Discussion and Sharing Welcomed!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 15
After struggling for many years - backing away from doing the 4th step because I was already "cured" and crashing time and again, I finally realized that you have to be at step 4 to do step 4.....
I am currently doing my 4th with a great sponsor, and everytime that lid is taken off the garbage can, something new is revealed and I am ironically fascinated how intertwined my character defects are. The advice my sponsor gives me tends to keep me focused - fearless means being positive, and it is a moral, not immoral personal inventory. I have heard many people say they did it quickly, some did it slowly, some do it more than once - but I am just following my H.P.'s and sponsors direction, and know when the time to do step 5 arrives I will know.
I am currently doing my 4th with a great sponsor, and everytime that lid is taken off the garbage can, something new is revealed and I am ironically fascinated how intertwined my character defects are. The advice my sponsor gives me tends to keep me focused - fearless means being positive, and it is a moral, not immoral personal inventory. I have heard many people say they did it quickly, some did it slowly, some do it more than once - but I am just following my H.P.'s and sponsors direction, and know when the time to do step 5 arrives I will know.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pugetopolis
Posts: 2,384
After we take the Third Step and go over directions for the Fourth Step, I give the people I work with one week to write it. My words are "have this done in a week, or this relationship will change." Sounds harsh, but it is effective, as I don't have time to dilly-dally with someone who isn't serious, and I'm not really interested in hearing reasons why someone can't write it. Unless they can't read or write, then I will help them, and sometimes things do come up, such as family emergencies, etc.
I do give them the Joe & Charlie worksheets, which are right out the book, to help them. I don't expect a novel and I don't expect it to be perfect. The point is to do it.
I do give them the Joe & Charlie worksheets, which are right out the book, to help them. I don't expect a novel and I don't expect it to be perfect. The point is to do it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: South Chicago Heights, IL
Posts: 12
This step was easy for me because...
it was about my favorite subject.... ME!!
By this point, I was open to doing what was suggested and it was suggested to open the big book to page 64 and read to the end of the chapter to get an idea of what was to be done and how and when.
After reporting back that I didn't think that was too bad, my sponsor said, "Great Tim. Here's a legal pad, a pencil, and a pack of your smokes. Get to it."
After I realized he was serious, I did it.
I took a sheet of paper and wrote on the top, left hand corner: I'm resentful at: . I then listed everything and everyone with whom I had a beef, past and present as they came to mind. (I was starting to like this step a lot, look at what all these people have done to poor Timmy!)
After that I added a column next to it: The cause: and listed what it was that was done to me. (Again I'm liking this, see how rough poor old Timmy boy has had it?)
Then it was the column: Affects my: and I went back through each one and was able to show how all these people had damaged my fragile psyche.
I looked at page 66 and thought, "YES! I've been wronged! See it says it right there!"
I got my sponsor and told him I was done and lets do this 5th step. Now maybe he'll see that I'm not really a whiner and a sniveler... I had good cause!
He looked at my list, looked at me and said, "You are nowhere near done, you have more to do with this list and then you get to make two more. Read further on page 66 through page 67... just the black parts!"
After a couple sub-audible f-bombs I did as was suggested and got to the first fourth step prayer on page 67.
I reread that paragraph about five times and then said the prayer.
An amazing thing happened, the wrongs were still there but the edge was taken off of them.
Since that went so well, I read the rest of the page and was completely flabbergasted!
I now have to admit MY part in all this??? I'm the one who was wronged here! What part did I play other than to innocently try to get through life?
I was told to quit snivelling and do it... It took a while but I managed to get through it and I was quite shocked at the outcome.
Turns out I played a large part in about 95 percent of them. Now THAT was a bitter pill to swallow. I added another column entitled my part and wrote what it was...
After doing this, I did start to see some patterns of behavior coming out and this was the start of me losing that feeling of victimization that I always carried. It also caused me to add another entry onto the list... ME. I didn't like the poop head that I had apparently become!
