peanut44

Haven't really posted much lately.

I started taking suboxone on July 9th. My last vicodin was on the 4th of July. I had been on a path over the last few years that was very slowly but very surely progressing. I'm no stranger to pain pills. Those and benzos were my thing.

I've been missing the vicodin over the last few days. Usually pms brings on those kinds of feelings. That was when I would abuse them the heaviest.

Suboxone is definitely different. It doesn't make me feel high. I often forget to take it. But I don't have the PAWS symptoms that I had before or the constant cravings. Still taking the same tiny amount.

I'm not missing days at work, so I can have my be alone with my pills days... I'm way more productive at work and I work harder and smarter. I have a VERY stressful job!!

I'm alot more interested in what's going on around me instead of what's going on "inside" me. I'm nicer but my husband says I'm more "matter of fact". Not exactly sure what to make of that.

The first lesson I learned is that I am definitely not in control of the vicodin anymore. I am powerless as soon as I take that first pill. Took me a long time to come to terms with that. For as long as I live, I will never be able to take pain pills responsibly. Period. The higher power is a tough one too. I go back and forth on that one, not sure what I believe.

I'm still reading on here, I have alot of recovery work books and things to study.

I am still around and I'm doing ok!!

MrGhost

You have made the first biggest step, so that is half the battle right there. That already shows you that you have the strength to live free. Just always remember when cravings hit you hard, that you aren't alone, that there is many good things in life you can do instead of rely on painkillers to feel good/strong, and the only real thing having an addiction to painkillers will do is just make any problem you go through, much worse. And as far as a higher power goes, just keep focus on what things you care about the most in your life, and that will automatically lead you to the right sources in time.

cleaninLI

Peanut glad you checked in and are doing so well!

Lyoness

Great to hear from you Peanut and I'm glad things are going pretty well overall. Those cravings are going to hit but each time you do something different, choose not to use, you are making yourself that much stronger!