heyitsme

I have been on and off this site since November. My last real attempt at recovery lasted for over 2 months... and I felt fantastic!! I can call for slow slide back into hell though. Of course I had severe back pain, shooting down my leg - so back I went to my dr, I justified it, I WAS IN PAIN!! The plan was to take them just as prescribed, and stopped when the pain stopped. I was able to stop for two weeks... I had a trip to Hawaii, and didn't want to worry about how many pills I had while I was there, and what I would do if I ran out while on vacation. Going away... was the best thing that I have ever done to make it through that first week of w/d's. I was in paradise, with my best friends. I didn't leave much time to worry about how crappy I felt. And I was fine... I enjoyed my vaca, and didn't even think about the pills. Of course, I come back to reality, and then the withdrawls kick in. And the pain. The pain is borderline unbearable. I feel like I spend the majority of my time being in a ton of pain (side note, I had an MRI that confirmed a bulging disc pushing on my nerve) so the pain is constant and it feels like it is taking over my life. Either the pain or the pills will.

So here I sit... In pain, can't stop thinking about the pain, can't find a comfortable place to sit, lay or just be the alleviates it, just a little. Who else has this problem. Legitimit pain, but they can't control their pain pill consumption when they do have them on hand?

I need help... This roller coaster... this high of having the pill and having no pain. The lows that I took them all too quick... so now I am back to day one. I have been through this w/d thing so many times. I know what to expect. But I just want it all to stop. No pills, no pain... I just feel stuck in this vicious cycle that won't let me out of it grips.

Advice, words of encouragement... anything. Please make this day 1, my last day 1. I am so sick and tired of dealing with this!!

Chrisy

I am sorry you have to go through this. It was my life until just over a month ago, when I decided to get off all the opiate pain pills I was given since 98 when they first said I had Fibro, when I really have a neck/shoulder injury.

Yes, I believed my choice was pain or pain pills. Now that I have been clean I would rather deal with the pain then be on these drugs that sucked the life out of me. There are holistic avenues I want to try in dealing with the pain.

Only you can decide what is best for you. We are here to support you if you decide to choose a more holistic and sober path to recovery.

Love and Blessings
Chrisy

heyitsme

Thanks for the advice Chrisy. I know that I have a choice take this pills or don't. And learn to live with the pain if i don't take this pills. But like I said, the pain is the ONLY thing I can think about. It hurts to do anything, including keeping up with my 3 year old son.

I am going to look into alternatives to Western medicine. Instead of popping a pill... I would like to try massage and going to see a chiropractor. On honestly don't want to sound like a whinner, which is where I feel like I am headed. I guess I just want that instant gratification. Pain be gone, pill addicition be gone... I just know that something has to change!!!

FMTT

Is it possible for you to explore a surgical remedy for the back problem? I've been able to avoid that so far but your life draining pain may leave you with limited options since the soul sucking pills don't seem to be effective enough. Then again if surgery is not possible for you and if you don't mind being chemically dependent on meds, there are powerful continuous release pain medications available that would prolly numb an elephant. But there are those tolerance and "dead inside" issues that many like me can attest to if you decide to try that option. Good luck and strength in your endeavors.

FredG

It would seem to me that in today's age of medical marvels, that there is an alternative to pill dominated pain control for your situation. Surgery certainly seems like an option. Might be an idea to do some online research into what's out there as solutions for your bulging disc issue.

I've only been in pain on that level once, and then only for a few days when I went commercial ice fishing with a friend of my dads several decades ago. Froze my feet as solid as one of the pork chops in your freezer and didn't even have an aspirin for pain control when they started to thaw. We were way out in the boonies and I couldn't get into a hospital for a couple days. The doctor was amazed that I had been able to put up with the pain, but I didn't have a choice. Kept my feet too.

Pills for pain control is OK but only on a short term basis. Even then I have a real issue with any medication now that dulls my mind. Getting older does an good enough job of that. I know it's hard but don't let the pain or the pills control your life. I can only imagine what you're going through, but you're not doing it alone. I hope you find a solution other than the pills. If I can help, you have but to ask

heyitsme

[QUOTE=FMTT;3430871]Is it possible for you to explore a surgical remedy for the back problem?QUOTE]

I had back surgery when I was 18 for a herniated disc that was pushing on my sciatic nerve. I dealt with that pain for 9 months before I had the surgery. Though, the pain that time didn't seem to be all consuming. Maybe that had something to do with being younger and in my senior year of highschool. Too much to do to dwell on how crappy I felt. I was find for years, then I got pregnant... and after I had my son, the pain started back up again. According to my doctor, the type of surgery that they did at that time was to remove the disc and then fuse the vertabrae together. This works for awhile, but now they are finding that people that have had this surgery come back in 7-10 years later with more back pain. Your other disc over compensate, and now we are back at square one. They are in the beginning staging of making a prothestic disc to put in, when they take out the bad one. But that is years away and still in medical trials.

My doctor says my bulging disc is not 'severe' enough to warrant surgery at this time. So she just wants to do pain management. The only thing with that, is she is weening me down off my meds, without evening asking how my pain level is doing!!

I honestly feel stuck... beyond stuck... and I just don' know what to do.

FredG

I'm certainly not saying that this is the case, but maybe, just maybe, your doctor is seeing something that you're not. Is there a possibility, however slight, that you're addiction is fooling your body into believing the pain is worse than it is. I know that this sort of thing does happen from time to time. It MOST CERTAINLY does not make the pain any less real or any less intense, but if this is the case, and if you recognize that the pain is a part of the addiction, then maybe you can titrate down on the meds and still manage the pain

heyitsme

I completly understand what you are sayin. The mind tricks body and makes you believe that you are in pain. Believe me, I really, really, really with this was the case. The bulging disc is pushing a nerve and causing me agony!! If I did all these tests, and they couldn't find out the problem to my back... I would definately been thinking the same thing. But, alas... that is not the case with me. I am not way justifying taking the pills because I want too. I wasnt OFF OF THEM SO BAD!!! but I can't function pain wise without them.

Like I said before, I wan't no more pain and no more pian pill!!! Stuck, stuck, stuck...

skinnywater

I hear your pain and understand all to well. I just got off the pills and had neck fusion surgery a year ago. I can handle the neck pain with different methods, message helps a lot although o coverage for that, ice helps some with a lot of stretching. The thing that keeps killing me is now after my surgery I get massive headaches comparable to migraines that stop me dead. Had to quit my job and find a new profession because they are so bad. The sad thing is I want to try a holistic dr. but insurance won't cover it. It sure is a crappy way to be. Don't want the pills but can't function with the headache pain. Hang in there there has to be an answer out there somewhere.

heyitsme

Thank you everyone for your replys!! I made an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow. There has to be an alternative solution then just popping pills to mask the pain. I am so tired of doing that! I want the problem fixed, not to just cover it up. I am going to see if she can give me a non-narcotic pain reliever and at least try that. If not, I believe that I will need to see a specialist. Insurance or no insurance. I refuse to live my life in constant agony.

I'll keep you guys posted, hopefully we can work out a solution to this problem!!