No More Wake'n'Bake
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No More Wake'n'Bake
I think the next step on my recovery journey needs to be looking at my pot-smoking. It would be easier not to mention it. It would be easier to let my desire to work on it blow over or get smoked under. I'm not going to do those things.
I'm ready to start facing this and working on it.
Quitting drinking has a lot to do with this. I WANT to know what it's like to be able to think clearly. So much has cleared up for me since I quit drinking, but I still feel like there is a layer of fog. I WANT to get out and do more things. In fact, I've already been getting out and doing more. I am actually less interested in getting high now and more interested in other things since I quit drinking. So, I want to take advantage of that.
I have noticed that since I quit drinking and I no longer wake-up hungover, my compulsion to smoke weed in the mornings has decreased. Before, I think I used it to help with the pain of being hung-over and I almost needed it when I first woke-up. I don't feel that anymore.
I will be 25 in a few months. I'm thinking a lot about how I want to be as an ADULT. I'm thinking a lot about things that I want to LEAVE in my early 20's.
Yesterday, I went 45 minutes after I woke-up without smoking. Today, I went 1 hour and 15 minutes. And I was just fine!! I know that many people won't understand this thread. That's ok. It's not for them, it's for me. And I'm proud of my hour and fifteen minutes. It may not seem like much, but it means more than I can put into words.
I think the fact that I'm writing this means more than I can say... I'm ready.
I'm going to stop waking up and smoking weed first thing every morning. I am going to get on SR or do something else. I'm going to keep track of my sober time and spend more of it.
My goal here, at least at the moment, isn't total abstinence... although I WILL go that way if I have to, I think. I don't think smoking a little bit once in a while is a big deal... but it needs to be less than it is now... and if it proves I can't manage that, I will do what I need to.
So, I am starting with making a commitment to not smoke first thing after waking-up.
I'm ready to start facing this and working on it.
Quitting drinking has a lot to do with this. I WANT to know what it's like to be able to think clearly. So much has cleared up for me since I quit drinking, but I still feel like there is a layer of fog. I WANT to get out and do more things. In fact, I've already been getting out and doing more. I am actually less interested in getting high now and more interested in other things since I quit drinking. So, I want to take advantage of that.
I have noticed that since I quit drinking and I no longer wake-up hungover, my compulsion to smoke weed in the mornings has decreased. Before, I think I used it to help with the pain of being hung-over and I almost needed it when I first woke-up. I don't feel that anymore.
I will be 25 in a few months. I'm thinking a lot about how I want to be as an ADULT. I'm thinking a lot about things that I want to LEAVE in my early 20's.
Yesterday, I went 45 minutes after I woke-up without smoking. Today, I went 1 hour and 15 minutes. And I was just fine!! I know that many people won't understand this thread. That's ok. It's not for them, it's for me. And I'm proud of my hour and fifteen minutes. It may not seem like much, but it means more than I can put into words.
I think the fact that I'm writing this means more than I can say... I'm ready.
I'm going to stop waking up and smoking weed first thing every morning. I am going to get on SR or do something else. I'm going to keep track of my sober time and spend more of it.
My goal here, at least at the moment, isn't total abstinence... although I WILL go that way if I have to, I think. I don't think smoking a little bit once in a while is a big deal... but it needs to be less than it is now... and if it proves I can't manage that, I will do what I need to.
So, I am starting with making a commitment to not smoke first thing after waking-up.
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england- I suspect you may be right and also that you won't be the only one with that opinion on here.
I know that there were times when I tried to cut back cigarettes and alcohol that were not terribly successful (well, completely the opposite...in the end that was always a failure). But I learned things from those attempts that I NEEDED to know in order to be able to quit for real.
It's hard to admit you're powerless over something when you've never tested your power over it. It's much easier once you've tested it and failed.
So, I'm gonna give this a little time and see where it goes.
Thank you for your response.
I know that there were times when I tried to cut back cigarettes and alcohol that were not terribly successful (well, completely the opposite...in the end that was always a failure). But I learned things from those attempts that I NEEDED to know in order to be able to quit for real.
It's hard to admit you're powerless over something when you've never tested your power over it. It's much easier once you've tested it and failed.
So, I'm gonna give this a little time and see where it goes.
Thank you for your response.
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Day 3.
Went 1 hour.
It seems kind of like a small amount. But it makes a total of 3 hours for the week so far. And that is a lot longer than I would have even considered trying to go two months ago. (At least voluntarily, if there is something actually stopping me, which is rarely to never, I can make it a few hours.)