This took about 2 hours and my sponsor came over and told me to take a break and he wanted to look at what I'd done so far.
While I was strutting around bragging about how I was doing my 4th step, he took out a red marker and put an F next to a bunch of the entries on my list.
I came back in and he said, "OK, take another piece of paper and write: I'm afraid of on the top left corner. Then list everything you're afraid of and don't tell me that you aren't afraid of anything. If you don't like the word "afraid" then right down everything that you worry about. Then give me another holler"
So I did it and hollared at him and he said, "add the ones from your resentment list that have the F's marked next to them, then do the same procedure as the resentment list. Add a column: cause, affects my, and even a my part in case it applies."
Did all that, he pointed to the bottom of page 68 and said to say the "fears" prayer" so I did and still didn't feel much better but I was starting to see how most of my self centered acts were, in fact, driven by fears, lots of them.
When that occurred to me a weight was lifted. I now had an answer to the question I have often asked of myself: What is WRONG with me??? Turns out not much was wrong at all, I was really just a scared little boy. Didn't like that at first but it sure beat thinking I was suffering from Boderline Personality Disorder!
This one took about an hour and a half and I took a break. While talking with my sponsor, he asked, "Have your eyes opened?" I said, "Boy have they!" He smiled and said, "Good. Because now you get to make your third list, but we're going to diverge slightly from the book. It says sex, and the underlying theme is that, but more importantly, I want you to think of your relationships and here's the format for this one; the columns are: "I have an issue with", "What is it (the issue)", "What is affected","What part did I play", "Result of". And the result of column will be filled by answering the questions on page 69, second paragraph"
So I did it, and found that it all still seemed to come back to self centeredness, greed, fear, dishonesty, etc.
and that was it!
From the 6 or so hours spent doing that list, I did learn a lot about myself and about the world as well. There were very tangible benefits from it besides getting all the old timers off my back about doing it!
It was really fairly simple for me and I use the same format for the guys I work with now, but it was a truly liberating step. Now that I knew what wasn't working in my life, I was ready to be rid of it! (But that's a story for a few other steps!)
I was already letting go of some of my "old ideas", and the results were definitely far from nil!
To anybody on the fence, the most important thing is just to DO IT. It's nowhere near as bad as you think but it isn't a cake walk either!
I'm up to 8 cents now! Thanks for reading my ramblings!
In fellowship,
Tim
By this point, I was open to doing what was suggested and it was suggested to open the big book to page 64 and read to the end of the chapter to get an idea of what was to be done and how and when.
After reporting back that I didn't think that was too bad, my sponsor said, "Great Tim. Here's a legal pad, a pencil, and a pack of your smokes. Get to it."
After I realized he was serious, I did it.
I took a sheet of paper and wrote on the top, left hand corner: I'm resentful at: . I then listed everything and everyone with whom I had a beef, past and present as they came to mind. (I was starting to like this step a lot, look at what all these people have done to poor Timmy!)
After that I added a column next to it: The cause: and listed what it was that was done to me. (Again I'm liking this, see how rough poor old Timmy boy has had it?)
Then it was the column: Affects my: and I went back through each one and was able to show how all these people had damaged my fragile psyche.
I looked at page 66 and thought, "YES! I've been wronged! See it says it right there!"
I got my sponsor and told him I was done and lets do this 5th step. Now maybe he'll see that I'm not really a whiner and a sniveler... I had good cause!
He looked at my list, looked at me and said, "You are nowhere near done, you have more to do with this list and then you get to make two more. Read further on page 66 through page 67... just the black parts!"
After a couple sub-audible f-bombs I did as was suggested and got to the first fourth step prayer on page 67.
I reread that paragraph about five times and then said the prayer.
An amazing thing happened, the wrongs were still there but the edge was taken off of them.
Since that went so well, I read the rest of the page and was completely flabbergasted!
I now have to admit MY part in all this??? I'm the one who was wronged here! What part did I play other than to innocently try to get through life?
