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Old 12-27-2015, 08:49 PM
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From outside looking in

Hello friends...I have a question for you, if any of you might be willing to help; I'm not so familiar with SMART...

Small background: my XBF, who was 2 years clean, ended our relationship in September after he lapsed using marijuana. He eventually told me that he couldn't maintain our relationship and his sobriety. He has a problem with opiates, so he did not lapse with his DOC. He had moved out of a residential rehab several months earlier. Without too many details, he was not particularly nice about our ending (claiming he thought it would be easier for me if he was a jerk), and as we work together, we see each other an awful lot. He has not made that particularly easy either: we're on a constant pendulum. He has not respected that I asked to not talk about anything not work related(everything from my opinion on ISIS to what kind of dog I was planning to get), and has been openly hostile as well as incredibly sweet. The only constant is that I never know what I'm going to get.

He did tell me at one point that he was doing SMART recovery, and had made some new friends through it and reconnected with "positive influences." He did not drink when with me, and I drink very, very little and do not use any substances.

Since that conversation, he has been late to work more times in the past 2 months than he has been in the past year. He has taken to carrying around a pipe in his bag (a coworker told me), and he has also started drinking again. I had to leave work for a family emergency and almost immediately picture appeared on a coworker's instagram of him out clubbing late late late (somewhere between 2-4AM) one night with some of the biggest substance abusers in our restaurant.

Is there a chance in hell that he's attending meetings or even working this program? I do know that SMART offers a "moderation management" system and I know plenty of people who tell me that marijuana and booze are often ways for people who have opiate problems to not use, but this just...doesn't seem right to me, honestly. Can someone offer me some perspective? Or some thoughts? Or...well, anything? Maybe from experience?

Thank you...
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Old 12-27-2015, 10:48 PM
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I don't know what your ex is doing or thinking, but certainly SMART is not a moderation management program, SMART RecoveryŽ - Abstinence vs. Moderation What happens in individual meetings, I don't know, but certainly the ones I've attended were all about abstinence per the SMART recovery program. People go drinking after AA meetings too, so if he's actually going to meetings perhaps he's hooked up with some folks who don't take it seriously. Good luck, sounds difficult since you say you work together.
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Old 12-28-2015, 02:49 PM
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Thanks Jeffrey. I appreciate your taking the time to answer me.
It's probably obvious, but I do still love him and care about him. I want so very much for him to make choices that will allow him to have a better future, but it doesn't seem like he is.
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