Methadone Maintenance????
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I'm just curious about something.
I have a question:
Those who comment positively or negatively about Methadone Maintenance or anything else that pertains to Recovery, is this your PERSONAL opinion or what others have told you?
I sometimes read where someone will state their opinion and then nothing to back it up with.
Just curious.
I have a question:
Those who comment positively or negatively about Methadone Maintenance or anything else that pertains to Recovery, is this your PERSONAL opinion or what others have told you?
I sometimes read where someone will state their opinion and then nothing to back it up with.
Just curious.
Using Art
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: a happy state of mind
Posts: 40
Thank You!
Well, this will be terribly difficult, if not downright impossible, but I am just going to quit. Period. I looked into the methadone option and was disappointed to find out that
1) You have to be loaded when you go in there to even pass the screening to receive methadone. I don't have enough money and a big enough habit to even pass the screening, I don't think - I'd have to spend a bunch of cash in one day to even pass - and I don't have this kind of cash on me; if I did, I wouldn't want to blow it all right away on drugs and risk the chance of getting turned away from the clinic and onto the streets, broke, with a massive withdrawal to look forward to.
2) You have to go through three intakes ... which means I'll have to miss work, and which also means a lot of money and a very likely negative outcome, as I believe I will not benefit because they will most likely not give me methadone in the end. At least at this one clinic I talked to - they seem like they ask for a lot of cash up front, but make absolutely no promises. This sucks.
3) I researched the long-term effects of methadone and since I'm still really young, feel it unwise to go this route at this point. Chronic alcoholism has only a slightly kinder outcome in the long run as far as your organs are concerned.
I would totally do the methadone program if:
1) I were older and still had the habit I have now.
2) Were on the needle - at this point, I only shoot intermittently.
3) Did not think I could live clean - i.e. had no family and only using friends, not real friends.
I actually have had weeks at a time where I have been clean, so this gives me hope that I can get clean and stay clean. I've even had VERY GOOD weeks clean!! believe it or not.
I have a wonderful support system - great family & friends who support me in my sobriety.
It won't be easy. I'll probably get really bored and want to get drugs like, oh, probably every single day.
I don't want to do rehab (again) because:
1) It would be rehab AGAIN (didn't help the first time).
2) Expensive - and I am DISGUSTINGLY, DESPICABLY poor because I work for next to nothing.
3) Lose my job. Then I would probably start doing even more drugs out of sheer depression. (I know myself and know I would probably do this.)
I figure, since the weather is warming up, the best plan for me is to tough out a couple of rough weeks - regardless of how bad they are - do YOGA and RUN.
May sound overly optimistic - even I'm a little skeptical - but I used to be an athlete as a teenager, and I used to NEVER even drink CAFFEINE or eat POTATO CHIPS, so I know this health nut side of me is in there somewhere. It would be fantastic if I could go back to being a health nut, eat a bunch of good-for-you food, drink tons of water, run, do yoga, and quit bloody smoking. I HATE smoking!!! I have NEVER been so addicted to ANYTHING in my ENTIRE life!!!
I think I can do this, provided that I just stay BUSY and keep ACTIVE and don't let myself get depressed. Depression is a downward spiral - it SUCKS.
And it ruins any chance of getting and staying sober.
I've done a ton of therapy in the past, and I've benefited from it a great deal - HAHA, I'm being serious here. I actually was a much bigger mess a few years ago. My addiction has gotten better, as opposed to worse - don't ask me how.
Working on my personality problems and learning to cope with stress in a positive manner are my real issues, I think. They are EVERYBODY'S issues - not just addicts. I work with amazing professionals who swear that yoga and church are their lifelines, and that without them they would go under from all the stress in their lives.
I also work with some real a#* who I sometimes wish I could give drugs to just so they would stop sucking so much.
It won't be easy by any stretch of the imagination - not by a long shot - particularly because I have a drug dealer who keeps trying to push s8t58 on me. She pretends to be my friend, and keeps offering to give me stuff for free.
J389u3!!!!!!!!!
Somehow, I will get through this. I may have to go back to church and hit the gym and become almost an entirely different person in every respect to do it, but I can do it. Radical changes are going to have to take place - like, way radical.
Oh, and I stopped songwriting and stuff recently when I went back to drugs. If I'd start doing that again and discipline myself to do it everyday, there's a chunk of my time each day NOT spent finding drugs and getting high!!!!!!
Thanks to ALL of you for your thoughts, wishes, stories and ongoing support.
