I can't direct the wind...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1
I can't direct the wind...
"I can not direct the wind, but I can adjust my sails"
Someome said this at a meeting the other night and I thought "that's a perfect analogy for how I think of AA"
On Nov 30th 2015 I got sober after 10 plus years of alcohol and heroin addiction. I was very serious about stopping and started AA right away. I hated the idea of it but I had tried every other way and didn't stay sober.
After the 1st few months, the fog began to lift but I was still so fragile. I didn't know which way was up. I got close to a sober group of women and began my journey. I picked a sponsor and got to work. At some point I started getting to know my true self again and realized a lot of my program was ********! I liked the principals of AA and the steps, it was the people that were making things complicated. I was letting the opinions of these women dictate how I felt. They all had time so I figured it if I just did what they did, I'd be ok.I put some of them on a pedastal, and when they fell off I was crushed. When a few of these women showed their true, 2 faced, colors... I'd had it. I stopped talking to them and slowly stopped meetings all together. A few months later I relapsed. I was only out for 3 months, but the whole time I was out I was thinking about the things I had learned in AA. I couldn't even enjoy my relapse...(who really does) When I came back on Sept 3rd 2017, I decided...this time my opinion of myself was more important than anyone elses. I understood that for me, the spirituality of the program helped me, the steps helped me, and having a few trust worthy friends helped me. Gossiping and being shallow was not helping me. I went back to the same group but I was now my assertive self. I hung with different people I reached out to new comers. I became me. I still attend AA but only meetings that are structured, because for me it works, but I always tell people who just walk in to give it a chance. If you don't like a meeting try a new one. For me, the structure works but the drama doesn't. I respect everyone, but I don't need to make friends. Therebare a lot of other things I do in conjunction with AA that keep me sober. They are all pieces of a puzzle. It's working so far, thank God and no matter how we get sober, what's important is that we help the next person. I wish you all good luck and love that we can discuss the variety of ways one can find recovery. ..maybe someone will relate to my story and find a way that helps them.
Someome said this at a meeting the other night and I thought "that's a perfect analogy for how I think of AA"
On Nov 30th 2015 I got sober after 10 plus years of alcohol and heroin addiction. I was very serious about stopping and started AA right away. I hated the idea of it but I had tried every other way and didn't stay sober.
After the 1st few months, the fog began to lift but I was still so fragile. I didn't know which way was up. I got close to a sober group of women and began my journey. I picked a sponsor and got to work. At some point I started getting to know my true self again and realized a lot of my program was ********! I liked the principals of AA and the steps, it was the people that were making things complicated. I was letting the opinions of these women dictate how I felt. They all had time so I figured it if I just did what they did, I'd be ok.I put some of them on a pedastal, and when they fell off I was crushed. When a few of these women showed their true, 2 faced, colors... I'd had it. I stopped talking to them and slowly stopped meetings all together. A few months later I relapsed. I was only out for 3 months, but the whole time I was out I was thinking about the things I had learned in AA. I couldn't even enjoy my relapse...(who really does) When I came back on Sept 3rd 2017, I decided...this time my opinion of myself was more important than anyone elses. I understood that for me, the spirituality of the program helped me, the steps helped me, and having a few trust worthy friends helped me. Gossiping and being shallow was not helping me. I went back to the same group but I was now my assertive self. I hung with different people I reached out to new comers. I became me. I still attend AA but only meetings that are structured, because for me it works, but I always tell people who just walk in to give it a chance. If you don't like a meeting try a new one. For me, the structure works but the drama doesn't. I respect everyone, but I don't need to make friends. Therebare a lot of other things I do in conjunction with AA that keep me sober. They are all pieces of a puzzle. It's working so far, thank God and no matter how we get sober, what's important is that we help the next person. I wish you all good luck and love that we can discuss the variety of ways one can find recovery. ..maybe someone will relate to my story and find a way that helps them.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,673
Good share, Goldie. I ran 2 meetings in the Adelaide city centre for a while and go to meetings often. I decided I was there to learn, support and listen. I can only get annoyed with others if I choose to (most of the time). Some blame AA rather than the people they are pis.sed at. Kind of like blaming and hating all air travel..because one person upset me on one flight. I like your attitude. Keep posting and support to you.
formerly luvSOBERlife
Join Date: May 2018
Location: East Tennessee USA
Posts: 116
Awesome stuff, Goldie. I love your take on things. We have similar personalities and views. I never thought I'd like AA but I actually do. My group is very laid back and non-intrusive. They just want to help others so they don't have to go through the same hell they went through. I found AA to be an almost purely altruistic organization, one of the world's best. It can work for everyone but you have to be smart enough to make it work.
Like you, I don't think it's a cookie-cutter fit for me. I think it was designed with the most desperate cases in mind. The steps are really to help people re-ground themselves, regain their self-respect, and guide them in putting their lives back together to move forward. Those things are nearly impossible for many alcoholics/ addicts to do on their own. They never learned basic life and social skills or they lost them somewhere along the way. The steps are not necessary for everyone to be successful but they are immeasurably helpful for some.
My group doesn't have any drama as far as I can tell. Those personalities just aren't there but I can see how that can unnecessarily complicate things. That kind of b.s. is very unfortunate. It can make a great organization look bad and send people away.
I'm happy to see it's working out for you. You're a very independent soul and that's not always a great fit for things like AA. But you've found out how to make it work for you. That's really the secret.
Like you, I don't think it's a cookie-cutter fit for me. I think it was designed with the most desperate cases in mind. The steps are really to help people re-ground themselves, regain their self-respect, and guide them in putting their lives back together to move forward. Those things are nearly impossible for many alcoholics/ addicts to do on their own. They never learned basic life and social skills or they lost them somewhere along the way. The steps are not necessary for everyone to be successful but they are immeasurably helpful for some.
My group doesn't have any drama as far as I can tell. Those personalities just aren't there but I can see how that can unnecessarily complicate things. That kind of b.s. is very unfortunate. It can make a great organization look bad and send people away.
I'm happy to see it's working out for you. You're a very independent soul and that's not always a great fit for things like AA. But you've found out how to make it work for you. That's really the secret.
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
An interesting post..
On the basis that I now use the principles and practices of Stoic philosophy to enhance both my recovery and my life, I find this, on the basis of the authors perception, an interesting post...
Epictetus, one of the three great Stoic philosophers, along with Marcus Aurelius and Seneca, suggested when we are first confronted by any situation we must decide,'what is up to us'...along with him saying,'Man is not disturbed by things, but his view of things.'
So, we have to decide what is and isn't under our control.
What isn't under our control, family, friends, the weather, the economy, our bodies, albeit we can diet and exercise, our deaths...
What is under our control, our opinions, judgements, perception...
So in this instance, changing our perception by 'trimming the sails' both enhances and assists our sobriety...
Epictetus, one of the three great Stoic philosophers, along with Marcus Aurelius and Seneca, suggested when we are first confronted by any situation we must decide,'what is up to us'...along with him saying,'Man is not disturbed by things, but his view of things.'
So, we have to decide what is and isn't under our control.
What isn't under our control, family, friends, the weather, the economy, our bodies, albeit we can diet and exercise, our deaths...
What is under our control, our opinions, judgements, perception...
So in this instance, changing our perception by 'trimming the sails' both enhances and assists our sobriety...
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
