What I DON'T miss about my DOC
Now with fewer opiates!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Southern New Jersey, USA
Posts: 1,405
What I DON'T miss about my DOC
There is occasional talk here about "missing" our drugs. As I approach surgery and the possibility of short term, controlled use, I need to remind myself of what I don't miss about opiates:
1) Waking up craving a pill.
2) Selling my stuff
3) Stealing
4) Lying to doctors
5) Stool softeners and enemas
6) Staring out the window waiting for my dealer to show.
7) Losing my job.
8) Searching the Internet for ways to potentiate.
9) Asking others for their leftovers.
10) Being malnourished and emaciated.
Anyone care to add? It needn't be opiates...let's just use this thread to keep our memoried green...
1) Waking up craving a pill.
2) Selling my stuff
3) Stealing
4) Lying to doctors
5) Stool softeners and enemas
6) Staring out the window waiting for my dealer to show.
7) Losing my job.
8) Searching the Internet for ways to potentiate.
9) Asking others for their leftovers.
10) Being malnourished and emaciated.
Anyone care to add? It needn't be opiates...let's just use this thread to keep our memoried green...
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
1) Waking up every morning feeling like a failure
2) Praying that I could just not drink and never being able to stay stopped
3) Being irritated at everyone for my disease
4) Snapping at my kids in the morning because I was hung over
5) Fudging expense reports to cover my drinking expenses
6) Trying to remember who I drunk dialed the night before
7) Trying to cover up the bloated face and eyes from the night before
8) Finding a place to transfer my wine into coffee cups for the drive home
9) Finding a place for my empties
10) Chasing my kids out of the kitchen when they just wanted to spend time with me, so I could drink
11) Feeling sooooo alone
12) Terrified at what the next day would bring
13) Afraid to go to the doctor or dentist because they would know
14) Being paralyzed with fear over whether today would be the day my world came crashing down
15) Driving drunk
16) Feeling like a fake in every area of my life
Oh, I could go on and on. Thanks for helping me to be grateful this morning
2) Praying that I could just not drink and never being able to stay stopped
3) Being irritated at everyone for my disease
4) Snapping at my kids in the morning because I was hung over
5) Fudging expense reports to cover my drinking expenses
6) Trying to remember who I drunk dialed the night before
7) Trying to cover up the bloated face and eyes from the night before
8) Finding a place to transfer my wine into coffee cups for the drive home
9) Finding a place for my empties
10) Chasing my kids out of the kitchen when they just wanted to spend time with me, so I could drink
11) Feeling sooooo alone
12) Terrified at what the next day would bring
13) Afraid to go to the doctor or dentist because they would know
14) Being paralyzed with fear over whether today would be the day my world came crashing down
15) Driving drunk
16) Feeling like a fake in every area of my life
Oh, I could go on and on. Thanks for helping me to be grateful this morning
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,707
1) trips to the hospital in the ambulance
2) trying to double doctor
3) various health problems
4) feeling sick on a daily basis
5) getting no where in life
6) trying to justify using all the time.
7) having no hope, at all
2) trying to double doctor
3) various health problems
4) feeling sick on a daily basis
5) getting no where in life
6) trying to justify using all the time.
7) having no hope, at all
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Good thread, ((Bear))!!!
- staying awake, days on end
- being homeless, hanging out in "traps" (dope houses)
- having no contact with my family for months at a time
- living, 24/7, for that next hit
- jumping into cars with strangers, not knowing if I was going to make it back, and not really caring..I just wanted money to get more crack
- trying to stay out of view of the cops...not easy when you're the only white girl with long blonde hair in the 'hood!
There's a lot more, but those are the highlights. Feeling VERY grateful that those days are more than 2 years behind me!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
- staying awake, days on end
- being homeless, hanging out in "traps" (dope houses)
- having no contact with my family for months at a time
- living, 24/7, for that next hit
- jumping into cars with strangers, not knowing if I was going to make it back, and not really caring..I just wanted money to get more crack
- trying to stay out of view of the cops...not easy when you're the only white girl with long blonde hair in the 'hood!
There's a lot more, but those are the highlights. Feeling VERY grateful that those days are more than 2 years behind me!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
I dont miss any of these things,
1) Shame because my husband never knew I had a drug problem
2) Weird looks from pharmacists, when he saw the amount of pills and # of refills
3) Self hatred and toxic shame
4) Constantly worrying&thinking about refilling my drug vile early
5) Sleeping the day away, when my husband wanted to enjoy life together
6) Never wanting to be around family
7) Lack of interest in anything other than my drugs
8) Spending most of my income on drs, and pills
9) Avoiding vacations cause I was afraid I wouldnt have enough to last
I could go on and on.....So glad I'm clean 3 yrs, and 11 months.