Writing this, I see how much I need to change...
I'm thankful I'm becoming more aware of this and wanting to change.
Went 1 hour.
It seems kind of like a small amount. But it makes a total of 3 hours for the week so far. And that is a lot longer than I would have even considered trying to go two months ago. (At least voluntarily, if there is something actually stopping me, which is rarely to never, I can make it a few hours.)
Writing this, I see how much I need to change...
I'm thankful I'm becoming more aware of this and wanting to change.
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I struggle with weed. I was able to pass the doobie yesterday without hitting it. but it was really really hard to do.
for me I have to say not even once. I just can't do it in moderation. once I take that first rip off a song Im done. everything will spiral for me.
wake n bake was the hardest to let go of. I have to not have it in the house. If its there I smoke it.
for me I have to say not even once. I just can't do it in moderation. once I take that first rip off a song Im done. everything will spiral for me.
wake n bake was the hardest to let go of. I have to not have it in the house. If its there I smoke it.
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Join Date: May 2013
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I think that cutting down is a start. Once you get more used to what it's like not to be stoned, you might find yourself more intrigued. I'm no example of someone who has managed to overcome wake and bake, I'm struggling for the umpteenth time to quit. If you don't count the black tar stuff that I scrape out of the pipe and smoke with tobacco (yea, I know that's gross, that's how bad I have it) then you could say I'm on day 2 (had to count because it felt longer but now I realize it's only 2 days). But anyway, I woke up in the morning after a dream about being sober and I was amazed at how much I wanted to experience it. I've always been fed up of living in a fog but there are many levels to internalizing things and this was a new level of wanting to see what it was like to be clear.
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Woke-up in a bad mood this morning and instantly just wanted to get high. But I didn't. In fact, I still haven't yet. I got on SR instead. I had a message waiting in my inbox from a friend here so I wrote a reply. And I forgot I was in a bad mood while I was doing that. There ARE other things that will make me feel better!
I am thankful for this thread this morning because had I tried to do this on my own, this morning would have been the last of it.
England- I agree. I'd like to increase it to more time.
Lily- Way to go on passing the doobie without hitting it! You should be super proud of yourself for that!
wackybunny- I've smoked that black tar stuff too. I've spent hours scraping a pipe to try to get it out from the inside so I could get high... it's been a while since I was that desperate, but if I ran out of weed, I'd be trying to smoke that stuff again probably! So gross!
Dee- thank you.
I have been thinking about this more the last few days. I know that in many ways the weed is just as much or more of a problem for me than the other addictions. I never had a problem going an hour in the morning without booze... although that was starting to get harder. As far as frequency and dependency, weed is as much or more of a problem. In some ways, it's easier to ignore than the alcohol because it never left me passed out on the bathroom floor all night or put me in the hospital. I was scared I was going to die from the alcohol or my behavior on alcohol and I've never had that feeling smoking weed.
But it limits me socially. It makes it so I don't even want to take a plane for a vacation lest I end up somewhere for a week with no weed! I'd rather stay home and get high than go on vacation and be there without weed.
The money is a problem.
I thought my memory problems were all from smoking too much weed, but that has actually gotten immensely better just from quitting alcohol. I do wonder if it would improve more if I wasn't getting high all the time.
I've been smoking weed for 10+ years now. I guess partly I just want to know what it is like to get away from that and have an option to not smoke. I want to feel like it's a choice if I smoke it and not something I'm compelled to do because I'm an addict or it's been a habit for years.
And I'm paranoid... not excessively, but a little. I'm even paranoid posting this online because I don't want it to be public in any form whatsoever that I'm a pot head. But I need help or support or something.
What I've been doing hasn't been working so well.
Anyway, this marks 1 hour and 30 minutes for this morning.
I am thankful for this thread this morning because had I tried to do this on my own, this morning would have been the last of it.
England- I agree. I'd like to increase it to more time.
Lily- Way to go on passing the doobie without hitting it! You should be super proud of yourself for that!
wackybunny- I've smoked that black tar stuff too. I've spent hours scraping a pipe to try to get it out from the inside so I could get high... it's been a while since I was that desperate, but if I ran out of weed, I'd be trying to smoke that stuff again probably! So gross!
Dee- thank you.
