SugarScars

hey, everybody,

it's good to see the boards are still active and that a lot of the same folks are around. hope everybody's doing good. my suboxone clean date is november 24 - my oxycontin clean date was may 30, 2008. i'm coming up on two years off of the opiates, one and half years off of the cigarettes, and i just passed the three-month mark for suboxone. i am officially NOT physically dependent on a single substance for the first time in my adult life. it feels crazy. i'm not even dependent on caffeine right now. sometimes i can't believe the progress i've made. of course, it took years of getting my head re-screwed on - and correctly. lots of patience and endurance required.

so my big thing right now is working on my self-discipline - i've been going to the gym regularly, but i'm over-eating. i've put on 15 lbs. since quitting suboxone. and not good weight, either. sure, some of it's muscle, but a lot of it is just fat.

my goal is to start going to the gym a minimum of four days per week. not always an easy task. i work an average of 50 hours per week and i have an active social life.

i feel like if i can't master the art of moderation and self-discipline, then i'm doomed to just end up relapsing. baby steps, i know. but even so, i know that it's critical that i keep improving myself.

you can only stagnate for so long before you start going back down.

of course, right now i'm in the propulsion phase. i'm definitely going up. and i want to keep it that way.

anyway, just thought i'd share. feel free to share any advice, thoughts, opinions or experiences. particularly in relation to how you keep your body fit and healthy. that's the big thing for me right now. i'm doing pretty awesome otherwise.

thanks and take it easy!

SS

change4penny

Sugarscars, wow, what an inspiration you are! I'm a recovering opiate/cocaine addict, 17 months clean. Before rehab, I was swallowing 30, 10mg tabs of hydro or oxycodones each day plus, snorting/smoking $150-300 worth of coke along with it. I became addicted to the pain pills after an accident more than ten year ago. Became involved hardcore with cocaine the last four years before rehab.
I'm currently tapering the suboxone...I feel I'm ready...next on my list...cigarettes!

Any advice on how you tapered the subs, how you felt, etc. would be much appreciated.

Congratulations again...you're awesome

Penny

Dee74

Welcome back

D

Shellslove

Thanks for posting! Your story is def. an inspiration! So awesome that you're doing so well!!! I wouldn't beat myself up over the weight thing...sounds like you have overcome ALOT and I bet that things will level out for you. Would you mind sharing how long you were on the Suboxone therapy for and at what dosage you stepped off and your experience with that?

Congratulations on your successes!!!!!!!!!!

bugsmum

hi SS,

I'm so happy to see you checking in. We've chatted a few times in the past on the suboxone/methadone board and I was always struck by your concivtion and resolve. I remember that you, as well as your doctor were determined to make you a sub success story.... congratulations! You did it!

I have successfully tapered to 2mg daily myself and couldn't be more pleased with my own progress. It's been a rollercoaster ride of emotions but worth every moment to have my life back. Thanks again for stopping to in to share your progress. Take Care of yourself.

SugarScars

Hey, thanks for the warm welcomes and positive feedback! You guys are the best. Thanks so much.

A couple of you asked about quitting the Suboxone. Let me put this disclaimer out there: I'm not an authority on quitting Suboxone. But I'll share what worked for me.

First of all, I DID NOT TAKE IT LIGHTLY. I planned for it. I tapered to 1 mg per day. I tried to taper to less. If you can taper to a smaller dose, by all means, DO IT. I couldn't, though. Once I got down to below 1 mg, I felt the urge to take more and more Suboxone. It was a painful experience where I was craving 24 hours per day. So, I went ahead and set a date. After a week or two of taking 1 mg per day again, consistently, I jumped. I'd called in sick for this jump. I did it over the Thanksgiving holiday so that I could lie in bed all day and do nothing.

I also prepared by having medication handy: anti-nausea, anti-diarrheal and anti-anxiety.

Promethazine, I believe, was the anti-nausea medication I took, if I'm remembering correctly. The reason I recommend it is because one of the side effects is making you pass out.

I literally slept through the first two days of withdrawal, getting up only to urinate and drink LOTS of water and juices.

The third day I ended up having to go into work! I did it. It sucked.

Just know that quitting SUCKS, but it SUCKS LESS if you plan and if you are mentally and physically prepared for the withdrawals.

The mistake that I see people making, over and over again, is QUITTING IMPULSIVELY. They up and quit one day, thinking, "I'm done! I'm just not going to do it again!"

They don't plan or prepare. They don't have medications to help them. They don't ask off from work. They don't inform their family and friends of their plans. They just QUIT.

And then, just as easily, they START again.

So, just keep in mind that it's all about strategy! Put yourself on 5-minute holds. I did not flush my extra Suboxone. Instead, I kept them there, but put myself on 5-minute holds of not taking them. All of those 5 minutes added up and now I'm looking at almost 4 months.

Not bad!

I hope my experience has helped somebody. Just don't ever forget the PAIN. It's easy to remember how good Suboxone makes you feel. But we easily forget the bad parts. The money. The fear of running out. The fear of having it taken away from you. The shame of being drug-dependent. The embarrassment of refilling your prescription every time.

It's good to be Suboxone-free. I feel like one of the lucky ones. But then I have to remind myself that I worked hard for it!

I took an empowerment workshop. I created affirmations designed to help me quit using, and I practiced saying my affirmations each day.

I was DETERMINED.

I DID NOT USE NA. NA told me that I couldn't self-will myself clean. I believe that without determination and motivation, nobody gets clean. Determination involves self-will. I think it's illogical to presume that you can quit using drugs and feel powerless at the same time. No offense to anybody, but I never quit using while I went to NA. If anything, NA made me just want to get drunk and high STAT.

Such is my experience. Again, I hope it helps somebody.

Best of luck to all of you! Don't give up the fight, no matter what. You're worth it!!!

Love,
SS

bval

The message that I took from NA was not that I was powerless in the sense of not being able to quit drugs, it was that I was powerless OVER drugs. I.E. if I *took* them, I would not be able to *control* my use of them. Maybe that wasn't supposed to be the 'official message', but hey, that interpretation worked for me, and it was damn sure true.

I never for a second bought into the whole 'Gawd and Jeebus is the only ones who can get or keep me clean' message that some people seem to derive from the Program, but hey, whatever works for a person ... that's what I'm for ... for them

Anyways, welcome back, and congrats on the clean time ... keep up the good work

windysan

The 12 step dealio ain't for everybody, Sugar. I'm glad you're winning. I started going back to the gym 4 months ago. I feel a lot better.