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am i really sober?

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Old 07-29-2009, 09:36 AM
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am i really sober?

i have not used opiates for 9, going on 10, days right now. i have also not smoked any weed. last week i admitted myself to a detox for opiate addiction/WD.

since i've been out, i've returned to normal life minus the pills. however, i have had about 5 beers in total in the 5 or 6 days since. of course i've had negative consequences from drinking in my life but never had to have any or had any stress from the prospect of not drinking.

in fact, i enjoy not drinking for a few days b/c it helps with my pocket book. i did used to enjoy having a beer or three when i would use Oxycontin.

right now, today, i do not feel that drinking is an issue or that i'm using it so much as to substitute it for my previous addiction.

is this sobriety or am i just continuing to place myself in serious danger and high chance or relapse?
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Old 07-29-2009, 09:52 AM
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No one can tell you that, only you know; regardless of how many will pontificate.
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Old 07-29-2009, 11:13 AM
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Originally Posted by chairmanma084 View Post
of course i've had negative consequences from drinking in my life
You say "of course" as though everyone has negative consequences while drinking. People who have had negative consequences tend to be dependent on and/or addicted to alcohol.

Now, (and at the dire risk of pontificating), around this forum "sober" appears to be whatever anyone wants it to be. I do not believe it is a relative term. But if it makes you happy, call it "sober". Eventually you will discover the reality. In the meantime I hope you are able to keep the negative consequences to a minimum and truly hope they do not wind up involving anyone else. I also hope you are able to stop if you notice a problem. Often it goes too far too fast.
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Old 07-29-2009, 11:17 AM
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I think it's too soon to drink alcohol. You're to fresh in your recovery. I'd be afraid of sub'ing one addiction for another.
For me, I abstain from alcohol not because I've ever had a problem, in fact, I've never been one to have more than the occasional social drink. I don't drink because I'm afraid that I'd begin to like it. I was told in rehab by a counselor that I was addicted to 'more' of whatever it is. He said that I was addicted to more of anything that took me out of myself, even though my addcition was to opiates and cocaine.
I just wouldn't put my sobriety to a foolish test if I were you, certainly not this soon.

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Old 07-29-2009, 11:28 AM
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i have never really taken drugs stoned twice,speed half a dozen times

i not even have one sip of drink in case i went back into my old ways

although i'm sober nearly 2 months i very much know i have and probably always will have

i dont believe you can quit one addiction whilst indulging in another

just my thoughts ,of course i could be wrong
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Old 07-29-2009, 11:35 AM
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Originally Posted by change4penny View Post
I think it's too soon to drink alcohol. You're to fresh in your recovery. I'd be afraid of sub'ing one addiction for another.
For me, I abstain from alcohol not because I've ever had a problem, in fact, I've never been one to have more than the occasional social drink. I don't drink because I'm afraid that I'd begin to like it. I was told in rehab by a counselor that I was addicted to 'more' of whatever it is. He said that I was addicted to more of anything that took me out of myself, even though my addcition was to opiates and cocaine.
I just wouldn't put my sobriety to a foolish test if I were you, certainly not this soon.

Penny
Very true. I heard the same thing in rehab. They said point blank, "You will substitute one for the other. Have I done so yet? No. But I'm guessing it's very likely.

To argue, I'll say that when I've drunk since getting out, I have just had one or two and forgot about it and moved on to the next thing in my day. I mean, I didn't stop myself or say, "OK, I'm only going to have one."


Stagebear"You say "of course" as though everyone has negative consequences while drinking. People who have had negative consequences tend to be dependent on and/or addicted to alcohol."

Yes I agree that I'm an alcoholic in that definition. I have vomited due to over-intoxication. And I've drank since then. I guess I am just confused over how good my life feels without the opiates and the continual disapproval of my sober peers about my occasional, social drinking.

It's fresh as hell. And it hurts them. Maybe I don't owe it to myself; maybe I owe it to them.
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Old 07-29-2009, 11:35 AM
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Just for fun:

From Answers.com
1.Habitually abstemious in the use of alcoholic liquors or drugs; temperate.
2.Not intoxicated or affected by the use of drugs.

