LostConfused

First of all, I would like to introduce myself and thank this board for providing me with so much comfort. My name is Stacy and I had posted a couple of times when I was trying to stop drinking. I had 1 month clean and had some wine 4 nights ago. I have such an extensive history with different substances like Ketamine. I hope nobody minds me sharing this but I am felling really low, so I thought if I let some stuff out maybe I will feel better.I didn't ecperiment w drugs till I was 23. I started going to clubs at night and tried exctasy. It did not interfere with my dreams or education. This went on for about 2 years and tried ketamine in the club. I have such a speedy personality, so I really enjoyed the calmness. I became a psychologist (finished masters and PHD) and was still using Ketamine. It got really bad and I was shooing it and driving. In 3 years I got 3 duis, driving under influence of ketamine and lost my career. I spent 4 months in jail and when I got out I had no desire fore Ketamine. I dibbled and dabbled with Vikodin but it was never a daily habit. Three years ago I started drinking, wine every night, had 4 months sober, 30 days and now 3. Anyway I am working now but I thought I had a great career oppurtunity. A gym wanted tp interview me to run the whole club...then did a background check... Can I ever get away from my past???? I am sorry for babling just wanted to reach out

BFD

Living down our mistakes will probably be one of the hardest parts to our recovery. We can't change the past, we can only change today. Every day that you spend sober is another day you can live peacefully and know you did the very best you could for that day. Hang in there.

LostConfused

Thank you... I feel like I am so far removed from the girl who was doing Ketamine...and this is the first time it has prevented me from a career goal This place has been my safe haven for a month...reading everyones struggles... I really do feel alone

Jen1986

When you have enough clean time, you could try getting your record expunged. You'll have to look into your state laws and possibly contact a lawyer for advice. Where I live, we have what is essentially a "young and stupid" law where any crimes committed under a certain age can be easily expunged from the record after a certain number of years without re-offending and the record becomes invisible to employers. It's entirely possible to do this and something you should definitely look in to. With such a competitive job market out there, having a criminal record can most definitely be an obstacle along with downright depressing when it effects us. The past is haunting, but all you can do is take it for what it is and move forward in life.

LostConfused

I know in some way we all have consequences to pay. Thank you for that suggestion...I was so tempted to get wine. I decide to make a healthier choice and reache out on here. I am thankful I do have a career.

StevenT

It truly is sad what substances do to us mentally and physically. We become different people when under the influence, and after an extended period of abuse our thought patterns and perspectives begin to shift. That is my experience anyway. The joy of recovery, not just abstinence, is that over time we start to regain our old self, while at the same time making new discoveries about us that were never there before.

Today I am grateful that I do have a choice. Using is comfortable to me. It has always been my go-to. But it's like something I read in a thread a little bit ago... If I ate a food that I had an allergy to, would I continue to eat it? Rationally, no. Sadly drugs and alcohol have rendered me quite insane in many aspects, so I continue to use even when I don't want to. My choice to not use has been granted me because of my actions and my willingness to work a program instead of pick up.