I was told to quit snivelling and do it... It took a while but I managed to get through it and I was quite shocked at the outcome.
Turns out I played a large part in about 95 percent of them. Now THAT was a bitter pill to swallow. I added another column entitled my part and wrote what it was...
After doing this, I did start to see some patterns of behavior coming out and this was the start of me losing that feeling of victimization that I always carried. It also caused me to add another entry onto the list... ME. I didn't like the poop head that I had apparently become!
This took about 2 hours and my sponsor came over and told me to take a break and he wanted to look at what I'd done so far.
While I was strutting around bragging about how I was doing my 4th step, he took out a red marker and put an F next to a bunch of the entries on my list.
I came back in and he said, "OK, take another piece of paper and write: I'm afraid of on the top left corner. Then list everything you're afraid of and don't tell me that you aren't afraid of anything. If you don't like the word "afraid" then right down everything that you worry about. Then give me another holler"
So I did it and hollared at him and he said, "add the ones from your resentment list that have the F's marked next to them, then do the same procedure as the resentment list. Add a column: cause, affects my, and even a my part in case it applies."
Did all that, he pointed to the bottom of page 68 and said to say the "fears" prayer" so I did and still didn't feel much better but I was starting to see how most of my self centered acts were, in fact, driven by fears, lots of them.
When that occurred to me a weight was lifted. I now had an answer to the question I have often asked of myself: What is WRONG with me??? Turns out not much was wrong at all, I was really just a scared little boy. Didn't like that at first but it sure beat thinking I was suffering from Boderline Personality Disorder!
This one took about an hour and a half and I took a break. While talking with my sponsor, he asked, "Have your eyes opened?" I said, "Boy have they!" He smiled and said, "Good. Because now you get to make your third list, but we're going to diverge slightly from the book. It says sex, and the underlying theme is that, but more importantly, I want you to think of your relationships and here's the format for this one; the columns are: "I have an issue with", "What is it (the issue)", "What is affected","What part did I play", "Result of". And the result of column will be filled by answering the questions on page 69, second paragraph"
So I did it, and found that it all still seemed to come back to self centeredness, greed, fear, dishonesty, etc.
and that was it!
From the 6 or so hours spent doing that list, I did learn a lot about myself and about the world as well. There were very tangible benefits from it besides getting all the old timers off my back about doing it!
It was really fairly simple for me and I use the same format for the guys I work with now, but it was a truly liberating step. Now that I knew what wasn't working in my life, I was ready to be rid of it! (But that's a story for a few other steps!)
I was already letting go of some of my "old ideas", and the results were definitely far from nil!
To anybody on the fence, the most important thing is just to DO IT. It's nowhere near as bad as you think but it isn't a cake walk either!
I'm up to 8 cents now! Thanks for reading my ramblings!
In fellowship,
Tim
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Fluttering About
Posts: 3,760
Yes, refreshing and enlightening.."not an immoral but moral,..."fact finding..." "removal of blocks keeping me from the sunlight of the Spirit..." all essential reminders.
I cannot say it was "The Great American Novel...nor can I say there was a great deal of fear--My Fear was directly connected to the fifth,,,,,but my sponsor was indeed an angel..a precious gift..firm, loving, compassionate... She had me fully prepared for the fourth...She said..."We cannot jump ahead on the steps, but... we can go back, so if there is fear...let me know and we will do more work on step 3 to have you better prepared..But I did not need to go back..I plunged ahead..out of sheer desperation...I had carried that garbage for so long..and I trusted "A " completely. The fear I acknowledged was the fear of incompleteness due to memory losses...There again "A" lovingly reassured me it was ok..I was being protected from those memories and when my HP whom I do choose to call God- saw I was ready for those He would reveal them to me. Her wods have proven themselvs to me over and over again.
