dratsab

When I finally went into recovery, step 1 was easy for me. I knew that I, on my own, was completely and totally powerless over my addiction. My question is if you all think that this is always true throughout recovery. Will we always be completely powerless against our addiction?

I feel like I'm developing some good tools to battle my addiction. And they are working. So, I don't feel so powerless. I don't think addiction is something I can ever totally defeat, but I still feel empowered.

Taking5

I am not powerless, but I am sure as hell powerless over alcohol.

I have nearly 4 years of sobriety, interrupted by several relapses. Each of those relapses taught me that I am still powerless over alcohol. Or as a friend in AA told me once "There is no step that reads 'and then we regained power over alcohol'". I think I'll remember that one.

BP44

This is an important question. The reason I say that is because steps 2-12 aren't about 2-12, they are about what I looked at in Step 1. My connection to my first step experience is critical. And quite frankly, it needs to be current. I have always been powerless over alcohol. I'm not one of those guys that drank my way into alcoholism. I was out of control from the very beginning. From my first drink to my last drink and from my last drink to this day. I'm never going to get power over alcohol on my own, EVER. If I lose my connection to that first step experience how it will show up is a decrease in working with others, decrease in the disciplines of 10 and 11, pulling away from a home group and other alcoholics and an increase on self reliance or playing God in my life. Over time I will get increasingly irritable , restless and discontent. At some point my mind will respond to the pain of my existence and say, " I know what will help that out" "It'll be different this time" or "It'll be just this one night" The final thing that will happen when I lose my connection to the first step is I'll commit the most insane act for a guy like me and I'll do it stone cold sober....drink. My fist step experience is critical, and will be till they day I die. That's why I stay available to sponsor a lot of guys. They keep me in the first step!!!!

cabledude

Are you going to regain your power over alcohol and be able to run your life well after some time sober?

I really don't know. How would you be able to tell unless you drink a bit?

From those I've observed who did that, the answer would seem to be negative.

Why not play it safe for say 40 years, and then check it out?

least

When I finally decided to get sober before something awful happened I knew damn well I was powerless over alcohol and my life was indeed unmanageable.



Me too.

Lushwell

You can take a cucumber and turn it into a pickle. But once it is a pickle, it will never be a cucumber again. Seems easy enough to comprehend. A process has taken place that can't be reversed. Enjoy the pickle for what it is.

Surrendering to the concept that we are powerless over alcohol once we take that first drink.......The key being powerless AFTER we take that first drink. Unless we drink, alcohol has no power over us. If we abstain from alcohol, alcohol is a non-issue. We are now pickles.

nandm

After nearly 10 years of sobriety I am still as powerless over alcohol as I have been all my life. Once I pick up that first drink the obsession starts. I know I could pick up a drink today but I know that one drink for me eventually leads to way too many. What I do have power over is choosing to use the tools of the program of AA (the Steps, Traditions, sponsor, going to meetings, etc...), that is what keeps me sober and the obsession away. So yes, in answer to your question, I believe we never lose our powerlessness over alcohol. I can only keep it at bay.

DayTrader

Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

I can tell you what that means to me.....and maybe that would help you.... I haven't had a drink in almost 4 years and I'm still powerless over alcohol and my life is still unmanageable.

I'd challenge you to explore YOUR OWN truth though. What's your experience been? Have you ever felt, in the past, that you had it together.....that you were strong again....feeling better.....and could control it? However, when you drank again, could you control it? If not.....is it safe to say that your previous feelings of power and control were delusional? That's what I came to realize.


I fought all the steps....big time.....for whatever reason. With the help of a mentor in AA, I went back over my past and found lots and lots of times where I felt it'd be different this time when I drank again. Reality though, was that 99% of the times I did drink again, it was out of control. I finally got to the point where doing anymore testing, hoping for different results, didn't make sense. ....but I kept drinking anyway. ....I couldn't stop. From where I sit now though, there's no desire to go back. I wouldn't want to be a social drinker even IF I could be. I like drinking to blackout.....not to the edge of a buzz then stop.