From wordnet.com
1: not affected by a chemical substance (especially alcohol) [ant: {intoxicated}]

From Dictionary.com
Synoyms:
abstinent, abstemious
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Old 07-29-2009, 11:40 AM
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Originally Posted by chairmanma084 View Post
Very true. I heard the same thing in rehab. They said point blank, "You will substitute one for the other. Have I done so yet? No. But I'm guessing it's very likely.
I have a client in the outpatient group I help facilitate. He was heavily addicted to opiates and went through detox. Two days out of detox, he drank, as he was a young fellow and never had a problem with alcohol. Within a week he was shooting heroin, one of his nevers.

It wasn't that he substituted alcohol, it was that once his defenses were down (through the use of alcohol) getting high on opiates didn't seem like such a bad idea.

Maybe that won't happen to others, but is it ever worth the risk?

I read your last post. I thnk you're beginning to get it. Good job!
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Old 07-29-2009, 11:49 AM
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My choice is free from all mind altering substances. My DOC is CRACK but I cant use weed, beer etc, it ultimately leads me back to my DOC. You have to define what it means to you.
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Old 07-29-2009, 11:50 AM
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Eve'n though as I said, I've never had a problem with alcohol, when I would drink a beer or have a mixed drink, it always lead to me wanting cocaine, and I really don't know why, it just did. So, it would be stupid of me to think it would be different now.
I'm not gonna say that I'll never have a beer or a drink again, I just feel that for right now, it's to soon. I'm only 10 months into recovery and I'm just now learning how to deal with life 'clean' for the first time in a very long time. I don't want anything to take me out of myself and detour me from a life of sobriety.
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Old 07-29-2009, 12:05 PM
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There's nothing that triggers a coke or crack desire like gettin a little sloshed...was in that mode for a good 2 years several years ago. As soon as I was good and drunk all of my inhibitions went out the door and I was making calls and throwing everything away for a way too expensive buzz that always left me chasing that first high. I know way too many people who will probably never give up drinking then scoring some powder or rock because that are incredibly woven into their lifestyles and feel as if they don't care about their quality of life. If I had the chance I would contact them but I've lost touch...got away from that pattern awhile ago, and I know I'll never go back to that. I swear I almost died several times from my heart blowing out of my chest. So scary!
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Old 07-29-2009, 12:05 PM
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Originally Posted by JFRUIT View Post
My choice is free from all mind altering substances. My DOC is CRACK but I cant use weed, beer etc, it ultimately leads me back to my DOC. You have to define what it means to you.
that would be cool. however, i'm a regular psych patient who is on anti-anxiety medication every day, other than when I drink. After having a beer on those nights, I chose not to take my medication.

i don't know if i'll ever be truly chemical-free or non-dependent, which really brings forward a whole host of other issues to my sobriety.

i think you're all right. i'm not making smart decisions right now. even though when I drink i don't crave a painkiller, that's probably b/c i'm still so pissed off at the substance. i've never hated oxycodone before but i certainly have since my crisis.

if i make a habit out of drinking it may lower my inhibitions about keeping off of opiates later on.

THANKS SO MUCH for talking to me about this so far. I'll be checking back all the time.
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Old 07-29-2009, 12:09 PM
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That's totally up to you.

For me, when I got "sober", it meant to me to be free of dependence on any mind altering substance. I was a junkie. I wouldn't consider myself clean or sober if I picked up a little crack habit...
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Old 07-29-2009, 12:36 PM
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If you want to be clean and sober today,
it's as easy as not using or drinking today.

