larrylive

Tennladybb,

I don't know why you asked and I only hope the answers are of some benefit to you or others. I for one can relate to what is happening here. And I really think that should someone have a problem with what ever the discussion is about-just CLICK away.
We do not have to understand why a person asks a question, ours is only to be of help.
Larrylive

windysan

i made good money with my work. i still do but i save it and buy things other than goobers.

ex D-Boy

pretty standard for me : In a fraternity full of rich kids spending their parents money. Fed my habit and lifestyle by selling party drugs (pot , coke, benzos) to all the underclassmen. Once I moved down to florida for my first 'stint' at sobriety I supported my habit by clinging onto co-dependent girls and draining them of any and every financial asset they had, then moving onto a new one.

To tiredofdrugs : Your right, Im not proud of what I did to prolong my addiction, but, I did it and must own it. I understand you are very new to sobriety (opiates was my DOC as well) just try and stay focused on yourself for this time being. ~~ Scott

tennladybb

Thank you everyone for your posts! I really didnt mean for this to turn into a negative thing, I am grateful that most people see that. I was immediately offended, however, to the sub reference and i knew that more than one of you would be, too.

"It immediately sends recovering addicts or ones considering it into their thoughts of how the drugs were obtained and can hurt someone's sobriety."

that quote, in particular, stood out after i reread the post. How can you automatically assume what will or wont happen upon reading this thread? I juar dont see how you KNOW it will "immediately" hurt someones sobriety. I apologize for sounding argumentative, I just reread and felt I had to respond to that particular thing.

Again, I did NOT mean for this to be any type of an argument. I just felt like I needed to address that. I am sure what you posted is what you felt as soon as you read the thread, and for that I am truly sorry. I really would never want to hurt anyone on here, or to cause them any bad feelings. I just think that my original post was just not meant to be hurtful, or ignorant, or cold. I hope that people realize that.

tennladybb

Windy, LMAO@ goobers.. is that what you called them?

gunslinger

You might be on a high from feeling good on your subs

Very Negative. Very Hurtful. Downright Rude.

Please be considerate and charitable to your fellow posters. Filter yourself.

windysan

goobers. it's an old reference.

tyler

My personal opinion is that if someone's "sobriety" can be hurt by reading posts here, 1) Perhaps they should aviod topics that would seem like a trigger, and 2) I would take a serious look at your recovery "program", whatever it may be. That's just my opinion.

To answer the question the OP asked. Pretty much like everyone else. I "borrowed" money from my parents, my wife's parents (never paid back of course). I took out many credit cards and charged cash advances to them. I moved back in with my parents and instead of letting it be an opportunity to repair my life, I let it be another way to allow me to continue using. If anyone left their bag lying around me, you could be sure it would be a little lighter when you came back. Eventually I started selling stuff.

As for how it has improved...I have almost finished paying off my credit cards. (That would be the second one's I took out after my bankruptcy wiped out my original debt.) I've yet to start paying back my parents, and still live with them, but am no longer activaly using. The only possible way I can pay them back is by being the child who personally sees to them as they get older. That will be my role. I've begun to buy a few things for myself, a new computer to replace the one that crashed, a new TV off ebay, I'm able to afford to do things for my son and ex wife I wasn't able to do before, I don't worry about being able to pay my bills because I can hold down a decent job. My life has completely turned around over the last year. I only wish it hadn't taken so long and cost so much, and I'm not even speaking of the money, I can always make more of that. The time lost, the relationships lost and damaged, the harm done to everyone, including myself. That all is the true cost. Money comes and goes, but the other things we can't get back. Take care.

Tiredofdrugs

Hi everyone:

I am woman enough to know when I'm wrong in one of my postings. I'm also woman enough to say; "I'm sorry" to anyone I've offended with my message.

I've sent Tennladybb a PM explaining to her why I wrote the message and why it came out the way it did. I'm being put under a very stressful situation right now involving a family member. I was tired and in a foul mood when I wrote the message. I'll leave it at that.

When I referenced her sub high, it was supposed to be said as; "The high we get from feeling good being clean". When I referenced making us think of our ways of getting our drugs; "My mind went into a whirlwind of memories on just exactly how I use to get my pills". Using the balls statement? Well, I've been a Tomboy for 50 years and spent 22 years in combat boots in the Army. My mouth gets ahead of my thinking process at times. This is me and I hope it explains a little more of why I come off the way I do in some of my postings. I'm dealing with multiple injuries and my mind gets a little twisted to boot since I'm no longer taking opiates to fend off the pain.