I have been thinking about this more the last few days. I know that in many ways the weed is just as much or more of a problem for me than the other addictions. I never had a problem going an hour in the morning without booze... although that was starting to get harder. As far as frequency and dependency, weed is as much or more of a problem. In some ways, it's easier to ignore than the alcohol because it never left me passed out on the bathroom floor all night or put me in the hospital. I was scared I was going to die from the alcohol or my behavior on alcohol and I've never had that feeling smoking weed.
But it limits me socially. It makes it so I don't even want to take a plane for a vacation lest I end up somewhere for a week with no weed! I'd rather stay home and get high than go on vacation and be there without weed.
The money is a problem.
I thought my memory problems were all from smoking too much weed, but that has actually gotten immensely better just from quitting alcohol. I do wonder if it would improve more if I wasn't getting high all the time.
I've been smoking weed for 10+ years now. I guess partly I just want to know what it is like to get away from that and have an option to not smoke. I want to feel like it's a choice if I smoke it and not something I'm compelled to do because I'm an addict or it's been a habit for years.
And I'm paranoid... not excessively, but a little. I'm even paranoid posting this online because I don't want it to be public in any form whatsoever that I'm a pot head. But I need help or support or something.
What I've been doing hasn't been working so well.
Anyway, this marks 1 hour and 30 minutes for this morning.
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Join Date: May 2013
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I usually crave it first thing in the morning too. Not just crave it, I smoke the half joint that's laying around from the night before, before I drink my coffee. I totally know what you mean about not wanting to go on holiday. I do go but if I get the chance to get some weed I certainly get it and then my holiday is less fun because I'm lazy and slightly paranoid and I don't want to do as many exciting things. If we can't get any, we sometimes get so grumpy with each other it ruins the fun times we could have been having. I don't like going to the in-laws for the weekend because we have to wait till they go to bed to get high - we didn't even go for mother's day, the shame.
But I think being stoned all the time has a huge impact on the way my brain works, not just slowing it down or making me numb, it makes me feel less confident. Being slightly paranoid all the time does have an impact. I reckon it's pretty easy to justify the negative things because they don't destroy your life immediately, there is no pressing immediate need to stop. But over time look at what choices you might have made for your life if you weren't stoned, the invitations you would have accepted, the challenges that would have seemed less scary which you might have taken on. Being stoned makes you follow a different road. I have been pretty functional from an outsider's perspective but I know that I am/was really clever and could have had a great career if I had not chosen to get high every day. Thinking about business or careers when I'm stoned is scary and all I want to do is avoid the harsh people in suits and the challenges. I feel safe smoking a joint and spend hours in my garden.
I am on day 3. I woke up feeling great. My hubby was mentioning getting weed and I told him I didn't want to. I told him that all this discomfort and effort to quit would be wasted AGAIN if we went ahead and got some. Yesterday I managed by spending the entire day and most of the night on this website. It feels like so long as I'm here, I'm safe from the cravings.
Emotions are up and down. Feel fantastic, suddenly get annoyed at hubby, triggered very quickly, have to leave the room just because he's whistling happily... Last night cutting a piece of bread seemed far too difficult and I wanted to cry. Feel rather like a crazy person. But haven't given in yet. Thanks for sharing because there are not many people here for weed as far as I can tell. Stay stronger.
But I think being stoned all the time has a huge impact on the way my brain works, not just slowing it down or making me numb, it makes me feel less confident. Being slightly paranoid all the time does have an impact. I reckon it's pretty easy to justify the negative things because they don't destroy your life immediately, there is no pressing immediate need to stop. But over time look at what choices you might have made for your life if you weren't stoned, the invitations you would have accepted, the challenges that would have seemed less scary which you might have taken on. Being stoned makes you follow a different road. I have been pretty functional from an outsider's perspective but I know that I am/was really clever and could have had a great career if I had not chosen to get high every day. Thinking about business or careers when I'm stoned is scary and all I want to do is avoid the harsh people in suits and the challenges. I feel safe smoking a joint and spend hours in my garden.
I am on day 3. I woke up feeling great. My hubby was mentioning getting weed and I told him I didn't want to. I told him that all this discomfort and effort to quit would be wasted AGAIN if we went ahead and got some. Yesterday I managed by spending the entire day and most of the night on this website. It feels like so long as I'm here, I'm safe from the cravings.
Emotions are up and down. Feel fantastic, suddenly get annoyed at hubby, triggered very quickly, have to leave the room just because he's whistling happily... Last night cutting a piece of bread seemed far too difficult and I wanted to cry. Feel rather like a crazy person. But haven't given in yet. Thanks for sharing because there are not many people here for weed as far as I can tell. Stay stronger.
