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want to get sober, advice needed

Old 12-08-2012, 11:42 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Exclamation want to get sober, advice needed

Hello All

I just joined this group today. Today I finally spoke to a friend and told her about my problem. I have been taking pills for 6-7 years, the last year I got in deep. I started taking adderall daily to get out of bed, xanax to sleep, and my tolerance to opiates has gone sky high.

Daily I am taking 60-90 mg of adderall
2-4 mg's of xanax
100-180 mg's of opiates (vicodin/ oxy)

I am an actress, and have had the most successful year of my life, and really can not pin point how I got to this place. I have finally admitted, and recognize I need help. My friend is a hypnotherapist along with having worked at rehabs with addicts. She has offered her help to me.

i am ready to change, I am so ashamed, and so embarrased. I have gotten to a point where I do not go out, I feel undeserving of anything. I have lied, stolen,and have gone completely broke from my pill use. I have gotten to a point the last month where I dont care if I wake up anymore.

I am a strong person, I have always been so "together", and can hide my problem well.

My reasoning for posting, I am thinking of trying suboxone. First things first I am going to cut my intake in half, i started today. I am not sure I can do it alone, my friend is going to help me, but I worry about when alone and get down of using and lying.

Any advice on how to stay strong, I am trying to remember what it feels like to feel, anything, feeling healthy, being in relationships, not living a lie, not feeling guilty and ashamed.

I appreciate it, and I look forward to getting sober.
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Old 12-09-2012, 01:07 AM
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I would suggest going to a twelve step program. There are many that cover drug abuse. I am a drug addict my self. I call myself a dumpster addict because if it got me high i used it, didnt care what it was or is. I personally go to AA meetings because they have people there who are also drunks and drug addicts, like myself. There they taught me about the strange mental blank spot and the insanity that comes before getting high. I dont know if you have a problem or not, the thing is no one can call you a drug addict but yourself. Drug addiction and Alcoholism is a self diagnosis disease. only you can diagnose yourself. And a 12 step program can help you diagnose yourself. And if you come to the conclusion that you have this disease, this 12 program can also offer you a solution, if you want it. If you dont thats ok too.

Best of luck.
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Old 12-09-2012, 02:13 AM
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Hi la, welcome to SR! This is a great place with lots of support and good information. Keep reading and posting.
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Old 12-09-2012, 08:10 AM
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Im a recovering addict who like u had a opiate and xanax problem i strongly recoomend u stay away from subxone and methadone alls it does is pro long ur use i tried both and they only fuled my abuse of other drugs. Cause i dont have a drug problem i have a me problem and i cant just take drugs away and be better try a 12 step program i go to aa and have neve been happier i been sober 2and a half years please give it a try stay away from matinence programs just my experince.
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Old 12-09-2012, 02:07 PM
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Thank you all for your replies. Vinny- what you said is true, I do have a ME problem, just cant quite figure it out yet. I am considering NA/AA meetings, I am just nervous to walk in. I am so ashamed of myself, but knowing so many other people have gone through this gives me hope. This weekend I have been cutting my opiate use, not only can I not afford it, but the time is now. Regarding Suboxone, I think I'm going to try my heart out to just get it out of my system, since I am on such a high dosage of opiates, I am scared

Am 5''8 and 110 lbs, not a big person to be taking up towards 200 mg of oxy/ vicodin a day. Yesterday I only took 60 mg's and felt awful, today nothing yet and it hurts to type.

With others experience, getting off more drugs than one, especially one being opiates, have you worked a program and done all at once? Or quitting drugs one by one?

@goatspider, i fortunetely do not have the taste for alcohol, it makes me sick, i'm sure on top of the drugs I already take, but i am not a drinker, but as you said, i will take just about anything that will get me high. I used to have a small cocaine problem, but now I have no interest in it, and nightlife in los angeles its everywhere, my drugs of choice are opiates, percs, oc's, Just talking about it makes me want to forget all this and just be high and happy.

I am going to look up meetings, thank you again for your kind responses and I appreciate any words of wisdom, advice, success stories because I could use them right now.
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Old 12-09-2012, 09:06 PM
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I was to the point it sounds like ur. For me I had to get into a 30 inpatient program. I wasn't strong enough to do just meeting. As far as being ashamed. I was ashamed of my actions while in active addiction. I'm not or never will be ashamed of getting help!!! By saying u need help and then going to get it you're saying ur strong and willing. Willing is the key. You have to be willing to suffer,work, and receive to get recovery. I know u can do it!!! Be strong!!! Your pal in recovery... Wes...
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Old 12-09-2012, 09:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Goatspider85 View Post
I would suggest going to a twelve step program. There are many that cover drug abuse. I am a drug addict my self. I call myself a dumpster addict because if it got me high i used it, didnt care what it was or is. I personally go to AA meetings because they have people there who are also drunks and drug addicts, like myself. There they taught me about the strange mental blank spot and the insanity that comes before getting high. I dont know if you have a problem or not, the thing is no one can call you a drug addict but yourself. Drug addiction and Alcoholism is a self diagnosis disease. only you can diagnose yourself. And a 12 step program can help you diagnose yourself. And if you come to the conclusion that you have this disease, this 12 program can also offer you a solution, if you want it. If you dont thats ok too.