You all ROCK!!!
1) You have to be loaded when you go in there to even pass the screening to receive methadone. I don't have enough money and a big enough habit to even pass the screening, I don't think - I'd have to spend a bunch of cash in one day to even pass - and I don't have this kind of cash on me; if I did, I wouldn't want to blow it all right away on drugs and risk the chance of getting turned away from the clinic and onto the streets, broke, with a massive withdrawal to look forward to.
2) You have to go through three intakes ... which means I'll have to miss work, and which also means a lot of money and a very likely negative outcome, as I believe I will not benefit because they will most likely not give me methadone in the end. At least at this one clinic I talked to - they seem like they ask for a lot of cash up front, but make absolutely no promises. This sucks.
3) I researched the long-term effects of methadone and since I'm still really young, feel it unwise to go this route at this point. Chronic alcoholism has only a slightly kinder outcome in the long run as far as your organs are concerned.
I would totally do the methadone program if:
1) I were older and still had the habit I have now.
2) Were on the needle - at this point, I only shoot intermittently.
3) Did not think I could live clean - i.e. had no family and only using friends, not real friends.
I actually have had weeks at a time where I have been clean, so this gives me hope that I can get clean and stay clean. I've even had VERY GOOD weeks clean!! believe it or not.
I have a wonderful support system - great family & friends who support me in my sobriety.
It won't be easy. I'll probably get really bored and want to get drugs like, oh, probably every single day.
I don't want to do rehab (again) because:
1) It would be rehab AGAIN (didn't help the first time).
2) Expensive - and I am DISGUSTINGLY, DESPICABLY poor because I work for next to nothing.
3) Lose my job. Then I would probably start doing even more drugs out of sheer depression. (I know myself and know I would probably do this.)
I figure, since the weather is warming up, the best plan for me is to tough out a couple of rough weeks - regardless of how bad they are - do YOGA and RUN.
May sound overly optimistic - even I'm a little skeptical - but I used to be an athlete as a teenager, and I used to NEVER even drink CAFFEINE or eat POTATO CHIPS, so I know this health nut side of me is in there somewhere. It would be fantastic if I could go back to being a health nut, eat a bunch of good-for-you food, drink tons of water, run, do yoga, and quit bloody smoking. I HATE smoking!!! I have NEVER been so addicted to ANYTHING in my ENTIRE life!!!
I think I can do this, provided that I just stay BUSY and keep ACTIVE and don't let myself get depressed. Depression is a downward spiral - it SUCKS.
And it ruins any chance of getting and staying sober.
I've done a ton of therapy in the past, and I've benefited from it a great deal - HAHA, I'm being serious here. I actually was a much bigger mess a few years ago. My addiction has gotten better, as opposed to worse - don't ask me how.
Working on my personality problems and learning to cope with stress in a positive manner are my real issues, I think. They are EVERYBODY'S issues - not just addicts. I work with amazing professionals who swear that yoga and church are their lifelines, and that without them they would go under from all the stress in their lives.
I also work with some real a#* who I sometimes wish I could give drugs to just so they would stop sucking so much.
It won't be easy by any stretch of the imagination - not by a long shot - particularly because I have a drug dealer who keeps trying to push s8t58 on me. She pretends to be my friend, and keeps offering to give me stuff for free.
J389u3!!!!!!!!!
Somehow, I will get through this. I may have to go back to church and hit the gym and become almost an entirely different person in every respect to do it, but I can do it. Radical changes are going to have to take place - like, way radical.
Oh, and I stopped songwriting and stuff recently when I went back to drugs. If I'd start doing that again and discipline myself to do it everyday, there's a chunk of my time each day NOT spent finding drugs and getting high!!!!!!
Thanks to ALL of you for your thoughts, wishes, stories and ongoing support.
You all ROCK!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: FL-working constantly
Posts: 21
fearlessly-
I came to this forum when I was going through methadone withdrawals and looking for some sort of reason. My situation is similar to yours, I'm 25 male and a very functional addict, I bought my house at 23, great credit, own my cars, save money etc. etc. all while using misc drugs, started with weed, extacy, acid. Problem with those type of drugs is 1) you can hide the smell of weed no matter what 2)x and acid are not drugs you do around sober people. I wanted to me high all the time and in a way that I could hide from other people, so I started with cocaine and when I got tired of being skeeted out all the time I went to lortabs, and perks which finally ended up on oxycodone from a cancer patient and when I met a methadone patient that got 2 weeks of doses at a time I started buying his liquid methadone and I was hooked.