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Day 5. 2 hours.
It actually feels just a little more normal not smoking this morning.
I am glad I made this thread. I don't think I would have even stuck to this this long without it. I find it to be really amazing what a difference having a measure of accountability and support makes in these things. (Thank you SR!) Despite the fact that I say it 'feels more normal' I am sure if it weren't for this thread, I'd be smoking already.
I am glad I committed to this and am doing it.
It actually feels just a little more normal not smoking this morning.
I am glad I made this thread. I don't think I would have even stuck to this this long without it. I find it to be really amazing what a difference having a measure of accountability and support makes in these things. (Thank you SR!) Despite the fact that I say it 'feels more normal' I am sure if it weren't for this thread, I'd be smoking already.
I am glad I committed to this and am doing it.
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Only smoked a little this morning, then put the stuff away and got on my list of things to do to.
Normally, I just smoke all the time practically. No matter what I'm doing, it's sitting there by me. So this is a big change.
Normally, I just smoke all the time practically. No matter what I'm doing, it's sitting there by me. So this is a big change.
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Join Date: May 2013
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Awesome!! Good for you! I understand the steps your making and it shows you can do it. I'm on day 4 now. I had one of those epiphany moments this morning. I was complaining to myself how I didn't feel good and I realized that I feel even worse when I'm smoking. I mean, sometimes it feels great, for a couple hours of the day depending on what I'm doing at the time. But most of the time it just makes life and everything I do harder. I mostly feel lethargic, like I'm fighting to push past this wall of smokey brain to get to the thoughts I need to function. Doing everything is harder. Then there is the paranoia. Just about every time I've ever been stoned in the last decade, as soon as I light up, I start to think bad thoughts, the dark cloud looms overhead. I mean, not murderous thoughts, just all the little things I tend to worry needlessly about come up. I know pot makes my worry much much worse, I've done studies on myself. The discomfort I have after quitting, especially mental discomfort, is less than when I'm stoned. In that case, I feel better!!! Smoking pot would harsh my mellow!
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I know this is a recovery forum and encouraging use is frowned upon, but why not have an epic smoking session tonight as a last hurrah? Finish off your stash, get rid of the paraphernalia, and never look back?
I know from experience that as long as there is weed or resin around, I'm smoking it.
Good luck!
I know from experience that as long as there is weed or resin around, I'm smoking it.
Good luck!
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wacky- way to go on day 4.
Charlie- finishing off my stash today would be one VERY epic smoking session!
Honestly though, I find there is a limit to how many things I can quit/change at once. So, I am kind of working through this one thing at a time and I'm just not ready to give this up entirely.
Plus, I know from experience if I just quit cold turkey that I get relatively bad withdrawal symptoms from it and I just don't care to go through that right now while trying not to drink. The weed may be causing me some problems, but the alcohol had me scared I was gonna die with the way things were going. So my #1 priority is getting some time quit from that.
Charlie- finishing off my stash today would be one VERY epic smoking session!
Honestly though, I find there is a limit to how many things I can quit/change at once. So, I am kind of working through this one thing at a time and I'm just not ready to give this up entirely.
Plus, I know from experience if I just quit cold turkey that I get relatively bad withdrawal symptoms from it and I just don't care to go through that right now while trying not to drink. The weed may be causing me some problems, but the alcohol had me scared I was gonna die with the way things were going. So my #1 priority is getting some time quit from that.
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Day 6. 1 hour, 20 minutes for this morning. That makes 7 hours, 50 minutes total.
Yesterday was a rather productive day. Also, I didn't have a nap in the middle of the day. Maybe related to the fact that I didn't smoke as much.
I really smoked rather less yesterday, tried to keep the stuff put away when I wasn't smoking so it wasn't just sitting there where I mindlessly and habitually pick it up to smoke. How many times have I found myself high and still smoking? Actually, at some point, it got to where I don't really get high. I go through withdrawal if I'm not smoking, but smoking feels normal. One word pops into my head: ADDICT.
My AV says: this is a good plan because if you smoke less, you'll be able to get more high when you do smoke. Ugg. That is NOT why I am doing this. Actually, I know it is maybe the biggest trap here. The addict goes to cut down, or quit, reducing their tolerance and then when they do go back to the drug, it actually WORKS again like the addict remembers it did when they first started. Plus, the problems have been reduced since they quit for a while and it feels like magic all over again. Then addict goes right back to their old habits with the drug and it goes right back to not working but making the addict's life hell.