Is my life still unmanageable? Hmm....lets see..... yes. No question about it. At first though, early in recovery, this was the difficult concept to get. I was so accustomed to living in pain that the life I was living seemed quite normal.......and manageable. You don't know what you don't know, right? I didn't know what sort of life or lifestyle was possible because I never really had tried anything other than my parent's version when I was a little kid and my version when I was out on my own.

- Ask for help? never - If I'm better than all of you.....why ask you for help?
- Rely on God? yeah, right.....get right on that - haven't needed him so far other than a couple times and he left me high and dry (so I thought) so screw him. (I had a belief that there probably WAS a God out there......but that he had better things to deal with than me.......or that he didn't interfere in human existence.....or maybe that there wasn't a God afterall and I'd just been brainwashed by my stupid parents (and the rest of the religious world) who used the concept of God like super-duper Santa Claus to keep me at my best behavior)

I was the higher power, my word was final, I out-thought everyone, I don't need or want your help, leave me alone and I'll get this stuff sorted out on my own - and besides, you guys are stupid (proved by how often you won't listen to me, do things YOUR way, and end up suffering) so why would I want your advice at all!!!???

^^^^that made perfect sense to me.....and it's part of my insanity. Also part of my insanity is the delusional belief that if I ever go back to drinking it'll be anything different than any of the 1000's of other times. Another piece of it would be that MY beliefs on God (or anything, really.....) ARE the final authority. Hell, wasn't I the guy who was so sure the next drinking/drugging episode would be ok? Wasn't I the guy who did about a gazillion other things that I knew were wrong, got hurt, then did them again? What kind of dope am I to continue to trust me? Another part is that my beliefs on something like God or a Higher Power / Greater Power are even within the realm of reality. -- I'm nuts.....and when I'm IN the action of being nuts, I don't even realize it. I'm asleep, dreaming I'm awake, pretending I'm living life.

A big hindrance to my recovery has been my willingness to set aside my own ideas. My unwillingness to consider anything other than what I come up with on my own. I heard recovery requires flexibility....yet I remained as inflexible as I could. I heard recovery requires willingness....and the only time I was willing to do much of anything was when I was beaten into a corner by my own failures. I heard recovery would require me to do things I maybe didn't understand or even want to do (like set aside my current beliefs and consider the other side of the coin).....and I wasn't willing to do much of either of those. Thankfully, my HP is very patient.....and loving.....and he/she/it let me run around in circles, digging myself deeper and deeper into depression until I finally ran out of steam. Bottom is a wonderful thing...in that you finally run out of options, tricks, scams, and lies. Once I realized I was ONLY going down......and ONLY getting worse.......I got a little flexible, a little willing, and a little less arrogant. Much to my surprise, when I tried doing the stuff I was told to do in the book/by my sponsor, life started feeling and getting better.

Hmmm.....my way (which SEEMS right) = pain, depression, frustration and futility.
Their way (which seems WRONG or just plain stupid) = I feel better and the pain, depression, frustration and futility dissipate.
--Seems like unmanageably to me, doesn't it?

Now, was EVERYTHING messed up? of course not. But in recovery we learn to raise our standards. We learn to accept less and less pain - especially at our own hand. The more I inventoried, the more I realized how messed up my life was, the more I realize how unmanageable it is, the more willing I am to admit powerlessness, wake up, come to believe that there is a better way, and commit to trying the other path.

.....u dunno if that helps....kinda got rambling there but too lazy to go back and edit and maybe there's something in there you can use. lol

Mike

Music

Well, I'm sober almost 34 years and I know for a fact that if I ever take that first drink, I'll be right back where I was when I came into AA except 34 years older. Don't kid yourself into thinking the disease goes away.

Isaiah

Always powerless over alcohol (when gets into my system) but not powerless over the addiction. If we were all powerless over the whole addiction itself then there wouldn't be a point in AA. We'd just go to meetings and work the steps out of superstition. There is action in AA that moves things back into our hands again. Even the 3rd Step still begins, "made a decision."

Always powerless over alcohol. There is no program that enables me to drink, at least not one I know of or am willing to put my faith in.

