AtomChick

Hi Georgia! Welcome! Flush anything you have. I can't remember what day I was on but I was looking through my makeup bag and sure enough I saw a pill. I'm an opiate lover too..... and I threw it down the sink so fast!!!! I was shocked to see it, and for a split second, wanted it but also knew one wouldn't do a thing for me.

I wish you the very best and please message anytime you need help. My story is here too if you look up my name. I pretty much documented each hour for the first few days..... and OMG was I sick.

Blessings!!!!

georgiagirl5

Hi Atomchick! They are gone! I got rid of them. I even called the doctor's office that was my primary source of getting them yesterday and told them I was an addict in recovery and that I am not ever to be prescribed them again. I needed to hold on to them for some reason the first few days (probably not a good idea for most!) but they are now gone. They took me to the lowest point of my life. Every time I think how they made me feel good, I am going to think about the end. Crying about how they had taken over my life. Worrying if I was going to die from Tylenol poisoning. Looking at Heath Ledger's autopsy and thinking wow, I had most of those substances in my body. So I will not think about the beginning, but the end one day at a time.

georgiagirl5

Hey All. Well, here I am, day 6. I am hanging in there and going to meetings. I feel so much better, but I have to say, I thought about pain meds this morning. I don't have them in the house any more, but I was just thinking about that nice little buzz they gave me IN THE BEGINNING. Every time I have that thought, I need to think about the end and the constant guilt, shame, sadness and know if I take one today I am on a path there again. So I am just going to keep doing what I have been doing which is one day at a time going to meetings and being HONEST. Honest for the first time in months, maybe years. And for me, pray, pray pray!

iamsecond

Good to know it tales a while to feel Betterbc I'm almost a month clean and have good days and bad days. I feel like nothing will ever feel good again. Like my receptors are burnt up.. I'm def still white knuckling it =[

georgiagirl5

Hi iamsecond, yes I do think there will be good and bad days for me. The beginning of today has been hard. The difference is how I responded to it. I started thinking that I would feel more relaxed, happy, etc if I had a pill. NO! Luckily, I had a list of people in the meeting I am going to. I started calling until I got someone. He has been sober since 1985. I stayed on the phone with him until that craving passed. He told me to eat some chocolate, which I did and it helped. It was probably not the chocolate, but me talking to him that helped the most, but hey whatever got me through it. The thing I know about this disease is that we have it forever, but we can decide how we treat it. My treatment for it is AA and for me that treatment worked until I stopped doing it. Then I got to go through hell again. But I will tell you from the first time it does get better. Not only better, but GREAT! I don't think those receptors are shot to hell forever. I know that a week ago I thought that there was no possible way, not a chance that I would be happy again without Norco. I see a small light and I am taking it and grabbing onto everything I can, because I am convinced that if I don't, I am going to die. That is how serious it is for me. I will be thinking of you, praying for you.

juliea

can totally identify with you georgiagirl. i deal with the same stuff. stay strong.

georgiagirl5

Hey all. Today was hard. I am glad I made it through another day sober. Just got back from a meeting. But I am not going to lie, it was a bad day with dealing with this disease. I am trying so hard not to get frustrated and give up. I know that I did this before with alcohol. I am trying to do it again now just with a different substance. I pray I make it! It is back to minute to minute. I have hope that tomorrow will be better. Thanks for all the support that has been directed my way. I think this website is awesome.

TheReader

Thinking of you today, Georgia Girl. Keep up the good fight, one day at a time, one moment at a time. It is the narrow path and is not easy. But, take it from an old-timer, it is worth it.
Sending prayers you way - from one Georgia girl to another.

georgiagirl5

Hi TheReader, thanks for the helpful post. Today was in between. Yesterday was bad, today in between, so tomorrow will be great I hope! One day at a time in this very, very early sobriety. I have 1 week sober tomorrow. Something to be happy about! I could not put even two days together sober for the longest time. So that is something to be happy about. One day at a time, another meeting tomorrow! Praying for all those still suffering from this disease.

georgiagirl5

Wow, watching the news about Auroura, CO (a place I have visited many times on business trips), and thinking about us drug addicts. I know for me the reason I used narcotics was to escape...escape sadness, boredom, etc. How on earth are these families ever going to escape losing children and family members? Makes my particular situation seem so much smaller. I am praying hard.

BrokenLilHorse

I am really proud of you GeorgiaGirl! I have a lot in common with your situation. I quit Meth 12 years ago but then started a Norco addiction that I am attempting to kick for the 2nd time. Today is day 7 for me. I couldnt agree more with your statements. Every time I think of using I remind myself that even IF I even get a euphoric feeling for an hour (and it is VERY unlikely since I had been using 30 Norco a day feeling nothing) the guilt and reality that would follow would never make it worth it. Opiate addiction just doesnt end well.
I was thinking what you said about the horrible events in Colorado. Did you hear that the shooter was on a bunch of Vicodin? I dont know about you, but I am typically an easy going individual with no propensity for violence, but on excessive amounts of Opiates for a long time, that changed. Just another reason to steer clear of that stuff.
You had the strength to kick alcohol for 9 years (which in my opinion is EXTREMELY difficult given it's social acceptance) so I know you can do this. Stay strong and know that I am right here with you. How are you feeling today??

