ozgoddess

A lot of you may not know me, I tend to hang out in chat a fair bit but I still wanted to share in here. I hope that my story will help to inspire those of you that think they wont make it, or are struggling. I also like to share success, and today I feel very successful.

Just over a year ago, I started stalking these forums. I read and I read and I read and finally decided that it was about time I came out of denial and accept that I am an alcoholic. Moderation just didn't work. Giving up for "30 day challenges" did not prove that I didn't have a problem. I would always end up back where i started, and worse. This is a progressive disease.....

Well, I soon worked out that the mistakes I had made in the past, besides the denial, was thinking I could do it on my own. Coming here saved my life. I have made so many new friends, not one of them have I ever seen face to face, but that doesn't matter. The common bond we all have is that we "get it'. We know what it is like to be an addict. Sure, the path we took to get there might be different but the common red thread is the same.

*insert shout out to my SR family here* I love you guys!!

One day at a time, I can't tell you how much that has helped me as well. Sobriety has given me the gift of living in the present. I no longer wish my life away. I appreciate the little things in life a lot more. In fact, I have a life now, rather than a pathetic existence that was not only upsetting me, but those that love me as well.

Loving myself - wow - now that was a huge one for me. I hated myself so much. Didn't think I deserved to be happy and would actually sabotage happiness. Now I realise I deserve to be just as happy as anyone else does. I learnt to love myself and started to realise it doesn't matter what people think of me. I don't have to drown my sorrows when I think someone is judging me or agonising over something I might have said/done. What they think of me is their problem.

I can now look at myself in the mirror and not feel disgust. I wake up feeling wonderful. One of my work colleagues said to me once, "I feel sorry for you, when you wake up that's as good as your day is going to get". As much as he was joking, I didn't have the heart to say "buddy, been where you have and I know where I would rather be". It's fabulous not having to wait til 2pm when I felt "alive" again, I feel alive 24/7 now

I am not going to lie, there were times in early sobriety when a drink seemed like a great idea, but as time has gone on I have come to realise that drinking is never the solution to the problem. In fact, if I remember correctly it generally made it worse. I am loving that fact that these days each decision I make is not clouded with alcohol and I know that if I decide to do something, it is because I want to. I can say no these days and not feel guilty.

Those drinking urges pass, trust me on that one. Just don't give in to that "stinkin thinkin" and remember why you are doing this in the first place. Don't dwell on the past too much but remember those things that you didn't like about yourself when you drank/used. That would soon get me over the urges. I would just change the tape that played in my head.

My biggest personal challenge now is increasing my running at the gym (my new addiction). I am now running 5km x 3 times a week. Gosh I never thought I would be able to do that. I lift weights on the other 3 and rest on Saturday. There is nothing like jumping on that treadmill with my headphones in, playing some kind of thrashy tunes (hehe) and escaping.

Which leads me to music... oh boy, play that music loud in the lounge room and dance!!! Grab a sober life with both hands, stay on for the whole ride and don't let go.. it's worth it!!