angelsfly

I really need answers. I'm so confused. 3 months ago I took my husband to the airport to get help with his pill addiction. It was his decision to go. At first he called me all the time. Then slowly he would just text me. Now he only calls 1 time every few days. When he calls he's really distant with me. He doesn't even ask about our son who is 17. My son tries to call him and when he does answer he doesn't talk to him much and rushes him off the phone. My son misses his dad soooo much and is even on depression medicine now. I told my husband and he said "well, if he needs it" I told him how much he misses him and he said well there's nothing I can do about it. He told me he doesn't want to come back home because it's too depressing here for him. I told him then we would move there with him. He said you can't pull our son out of school. So he wants us apart for a whole year? And he's not going to be here for our sons senior year? Its like he doesn't want anything to do with us. He also had me email him his resume and change his address so he can look for jobs. I don't get it? Any suggestions or input would be greatly appreciated!

Midwest181

Where did your husband go? Inpatient rehab? Sober living? Or just away from home town where his connections are?

euchella

Yes, that would be my question. And it sounds like he is sending you a pretty saddening message, but it is also a clear one. I am so sorry.

angelsfly

he's in inpatient rehab

angelsfly

He said it's too depressing and tempting to come back here... to this state/town

angelsfly

I just don't understand. When he left we both cried and he said I'll be home soon a better man and it'll be a better life for us.

Midwest181

I would have first assumed he relapsed but if he is in inpatient they would bust him pretty fast if its a rehab you can't freely come and go as part of the program.
I don't know what kind of relationship you guys have had or all the factors that might be his reasoning. Does he hold resentment for anything? Does he have a reason that he has given you for a one year break?
A lot of programs have a family week where you can go visit and be apart of the activities. It might be a good idea to go talk with him if he is willing or atleast ask him what his intentions are. Ask what is his reasoning for wanting to shut you guys out. If he is truly working the steps he will be straight forward with you.

angelsfly

Our relationship was very loving but at times really hard with the addiction. Money was a really big issue of him spending it on pills. Other than that when he didn't have them i did everything to make him comfortable. As far as family visits. I can't go. He's thousands miles away and we don't have the money for me to fly there. Also I am trying to keep us afloat with only my paycheck. We are struggling but I didn't mind because I wanted him to get better.

angelsfly

He hasn't been sober for about 7 years. He's had a lot of traumatic events in his life. A lot of loss. Parents, grandparents, family and friends. I just want him happy and healthy and I am so proud of him. My heart is breaking! Not only for me but my son. They had always been so close.

Midwest181

I would talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Only he knows his intentions. I do know it is tough to go back to a home where you used drugs. Bad memories of searching for drugs and being sick.
Ask him direct questions. Even questions that you are afraid of the answers. Get him to be upfront so you know where you stand.
No matter what the answers are you are way better off than living with an addict. I know you love him and it is tough. It will all get better.

JenEss

It sounds like your husband is doing a lot of self discovery.
This is a life or death disease. It's not something we can gamble with. It is also a selfish time getting clean and sober. He's learning things about himself that he never knew were there and is getting to know his authentic self.
I don't believe it is anything personal against you or your son. It's very sad that your son is so depressed. Do you think he'd be willing to attend AlaTeen for support?
Have you ever been to an Al-Anon meeting? There will be women who are going through similar circumstances who can be very supportive during this confusing time.

Take care.

TiredWolf

Yes give him some time. I'll bet he'll come around and when you see him it will be like meeting a new person.

He has a lot of soul searching to do and it takes time to heal a broken spirit.

angelsfly

Update! Just talked to my husband and he gets out Friday. He says he's going to look for a job and has a place to go. One of the other guys there wants to get an apartment with him. I told him I want him to come home to see us. He acts like he's going to but says he's not going to stay here. I told him I miss him and love him and want to see him. He said he can't wait to see all of us. I'm getting mixed feelings and don't know what to do or how to act when he comes home for his "visit". I just wish he would stay here until my son graduates and then we make the move together. My son said it's not fair, his senior year and then he's going in the army. He said he wants his dad here for his last year of school and before he leaves. I understand my husband has alot going on right now but does that mean he has to push us out of his life? We were there for him while things were really bad for him and now that he's better he just throws us to the side? Rehab has helped him get better for himself and help him make it into the world for him but has not help him face his responsibilities and the ones that were there and support him. It's like they have him in a bubble with protection and he has the tools to make it but only for him. NOT for us! I think he's afraid to be here because of what he was like here but don't shut out the ones who have supported you. It's really easy to support someone when they are sober. But they truly don't "know" him like we do. We have loved him unconditionally sober and not sober. The people there know what he's going through and I feel like I'm being punished for not ever have gone through it.