Best of luck.
Thank you all for your replies. Vinny- what you said is true, I do have a ME problem, just cant quite figure it out yet. I am considering NA/AA meetings, I am just nervous to walk in. I am so ashamed of myself, but knowing so many other people have gone through this gives me hope. This weekend I have been cutting my opiate use, not only can I not afford it, but the time is now. Regarding Suboxone, I think I'm going to try my heart out to just get it out of my system, since I am on such a high dosage of opiates, I am scared

Am 5''8 and 110 lbs, not a big person to be taking up towards 200 mg of oxy/ vicodin a day. Yesterday I only took 60 mg's and felt awful, today nothing yet and it hurts to type.

With others experience, getting off more drugs than one, especially one being opiates, have you worked a program and done all at once? Or quitting drugs one by one?

@goatspider, i fortunetely do not have the taste for alcohol, it makes me sick, i'm sure on top of the drugs I already take, but i am not a drinker, but as you said, i will take just about anything that will get me high. I used to have a small cocaine problem, but now I have no interest in it, and nightlife in los angeles its everywhere, my drugs of choice are opiates, percs, oc's, Just talking about it makes me want to forget all this and just be high and happy.

I am going to look up meetings, thank you again for your kind responses and I appreciate any words of wisdom, advice, success stories because I could use them right now.
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Old 12-10-2012, 02:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Wesley423 View Post
I was to the point it sounds like ur. For me I had to get into a 30 inpatient program. I wasn't strong enough to do just meeting. As far as being ashamed. I was ashamed of my actions while in active addiction. I'm not or never will be ashamed of getting help!!! By saying u need help and then going to get it you're saying ur strong and willing. Willing is the key. You have to be willing to suffer,work, and receive to get recovery. I know u can do it!!! Be strong!!! Your pal in recovery... Wes...
Hey Wes,

Thank you for your reply. I am nervous I am not strong enough just for meetings, today I've taken 80 mg opiates, 15 mg adderall, which is less than half my usual dosage, at about 8 pm I could feel the sick, and ended up taking 40 mg (which made it 80 ttl) I also bought more vicodin tonight because the thought of tomorrow without was just too scary, and I have no idea how I'd get through the next few days, considering I have to be in front of a camera tomorrow I just could not fathom being sick. Even today on just 80 mg's I felt sick at points.

How did you get into the 30 day inpatient program? That is ideally the route i'd like to go, but it coming along with a 10000+ pricetag I have no way to do it.

I told my mother today (who is across the country), she was so calm and supportive, which is giving me extra motivation. She said she already knew, maybe Im not as great as hiding it as I thought.

Anyone in CA know of any state programs?
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Old 12-10-2012, 02:46 AM
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hi lahelpneeded,

Hope your feeling a bit more positive after reading replies. I'm 12 days into methadone detox and it was hellish.... do not go near methadone!! all it is is a legal drug, I went to a 6 week rehab about 10 years ago and although i didn't maintain my sobriety it gave me huge tools, understanding and insight about my addiction. it also gave me some breathing space away from temptation.

Keep reading and posting here it helps so so much in the early days to know you are not alone.
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Old 12-10-2012, 02:21 PM
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Hi lahelpneeded, how are you doing today? Like you, my oxy addiction was sky high--up to 500mg/day and I'm 5'6'' and 128lbs. It's amazing how our bodies can even handle this much drugs! I did decide to go the suboxone route because my use was so high and I used for many years. I know there are a lot of strong feelings about it on either side, but I will say if it's the only way you can envision stopping, then it's worth it.

Do you have a doctor or clinic that you can go to to talk with someone about coming off your drugs? I know you have to be very careful coming off of benzos. It might be good to work with someone who can help you do this safely.

There are lists of rehabs elsewhere on this site, check them out. And I know it's scary, actually terrifying, to walk into NA/AA meetings alone--could your friend go with you? Or go to a Speakers Meeting, they're listed, and then all attention is on the speaker and it doesn't feel as scary. Being in LA you should be able to find an all women's meeting or others that might feel like a better fit, too.

And keep on SR, it is truly a lifeline.
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