ForgetfulKevin

Soberella and all, thank you for this thread.

I have been wondering if/when something might just grab me by the head and have me sleepwalking right back into that old harmful habit.

Today I don't even know if I would feel it or notice the takeover.

What if I forget that I'm a non-drinker? What if there's nobody home to say NO to the AV or to remember that the urge will pass? It might just happen lightly with no resistance at all.

Right now I don't even think I feel worried enough about that happening.

Thank goodness for SR and for some of the threads and posts I have been reading.

FT

Hi ForgetfulKevin,

I don't think it is really possible to "forget" I'm a non-drinker. Like the wedding toast with the rum-punch, I didn't really think about what was in the glass. But I knew it when I tasted it. Since I'm a non-drinker, it was easy to just set the glass down without comment. There was no need to draw attention to myself in any way.

Sometimes I have dreams in which I am drinking wine, and in the dream I notice what I am doing and it feels like I have always drunk wine, at least within the dream. If I have such a dream right before I wake up, I remember what I was doing in the dream and feel so happy when I realize it was just a dream

I LIKE not having alcohol in my life. Breaking free of alcohol was one of the most liberating feelings I have ever had in my life. No, it didn't happen immediately, like I said above. But over time, the sense of freedom grew. Especially as I saw others still so-entangled. Ah, but not ME! Not any more.

If I am any example, it just takes time. Over time, not drinking becomes effortless. And later, you just aren't interested any more. Or at least, I am not.

So, bring on the champagne and rum punch. I will ask for sparkling non-alcoholic cider (if it available, and it usually is). If not, I will smile, take the glass, raise it to my lips (without drinking it), and enjoy the moment just like everyone else.

I enjoy SR and helping others if I can. But my way is not necessarily the way for everyone. It is just my experience and advice.

freshstart57

For me anyway, a concern about 'remaining vigilant against relapse' would mean that I hadn't really quit drinking for good yet. It would mean that I hadn't accepted that I will be a non-drinker from now on, no matter what. It would mean that a situation could conceivably exist where I would perform the actions and physical movements that would introduce alcohol into my body. It would also mean that I hadn't made the act of drinking now or in the future into a grossly immoral action for me, something that would violate my very nature.

I don't need to say no to assault, or larceny, to murder, to theft, in order that I don't do those things. It is inconceivable that I could sleepwalk into committing any of these crimes. In the same way, I don't need to say no to drinking anymore. I just don't do it.

MesaMan

Stunning Post freshstart57. You absolutely nailed it with a Power Nailer.

I had not yet done so in my months here on SR, but I will Bookmark this Page just to refer back to your 'Mission Statement' of Sobriety put so clearly. The whole 'nothing to react against' stance of simply never Drinking is pure Zen. It dissipates into irrelevance all the Relapse 'stuff' that seems so all-consuming at times in Thread discussions.

I finally read and integrated the AVRT POV only ~2 weeks ago, and had kinda adopted that 'Drink no more' POV all on my own prior. However, your Post ratchets up to sublime clarity the essence of what 'not avoiding' is all about. Stellar writing!

A whole lot of needless Baggage gets tossed out of this Plane called 'Sobriety' with such an eloquent POV.

A little Theme Music for how I feel about SR Folks... We had Dinner with my Western Colorado Neighbor Joe 2 Summers ago. Quiet Guy, actually. Grows Tomatoes and, like me, listens to Shortwave Radio in his Greenhouse. He also raises a unique breed of Award-winning Cattle. I don't think he totally abstains - there was some 'Skull' Vodka for Friends in the Snooker Parlor of his lil ~17,000 square foot 'English Baronial' Mansion - but he has cut way back from his old habits of legendary consumption. His Wife Pam rides herd on him to stay healthy.

'A Little Help From My Friends' ~ Joe Cocker

Nonsensical

I think I know what you're saying. There were some situations in which grabbing a beer was so habitual and seemed so natural that I could do it without any thought. For me this possibility dissipated in a few months. After being in those situations several times and not grabbing a beer, this became the new habit.

Recently I was at a graduation party and someone had relocated to the other end of the table from where they had been originally sitting. They asked me to pass their beer down to their new seat. I did, of course, no problem, but I remember thinking it was strange to have a beer in my hand at all - it had been so long since I had touched one that it felt abnormal to even have one in my hand. No chance of sleepwalking into a drink when my brain recognizes immediately that something is amiss when I have one in my hand.

You can worry about the absence of worry if you want to, but it will be wasted effort in a very short time.

Dee74

I removed several posts under Rule 4.
This is the Secular Forum, not Fight Club

thanks

Dee
Moderator
SR

samseb5351

[QUOTE="freshstart57;4726234"]It would also mean that I hadn't made the act of drinking now or in the future into a grossly immoral action for me, something that would violate my very nature./QUOTE]


Can I get some clarification on this statement, given fundamentally that AVRT does have a presuppositional worldview that taking a drink is a moral decision that violates nature or human nature of the individual. What do you actually mean by "my very nature"? Where does this nature come from? What evidence is there for this nature?

Boudicca

Thanks for this. It reaffirms AVRT for me and reminds me that this was the ONLY way that was going to work for me.
Being constantly worried about relapse would just make me relapse! I am newly sober, but I have decided that either I am going to drink or I am going to not drink. Not both, not ever.
It makes it very simple.

freshstart57

Not sure if I can give you the answer that you are looking for, but here goes. I did some bad things while drinking, and one of them was driving while impaired. After quitting and joining SR, I met a member who lost spouse and infant daughter to a drunk driver. I chose to conflate future drinking with responsibility for a tragedy similar to this one. I connected drinking, for me, with that most tragic and horrific loss for someone whom I respect.

I don't think my nature changed while attaining sobriety, but I saw that I could use this connection as another tool to cement my commitment to permanent and unconditional sobriety. I used my respect for life to make my choice a binding one.