Jackedjohn

I guess it's a personal preference. I guess what I've learned from talking to people on this site who agree an disagree with the steps is that the only important thing is to do what works for you. There is no one true way. I worked the first step for a while and I sprinted as far away from the steps as I could. I felt worse about myself then I ever did drinking each time I worked the step (never got passed the first one) especially with "Long timers" around. I didn't feel comfortable until I smashed the word powerless into non-existence. I remember feeling from the very beginning that it was more like a weakness rather than powerless. I can strengthen a weakness in myself. Powerless equates hopeless and incapability to me. So if I were you (and I'm not, it is completely your choice) I would jump on the empowered feelings you said you were having. FOR ME since that realization... I got my life back. Best wishes

dratsab

I think I should clarify... I don't ever plan on drinking ever again. I know that won't work for me. What I'm talking about is having power over addiction. Being able to deal with it and overcome it. I hope that makes more sense.

shaun00

Step one for me was a realization....and a pretty scary one at that.
it wasn't one event.....it was a culmination of years of drinking.

AND more importantly it was a culmination of experiences of keeping myself sober using clenched teeth and shear brute force.....short lived i might add.

I hear alot of people sharing they are powerless over alcohol when they drink it.
but for me......that is only half the story.

Something happens when i drink for sure..........but something happens when i didn't as well
life without a drink get uncomfortable pretty quick without a drink for me.
I become totally absorbed in a mental obsession with booze.....rather than fade it gets worse.

Restless and irritable and a real pain in the butt to be around....that invisible spring tightens in my gut.
Finally i take a drink.........the ultimate solution......and the only one i had.
then of course i cant stop........and immediately drink to oblivion.

So im powerless with or without it.........because im doomed to drink.

The BB tells me that the only solution to that dilema....is a spiritual one.
for me and my type of drinker....i believe that to be true.
if i was powerless then i need something all powerful.

I dont believe i keep myself sober.......me on my own is as effective as pis*ing in the wind.
I sought god with all the vigour i sought alcohol.......and he took the problem away......removed it and i no longer suffer.
the steps cleared the way for that to happen.

to remain recovered i continue to improve that connection.....not always easy but vital........because for sure, i can have all the misery back.

Lushwell

There have been countless people who have arrested their alcoholism and gone on to lead productive alcohol free lives. They are just as powerless over alcohol today as they ever were, but as long as they don't drink, its kind of a non-issue, isn't it? We have been given tools and support to end the compulsion.

dratsab

Now, this is something I can completely accept and understand. If we had control over our drinking, then we wouldn't be alcoholics.

Maybe I'm just misunderstanding what is being said in step 1. If it's what Lush said... then it makes a lot more sense to me.

dratsab

I don't think it's a non-issue if we don't drink. I think recovery is about much more than sobriety. Having the tools to keep myself from drinking without having to white knuckle it or being a "dry drunk" is a BIG issue to me.

I just think that there's a different between being powerless over the ability to control our drinking (which I believe we are) vs. being powerless against addiction (which is what my question is about).

Dee74

I've been using an alcoholic based mouthwash for a while - it was the only one available at my local store. No cravings, not a second thought. I'd use a bottle every two weeks.

Recently, they got another mouthwash in - non alcoholic - same size bottle. I'm still on that same bottle - still half full, well into my second month.

I'm still powerless over alcohol - and the scary thing is half the time I don't even realise it.

D

dratsab

I'm starting to think that I have a misunderstanding of what step 1 actually means.

Mark75

Neither do I, I've recovered. However, I can always choose to drink again and go back to that powerlessness.... As long as I don't take that first drink, I am not powerless.

Lushwell

You are correct. The recovery part? Thats where the following 11 steps come in. They are not about drinking. They are about recovery. We come to grips with the reality of our powerlessness, accept the responsibility for whatever action we must take....

and.......


move on to step two.

The steps, if worked as designed, will not only repair the wreckage of our past, they will address the underlying issues that triggered our obsessions to drink. Without that process, long term change is unlikely. So in that, your statement that there must be more than mere abstinence is right on the money. Mere abstinence for a practicing Alcy is essentially nothing more than an effort at seeing how long you can hold your breath.