a life beyond my wildest dreams... i still have fear. and of course i act out selfishly when i am afraid. but things are different tonight.
i needed detoxes, rehab, AA, NA, any-bloody-A that was available and thank the lord for SR. basically, i need help, lots of! i spent years prior to substances unhappy. i struggled with "being human"...more than most! i found substances as a 'solution' to this problem. i obsessed and used them to the cost of everything i held dear in life. everything.
in recovery, through learning what it is to be truly honest and open minded, i found some peace. i cannot do drugs. better still, i dont need to do drugs! and thy will be done - not my will. never my will. for my will leaves me forever unquenched. there is never enough of what i want. but what i simply need is there in abundance. whatever i need!
thats how tonight ive become so grateful for what ive got - not what i think i want tonight. im alive at this moment and am able to experience feelings which i never could before. i can enjoy a spiritual connection with another human being like i never imagined possible. nah. this is unreal. this is what it was all about. what it has always been about. this is a life beyond my wildest dreams. what happens tomorrow is of no consequence. but if anyone can find what i have found tonight, you can experience true gratitude. if i can feel this again then my life continues to exist outside of even the craziest of dreams.
if i get through this 24 hrs some things around here are gonna change! :p
much love <3
and you all deserve a good life, please do not thieve this opportunity from yourselves
now goo and enjoy the ride!