Such a simple choice that could result in
a much better and productive life for you.
OR
could lead you back to the hell
and turmoil until the bitter end.

i hope & pray you make a healthy choice.
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Old 07-29-2009, 12:42 PM
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thanks for talking to me about the alcohol issues. it's a, though very cliche, "gateway" kinda thing that doesn't mix well when someone has shown their great potential for severe addiction.

i know it may seem like i'm trying to punch holes into the concept of sobriety. but I'm new to this and assuming that other addicts like you must have some better insight than my currently -- possibly permanently -- sick mind.

by the way, i am and have been prescribed clonazepam daily for anxiety and have been for more than a year now. though i have not used them every day in the past when using or drinking b/c of other-drug interference and my fear of OD.

what about this medication? even though i'm monitored monthly for its effects (weekly right now b/c of my crisis and subsequent rehab trip), do I need to be off that medication to be truly sober as well?
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Old 07-29-2009, 02:53 PM
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Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post
ultimately you will decide what is best and right for you....what enhances your life and what detracts from your goals.

i guess maybe i'd look at how staunchly i cling to the "right" to drink, or how much i DEFEND that it's NOT a problem. cuz if something ain't a problem, like let's say lima beans, than going WITHOUT lima beans wouldn't be that big a deal. so if DRINKING isn't a problem, then NOT drinking shouldn't be a problem either. why not give TOTAL abstinence a whirl for a month or so? just for the hell of it. you can always change your mind down the road, you will just have a slightly clearer mind when you make that decision.

congrats on getting off the opiates and weed!!!! that's huge. you just might be on to something here!!!
I love the lima been analogy, we tend to try to make it as complicated as possible so we can weave a reason to have just one lima beam (I am laughing as I type that... thanks for that).

Would be funny if the site automatically substituted "Lima Bean" or had an option to substitute for certain words (drink, alcohol, beer, hit, crack... whatever). "Man... I am really hurting for a lima bean right now" lol.

People would stop what they are typing, laugh & realize how silly it is to go through so much effort struggling/thinking/justification/analyzing etc. just to have a lima bean.

I am going to have to use that the next time someone posts in here about how they have a couple of lima beans a day & aren't sure if they have a problem or not. Chances are... if you are constantly thinking about lima beans you might

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Old 07-29-2009, 03:11 PM
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Originally Posted by chairmanma084 View Post

what about this medication? even though i'm monitored monthly for its effects (weekly right now b/c of my crisis and subsequent rehab trip), do I need to be off that medication to be truly sober as well?
Consult with your doctor, yes there are some sober purists that believe that you cant have anything outside of regular food & beverage (we can start to question sugar highs & caffeine bursts another time).

I still take some anti anxiety meds if I am having a panic attack. I am exercising, meditating, eating well, getting support etc. If I cant get past the middle stages of a panic attack & it gets full blown I challenge anyone who fully experiences the effects of a full blown panic attack along with catastrophic thinking, insanely high blood pressure, extremely high heart rate to "not take something" in that situation. Although I am sure someone will come along & say just that ;-)

Its all about not abusing & being real with yourself as to why you are taking it (for me anyway).

Clonazepam is for seizures right? Check with your doctor re medications, seizures are a serious subject.

Clonazepam - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Take Care,

NB
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:37 PM
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CubsND...I totally agree. I'm a recovering opiate/crack cocaine addict, 10 months clean.
Free from the sh!t that almost took my life several times. One time while in the car, going about 80mph down the highway. I was od'ing and possibly 'stroking out'. I started blacking out and both legs felt heavy and had no feeling in them. I could not lift my leg in order to break. I had to pick up my leg and place it on the break. I just knew I was gonna die right there, on the side of the highway. I called my parents and told them 'goodbye'. I can not imagine what that did to them. My mom died not to long after. I'll never be able to forgive myself for that.
I finally got o.k. enough to make it home. Went in, sat down on the couch and passed out, probably from no sleep for the past 3 day I'd been up. Got up about an hour and a half and went to the bathroom and started smoking the sh!t again! What a sick individual I was. Truth is, I don't think that I cared if I died.
The pain pill addcition was bad, but when I started smoking crack, it stole my soul and there's a piece of it that I'll never get back.

Penny
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Old 07-29-2009, 06:10 PM
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Alcohol is a drug. It is legal and socially acceptible....however...it is a mind and mood altering substance.
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Old 07-29-2009, 07:36 PM
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Every time I drink I throw away my cares to get weed. I'm just like "f it, I don't really need to stop." It got me once, my only lapse cuz of it. Almost got me again last night, but a friends connect did not come through. He did today and I said no, thank god. And I have been drinking more to offset desires to smoke, which I gotta stop..
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