Blogs


Notices

The story on the forum rules

Old 01-08-2011, 02:51 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Never settle.
Thread Starter
 
gneiss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
The story on the forum rules

I saw a few comments about the rules on the forums here. Many of the comments were from people who haven't been here for more than a few months so the rules might seem overbearing because most of the people posting at this point haven't been here long enough to know why the rules exist.

A couple years ago, not too long after I started checking in, there were some really serious problems on SR. We had people who used a recovery program going into forums for other programs and stirring up trouble, making derogatory comments about any program that wasn't the one they had chosen. That would understandably make the regulars in the forum mad and some of them would go stir up trouble in the other forums. It wasn't just one program consistently, either. It would happen, things would quiet down for a while, then someone from a different program would start trouble. SR was becoming a place that was less about recovery than it was about the "tribe" you were in. We proved we needed the rules, so here we are. There are no thought police, just a need- borne out by experience- to keep discussions polite and in the appropriate forum. Without the rules these forums would have collapsed under their own weight and wouldn't be the valuable resource for discussion and advice I have relied on many times.

And, the mods are volunteers. So give them a shout out, they do a lot of work. Including listening to me.
gneiss is offline  
The Following 24 Users Say Thank You to gneiss For This Useful Post:
55438 (01-09-2011), AmericanGirl (01-17-2011), Charmie (01-09-2011), coffeenut (01-09-2011), Dee74 (01-08-2011), digderidoo (01-12-2011), Impurrfect (01-08-2011), jamdls (01-13-2011), LaFemme (01-08-2011), least (01-14-2011), Lionne (01-13-2011), Live (01-09-2011), luckedog (01-09-2011), marni (01-12-2011), NTurn (01-08-2011), oak (01-11-2011), Opivotal (01-12-2011), readyforhelp (01-12-2011), shockozulu (01-13-2011), Sneezy (01-09-2011), ste (01-08-2011), Supercrew (01-08-2011), Taking5 (01-08-2011), Zencat (01-08-2011)
Old 01-08-2011, 03:42 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 191,639
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks B.

I think we all like it best when we keep the boards free for recovery
If anyone ever has any questions - drop Shockozulu me or another mod a PM

D
Dee74 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
gneiss (01-08-2011), Impurrfect (01-08-2011), LaFemme (01-08-2011), luckedog (01-09-2011)
Old 01-08-2011, 04:52 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
LaFemme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Thanks! I get that now most of the time
LaFemme is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to LaFemme For This Useful Post:
gneiss (01-08-2011), Impurrfect (01-08-2011), luckedog (01-09-2011)
Old 01-08-2011, 09:29 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Never settle.
Thread Starter
 
gneiss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
Well truth be told I got caught up in it a few times. It was easy to do, I was new to the forums and newly sober (and not always sober, at that). My life was unstable, my emotions were unstable. And so I was easily influenced when this wasn't a stable environment. I was used to being whatever everyone around me wanted so I could get my drugs. Whatever was necessary to get drugs, I could find a way. A car? Sure. Money? No problem. Sex? Meet me in the back room. That's how I survived for a while so it was easy to fall into that pack mentality and be ticked off for no real reason other than everyone else around me was. Sticking around here was actually counter-productive for me, in my situation. I'm quite grateful for the rules (even when I occasionally forget about them), they really are necessary to keeping the SR forums productive.
gneiss is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to gneiss For This Useful Post:
Impurrfect (01-08-2011), jamdls (01-13-2011), LaFemme (01-09-2011), luckedog (01-09-2011), Zencat (01-09-2011)
Old 01-08-2011, 09:35 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
Impurrfect's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,174
(((Gneiss)) - thank you When I was new, I don't know that I broke any of the rules, but I certainly did the "you should" bit, until I was gently helped to realize that I need to share my ES&H and might wanna drop the words "you should" from my vocabulary. I've actually even gotten to that point, IRL.

SR has been my safe haven, for quite a while, and I think we all want that feeling.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
Impurrfect is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Impurrfect For This Useful Post:
gneiss (01-08-2011), Live (01-09-2011), luckedog (01-09-2011), Zencat (01-11-2011)
Old 01-09-2011, 02:47 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
luckedog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Rural OK
Posts: 329
Gneiss-- Think you hit the nail on the head!! Great point. I don't always like the rules but without them you have CHAOS!!
luckedog is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to luckedog For This Useful Post:
gneiss (01-09-2011), Impurrfect (01-09-2011)
Old 01-09-2011, 04:41 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 270
Imagine a big room full of feral cats and big dogs. That trouble might ensue isn't a difficult thought to get.

Great setup here, my compliments.
cabledude is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to cabledude For This Useful Post:
gneiss (01-09-2011), Impurrfect (01-09-2011), LaFemme (01-11-2011), luckedog (01-09-2011)
Old 01-09-2011, 10:46 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
☯ ⓌⒾⓁⓁ☯
 
Zencat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 8,243
Blog Entries: 12
Sometimes I side with people that have a dissenting opinion that runs counter to popular views. I do try to be mindful of the rules. Yet there times where I get emotionally involved and loose my way with regards to better judgment.