Many people will say that when you properly methadone is good and I will agree with that but on the other side of the coin it get you HIGH and I loved it. I could take methadone every 8-10 hours and stay high all day. It was perfect for my addiction, then I started doing my research on the drug and what I found was amazing. The withdrawal period is 3-4 weeks minimum I personally was feeling the symptoms for about 5 weeks. Heroin withdrawals last 7-10 days, and when I would run out of oxy's I would be feeling fine on the 4-5 day of withdrawals. I could handle that with no problem! When I started tapering off of methadone I felt suicidal for the first time in my life! It was the worst feeling that I have ever felt. The experience was terrible and at the same time it was a reminder of why I need to stop this terrible cycle.
For me to rid my life of drugs I burned all of my drug using bridges, I called the people I was buying from and told them all off because I knew that they would be calling me when the supply came in. I started with a clean slate! and I feel great!
I implore you to not use methadone, if you must use opiod replacement therapy take the others advice and try subutex/suboxone or just be strong and say f*#k it and just ride out the storm on your own, you seem like a strong young woman and I'm sure you'll do what's right for you.
I personally changed my addiction to roses, I love growing roses and being in FL it's the perfect place. There's nothing more I love than tending my roses and cutting a fresh rose for my girl.
Be strong_Peace
I came to this forum when I was going through methadone withdrawals and looking for some sort of reason. My situation is similar to yours, I'm 25 male and a very functional addict, I bought my house at 23, great credit, own my cars, save money etc. etc. all while using misc drugs, started with weed, extacy, acid. Problem with those type of drugs is 1) you can hide the smell of weed no matter what 2)x and acid are not drugs you do around sober people. I wanted to me high all the time and in a way that I could hide from other people, so I started with cocaine and when I got tired of being skeeted out all the time I went to lortabs, and perks which finally ended up on oxycodone from a cancer patient and when I met a methadone patient that got 2 weeks of doses at a time I started buying his liquid methadone and I was hooked.
Many people will say that when you properly methadone is good and I will agree with that but on the other side of the coin it get you HIGH and I loved it. I could take methadone every 8-10 hours and stay high all day. It was perfect for my addiction, then I started doing my research on the drug and what I found was amazing. The withdrawal period is 3-4 weeks minimum I personally was feeling the symptoms for about 5 weeks. Heroin withdrawals last 7-10 days, and when I would run out of oxy's I would be feeling fine on the 4-5 day of withdrawals. I could handle that with no problem! When I started tapering off of methadone I felt suicidal for the first time in my life! It was the worst feeling that I have ever felt. The experience was terrible and at the same time it was a reminder of why I need to stop this terrible cycle.
For me to rid my life of drugs I burned all of my drug using bridges, I called the people I was buying from and told them all off because I knew that they would be calling me when the supply came in. I started with a clean slate! and I feel great!
I implore you to not use methadone, if you must use opiod replacement therapy take the others advice and try subutex/suboxone or just be strong and say f*#k it and just ride out the storm on your own, you seem like a strong young woman and I'm sure you'll do what's right for you.
I personally changed my addiction to roses, I love growing roses and being in FL it's the perfect place. There's nothing more I love than tending my roses and cutting a fresh rose for my girl.
Be strong_Peace
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: New Windsor NY
Posts: 24
Fearlessly Happy
Hey Fearless,
Let's go through your questions. I worked in New Jersey's largest detox unit for several years. This is what I know.
Your insurance won't know if you pay out of pocket. Your doctors and others could find out if they do a urine test on you. You will still test positive for opiate products. Yes, you can travel. There are methadone centers throughout the U.S., and you can arrange to visit them while traveling.
Cost is variable based on the program and where you live.
Do be careful though. Methadone cold turkey is way worse than heroin. Long term use depletes the calcium in your body and you will find yourself with weak bones and teeth that break easily.
Give yourself a BIG pat on the back to getting clean. Know that, as an addict, you have three wonderful qualities to get you through.
You're smart - stupid addicts die!
You're resourceful - to figure out every day how to get your money for dope.
You have a great work ethic - to work that hard for something that makes your life a living hell.
Apply those qualities to any job, and you're golden.
Let's go through your questions. I worked in New Jersey's largest detox unit for several years. This is what I know.
Your insurance won't know if you pay out of pocket. Your doctors and others could find out if they do a urine test on you. You will still test positive for opiate products. Yes, you can travel. There are methadone centers throughout the U.S., and you can arrange to visit them while traveling.