Thanks for reminding me bear, sure hope your surgery goes well, and don't let your addiction pull you back in, Hang on Bear. We need you here. Hugs
2) Weird looks from pharmacists, when he saw the amount of pills and # of refills
3) Self hatred and toxic shame
4) Constantly worrying&thinking about refilling my drug vile early
5) Sleeping the day away, when my husband wanted to enjoy life together
6) Never wanting to be around family
7) Lack of interest in anything other than my drugs
8) Spending most of my income on drs, and pills
9) Avoiding vacations cause I was afraid I wouldnt have enough to last
I could go on and on.....So glad I'm clean 3 yrs, and 11 months.
Thanks for reminding me bear, sure hope your surgery goes well, and don't let your addiction pull you back in, Hang on Bear. We need you here. Hugs
Big Idiot Man Child
Join Date: May 2004
Location: La
Posts: 5,664
Y'all pretty much covered it. The not being there for the kids and snapping at the kids.....damn, that pushes my regret button every single time. If I could kick myself in the @ss really hard I'd do it right now. I still have problems in that area. crap
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Thanks Bear, I'm struggling too with knowing that I very well may be facing back surgery soon, I'm having the MRI's tomorrow. I need to remember all of this as well.
* Feeling like a complete failure at everything
* Fearful everytime Boss wishes to speak to me (afraid of being fired again)
* Illegal activities to get the pills
* Spending entire day trying to get pills, can't do anything until I do
* Physically hurting myself when so numb that I didn't feel it until later
* Putting myself in dangerous situations in order to get pills
* Stealing my Mom's much needed meds in order to feed my addiction
* Stealing money from anyone and everyone
* Paranoid that every car door closing is the police
* Trying to remember what lie I told to cover up another lie
* Bill collectors calling, letters in the mail
* Son not inviting me to his baseball games out of past embarressment
* Feeling as though everyone who looks at me knows I'm a pitiful addict
* Not caring that the next handful of pills could kill me, secretly wishing they would
* Missing family events because I couldn't get any pills and was dope sick
* Lying about why I am shaking, sweating, cramping, sneezing . . .
* Just the entire obsession in general!
Like everyone else, I could go on and on and on. . . But I remember and that's what matters to me.
Thanks for letting me share. I hope this entire thread helps someone who may be struggling with the thought of possibly being an addict and also the person who is in denial.
God Bless,
Judy
* Feeling like a complete failure at everything
* Fearful everytime Boss wishes to speak to me (afraid of being fired again)
* Illegal activities to get the pills
* Spending entire day trying to get pills, can't do anything until I do
* Physically hurting myself when so numb that I didn't feel it until later
* Putting myself in dangerous situations in order to get pills
* Stealing my Mom's much needed meds in order to feed my addiction
* Stealing money from anyone and everyone
* Paranoid that every car door closing is the police
* Trying to remember what lie I told to cover up another lie
* Bill collectors calling, letters in the mail
* Son not inviting me to his baseball games out of past embarressment
* Feeling as though everyone who looks at me knows I'm a pitiful addict
* Not caring that the next handful of pills could kill me, secretly wishing they would
* Missing family events because I couldn't get any pills and was dope sick
* Lying about why I am shaking, sweating, cramping, sneezing . . .
* Just the entire obsession in general!
Like everyone else, I could go on and on and on. . . But I remember and that's what matters to me.
Thanks for letting me share. I hope this entire thread helps someone who may be struggling with the thought of possibly being an addict and also the person who is in denial.
God Bless,
Judy
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I dont miss the chaos.
The chase.
The desperation.
The paranoia.
Staying awake for days and not eating or bathing.
The risk of possibly losing my life and freedom.
The cops. Amy I know how it feels to stand out like a sore thumb. The only asian chick. Always got told this by people.
Just friggin everything.
The tore up hands.
The crack cough.
The crack comas after being up for days.
The come daown.
The panic.
I hate it.
The chase.
The desperation.
The paranoia.
Staying awake for days and not eating or bathing.
The risk of possibly losing my life and freedom.
The cops. Amy I know how it feels to stand out like a sore thumb. The only asian chick. Always got told this by people.
Just friggin everything.
The tore up hands.
The crack cough.
The crack comas after being up for days.
