My Story-Shockozulu
Reach Out and Touch Faith
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
My Story-Shockozulu
For years I knew the words 'recovery', 'clean', and 'sober'. I understood what the words meant but never felt it.
By the time I was sixteen I was drinking and using on a daily basis. By eighteen I had tried to fall asleep, kill myself or just end it all by taking a bottle of tranquilizers. By the time I was forty the roller-coaster of drugs and alcohol had led to a place that was so empty I had suffered through institutions and death. Once, my heart stopped after a second suicide attempt (to end my struggles with my addiction). At one point my own mother had to decide whether she was going to press charges against me. Through the grace of God I didn't experience Jails. Give me time and I would have been there as well.
When I finally arrived at SR I was looking for help for my addiction and for help dealing with my mother who was also an addict for most of her life.
I worked both SMART Recovery and 12 Step Fellowships. I wanted to stay clean, I didn't like the person I was when I used and drank. Still I would do it because I didn't know another life.
Through the grace of my Higher Power I have survived my mother's illness and unexpected death in 2011 from a genetic disease. I was with her until the end and remained clean. I held her hand and looked her in the face while telling her that I would respect her living will. She knew from my recent past I was good for my word.
I've learned that my mother's years of substance abuse may have been due in large fact to her neurological disease. Knowing this I've learned alternate ways for me to remain in recovery. In her last year, my mother also found recovery for herself.
Now I'm living with some symptoms that may be attributed to my mother's illness, Huntington's Disease. I have a one in two chances of dying from this degenerative neurological disorder. Every day I deal with the questions of whether or not I should be tested for it, as there is no life prelonging medication or treatment at this time. As of this writing I haven't decided whether to test or not.
Still I remain clean and sober. At the beginning of 2012, I found myself struggling to get to meetings. All of my books for both my secular and non-secular recovery programs were only good to gather dust. I didn't want to drink but I knew it was a matter of time before I just picked up a bottle of booze simply because it was there.
Bam! Through a series of accidents someone came into my life long enough to share what I needed to hear, in a way I would hear it. Since then I've been spending more time doing what I need to do to keep my rear end clean and sober. I've been spending time reflecting on my spirituality. Through helping others my life now includes service. Through communicating with my Higher Power my life also includes a real sense of belonging.
I'm proud to say I am doing everything I can to remain clean and sober because I want to be the person I am today. When walking by a mirror, I no longer turn away.
By the time I was sixteen I was drinking and using on a daily basis. By eighteen I had tried to fall asleep, kill myself or just end it all by taking a bottle of tranquilizers. By the time I was forty the roller-coaster of drugs and alcohol had led to a place that was so empty I had suffered through institutions and death. Once, my heart stopped after a second suicide attempt (to end my struggles with my addiction). At one point my own mother had to decide whether she was going to press charges against me. Through the grace of God I didn't experience Jails. Give me time and I would have been there as well.
When I finally arrived at SR I was looking for help for my addiction and for help dealing with my mother who was also an addict for most of her life.
I worked both SMART Recovery and 12 Step Fellowships. I wanted to stay clean, I didn't like the person I was when I used and drank. Still I would do it because I didn't know another life.
Through the grace of my Higher Power I have survived my mother's illness and unexpected death in 2011 from a genetic disease. I was with her until the end and remained clean. I held her hand and looked her in the face while telling her that I would respect her living will. She knew from my recent past I was good for my word.
I've learned that my mother's years of substance abuse may have been due in large fact to her neurological disease. Knowing this I've learned alternate ways for me to remain in recovery. In her last year, my mother also found recovery for herself.
Now I'm living with some symptoms that may be attributed to my mother's illness, Huntington's Disease. I have a one in two chances of dying from this degenerative neurological disorder. Every day I deal with the questions of whether or not I should be tested for it, as there is no life prelonging medication or treatment at this time. As of this writing I haven't decided whether to test or not.
Still I remain clean and sober. At the beginning of 2012, I found myself struggling to get to meetings. All of my books for both my secular and non-secular recovery programs were only good to gather dust. I didn't want to drink but I knew it was a matter of time before I just picked up a bottle of booze simply because it was there.
Bam! Through a series of accidents someone came into my life long enough to share what I needed to hear, in a way I would hear it. Since then I've been spending more time doing what I need to do to keep my rear end clean and sober. I've been spending time reflecting on my spirituality. Through helping others my life now includes service. Through communicating with my Higher Power my life also includes a real sense of belonging.
I'm proud to say I am doing everything I can to remain clean and sober because I want to be the person I am today. When walking by a mirror, I no longer turn away.
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