Cost is variable based on the program and where you live.
Do be careful though. Methadone cold turkey is way worse than heroin. Long term use depletes the calcium in your body and you will find yourself with weak bones and teeth that break easily.
Give yourself a BIG pat on the back to getting clean. Know that, as an addict, you have three wonderful qualities to get you through.
You're smart - stupid addicts die!
You're resourceful - to figure out every day how to get your money for dope.
You have a great work ethic - to work that hard for something that makes your life a living hell.
Apply those qualities to any job, and you're golden.
Waiting For Engines
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: brooklyn, new york
Posts: 572
Originally Posted by serenityqueen 
I'm just curious about something.
I have a question:
Those who comment positively or negatively about Methadone Maintenance or anything else that pertains to Recovery, is this your PERSONAL opinion or what others have told you?
I sometimes read where someone will state their opinion and then nothing to back it up with.
Just curious.
I have a question:
Those who comment positively or negatively about Methadone Maintenance or anything else that pertains to Recovery, is this your PERSONAL opinion or what others have told you?
I sometimes read where someone will state their opinion and then nothing to back it up with.
Just curious.
You know, I think that this is a great question, especially as it relates to this thread.
Judy, I sort of used you as an example of someone who has a pain management condition which you have responsibly been managing with methodone. I, too, was placed on methodone for pain management 4 years ago. There is a crucial difference.
The methodone activated other "DOC" issues for me and I am so upset that my pain management MD, who was so instrumental in finally arresting my pancreatitis pain with two medications, methodone and Nuerontin, now is furious with me due to my manipulations and deception. Upon initial assessment, he saw me as a responsible individual who reported NO PRIOR SUBSTANCE ABUSE HISTORY. I was activated and was already manipulating another MD to prescribe me Klonopin and I was buying more Klonopin from a dealer.
I also say this. I believe that when an addict us serious about stopping their Heroin addiction and enter a MMTP, all is well in my opinion, IF they also have a program in their life. I know that, from your posts, that you have supports, a program in your life, and are not looking to get high. I can tell from your posts!
About 16 years back, I was a substance abuse counselor who worked with a woman who came off of 120 MG of methodone in one year as an outpatient. She was on methodone for 25 years and as one poster put it, a "lifer" and the MMTP counselor actually fought her decision to get off of methodone. I was rather new to this field, and joined her "fight", anmd eventually went up the ladder of command and spoke to the director and they reluctantly agreed with thias decision.
Two months after she was completely tapered off of the methodone, she died of a Heroin overdose. I later discovered that her boyfriend, who was clean, said that she was "ashamed" to tell me of her relapse. As a so-called professional in the field, I felt 100% responsible for this person's death, because I did not understand that methodone as well as her other program e.g. seeing me for counseling, and her dedication to NA, all were factors that kept her alive.
This is just one of innumerable examples where MMTP plus program, plus support, saves lives.
My concern with Fearlessly, was based on my very real idea and opinion that choosing methodone was based on substitution of one opiate for another. Yes, there are very compelling reasons for Fearlessly to want to do this and I promised I would not lecture on those reasons anymore. However, I read some posts that have been recently written that speak to the very real dangers of MMTP and can readily identify with them.
So, in my typical long-winded manner, let me say that any opinion I expressed on this thread, was based on personal and professional experience, and I sincerely hope that you know that this was where I was coming from, in terms of anything I wrote....
X IV
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 6,365
My sponsor works for the State Department of Alcohol & Drug Programs as a pretty high up director and I was on methadone maintenance for a long time....
Methadone maintenance as seen by the state I live in and myself personally is about "harm reduction"........ Not living a life free of opiates.
Of course there are some clinics, Dr.'s, patients, etc... etc...etc who abuse the system but, the goal of the state is to keep low bottom junkies from killing themselves by sticking dirty needles in there arms getting Hep and HIV etc etc etc. Cost them way more when that happens... I understand completely that the "goal" of some clinics is to make money.
I understand there are flaws in any system and I know there are exceptions to my opinion. I see it often.... But for the most part the junkies at the methadone clinic I went to were only using methadone and not stealing and poking with needles anmore... That is good. That was probably 75%.. There were probably 5% looking to find complete freedom... that was me and it worked..... The rest were a bunch of...phew...you know... anyway,
Well, those are my thoughts.
Methadone & a strong support system in a 12 step program saved my life..... I am so grateful it was there for me. I am also grateful I detoxed without relapsing and live a life free of mind altering chemicals today... Except coffee... lol j/k
Methadone maintenance as seen by the state I live in and myself personally is about "harm reduction"........ Not living a life free of opiates.