georgiagirl5

Hi BrokenLilHorse, wow, I had no idea the shooter had been taking Vicodin. That is another sign from the universe that we are headed in the right direction getting off it. Yes, I do believe it changes/messes with your mind, but I don't believe that it changed mine forever. Right now I have a little over a week with no opiates...it was a really, really hard week. I had to go to meeting either online or in person every day and I have to keep that up. Because now the thoughts I am getting are "well....it really wasn't that bad...it was only six months....you need it, you are depressed." But it WAS that bad. My life had been taken over and I was bound to Norco. You know what? There is grief in this too. I am mourning the loss of Norco on some level, but something much, much better and more REAL is ahead for me. And for all of us. If we somehow, someway, can stay off this stuff one day at a time, never to be bound it again. Say strong, you won't be broken by this stuff anymore!!!

georgiagirl5

Oh yes, and in general I am a very happy go lucky person. But I could get short and almost nasty coming off of Norco!

BrokenLilHorse

Wow - I so feel you. Every time I endure a withdrawal I tell myself it really wasnt that bad. Now I am trying to remind myself that it wasnt even good when I was using! I just couldnt get a euphoria anymore. So why the hell was I continuing to use!?

Norco was my private little friend. I had it with me for my wedding, my engagement, for EVERYTHING - and as disgusted as I am to say that - I am still grieving its loss.

You are amazing. Keep up the great work!

georgiagirl5

Yup, Norco was my private little friend too. That particular drug was the one I wanted. And I was not getting the euphoria either at the end. But I still kept taking it. That is when I became bound to it. It was in control, not me. That is why I am trying to remember the end, not the beginning. And the truth is is that if I start it again I MAYBE have a day or two with euphoria and then I will be right back to where I was, at the bottom. It will rule my life. There is no way I can just take one. I will want more and more. And it is just not worth it, darn it.

I found an awesome sponsor today who has this in common with me--she is both a recovering alcoholic and addict. I have more time without alcohol than her, but heck, she has much more sobriety than me. She kept going to meetings and continuing with her program. I didn't.

I believe there is a better life waiting for us all if we can get out of the grip of these drugs. They lock you in and make you think your life can only be good and happy with them. At least that is what I thought. I truly don't think that at this moment.

One day at a time.

BrokenLilHorse

Congratulations on another day sober and for having such an amazing attitude. That is awesome that you found a sponsor you can relate to. I am opening up to the idea of joining NA, but I am not ready just yet. I am so proud of you for seeking help.

I cant tell you how much your words ring true to me. I am doing just as you are - remembering only the end because the euphoria that I had in the beginning just isnt there anymore.

Keep up the great work!

georgiagirl5

Hey there, I know it takes a while to warm up to the idea of NA. Obviously, I am somewhat religious (this is Georgia, LOL) but really, really I am telling you that NA is spiritual and not religious. I speak so highly of it because it got me off alcohol for good (well, AA). My husband has 16 years in AA--never drank again. He has a wonderful life. I hope for you that you will be able to gather up some strength to give it a try. At the very least, it makes you feel not alone. At the very best, it provides you with a serenity that absolutely nothing else can. That is what I want back. I had it once and I want it back. Anyway, will be sending some positive thoughts and energy your way brokenlilhorse!

BrokenLilHorse

Thank you so much for your prayers and wishes. I lost my mother to alcoholism and I spent a lot of time in Al-Anon as a kid. I think I lost my connection with God when she died and I have pushed him further away as I picked up an addiction of my own. But I know I need that more than ever now.

You are doing all the right things and seem so strong. I still dont think I could ever flush a pill or call my docs to cut me off (although that wasnt my primary source). You are doing everything right and I am really proud of you. I am going to counseling twice/week but I know that I need outside support and additional help.

I am so proud of you and your husband! If you can both overcome alcohol - you can overcome anything! Seriously, that is one substance I wouldn't want to mess with...its too readily available! Keep rocking!

georgiagirl5

Arrrgghh...ok well maybe someone else out there can identify. It has almost been two weeks since I took hydrocodone. I am trying to do all the right things, go to meetings, have a sponsor, told my doctors to cut me off, but right now, I really want a pill! I thought this would be gone by now! I just want one--just a little bit of escape. Oh this is hard. I know looking back at my posts that I have been getting stronger. I also know that it will not just be just one. But right now, in this moment, I want one. I don't want anything else besides hydrocodone. I will call my sponsor. I don't have access to any right now, and I never bought them from the street so that is not an option either (and not something I want to start anyway), but oh this moment is killing me!

Opio

Ya, I can definitely identify. When I was an active user I would have probably given up a limb if it would have meant that I didn't have to go through acute withdrawal. I figured that was all there was to it. I had been a slave for so long that I knew if I could just get through the first part it would be smooth sailing afterwards. When I heard from the old timers that "getting clean was easy and staying clean was hard" I knew that didn't apply to me.

For the first few weeks that was true and I HATED opiates for what I was going through. I regretted ever having taken them and I resented them every waking moment of life.

Eventually that gave way to a sense of loss, and I REALLY missed them. Part of me (the addict) said that I should go back and plan on being on them for life. I felt so guilty about not hating the opiates anymore and I was sick with myself for daydreaming about getting high again.

Cravings, at least in my case, were largely involuntary. They would just come on out of no where and stick with me for such a long time. However, I did make the choice not to act on the cravings. Looking back on it, I don't feel guilty about having them. Cravings are going to come, but how we choose to react to the craving is what matters.