I was tired and in a pretty foul mood when I posted the message. I told Tennladybb I shouldn't have done it.

To all: Please accept my apology?

change4penny

Tiredofdrugs....Forgiven....and I'm sorry you're going through a hard time. I know what you mean, I've been there and yes, I've lashed out sometimes....even here on SR. We just have to remember that we're on this site to support one another and we all have a very important life saving goal....STAYING CLEAN.

God Bless...Hope you have a great day,

Penny

tyler

ToD, I would imagine just about everyone who has been on this board at any length of time has posted things that they wish they could take back, I know I have, many times. What we all go through is tough stuff and it's easy to lash out at others. Oftentimes you may have a valid point, but express it in a way that offends others.

IMOP the only apology you owe anyone is the OP, and you've allready done that. You're cool with me...for what that's worth!! LOL Anyway, stick around, the folks here have big hearts and are very forgiving, becuause they understand. Hope you are doing better. Take care.

gunslinger

ToD-- Very courageous. Very sincere.

I admire you and your humility. You could have continued where nothing good would have come; instead, we have witness apology and reconcilliation--very rare indeed!

Thanks,
Guns/Mark

Marshgirl

ToD - For some bizarre emotional reason I got tears in my eyes. Ok, getting back together. A hard step I do not know if I could have done. Reconciliation of my relationships has been my hardest step here. Kudos.

Thank you for serving our country!!!!!

AlonebutHopeful

Thank you Tired. It means a lot to me what you wrote. It has taught me a a lot. It took me a long time to feel comfortable on this board, and I felt like the minute I did, things turned bad. But, those are deeper issues I think. Anyway, thank you. It means a great deal to me personally.

tennladybb

Wow, it takes a really really big person to apologize and of course I accept. I probably got a little defensive and for that I am sorry, too. I am so so sorry you are going through such a rough time... I have a MILLION ZILLION times posted on here what I shouldnt have, so no worries over that.. Your PM apology was also very sincere very heartfelt and brought tears to my eyes as well. It just takes such a great person to apologize, and I am very grateful to you... I hope and pray things look up for you, and will be here if ever you should needme or just need to talk?

CONGRATS on all your clean time!!! You are doing amazing!!!

And COLD TURKEY!! You are a stronger woman than I am, i just never could do it..

And again, to ANYone that I may have upset, I sincerely apologize and thanks also to everyone who has posted!!!!

Tiredofdrugs

Thanks all for the understanding. I just hate taking my crap out on other people and then later realize I shouldn't have done it. But as a clean recovering addict, it happens with me.

The family issue I'm dealing with is this: My 46 yr old sister is going thru a divorce. She's been married for 15 years. She's moving in with us. We are having to clean out rooms, closets, chicken areas and a barn to get her relocated into our house. I was hoping to have a slower time period, (with all my injuries and newly recovery time) to get this all accomplished. But now I've been thrown into a time warp of getting it done. In addition to this. I'm having to help her pack and get ready to move. Yawl can imagine how much stuff she has collected over the years. Lordy, lordy is all I have to say. Many years ago, I use to work for U-haul as a packer. So that's why I got the packing job. Somebody better have a hand dolly ready to move them is what I'm thinking.

I mentioned I served 22 years in the Army. Well I'm also a 80% disabled Veteran. So this will give you some more info on my injured body I'm working with to get the job(s) done w/o the opiates. But I'm here to tell ALL. The pain meds only make you think you feel good mentally. It doesn't get rid of the pain. I use menthol rubs on my back and a stretchy thingy around my lower back to keep it stable and in place. These two things work wonders. And I know if I take an opiate pill. One would never be enough. I'd get hooked back on them again and I'd rather just go sit in a corner and cry for awhile before I go back to that dark fuzzy world again.

So please say a prayer for me, cross your fingers and give me the thumbs up from around the world to get all this work accomplished. Thanks.

tennladybb

I wanted to mention, Tired, that I have a horrible time with my neck (turning my head side to side,etc) and my lower back.. Surgeries that got me started with opiates in the first place. I get lidocaine shots, and it works WONDERS!!!! they also have lidocaine patches, its all non narcotic and maybe worth asking your doc about/. I am saying a prayer for you, and hoping that things go well for you!!! You deserve it! Thank you so much for serving our country! Were you awarded the purple heart? or was it an injury incurred afterwards? In any case, God Bless You for serving!!!!!

