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Old 04-07-2011, 10:34 AM
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sentient puddle
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back again

hi everyone, a few people might remember me!

apologies for shooting off ages ago in a bit of a huff, was struggling a bit!

i'm now nearly a year and a half sober and feeling pretty good. i had to find my own rock bottom, bit of a cliche but true! i kept finding new ones but eventually found an edge, looked over and saw what was coming, and thought "sod that"...

moved into my own place a couple of years ago, and went off the rails completely. i'd always been managing my alcoholism before, either because of work, or girlfriends, or staying with parents. this time i was living on my own, without a job so i went on a huge bender for a few months.

luckily i came out of it alive, and that was my last drink. it was about 10 days of solid drinking, woke up in a smashed up place, in a right mess and called my mum, and a friend in aa. they helped me clear up and i went back to aa with a new attitude.

had horrible dt's, proper hallucinations, spiders, weird pictures flashing up at me on the walls, big jazz hand shakes, couldn't eat or even keep down water. strangely enough that kind of helped as i had learned that it only gets worse, and next after that is a nappy and a padded room - no thanks!

so i think i had a bit of a push into sobriety and that helped it stick this time, instead of doing ok, relapse, doing ok, relapse, etc.

did aa weekly, listened to what people had to say, shared openly and honestly and took it one day at a time. picked up my year chip last november. it's gotten better and better, i don't really think about drink that much any more, and when i do it's just a short internal conversation that goes on, and i choose not to.

i haven't done the steps, and i didn't get a sponsor, i went to aa for being able to share openly and honestly with other alcoholics. i didn't worry about the religious stuff, i just disregarded it. i didn't worry about getting stick from people for not doing things their way or the way they wanted me to be - i found my own path, like everyone should.

i still think for me it's about a rational approach to spirituality, getting away from selfishness, getting honest, becoming more content. i really find meditation helps too. also i think for me it's a rational approach to sobriety - considering the consequences etc.

i don't go that much any more because i do find a lot of what goes on in there difficult to accept, but still meet up with friends i met in aa who i clicked with, and we're there for each other. i don't have loads of mates, just a few very good ones. i have a much better relationship with my family now.

still unemployed but looking! the way things are it might take a while. in the meantime i'm sober, and more content than i've been for a long, long time.

it's good to be back here! i hope everyone here is well, or on the road to well, my old friends from before plus everyone who's joined since. thanks for being a safe place to share and have a free mind.
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Old 04-07-2011, 01:58 PM
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Hi spark and welcome back! Glad to hear you are doing so well

Not sure what it was like when you were last here but we aren't allowed to name a certain recovery program in the secular forum these days...just fyi...

Good luck with the job search!
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Old 04-08-2011, 06:39 AM
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sentient puddle
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aha, thanks for the heads-up! good to be back
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Old 04-08-2011, 07:28 AM
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sentient puddle
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Originally Posted by captain hindsight
i'd always been managing my alcoholism before, either because of work, or girlfriends, or staying with parents.
must correct this... "managing" is being used rather loosely there... considering the drink driving bans, running from the police, almost going to prison, smashed up cars / front doors, waking up in alleyways / villages in the middle of nowhere, etc....
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Old 04-10-2011, 08:16 AM
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sparky!!!!! I'm so glad you're back! I've fipflopped several times since we last talked...but I'm still hanging in there!

I hope to see you post regularly. (hug)
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Old 04-10-2011, 08:51 AM
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Welcome back Spark42.

also i think for me it's a rational approach to sobriety - considering the consequences etc.
I found a rational approach has helped me to keep on track with my daily treatment program. Changing my views about alcohol/drugs gives me new insights to put in to practice.
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