courage2

I think we're talking about two different things -- the sense of isolation that can come from hearing other people's positive attitude (whether it's real or faking it) when not feeling it yourself, and the practices that can help you access more positive thoughts and feelings, more often.

Actually I posted earlier here that other cities consider NYC AA to be excessively group support -- a lot of us treat it like, "all our problems relate to alcoholism, so we'll talk (on & on) about all our problems LOL."

So I haven't experienced that pressure to be positive. Or if I have, I've been so wrapped up in myself that I've ignored it.

If I did, it would definitely drive me away from meetings. I'm very uncomfortable with the whole "the promises come true" part of AA.

I think bimini is posting about something else tho -- my bad if I'm mistaken -- about finding your own way out of the mental mindset that creates the cravings. The best way I can describe what I think she's getting at -- about 18 months ago, someone on SR asked me, what do you care about?

Work -- every day -- on figuring that out. Invest yourself in it. Consider it your quest. You're allowed to find an infinite number of answers, except using.

miamifella

Yes, i have done therapy. That is when I finally stopped relapsing.

I sincerely hope you take this seriously. I was one of those people who asked for help only to be told that I should just smile and everything would be alright. The disease of addiction is very strong and when someone asks for help, that should be taken seriously. Calling it a "ventfest" and saying that as long as they have a home and health and meals they are okay, frankly seems despicable. People with homes and health and meals can still overdose, drive drunk, etc. If someone is doing their best to hang on, belittling the hold addiction has on them is dangerous.

Even if you cannot help, the spirit of service should prevent you from doing anything that makes light of some one's addiction.

biminiblue

I understand that is how you see it.

I disagree.

miamifella

I wish denial would eliminate my cravings. If it does for you, then you are lucky. But please be aware that it does not work for everyone and be responsible. I have seen people relapse and die, so this is very serious stuff.

courage2

I'm not advocating denial. My former sponsor & lots of other people in 12 Step programs advise, you can acknowledge the craving but you don't have to entertain it.

And it's hard to stop entertaining thoughts of using if you have nothing else to focus on.

Find your own positive. Create it from scratch if you have to. It doesn't have to be a big thing. I personally get a lot of ...joy...from looking at pictures of birds. Really. Try to concentrate on something ...good.

I wish you a good night!

1Dayatatyme

Miamifella: I want to let you know how much I respect your honesty and courage as you share about your pain and frustrations. My first time around in recovery I attend many 12 step meetings, and was grateful to be in a large Metropolitan area with so many groups to choose from. It took me getting some clean and sober time under my belt and a clear head to finally realize how different each meeting was from another in what was considered acceptable sharing. Some meetings focused on sharing from the Big Book, others wanted to hear experience, strength, and hope, etc. and some met the need for me to be able to share about the problems in my life. I found that if I could not get support and validation around my feelings relating to my problems, there was a good chance I would get a resentment, which would lead to relapse. I had to do a lot of legwork though... checking out meetings all over town, shutting my mouth for the first couple of meetings and listen so that I could get what the underlying general tone of the meetings, and trusting my intuition regarding feeling "safe" enough to share honestly when I was troubled.
This time around, I use SR for my program of recovery... and it works! I found the forums where I feel accepted, and when I don't feel accepted I can voice my thoughts openly, and receive kind and honest feedback. I just realized, after reading your posts, the issue of what I believe in terms of a Higher Power, or if I even have a Higher Power, has never come up. I never felt judged in that area of recovery here on SR.

I encourage you to continue to post when and where you feel safe and supported. It sounds like you are working very hard, mentally and emotionally, to stay sober.

RedManc7

Addiction is v strong Miami - the only way of handling it is accepting it and doing whatever it takes - in that moment you are in - to stay clean - as addicts we tend to attribute every emotion to our addictions - but on one level we have to - otherwise the temptation of using starts beckoning - and after 50+ days of being free of active heroin addiction - I know that I will put staying clean above everything else - even if that makes me seem odd to others at times.

miamifella

Thank you. So often I feel like some sort of alien creature when dealing with addiction since what I say seems so beyond the pale to other addicts.

I have gone to a number of different meetings and my rule about sharing is the same as it was when I used to attend meetings years ago: I will share if everyone else in the meeting has already shared and I may sometimes share if it is a round robin that comes my way.

Usually this means I share maybe once at every 5 to 10 meetings I attend. However, this time when I do share I am honest and do not hide that I do not feel secure in recovery.

I still feel so unsure. A few years of clean time and then BOOM, I am right back where I was.

At least there is alway SR where one can be open and honest.

courage2

How are you doing tonight, miami?

&, since I haven't followed your history, may I ask what was your doc?

miamifella

Crack was my doc.

Generally, Saturdays are the only bad day. My schedule is very full and my work is demanding, so I could never "get away" with drug use any other day of the week. So the urge is never strong other than Saturday.