lovecanovercome

Hi I am Lexi i am 25 years old female and i am addicted to heroin for a year and two months...i first started becoming addicted in fall of 2012..I was snorting heroin while trying to stop by taking suboxone and going to meetings and that worked but than i always ended up going back to using now i am injecting it for only a month now. This is how it happened I am engaged to heroin addict. We been dating since 2009 and for the first 2 years of our relationship I NEVER USED DRUGS ever was trying to help him he got clean for awhile he was doing drugs for 5 years when i found out he was using i tried everything to help him i didn't run while i should of but i wanted to help him i was clueless about drug addiction but i tried everything i could to help him i read articles when he was sick id miss school to stay with him,well when he did stop for 2 years everything was fine than he relapse when he cut open his lip in a bike accident i was so frustrated with him! anyway couple of months went by and one day he asked me to try it i said no and than my friend shes like lets try it just once so i tried it and i loved it unfortunately. I have anxiety disorder and alot of other problems with my childhood and i have backpain so i really liked it, but i wasnt addicted i snorted heroin once every 2 weeks than 2 weeks once turned to once a week to 3 days a week to everyday and than one day i got sick dopesicness but i knew all about sickness because my fiance told me about it when we were dating when i never used..so i was happy he had a suboxone anyway Now my fiance and i are both using everyday and injecting it since a month ago he snorted for years. and i was snorting it all i know is i just know i want to stop i dont want to loose the love of my life he never forced me to do it even though he asked me to try it and i always said no then years later i was just curious and did it. My family blames him and my friends. I feel like even though i only used heroin a little over a year i feel like its been 4 years because me helping my fiance with his addiction .I want to stop and my fiance does also its hard because hes been doing it longer and he says he will then he goes back when i am on suboxone i feel fine and i know i can stop the only trigger is him. I been with him so many years and i love him i just been dealing with him and this drug heroin for so long and stupid me had to try it and get addicted to it.. How do i stay with my fiance and not do drugs. I feel like if he doesn't stop i never will and i want to be with him. we both talked about doing suboxone and tapering off. but everytime its time to do it i am all excited and he does dope again and me seeing him doing the drug makes me want to use so i get mad i yell i say we are suppose to stop idk what to do..........any advice sorry if im off topic i just hav so much to vent about..........

Marcus

Welcome. Wish I had some great advice for you, but unfortunately I think you need a break from your man for a little while and there is a good chance you might have to leave him behind. Saying you want to quit and quitting are two completely different things. Is it good he says he wants to quit sure, but that really doesn't change things if he isn't actually trying to quit. I said I was going to quit dope a thousand times. It is easy to say I am going to do one more bundle and that is it. Next day when that bundle is gone it is okay just one more! This can go on for years and years.

The thought that having a partner to get sober with is a good thing is rarely the case. Thinking they can help push you when you are weak and vice a versa almost never works. What happens is just what you described. He drags you down and vice a versa. You sound more committed than him and quitting even when you truly want to is hard, but add in someone who brings you down all of the time it is next to impossible.

If I were you I would focus on getting sober and tell him to so the same ON YOUR OWN then in a year you can reassess. Sorry I don't have better news for you. Good Luck! Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Lily1918

My husband and I are both heroin addicts. I was clean when I met mine too. Then we were using together. He went to jail and it wasn't until then that we each got sober. When your spouse or bf is an addict then you usually need to seperate to get sober. I imagine you don't want to because I didn't want to, but the most important thing for me has been to stay away from people who are using.