The inventory was indeed long, it could have filled volumes. I was DESPERATE. I needed to puke it out--I had to be rid of it all. It toook me weeks, writing every chance I had. When the emotions entangled with the garbage started to entangle me "A" was a phone call away. She woud get me back on tack by saying you are not there ..those things cannot hurt you anymore. Her love, her confidence, her experience strength and her hope kept me going.
I might add one more suggestion that helped me more than anything was while I was writing I could hedar "A" in my mind saying, "Mary, honey you are not the same person you were..you will not be the same person you were, it is "just the facts."
Today as I guide folks into the fourth I use "A"'s loving guidance and do the same thing...I suggest they write on an index card and place it there wherever they are writing..."You are not the same person you were, you will not be the same person you were, Just the facts, honey...just the facts."
Don't take me wrong..just becasue "A" used endearments did not mean she was suggar coatinganything..She did not..she told me like it was. And se could be tough with me when she needed to be--Thank God.
I am eteranlly grateful for "A". And did I mention she was a gift...I could not find a sponsor...at 1 year 6 months I had no sponsor...I had asked five women and 5 women said no...the desperation, incomprehensible demoralization and all those other raw emotions that arise when te analgesic stops was continuing to rage inside of me to the point I planned on ending it..."A" --a woman I had never met, cornered me after the meeting on the very day my plan was to be implemented to just throw in the towel. I thought..this works for everyone else...I cannot even get a person to walk thu the steps with me. At that meeting "A" pulled my covers, saw thru the smug, insolent mask I was wearing, told me all the anger, the hurt, the fear she saw in me. I had been around long enough and the fog had cleared sufficiently for me to know this was no hocus pocus pschic stuff.
Then....amazingly, shockingly...she asked me if I would allow her to sponsor me...Do miracles happen? YES...Does God give Gifts...YES... Do I regret my journey...not just no...but hell no...what a ride nd what a trip!!!
This journey is no for the faint hearted...But come join us on the Braod Higway...join us as we trudge this road to happy destiny..Join us in this free for all.
We aim to please and render good service...if anything disatisfies you ...your misery will be refunded. There is no small print..It does clearly say..do your part...participate in your own recovery. God I love this program!!!
Thank you all for being here...I do not know you ...but I sure love you all.
I cannot say it was "The Great American Novel...nor can I say there was a great deal of fear--My Fear was directly connected to the fifth,,,,,but my sponsor was indeed an angel..a precious gift..firm, loving, compassionate... She had me fully prepared for the fourth...She said..."We cannot jump ahead on the steps, but... we can go back, so if there is fear...let me know and we will do more work on step 3 to have you better prepared..But I did not need to go back..I plunged ahead..out of sheer desperation...I had carried that garbage for so long..and I trusted "A " completely. The fear I acknowledged was the fear of incompleteness due to memory losses...There again "A" lovingly reassured me it was ok..I was being protected from those memories and when my HP whom I do choose to call God- saw I was ready for those He would reveal them to me. Her wods have proven themselvs to me over and over again.
The inventory was indeed long, it could have filled volumes. I was DESPERATE. I needed to puke it out--I had to be rid of it all. It toook me weeks, writing every chance I had. When the emotions entangled with the garbage started to entangle me "A" was a phone call away. She woud get me back on tack by saying you are not there ..those things cannot hurt you anymore. Her love, her confidence, her experience strength and her hope kept me going.
I might add one more suggestion that helped me more than anything was while I was writing I could hedar "A" in my mind saying, "Mary, honey you are not the same person you were..you will not be the same person you were, it is "just the facts."
Today as I guide folks into the fourth I use "A"'s loving guidance and do the same thing...I suggest they write on an index card and place it there wherever they are writing..."You are not the same person you were, you will not be the same person you were, Just the facts, honey...just the facts."
Don't take me wrong..just becasue "A" used endearments did not mean she was suggar coatinganything..She did not..she told me like it was. And se could be tough with me when she needed to be--Thank God.
