating our anniversary, he will most likely be in rehab.

I'm sick n tired of always being the strong one!!! I keep trying to push all my thoughts to the back of my mind. But, I still love my hubby w/all my heart & just have no where to turn?

I have no support & feel like I'm cracking up! Plz help!!!

happycampers

Wow - that's a tough situation. It must be hard trying to keep strength for two ! I've had a similar situation, but for me, I realized I couldn't carry it for both of us. His falling down just depressed and/or angered me and I became weaker also . I realized I had to separate and let him take care of his recovery in his own way OR not and I had to stay away and focus on moving myself forward. You can love someone, but that doesn't mean you can help them. Sometimes, the most difficult part is accepting that and getting to the work you have on your plate - saving yourself and building a healthier life. Sorry for your pain

kzaug2014

Ty Happycampers.

I just don't know what I'm going to do. Our marriage has been great w/exception of his drug use ( I'm certain I can quit. )

You see, we both saw doctors throughout our marriage ( I became partially disabled @ 29yrs..I'm 49yr now & he nearly died when he was 34yrs...he's 46yrs now, from a rare disease. ) And for over 10yrs, both my husband and I were given methadone for pain ( & I was also given norcs for breakthrough pain & klonopin for PTSD.

I always held onto his prescription, because has never been able to just take what was prescribed to him.

We've been together for 21yrs now & he's never once cheated on me or ever hit me ( my 1st husband did both...Uuhhgg!!! )

We both were illegally kicked to the curb by our doctors ( another story for another time. ) And my mother died and I was to give her eulogy @ the exact time I ran outta my methadone, norcs & klonopin. I was having life threatening withdrawals & someone we just had met have us heroin to make it to my mom's funeral ( 4mos later, I quit! )

Sorry, I'm getting long winded ( my thought are a bit cluttered at the moment. )