ThatGirl07

Going on 36 hours with no meds. I've been thru this twice before and never made it past day 7. I can't believe I'm back here again but I've got to stick with it. Roxys make me happy, energetic, up for anything. Then the last few days before I fill my script I have to cut back to almost no medicine so I can last to have some at my drs appt so my doc won't tell I'm sick. The last week of every month I'm evil, grumpy, no patients, not friendly. It's bad. I am taking so much now 120-180 mg of roxy a day and when I drop down to 30-45mg a day for the last week I am vile to be around. I'm an ass to my husband & family who normally count on me to help them do things like take my elderly grandma to the grocery store and help my dad out at his business then when I'm on a low dose of meds they all say I am not acting like myself. I hate hurting them & pissing off my husband. I don't even know why I start arguments with him, he's a really great husband. Right now my body aches and my brain is scheming but I am so done with the person I've become. It sucks too b/c I am shy and introverted always have been. But the pills make me this awesome, funny, exciting person. I know people are going to wonder what changed. But at least maybe I'll be nice to them again???? Thinking about it I don't even know myself on pills or why I do any of the things I've done lately. Like I was just testing to see how much I could get away with. Its bad, I was seeing how much I could get away with and my family and husband love me enough to never suspect a thing. My whole body hurts and I feel pretty sure I'm going to die. I've never had withdrawals from this high of a dosse and it's way worse than the last two times I went thru this ughhhhhh I hurt so bad!

Stride34

Hi ThatGirl,

Just remember that you only have to go through wd's once, and it passes, it ends. If you fight through this, then you'll never have to do it again. Then you're free of the hellish cycle. It sounds like you still have a lot of good things in your life and haven't suffered too many consequences, so be thankful that you are still alive and have your family, and quit while you're ahead. Make this the last time.

I've detoxed from much larger doses than you are, so know that it can done, and the rough stuff will pass in a matter of days. Some things you can do to make yourself more comfortable are really hot/shower baths, and taking Immodium AD. Other than that, try to relax as much as possible and listen to some good music, watch a movie ect. Know that the pain you are experiencing is your body mending, your brain is normalizing. Each minute you are clean your body is getting healthier and closer to getting back to a normal state.

You would also make things much easier on yourself, and increase your chances of staying clean, if you were honest with your husband and told him what was going on. Now, whether you want to do this or not is totally up to you, I don't know your situation, but generally it is highly advisable for many reasons. I know how extremely uncomfortable it is though, but it generally pays off significantly, once you both get past the initial discussion

Best of luck and keep us posted on your progress please.

Stride

Captain1

Trust me the pills don't make you great in anyway. I can remember feeling exactly like you describe. But in truth be people notice we are not clear, cranky, just out of it. But to us we can do more, talk more, overall better person in our eyes. When I got sober I was embarrassed about how people saw compared to what I felt. Know people say you are so much sharper, fun to be around, and my memory is coming back. Don't give in it's just it's way to try to make you take it.

Captain1

Also if you are really wanting to quit give him the pills. everything!

finaltime

I realize now that when I thought I was perfect and felt amazing on the pills, and if only I just had an unlimited supply of those things the world would be perfect. Well, sorry to say, it was all a facade. What comes up, must go down, and when I was out of them I was a mess. I missed so much time with my family because I was waiting at the doctor, or waiting for my dealer. When I was high, which was 90 percent of the time, I was not my real self. I could not have laugh, I was fake. I smoked too much because I was high. Yes, I got a lot done, but it was not real. You are feeling like all of us feel when we are going through withdrawals, 'if we only had some more pills, everything will be fine' But will it? What about when you run out again?

I had to come clean to my husband. I had too. He was angry, hurt, upset, but he supported me. He watched our baby while I laid in bed for days being sick. He was there for me. It made me feel so much better to have come clean, and have his support. He will support you. Also, if you tell him then you will be more likely to stay clean, since you will not want to let him down. I know you can do this. You are tired of feeling sick and tired. You know you are making more damage by staying on them, then by coming off of them.

Stay strong. Get through this. Cry, watch funny movies, cry more, sit in the bath, masterbate, whatever you need to get through these hard times.