Starting Over
Black and Yellow
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,359
Starting Over
Day 1.
Went to the town where I used to live for a visit and ended up using again.
I almost had 2 years too, what a dumb a$$ I am.
I am now back home and starting over. I am not going to let a relapse take me back to where I was before. Life is too good when I'm clean to let that happen.
I am going to see if there are any alternatives to NA in my area. NA did help me a lot but I want to explore my options.
I will never let go of my original 'clean date' because that was the day my life changed. That was a day I will never forget.
Thanks for 'listening'.
Went to the town where I used to live for a visit and ended up using again.
I almost had 2 years too, what a dumb a$$ I am.
I am now back home and starting over. I am not going to let a relapse take me back to where I was before. Life is too good when I'm clean to let that happen.
I am going to see if there are any alternatives to NA in my area. NA did help me a lot but I want to explore my options.
I will never let go of my original 'clean date' because that was the day my life changed. That was a day I will never forget.
Thanks for 'listening'.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,242
Now that u have the knowledge
about sobriety and recovery u
can now share it with the new
comers.
Your experiences, strengths and
hopes....courage and wisdom is
ur own story.
Many newcomers walking thru
the doors today will be listening
to you as u share what it was
like for u before, during and after
drinking or using.
They are gonna want to know what
happened to u and how did u make
it back in.
U can share with them that alcohol
and drugs is still alive and well
and hasnt changed a bit. It is still
kickin butt big time. Destroying
lives along the way.
You had a taste of recovery and it
like ive heard many times, definitely
messes up ones drinking or using
carrer. Doesnt it?
Now go out and spread the word.
about sobriety and recovery u
can now share it with the new
comers.
Your experiences, strengths and
hopes....courage and wisdom is
ur own story.
Many newcomers walking thru
the doors today will be listening
to you as u share what it was
like for u before, during and after
drinking or using.
They are gonna want to know what
happened to u and how did u make
it back in.
U can share with them that alcohol
and drugs is still alive and well
and hasnt changed a bit. It is still
kickin butt big time. Destroying
lives along the way.
You had a taste of recovery and it
like ive heard many times, definitely
messes up ones drinking or using
carrer. Doesnt it?
Now go out and spread the word.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((slvmag))) - welcome back, sweetie!! I know how bad a relapse feels after a good bit of clean time. Mine was pretty bad and it's when I finally realized "I just can't DO this any more".
I had been to AA before (I just clicked with people there more than NA in the town I lived in) and I don't go to meetings now, but I use what I learned there, every day. I'm not saying don't' go to meetings...just find what works best for you. I rely on SR a LOT, have made some very good friends here, and I e-mail them throughout the day and night, it seems like a million times. Also have a few f2f people. If what I'm doing stops working, I know where meetings are around here (I live in a different town, now) and I won't hesitate to get to a meeting.
You know what to do, you know where you don't want to be (back in that life), so forward you go
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I had been to AA before (I just clicked with people there more than NA in the town I lived in) and I don't go to meetings now, but I use what I learned there, every day. I'm not saying don't' go to meetings...just find what works best for you. I rely on SR a LOT, have made some very good friends here, and I e-mail them throughout the day and night, it seems like a million times. Also have a few f2f people. If what I'm doing stops working, I know where meetings are around here (I live in a different town, now) and I won't hesitate to get to a meeting.
You know what to do, you know where you don't want to be (back in that life), so forward you go
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Finally Honest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 301
slvrmag,
Just remember you only truly fail when you give up and stop trying! I have relapsed more times than I can remember, usually very brief but enough to change my clean date! Glad you are back don't stay down if you are that's where this disease wants us to stay! Stay positive one day at a time.
Just remember you only truly fail when you give up and stop trying! I have relapsed more times than I can remember, usually very brief but enough to change my clean date! Glad you are back don't stay down if you are that's where this disease wants us to stay! Stay positive one day at a time.
Black and Yellow
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,359
Originally Posted by aasharon90 
Now that u have the knowledge
about sobriety and recovery u
can now share it with the new
comers.
:
about sobriety and recovery u
can now share it with the new
comers.
:
I hope I can help someone, I realize I wasn't missing a thing (out there) during my sobriety.
Originally Posted by Missybuns
If you don't mind me asking, did you work through all the steps of NA?
I made it to step 4 a long time ago, but no further.
I'm not really ready to talk about it in detail yet. I'm just glad I'm not staying 'out there' because it's all the same game in that world.
Not a happy place, that's for sure.
Do or do not. There is no try.
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path" -Its an AA thing but the same goes for NA. I would stick with what works, it obviously worked for you for nearly 2 years, this time consider putting more effort into finishing and living the steps.
Good luck, and I commend you for not letting it slip into a full blown sh*t show, but you are probably far from out of the woods, dont underestimate this disease. Take action now.
Good luck, and I commend you for not letting it slip into a full blown sh*t show, but you are probably far from out of the woods, dont underestimate this disease. Take action now.