I say: Screw you AV. I want... MORE for my life. Getting high isn't fulfilling and there are so many other things that I care about so much that I'm not going to let addictions and drugs ruin my whole life. I'm not afraid. I'm not going to hide anymore.
Today I woke-up and managed to get into a bad mood almost instantly. My first thought was that I just wanted to smoke. But again, I got on SR, posted some stuff, read some posts, and it got better quickly. So, I am definitely seeing a pattern/trigger here. I don't feel happy, so I pick up the weed. This is probably more of a cycle than just a trigger since if I smoke pot when I feel bad, I never deal with the problem, so it will still be there making me smoke more. The more I smoke, probably the less I really deal with problems.
I have been working really hard lately to fix more problems rather than dwelling on them. I have been working on my coping skills. These are things I want to continue with so that when I feel bad my reaction isn't to smoke weed, but to deal with the problem or do something else to feel better.
Also, when I get busy doing/thinking about something, I do tend to forget about the fact that I'm not smoking.
I'm learning. I'm becomming increasingly involved in other things in my life that just have nothing to do with getting high. I've come to love taking long walks every day. I've been focusing on getting work stuff caught up.
I haven't jumped out of bed and started smoking immediately once in the last 6 days. I'll be proud of my little steps, because that is what motivates me to take more steps.
I only smoked a little this morning, the stuff is already in the closet and I'm off to post on my gratitude list and then get some things done!
Yesterday was a rather productive day. Also, I didn't have a nap in the middle of the day. Maybe related to the fact that I didn't smoke as much.
I really smoked rather less yesterday, tried to keep the stuff put away when I wasn't smoking so it wasn't just sitting there where I mindlessly and habitually pick it up to smoke. How many times have I found myself high and still smoking? Actually, at some point, it got to where I don't really get high. I go through withdrawal if I'm not smoking, but smoking feels normal. One word pops into my head: ADDICT.
My AV says: this is a good plan because if you smoke less, you'll be able to get more high when you do smoke. Ugg. That is NOT why I am doing this. Actually, I know it is maybe the biggest trap here. The addict goes to cut down, or quit, reducing their tolerance and then when they do go back to the drug, it actually WORKS again like the addict remembers it did when they first started. Plus, the problems have been reduced since they quit for a while and it feels like magic all over again. Then addict goes right back to their old habits with the drug and it goes right back to not working but making the addict's life hell.
I say: Screw you AV. I want... MORE for my life. Getting high isn't fulfilling and there are so many other things that I care about so much that I'm not going to let addictions and drugs ruin my whole life. I'm not afraid. I'm not going to hide anymore.
Today I woke-up and managed to get into a bad mood almost instantly. My first thought was that I just wanted to smoke. But again, I got on SR, posted some stuff, read some posts, and it got better quickly. So, I am definitely seeing a pattern/trigger here. I don't feel happy, so I pick up the weed. This is probably more of a cycle than just a trigger since if I smoke pot when I feel bad, I never deal with the problem, so it will still be there making me smoke more. The more I smoke, probably the less I really deal with problems.
I have been working really hard lately to fix more problems rather than dwelling on them. I have been working on my coping skills. These are things I want to continue with so that when I feel bad my reaction isn't to smoke weed, but to deal with the problem or do something else to feel better.
Also, when I get busy doing/thinking about something, I do tend to forget about the fact that I'm not smoking.
I'm learning. I'm becomming increasingly involved in other things in my life that just have nothing to do with getting high. I've come to love taking long walks every day. I've been focusing on getting work stuff caught up.
I haven't jumped out of bed and started smoking immediately once in the last 6 days. I'll be proud of my little steps, because that is what motivates me to take more steps.
I only smoked a little this morning, the stuff is already in the closet and I'm off to post on my gratitude list and then get some things done!
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Kentucky
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Good job DG!!! I think it is awesome you are tapering back. I was a heavy duty pot smoker myself and can relate to both you and wackybunny. For me personally quitting weed has helped tremendously with the not drinking.
Keep up the good work.
Keep up the good work.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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Here are some links I've handed out in the past - some of them are pretty basic but they may help
MARIJUANA – A Guide to Quitting
Quitting Marijuana a 30 Day Self Help Guide // OADE // University of Notre Dame
https://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/...from-marijuana
D
MARIJUANA – A Guide to Quitting
Quitting Marijuana a 30 Day Self Help Guide // OADE // University of Notre Dame
https://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/...from-marijuana
D
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