Of course there are some clinics, Dr.'s, patients, etc... etc...etc who abuse the system but, the goal of the state is to keep low bottom junkies from killing themselves by sticking dirty needles in there arms getting Hep and HIV etc etc etc. Cost them way more when that happens... I understand completely that the "goal" of some clinics is to make money.
I understand there are flaws in any system and I know there are exceptions to my opinion. I see it often.... But for the most part the junkies at the methadone clinic I went to were only using methadone and not stealing and poking with needles anmore... That is good. That was probably 75%.. There were probably 5% looking to find complete freedom... that was me and it worked..... The rest were a bunch of...phew...you know... anyway,
Well, those are my thoughts.
Methadone & a strong support system in a 12 step program saved my life..... I am so grateful it was there for me. I am also grateful I detoxed without relapsing and live a life free of mind altering chemicals today... Except coffee... lol j/k
Using Art
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: a happy state of mind
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by PierceME311
fearlessly-
I came to this forum when I was going through methadone withdrawals and looking for some sort of reason. My situation is similar to yours, I'm 25 male and a very functional addict, I bought my house at 23, great credit, own my cars, save money etc. etc. all while using misc drugs, started with weed, extacy, acid. Problem with those type of drugs is 1) you can hide the smell of weed no matter what 2)x and acid are not drugs you do around sober people. I wanted to me high all the time and in a way that I could hide from other people, so I started with cocaine and when I got tired of being skeeted out all the time I went to lortabs, and perks which finally ended up on oxycodone from a cancer patient and when I met a methadone patient that got 2 weeks of doses at a time I started buying his liquid methadone and I was hooked.
Many people will say that when you properly methadone is good and I will agree with that but on the other side of the coin it get you HIGH and I loved it. I could take methadone every 8-10 hours and stay high all day. It was perfect for my addiction, then I started doing my research on the drug and what I found was amazing. The withdrawal period is 3-4 weeks minimum I personally was feeling the symptoms for about 5 weeks. Heroin withdrawals last 7-10 days, and when I would run out of oxy's I would be feeling fine on the 4-5 day of withdrawals. I could handle that with no problem! When I started tapering off of methadone I felt suicidal for the first time in my life! It was the worst feeling that I have ever felt. The experience was terrible and at the same time it was a reminder of why I need to stop this terrible cycle.
For me to rid my life of drugs I burned all of my drug using bridges, I called the people I was buying from and told them all off because I knew that they would be calling me when the supply came in. I started with a clean slate! and I feel great!
I implore you to not use methadone, if you must use opiod replacement therapy take the others advice and try subutex/suboxone or just be strong and say f*#k it and just ride out the storm on your own, you seem like a strong young woman and I'm sure you'll do what's right for you.
I personally changed my addiction to roses, I love growing roses and being in FL it's the perfect place. There's nothing more I love than tending my roses and cutting a fresh rose for my girl.
Be strong_Peace
I came to this forum when I was going through methadone withdrawals and looking for some sort of reason. My situation is similar to yours, I'm 25 male and a very functional addict, I bought my house at 23, great credit, own my cars, save money etc. etc. all while using misc drugs, started with weed, extacy, acid. Problem with those type of drugs is 1) you can hide the smell of weed no matter what 2)x and acid are not drugs you do around sober people. I wanted to me high all the time and in a way that I could hide from other people, so I started with cocaine and when I got tired of being skeeted out all the time I went to lortabs, and perks which finally ended up on oxycodone from a cancer patient and when I met a methadone patient that got 2 weeks of doses at a time I started buying his liquid methadone and I was hooked.
Many people will say that when you properly methadone is good and I will agree with that but on the other side of the coin it get you HIGH and I loved it. I could take methadone every 8-10 hours and stay high all day. It was perfect for my addiction, then I started doing my research on the drug and what I found was amazing. The withdrawal period is 3-4 weeks minimum I personally was feeling the symptoms for about 5 weeks. Heroin withdrawals last 7-10 days, and when I would run out of oxy's I would be feeling fine on the 4-5 day of withdrawals. I could handle that with no problem! When I started tapering off of methadone I felt suicidal for the first time in my life! It was the worst feeling that I have ever felt. The experience was terrible and at the same time it was a reminder of why I need to stop this terrible cycle.