Black and Yellow
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,359
Originally Posted by stugotz
I am a one hundred percent drug addict. And wouldnt be sober today if it wasnt for God and AA. Try it.
I have tried NA and it taught me many great things.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Merritt Island, Fl
Posts: 1,164
Originally Posted by SlvrMag
I didn't relapse because "God" or a program failed me. I relapsed because I did dope.
I have tried NA and it taught me many great things.
I have tried NA and it taught me many great things.
Big Idiot Man Child
Join Date: May 2004
Location: La
Posts: 5,664
I started out with 12 Steps and was too dumb to understand all the "higher power / spirituality / god / religious" stuff so I had to make my own simple 2 Step program relying on my own willpower. No hocus pocus, no religious stuff, just plain ole behavior modification....you know, like the scientists do and stuff.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dayton, OH.
Posts: 879
Hi SlvrMag! I am so glad you made it back!
Try not to be too hard on yourself, but I also understand. If I were in the same position, I would probably be really down on me too. I've got 15 months clean and I love the crack. Man, I was actually thinking today, as we're watching Movies in Criminal Justice, what IF I became a cop and busted a crack dealer or another crack addict. AND I pulled crack out of their pockets/pants/whatever. COULDI handle that??? Oh boy. It's a loaded (pun intended) question that I can honestly say AS LONG as the cameras were rolling, I'd do the right thing (make sure I got the perp in the front of the vehicle, right?), but if no one but me and the perp were there, I have to be honest with myself. It's free, to me, crack. And who is gonna tell? Right. I'd let him or her go and smoke away. I know I would. Good thing I've still got a LOT of school time left and I have no desire to become a cop. But the thing is honesty. I am being honest with myself. I could not handle that part of the job. Nope.
And as long as you are honest with yourself, I think you will find what you need in order to stay clean. And I think you are completely correct. No HP or program failed you or caused you to relapse. They never do. We only fail ourselves. We made that decision. How many times I relapsed. I have no idea... But the point is to get honest, keep trying, be GRATEFUL we made it back, and keep working. Not just a program. It works for some and I thoroughly enjoyed NA (and still do from time to time), but some people can do different things and NA or AA just isn't what is doing it for them. I love to say NA got me started and is my back-up. SR, my flesh and blood family, and my true friends are my main reasons.
When I think of using, I think of ALL the things I stand to lose and ALL the people whom I will hurt. Then I look back to the LAST relapse I had and remember every detail vividly and what the conclusion of it was. I hate remembering it so well BUT it reminds me that I cannot do it. I just cannot. I don't want to.
And with Criminal Justice as my career, my ENTIRE life depends on not doing it. Period. I was lucky not to have ever gotten arrested and convicted, but then I didn't have much to lose. Now I do. It helps to keep me clean.
Maybe, and this is just a suggestion, try writing a list of things you are grateful for. You'd be surprised how much that list will appear to be more like a list of reasons why we should not use drugs.
And I love Windy's simple plan too. Windy, you should really write it down for us.
Try not to be too hard on yourself, but I also understand. If I were in the same position, I would probably be really down on me too. I've got 15 months clean and I love the crack. Man, I was actually thinking today, as we're watching Movies in Criminal Justice, what IF I became a cop and busted a crack dealer or another crack addict. AND I pulled crack out of their pockets/pants/whatever. COULDI handle that??? Oh boy. It's a loaded (pun intended) question that I can honestly say AS LONG as the cameras were rolling, I'd do the right thing (make sure I got the perp in the front of the vehicle, right?), but if no one but me and the perp were there, I have to be honest with myself. It's free, to me, crack. And who is gonna tell? Right. I'd let him or her go and smoke away. I know I would. Good thing I've still got a LOT of school time left and I have no desire to become a cop. But the thing is honesty. I am being honest with myself. I could not handle that part of the job. Nope.
And as long as you are honest with yourself, I think you will find what you need in order to stay clean. And I think you are completely correct. No HP or program failed you or caused you to relapse. They never do. We only fail ourselves. We made that decision. How many times I relapsed. I have no idea... But the point is to get honest, keep trying, be GRATEFUL we made it back, and keep working. Not just a program. It works for some and I thoroughly enjoyed NA (and still do from time to time), but some people can do different things and NA or AA just isn't what is doing it for them. I love to say NA got me started and is my back-up. SR, my flesh and blood family, and my true friends are my main reasons.
When I think of using, I think of ALL the things I stand to lose and ALL the people whom I will hurt. Then I look back to the LAST relapse I had and remember every detail vividly and what the conclusion of it was. I hate remembering it so well BUT it reminds me that I cannot do it. I just cannot. I don't want to.
And with Criminal Justice as my career, my ENTIRE life depends on not doing it. Period. I was lucky not to have ever gotten arrested and convicted, but then I didn't have much to lose. Now I do. It helps to keep me clean.
Maybe, and this is just a suggestion, try writing a list of things you are grateful for. You'd be surprised how much that list will appear to be more like a list of reasons why we should not use drugs.
And I love Windy's simple plan too. Windy, you should really write it down for us.
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