leopardlove

I have yet to talk to anyone about this other than my doctor for fear of being JUDGED. Just to give you a brief history I am 21 yrs old & have been taking painkillers regularly since i was 18. I lived with my gma from age 13 & when i was 18 i found out she was prescribed 20 mg OC's. I would steal her pills & got addicted fast. I love the relaxed sedated feeling i get from pills because naturally I am kind of high strung & i suffer from anxiety. When she stopped getting OC's (cus she was needing something not as strong she was a wreck from these pills) she was put on norco 1000's so i would only take those if i couldnt find anything stronger somewhere else, or to get past the withdrawals i would get the days between getting more pills. For the past year & a half I have been buying morphine from a friends mother. Fast forward to now...I have been with my bf for 2 yrs & he knows about me taking pain killers. He has always expressed how he 'doesn't get it' & hates that i do it. Well as of now I am 8 months pregnant. When i found out i was pregnant I was on 30mg morphine regularly so of course when i found out I stopped immediately & told my doctor EVERYTHING. at first she was strict on her policy that she doesnt prescribe methadone or suboxone but after talking with another doctor & realizing i was doing more harm to my unborn baby by quitting cold turkey she put me on subutex. ANSWER TO MY PRAYERS. This makes me feel like my old self. Able to get up...do things...be an overall pleasant person to be around. I am on 2mg a day. Well my problem is she wants me on them until the end of delivery. I felt awful & sometimes still do. I didn't plan on getting pregnant, but now that I am & i know i have a baby boy inside of me who never asked for this it breaks my heart. So i will be on the subutex until delivery. But now am so worried about the horrible withdrawals i am about to experience after giving birth. I know i am capable of being a great mother to my son...words can't explain how much I love this boy.. but i don't want me feeling ill from WD to affect the positive energy that he should be around. Maybe when i get to hold him & he's actually here I won't WD as bad as i think cus i will have so much going on with taking care of him...but then again what if i do? I just would like suggestions on where I should go from here. I have been fighting this addiction for so long I can't imagine what the normal sober ME is...can i ever be happy being sober again???? it seems so far away for me to imagine & eventually reach that goal. I want him to be proud of me..not ashamed. Please help me

suki44883

I don't have any experience with opiates; my problem was alcohol. I wanted to welcome you to SR though and tell you that I am glad you found us. I am glad to know that you are working with a doctor to get through this. As I'm sure you agree, your son is the most important factor in all of this.

I'm sure others with more knowledge will be along to help you. I just wanted to let you know that you have found a place of tremendous support and we're so glad you are here. Hang in there, and congratulations on the impending new arrival!

leopardlove

thank you suki

tbeit

I also wanted to congratulate you on your baby and that you talked to your Dr. about this. Many people are embaressed and wait till its to late to be properly medicated. Stay with your Dr. advise and be good to yourself your doing the right thiong

leopardlove

i didn't have a choice not to tell her. I am far from heartless & this being my first child i didn't know what damage i had already done. Thank God I have a healthy active son with no abdormalities but he will be here soon & i want him to be in a positive energy..not a mother who is sick/moody from being taken off of the subutex. I know i will be over the moon with him in my life, but the withdrawals aren't going to not come just because I have him now..

sophiamarie2007

I understand the power of opiate addiction-I also understand the power it can have over you when you are pregnant. You are smart to have told your doctor. I don't know about subtex withdrawl in newborns-but would guess their would be some withdrawl. I didn't tell my doctor I was addicted to opiates when I was pregnant. I didn't take them everyday-but would reward myself and take them for like 5 days a month, then nothing for the rest of the month (I know sick logic)-My kids were all born healthy, but looking back I think they all had some slight withdrawl. The first two were colicky and cried alot the first week-This may have just been there temperant-it may not have been. They are healthy, bright and well behaved now-So no long term damage was done (by the grace of God)-I don't know how you will feel after delivery-Post partum depression is something that always worried me.-But I was shot up with Demerol right after my delivery (C sections) and I became I worse junkie after each birth (something I would never admit to anyone in the outside world, but its the truth) So I can tell you that it will be hard after delivery going cold turkey.-I won't lie, having a newborn is the greatest joy and yet the greatest stress you may ever go through.

I am proud of you that you had the courage to tell you doctor and you are working closely with your doctor. Maybe your doctor will realize that your mental health-and physical health would benefit from staying on the subtex after the birth of your child.-I wish you strength and happiness-You will be a great Mom!

heyitsme

Hi Leopardlove!! Welcome to SR... Congrats on the pending birth of your baby boy! my understanding with Subtex is that you will not be taken off of it cold turkey after your delivery. Most docs, and any good doc will set up a taper plan for you to come off slowly.

I know, as a new mom, I was very overwhelmed, sleep deprived and really felt like I couldn't cope. I couldn't imagine going through the birth of a child, which is one of the most amazing things you will experience as well as exhausting. And dealing with w/d's at the same time. I would highly suggest that you talk to your doctor about what happens AFTER the birth, and how you are going to deal with coming off of the subtex. Think of it as part of your nesting phase. You need to get this worked out so you can focus on your babies arrival. I would also suggest that you choose your son's pediatrician and set up an appointment to talk to them. They will be in charge of your son's care after he enters this world. They will need to be in the loop of what is going on so he can be treated properly.

good luck to you, motherhood is an amazing, overwhelming ride and I wish you the best!

finaltime

Yes, what everyone else said!!! Please make sure you talk with your doctors, be honest about everything. I wasn't and regret it, but super thankful my daughter is healthy and just fine. The guilt and shame that follows not being honest is not worth it. They will wean you off, and make sure you don't go through hardcore withdrawals.

Hang in there, and congrats on your baby!!!!!!!!!!

lostgirl25

First Congrats on being honest with your doctor. This was the best thing you could have done for yourself and your baby. Since the doctor is aware of what is going on, I feel sure you and the baby will be weaned off and monitored closely. The joy of that baby will give you strength.