For me to rid my life of drugs I burned all of my drug using bridges, I called the people I was buying from and told them all off because I knew that they would be calling me when the supply came in. I started with a clean slate! and I feel great!
I implore you to not use methadone, if you must use opiod replacement therapy take the others advice and try subutex/suboxone or just be strong and say f*#k it and just ride out the storm on your own, you seem like a strong young woman and I'm sure you'll do what's right for you.
I personally changed my addiction to roses, I love growing roses and being in FL it's the perfect place. There's nothing more I love than tending my roses and cutting a fresh rose for my girl.
Be strong_Peace
THANK YOU for your awesome post!!!
That was really great, and exactly what I needed to hear. I've told all my dealers that I'm quitting, they know I'm not interested - they may still call me for stuff, but when they do, I will either not answer or tell them no. I've done it before - I can do it again. Also, I still have PLENTY of money - which is fantastic - because I won't get down thinking "Well, I'm broke," yada yada yada. Having money is actually a motivator to STAY sober - it means I have something to hold onto that drugs will take away REALLY QUICK!!!I really appreciate you taking the time to write such a fantastic post that gives me so much hope.
I'm so glad you are happy and sober and enjoying life!!! I'm still so surprised that I ended up an addict. I used to LOVE life and be such a positive person!! I will go back to being that way!!Thank you again!!!
Big Hugs,
FH
Using Art
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: a happy state of mind
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by emack321
Hey Fearless,
Let's go through your questions. I worked in New Jersey's largest detox unit for several years. This is what I know.
Your insurance won't know if you pay out of pocket. Your doctors and others could find out if they do a urine test on you. You will still test positive for opiate products. Yes, you can travel. There are methadone centers throughout the U.S., and you can arrange to visit them while traveling.
Cost is variable based on the program and where you live.
Do be careful though. Methadone cold turkey is way worse than heroin. Long term use depletes the calcium in your body and you will find yourself with weak bones and teeth that break easily.
Give yourself a BIG pat on the back to getting clean. Know that, as an addict, you have three wonderful qualities to get you through.
You're smart - stupid addicts die!
You're resourceful - to figure out every day how to get your money for dope.
You have a great work ethic - to work that hard for something that makes your life a living hell.
Apply those qualities to any job, and you're golden.
Let's go through your questions. I worked in New Jersey's largest detox unit for several years. This is what I know.
Your insurance won't know if you pay out of pocket. Your doctors and others could find out if they do a urine test on you. You will still test positive for opiate products. Yes, you can travel. There are methadone centers throughout the U.S., and you can arrange to visit them while traveling.
Cost is variable based on the program and where you live.
Do be careful though. Methadone cold turkey is way worse than heroin. Long term use depletes the calcium in your body and you will find yourself with weak bones and teeth that break easily.
Give yourself a BIG pat on the back to getting clean. Know that, as an addict, you have three wonderful qualities to get you through.
You're smart - stupid addicts die!
You're resourceful - to figure out every day how to get your money for dope.
You have a great work ethic - to work that hard for something that makes your life a living hell.
Apply those qualities to any job, and you're golden.
I'm so sorry that I just now saw this!!! Wow, THANK YOU SO MUCH for answering ALL of my questions - I'm going to keep this post so that if I ever consider methadone again (although I don't think I will anytime soon), I will have all of my answers handy and know what I need to do.
At this point, I'm pretty set on a sober lifestyle, free of all drugs (including methadone). It can be done. I am sure of it.
Although I have done JUST AS MUCH damage to my life SOBER as I have HIGH - believe it or not! I just fell out with my bandmates this morning - went into a rage - this was done SOBER!!! YIKES!!!
Scares me for the future ...
You know, it's not the drugs that are the problem.
IT'S ME.
I love the blogs on this site. They're a life-saver. I journal, too - with the more personal stuff that can't be seen by human eyes and minds other than my own - LOL!!! Still, I adore these anonymous blogs. They totally rule. They do - they help me to see my life THROUGH OTHERS' EYES, and thus my faults as OTHERS must see them!!!
Thanks AGAIN so MUCH!!!
8
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 607
Originally Posted by PierceME311
When I started tapering off of methadone I felt suicidal for the first time in my life! It was the worst feeling that I have ever felt. The experience was terrible and at the same time it was a reminder of why I need to stop this terrible cycle.
Then all of a sudden, for no reason at all, my temper would flare and I'd get angry at the world. Somebody would say something I didn't like and I'd jump all over them about it and make a huge scene for no good reason.
Ladies: is this what PMS is like???
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