I know for myself addiction has taken it tole on the judgment centers of my brain. Couple that with a personality disorder...I have my work cut out for me. I do feel I'm making headway. It can be quite a struggle at times. I am grateful that SR is a excellent place to get insight and feedback from other members. As well as a wonderful place to practice new behaviors. I do regard being here at SR as a privilege not to be abused.
Zencat is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Zencat For This Useful Post:
gneiss (01-09-2011), Impurrfect (01-13-2011), jamdls (01-13-2011), LaFemme (01-11-2011)
Old 01-11-2011, 10:36 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Ethanol Intolerant
 
recycle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Cascadia
Posts: 665
Blog Entries: 3
One of the more valuable things I have learned in recovery is practicing defenselessness. I benefit greatly from relinquishing my need to defend my point of view. I get lots of practice here.

SRs rules often seem condescending and enforcement has little or no regard to the intent of the poster. If we were a bunch of healthy people inquiring into the nature of addiction this would be very difficult to swallow. We are not, and SR is about support using more or less conventional notions of recovery. SR fulfills this role pretty well, so be nice, supportive, and dont run with scissors. When you realize your Buddha nature, cure yourself, or God removes your defects of character, you can be as argumentative as you want to be
recycle is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to recycle For This Useful Post:
gneiss (01-12-2011), Impurrfect (01-13-2011), LaFemme (01-11-2011), onlythetruth (01-11-2011), Zencat (01-11-2011)
Old 01-11-2011, 01:54 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Jackedjohn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 97
Blog Entries: 1
Nicely put. I have started 2 threads that both got locked out. I'm batting 1.000. Should have looked at the rules before hand ;-)
Jackedjohn is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Jackedjohn For This Useful Post:
Impurrfect (01-13-2011), LaFemme (01-11-2011)
Old 01-11-2011, 05:59 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Proud Neonephalist
 
Murray4x5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: North Coast BC Canada
Posts: 1,141
Me so sorry. Sometimes me have to poke Dragon in eye...

Murray
Murray4x5 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Murray4x5 For This Useful Post:
gneiss (01-12-2011), Impurrfect (01-13-2011), LaFemme (01-11-2011)
Old 01-11-2011, 07:16 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
LaFemme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Gosh...its a good thing I wasn't here back in my college days...I'm tame today compared to back then. I always wanted to be on debate team but couldn't fit it in my schedule...lol
LaFemme is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to LaFemme For This Useful Post:
gneiss (01-12-2011), Impurrfect (01-13-2011), Jackedjohn (01-11-2011)
Old 01-12-2011, 07:25 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Never settle.
Thread Starter
 
gneiss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
I think recycle hit the nail on the head: if we were a bunch of healthy people...

But we aren't, we are addicts and sometimes we do or say things that someone who was relatively mentally healthy wouldn't. I think this is especially true early in recovery as we learn to deal with the normal world again.

Also sometimes it's kinda fun to feed the trolls? LOL Even though it's almost never a good idea.

And no worries, jackedjohn. I've gotten a couple threads locked down myself.
gneiss is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to gneiss For This Useful Post:
Impurrfect (01-13-2011)
Old 01-12-2011, 08:59 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
LaFemme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
I actually don't think it has anything to do with the fact that we are in recovery. Before my drinking was out of control I used to be active on a forum that was just kind o a general online forum....we are exceedingly tame by those standards. Check out the comments section on almost any website...people are crazy.

I think its a product of being online and relatively anonymous...I've even seen and (ahem) taken part in flame wars on fb..not proud of it but as I said before...I'm actually much improved...lol
Even though I had to debate this thread

:rotfxko :rotfxko :rotfxko
LaFemme is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to LaFemme For This Useful Post:
gneiss (01-13-2011), Impurrfect (01-13-2011), jamdls (01-13-2011), oak (01-12-2011), recycle (01-13-2011), Supercrew (01-12-2011)
Old 01-13-2011, 10:45 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Ethanol Intolerant
 
recycle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Cascadia
Posts: 665
Blog Entries: 3
LaF, thank you for the opportunity to practice defenselessness today
recycle is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to recycle For This Useful Post:
gneiss (01-13-2011), Impurrfect (01-13-2011), LaFemme (01-13-2011)
Old 01-13-2011, 07:52 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Never settle.
Thread Starter
 
gneiss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
Before I ever drank I was a pretty accomplished troll (might still be. Depends who you ask. But I guess I see a few parallels between my addict brain and my troll brain. I remember sitting alone in a dark room trolling the Internet, bored and lonely and definitely in need of some friends. I felt stuck. A few years later I was bored and alone sitting in a dark room drinking or maybe getting high. I had friends but I've never felt more lonely in my life. I felt stuck.

It was a weird sort of progression of self-loathing where I pushed off my friends, antagonized people on the Internet so they didn't like me either. Then I got friends who didn't like me, a boyfriend who didn't care about me past the end of my paycheck, and slowly started destroying myself.
gneiss is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to gneiss For This Useful Post:
Impurrfect (01-13-2011), LaFemme (01-13-2011), recycle (01-13-2011)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:12 AM.