Tiredofdrugs

I wanted to mention, Tired, that I have a horrible time with my neck (turning my head side to side,etc) and my lower back.. Surgeries that got me started with opiates in the first place. I get lidocaine shots, and it works WONDERS!!!! they also have lidocaine patches, its all non narcotic and maybe worth asking your doc about/. I am saying a prayer for you, and hoping that things go well for you!!! You deserve it! Thank you so much for serving our country! Were you awarded the purple heart? or was it an injury incurred afterwards? In any case, God Bless You for serving!!!!!

Here's the horrible list in a nut shell. Injured both ankles, (R) knee injury, (R) shoulder injury, Fractured L 1,2,3 vertrabrae's when I was 16. After 22 years in the Army with the pushups, situps and running two miles it only aggravated this injury. Then I seriously reinjured the same place in my back in Nov 97' while on active duty. As well as my uterus, and ovaries. So a year later, I had a complete hysterectomy. Then in May 09' the VAH gave me the Prolotherapy treatment in my back. This procedure purposely reinjures the muscles and cells in your back to trick your mind and body into starting the healing process all over again. ONLY it didn't work for me. I didn't know this is what they were doing to me when I got the injections, because I would not have gone this route. So! Ten months later, I'm still dealing with the effects of this injection. I had three months clean off the opiates from my hysterctomy surgery at the time of this injection. Three days after this injection I had to go back on the opiates due to the pain was so painful. I got frostbite on both of my hands and feet. I inhaled a ton of loose dirt dust while riding in the back of deuce and a half, so I have difficulty breathing in humid/hot weather. I have to avoid the sun due to too much time in it. I've had several surgries to remove skin cancer. Blonde hair, blue eyes and fair complexion doesn't do well in the sun. And my restless legs syndrome only got worse with all the activity in the Army.

But when they told me I was being medically discharged, I cried all the way off post. I was a very didicated soldier and loved the comradship I had with my fellow soldiers. The military is so different from the cilvian world when it comes to fellowship.

I've had the lidocaine injections. They help for about three days. I'm doing the acupunture treatments now. I have to put on three lidocain patches at a time when I use them. They only numb the top layer of my skin. They don't go deep enough to kill the pain that started with the prolotherapy injections. I take "Replenex Tablets" I get from the Melalueca company. These work wonders on all the other aches and pains I have. The Melalueca company also has a cream I get to rub on my back. This works better than the patches.

I asked the doctor how long the injection medicine was going to last? He didn't have an answer. So I'm on trial and error at this point. I have a whirlpool. But the problem is: we pay for our water and there's no way to keep the water heated once we are done using the whirlpool. I might have to start eating the water bill just to get some relief while I'm doing all this extra labor. If it isn't one problem it's another.

Oh Yeah! Let's not forget I still have our 22 animals I'm taking care of daily on top of all this other fun stuff I'm doing. My husband and I call them our kids in feather suits. My Avatar is what they are. I'm glad we have them though. My husband got laid off in May of 09'. I'm retired. So it keeps us moving every day. Never a dull moment around here. I'd really get stiff and sore if I just sat around with nothing to do. They each have a name and we can tell each one apart. And believe it or not. They each know their name and when they are being spoken to. Don't ever think chickens are just a dumb yard bird. They are the furthest thing from it. A silkies one goal in life is to set and raise babies. So they get fake eggs to set on when they go into set mode. When they get tired of setting then we put them back into the population with the rest of them. They are all separated into separate pens crates though. There is thing called; "The pecking order". Yep! It's so true. They will continuously fight and then I have bloody chickens to wash. Oh the pain in my back from standing at the sink for too long. So I avoid this problem at all cost!!

Okay! Not related to your post, but just wanted to share the info.

pinkgurl87

When I ran out of money I stole some and well I had sex for drugs. I ended up stopping using because I hated the sex for drugs thing and that wasn't really me, so it helped me clean up. I think the lack of money that I could get helped me stop.

HeyPretty

My main cash source was selling stuff..I've always been a packrat, so I just unloaded everything.. no matter what sentimental value it had. If I was jonesin', it had to go.

Oh, but there was one incident that sticks out in my mind:


I got on the Price is Right and racked up a few hundred dollars in prizes.
The whole time I was on stage, all I could think about was the resale value of the crap I was winning.


Sure enough, I turned around and sold it all.. and scored a boatload of roxys.

i did keep my stick-on nametag from that day for nostalgia, though.


I cant make this stuff up.