The come daown.
The panic.
I hate it.
To infinity.....AND BEYOND!
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas
Posts: 132
-lying
-stealing to get more
-selling my stuff to get more
-withdrawal when I ran out
-waking up craving a pill
-never having any money
-feeling sick even when high
-taking pills and not even feeling high anymore
-constipation
-gut aches
-hiding
The bad definitely outweighed the good. Just wish I could have seen it back then.
-stealing to get more
-selling my stuff to get more
-withdrawal when I ran out
-waking up craving a pill
-never having any money
-feeling sick even when high
-taking pills and not even feeling high anymore
-constipation
-gut aches
-hiding
The bad definitely outweighed the good. Just wish I could have seen it back then.
Now with fewer opiates!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Southern New Jersey, USA
Posts: 1,405
Originally Posted by DavyDave 
Carrying the pills around with me.
Thanks for the reminder.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Me too, I carried pills in all of my pockets, my bath robe, my pajamas, and without a pill case. If I dropped one on a dirty floor I would pick it up. Once or twice they fell in the toilet bowl, and I was pi$$ed off that I had to let them go. A few times I did the laundry with my pills in the pocket and was upset about that too. Also, every once in a while one or two would fall out into the bed, and my husband would find them, and say WHAT"S THIS FOR? Are you taking pills? And I would say no, someone gave them to me, but I didn't take them. If I took them they wouldn't be in the bed. Lies Lies Lies. I am free from all of that, and more. Thanks Bear. Great Post today. I think we need these reminders every once in a while. For today I am clean. And that's the way I live. One day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Midland, NC
Posts: 1,266
The Pills
-buying them
-needing them
-being imprisoned by them
The cocaine/crack
-the guilt
-the shame
-white girl, nice car, bad side of town
-living as though I wanted to die
-wishing I would die
-overdosing...and almost dying
-lying, cheating, stealing from my family
-being looked at as a liar, cheater, and thief by my family
-looking in the mirror
-going into a 'special' store and saying " may I have a glass rose?"
-waking up and thinking about what I'd done
-leaving my house at 3:00 am to go and get more
-the shame, the guilt............................................. ................
Thank God I'm free. God bless the addict.
Penny 179 days clean
-buying them
-needing them
-being imprisoned by them
The cocaine/crack
-the guilt
-the shame
-white girl, nice car, bad side of town
-living as though I wanted to die
-wishing I would die
-overdosing...and almost dying
-lying, cheating, stealing from my family
-being looked at as a liar, cheater, and thief by my family
-looking in the mirror
-going into a 'special' store and saying " may I have a glass rose?"
-waking up and thinking about what I'd done
-leaving my house at 3:00 am to go and get more
-the shame, the guilt............................................. ................
Thank God I'm free. God bless the addict.
Penny 179 days clean
Mr.MeToo?
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: East Coast to the Deep South
Posts: 828
great post stgebear.
Top thing for me would have to be that constant fear of the 'super flu'. The state of emergency I seemed to always be in. Whether it was my money was getting low, my dealer not picking up his phone, my gf (at teh time) threatening to call the police on me. The constant nagging of my dopehead "friends" calling every 5 minutes to see if I got some for them yet.
never hid my drugs though, being that i had my own apartment. i kept my bundles on me 24/7 cus i so terrified 'friends' who came to visit would look for it and find it and leave me dopesick.
Top thing for me would have to be that constant fear of the 'super flu'. The state of emergency I seemed to always be in. Whether it was my money was getting low, my dealer not picking up his phone, my gf (at teh time) threatening to call the police on me. The constant nagging of my dopehead "friends" calling every 5 minutes to see if I got some for them yet.
never hid my drugs though, being that i had my own apartment. i kept my bundles on me 24/7 cus i so terrified 'friends' who came to visit would look for it and find it and leave me dopesick.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Flint MI
Posts: 4,455
OMg..........can just about agree with every post....
* the shame of facing my family
*the hiding from my family
* the career I had on city council
* the money that has come and gone
* the lessons I taught others ( like the kids who did drugs with me or buying for my brother...........I will go to my grave knowing I made him start his path to being an alcoholic)
* The craving
thanks Bear!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love,
Pamm
* the shame of facing my family
*the hiding from my family
* the career I had on city council
* the money that has come and gone
* the lessons I taught others ( like the kids who did drugs with me or buying for my brother...........I will go to my grave knowing I made him start his path to being an alcoholic)
* The craving
thanks Bear!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love,
Pamm
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