I am eteranlly grateful for "A". And did I mention she was a gift...I could not find a sponsor...at 1 year 6 months I had no sponsor...I had asked five women and 5 women said no...the desperation, incomprehensible demoralization and all those other raw emotions that arise when te analgesic stops was continuing to rage inside of me to the point I planned on ending it..."A" --a woman I had never met, cornered me after the meeting on the very day my plan was to be implemented to just throw in the towel. I thought..this works for everyone else...I cannot even get a person to walk thu the steps with me. At that meeting "A" pulled my covers, saw thru the smug, insolent mask I was wearing, told me all the anger, the hurt, the fear she saw in me. I had been around long enough and the fog had cleared sufficiently for me to know this was no hocus pocus pschic stuff.
Then....amazingly, shockingly...she asked me if I would allow her to sponsor me...Do miracles happen? YES...Does God give Gifts...YES... Do I regret my journey...not just no...but hell no...what a ride nd what a trip!!!
This journey is no for the faint hearted...But come join us on the Braod Higway...join us as we trudge this road to happy destiny..Join us in this free for all.
We aim to please and render good service...if anything disatisfies you ...your misery will be refunded. There is no small print..It does clearly say..do your part...participate in your own recovery. God I love this program!!!
Thank you all for being here...I do not know you ...but I sure love you all.
Last edited by Fluttering; 03-16-2007 at 10:41 PM.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Wow!!! Great shares on the 4th, I finished the 4th a little over a week ago and due to scheduling conflicts my sponsor and I were not able to get together for the 5th step. Well I just finished printing out the 4th step and some prayers and a check list of character defects to fill out as we do my 5th step.
If the 5th step is 1/2 as freeing as the 4th I am truly going to be amazed, I had an experience last night/this morning that was to say the least a "Spiritual Experience" That I will never forget, when I awoke (if I was asleep), I felt as though the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders and I was free of my fears, guilt and worries.
God is great!!!!
If the 5th step is 1/2 as freeing as the 4th I am truly going to be amazed, I had an experience last night/this morning that was to say the least a "Spiritual Experience" That I will never forget, when I awoke (if I was asleep), I felt as though the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders and I was free of my fears, guilt and worries.
God is great!!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: south east
Posts: 216
I didn't realized I'd missed this step. I've done two fourth steps, one out of the 12 and 12 and one out of the big book. I think the second one was a little bit more thorough and helpful. Truly I found the most relief when I started the 9th step.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: chicago,il.
Posts: 3
The fourth step for me was done right away as a direction from my sponsor. In the book after saying the third step prayer it is time to get into action. For me my fourth step was to identify core of my resentments and what part did I play and what insecurities were affected. I also seen patterns in my behavior . All the insecurities I gave to God. My resebtments come from my own insecurities.Whether it is self esteem,material.financial,sexual. After I did the fifth I went right home and did 6 and seven as it says to do in the book.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Cumming, Ga
Posts: 665
I completed my 4th step this morning. In the middle of it I had the epiphany that these defects, all this crap is what makes my connection to God loose. Now I can't wait to 5th step it and move forward. We used to worksheets. I found them helpful. As the 12&12 states, my fears over the 4th step were just bogeymen. So, this is what I've been avoiding all these years? It has taken me since 1991 to do a 4th step and a number of relapses.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 190
Originally Posted by BP44 
I completed my 4th step this morning. In the middle of it I had the epiphany that these defects, all this crap is what makes my connection to God loose. Now I can't wait to 5th step it and move forward. We used to worksheets. I found them helpful. As the 12&12 states, my fears over the 4th step were just bogeymen. So, this is what I've been avoiding all these years? It has taken me since 1991 to do a 4th step and a number of relapses.
I sat there wondering " is that all there is to these steps"?
I couldn't believe it was so simple and I'd wasted yrs procrastinating.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Well....
it seems my orginal post was lost in the crash
along with many others. Sooo...
I went to several Step Study Workshops
Attended weekly Step meetings
Got a bunch of forms from various places
And still I fiddled around ...started and stopped.
