Jaded1999

Hey everyone, i'm a recovering alcoholic and havn't had a drink in 22 months. I also was prescribed xanax for 6 years for a crippling anxiety order which I still carry. I went probably 9 months without benzos but started taking Valium when I can get it, which is often.

I believe I have always suffered from anxiety (esp social) which is why alcohol worked so well and did for years bingeing on weekends, I got married bought a house blah blah, ended up losing all that at 27 and for 3 years I did not care about anything and just drank.. 6 Detoxes and a long term rehab, still drank but finally had enough and through AA got myself sober, a good job but really struggling socially and with my anxiety, hated sitting home on the weekends alone when I used to love the whole club scene (while intoxicated).

So after probably 14 months I started experimenting with other substances, speed, pills, pot, coke lol and now meth... WTF lol, I know so much about addiction and where I am headed but continue to do it. While high I got a G/f and moved in with her started surfing again and feeling like 'me'... She loves my sense of humour and knows all about my past, she also is a drug and alcohol counsellor.

Im not physically addicted to anything (yet) but it was so hard to give up the booze I know what it would be like. I just don't find anything fun anymore, I have everything going for me again and i'm doing this. The guilt is killing me...
I know I just have to stop go back to AA and attend NA... But i'm lost and just really needed to get this out.

I used to read this forum so much in my early recovery, I know i'll always be an addict... But this is insane and delusional... I'm so lost lol.

Had to get that off my chest hope I made sense... I better hit the gym I think.
Cheers.

Jaded1999

Oh yeah, Iv'e always been a fitness freak into Bodybuilding and Powerlifting and used roids as well... OMG... lol

HonestlyTrying

You said in the beginning of your post that you are a recovering alcoholic.

What day are you going back into the rooms of AA and NA to reclaim your life?

Always know when your next meeting is and get yourself there.

You already know you will be accepted. The sooner you go the sooner you will find hope and happiness again.

Jaded1999

Back to AA, got me sober... Had a little speed this weekend but I dunno where i'm at lol. I know I wan't sobriety... From everything not just 'look at me I don't drink anymore...

anykey

Dude - it is over. If you dabble in meth- you are finished.

Make funeral arrangements and prepay it now. Save your kin the task. Get your affairs in order and prepare to die.

suboxonestopper

Glad you posted Jaded... you know the drill if you have done the back and forth thing. You will find support here. I am thinking bout u and wishing you luck!

OpioPhobe

Jaded - what is with all the "lols"? Do you not really want to quit or is something funny about using meth/roids/coke that I am not getting? If you aren't going to take this seriously I don't really have any advice. Get prepared for a lot of pain and suffering I guess. It will get real serious in short order.