It was darn hard to look at myself.
Finally...I sat down with my Big Book...Prayed
and let it flow. 4 hours later
I called L. and we made a date
to do my 5th the nest morning.
I was almost 3 years sober!!
Whew!
Thanks for letting me share
along with many others. Sooo...
I went to several Step Study Workshops
Attended weekly Step meetings
Got a bunch of forms from various places
And still I fiddled around ...started and stopped.
It was darn hard to look at myself.Finally...I sat down with my Big Book...Prayed
and let it flow. 4 hours later
I called L. and we made a date
to do my 5th the nest morning.
I was almost 3 years sober!!
Whew!
Thanks for letting me share
Eric
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: white city oregon
Posts: 1
I have 11 months sober and I'm stuck....stuck.....stuck..... I can't seem to get this done.....I have read everything.....I have every book and guide..........I have listened to my sponser and grandsponser........I go to meetings almost everyday.......and still .................I'm stuck ...stuck...stuck
Guess what, I'm not crazy.
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Oregon
Posts: 286
So far I have 42 people listed as resentments. I lost my original list as it was on my phone that died, and I didn't get it back. I know I had about 60 people listed there, so I need to go over my list again, and see who I come up with. I have what the resentment is about and need to go back to each of them to finish my part and how it affected me. I also know there are some people that I have a lot more resentments to add. I grew up in an alcoholic home and that affected everything.
Now I do have to admit that I sort of skipped steps on some people and wrote amends to them as soon as I got done with the resentments. These are people who I affected and that caused them to do the stuff that I resent. Anyway, I felt the need to make the amendment right away.
I still have a lot to write and I do keep a journal every day so that helps bring stuff up. Just like most people, it took me a long time to get things going because I over complicated it.
D
Now I do have to admit that I sort of skipped steps on some people and wrote amends to them as soon as I got done with the resentments. These are people who I affected and that caused them to do the stuff that I resent. Anyway, I felt the need to make the amendment right away.
I still have a lot to write and I do keep a journal every day so that helps bring stuff up. Just like most people, it took me a long time to get things going because I over complicated it.
D
Vance H
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: indiana
Posts: 2
My first post
Hi I am Turtle, and I am, and will always be "a real alchoholic",
Have decided to post my first message, instead of just reading, you know, "into action". Thank you to all the humble people on this site for supporting us newcomers, much gratitude. Am living and loving my first 5 months of complete soberiety, since age 15. My cousin/ best friend was killed due in part to his meth addiction, and after I gave the Uleigy I vowed to him that I would live my best, for him and his 3 children.
I go to at least one AA meeting per day, 163 and counting, it is my medicine. Have a great sponsor, with 18 years sober, who I talk to every morning, along with praying, my daily reflections and 24 hrs a day readings. Pray every night, to thank my higher power for another small achievment then fall asleep reading the big book. Some folks at meetings say I am wearing my program like a strait jacket not like a loose shirt, and how long can anyone stand wearing one? My intencity has always been a strugle for me, the same intencity I used when drinking for 20 years on and off. Anyone have an opinoin on intencity or perfectism? Is why I have been on step 4 for 2 months?
Have decided to post my first message, instead of just reading, you know, "into action". Thank you to all the humble people on this site for supporting us newcomers, much gratitude. Am living and loving my first 5 months of complete soberiety, since age 15. My cousin/ best friend was killed due in part to his meth addiction, and after I gave the Uleigy I vowed to him that I would live my best, for him and his 3 children.
I go to at least one AA meeting per day, 163 and counting, it is my medicine. Have a great sponsor, with 18 years sober, who I talk to every morning, along with praying, my daily reflections and 24 hrs a day readings. Pray every night, to thank my higher power for another small achievment then fall asleep reading the big book. Some folks at meetings say I am wearing my program like a strait jacket not like a loose shirt, and how long can anyone stand wearing one? My intencity has always been a strugle for me, the same intencity I used when drinking for 20 years on and off. Anyone have an opinoin on intencity or perfectism? Is why I have been on step 4 for 2 months?
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Southern New Hampshire
Posts: 746
My Big Book says we seek the solution with the desparation of a drowning man, sounds pretty intense to me. After all, this is only about life or death, my advice, keep on moving forward.
You can stay sick in AA and have plenty of company. or You can recover and live a life beyond imagination. It boils down to the kind of company you wish to keep. PM if I can be of service.
You can stay sick in AA and have plenty of company. or You can recover and live a life beyond imagination. It boils down to the kind of company you wish to keep. PM if I can be of service.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 32
I'm loving a whole thread on each of the steps!
I'm doing my 2nd 4th step with my 3rd sponsor now. My first sponsor got me to step 7, then just started having life issues and I was unable to depend on her to show up to meet with me. Started over with another sponsor, got ready to do my 4th step and I realized we weren't a good fit. Have been with my most recent sponsor since December, who is great, as was my first one, and am about 1/4 of the way through this 4th step.
I don't know about anyone else, but the first column is always easy for me. Resentment! Yeah! Second column is somewhat painful, though I can also get into justifiable anger there too. Not going to worry about the third and, especially the fourth column right at the moment!
I'm doing my 2nd 4th step with my 3rd sponsor now. My first sponsor got me to step 7, then just started having life issues and I was unable to depend on her to show up to meet with me. Started over with another sponsor, got ready to do my 4th step and I realized we weren't a good fit. Have been with my most recent sponsor since December, who is great, as was my first one, and am about 1/4 of the way through this 4th step.
I don't know about anyone else, but the first column is always easy for me. Resentment! Yeah! Second column is somewhat painful, though I can also get into justifiable anger there too. Not going to worry about the third and, especially the fourth column right at the moment!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 104
Yeah first column...
"To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got."
I remind myself here that where the BB refers to 'most people' most of us' 'all of us' and lots of times 'some of us' it usually applies directly to me, especially if I think it doesn't.
Tough part for me is really seeing how Ive been wrong. Once I get over the initial experience of humility acting upon me which feels I guess something like humiliation Im ready to do the rest
And worst is when Ive been really really wrong. Blood freezes from the inside out starting with the marrow, get tunnel vision and faint and the hair stands straight up on my neck as my face flushes and the world as I know it is at an end and I must never show my face again as I attempt to will myself into being magically un-created, the only thing that could really fix things in that moment.
Did I mention I hate being wrong?
"To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got."
I remind myself here that where the BB refers to 'most people' most of us' 'all of us' and lots of times 'some of us' it usually applies directly to me, especially if I think it doesn't.
Tough part for me is really seeing how Ive been wrong. Once I get over the initial experience of humility acting upon me which feels I guess something like humiliation Im ready to do the rest
And worst is when Ive been really really wrong. Blood freezes from the inside out starting with the marrow, get tunnel vision and faint and the hair stands straight up on my neck as my face flushes and the world as I know it is at an end and I must never show my face again as I attempt to will myself into being magically un-created, the only thing that could really fix things in that moment.
Did I mention I hate being wrong?
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Originally Posted by CarolD
I complicated the hell out of this step.
I went to 4th Step workchops..had thick notebooks
with guidelines..started journals and quit same.
This was a 3 year effort!! Duh!!
One rainy saturday evening..I sat down with the BB
said a prayer and started writing.
About midnight I called L. and we agreed to meet
at noon and do Step 5.
My best advice...Just do it!
Thanks for letting me share
I went to 4th Step workchops..had thick notebooks
with guidelines..started journals and quit same.
This was a 3 year effort!! Duh!!
One rainy saturday evening..I sat down with the BB
said a prayer and started writing.
About midnight I called L. and we agreed to meet
at noon and do Step 5.
My best advice...Just do it!
Thanks for letting me share
...she lives on!
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