Hmmm...where do I begin?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Lost in translation
Posts: 47
Hmmm...where do I begin?
Hello, I cannot tell you all how happy I am to have found this board. I've read several posts and see a piece of me in almost everyone on here. To read something that someone else has written and it was like you wrote it is amazing. Thank God, I'm not the only one, and I'm not alone...
Well...let me bare my soul for a minute....or maybe a few..
I'm a 33 year old stay at home mother that has been blessed with a wonderful husband and a beautiful 6 month old baby. (I know then why do I drink?)
Well, I started drinking socially at 18 getting married (WAY TO YOUNG) and my ex-husband liked his Wild Turkey ALOT. I dabbled in it..but didn't really enjoy drinking. After a divorce 7 years later, I was 25 single, living on my own....PARTY TIME!! Out with the girls everynight, drinking. Then I started drinking at home, then I was drinking a little in the morning.
Met my now husband (my angel of mercy) and we dated for awhile. He was not a drinker got sick of seeing me and my girlfriends party so much and got sick of my drunk calls in the middle of the night....so he dumped me. I pulled my head out of my butt for a while, got him back.....and was doing good. Drank on occasion, but could still knock off a 12 pack alone and still function.
I did pretty good but started drinking every other night, then it was every night, then I started drinking harder stuff. I'd wake up next to my husband and he would ask me stuff about the night before and I had black outs.
After a year or two of that looked into rehab...which scared the heck out of me they cornered me and tried to keep me against my will. Tried AA meetings, and that was AWFUL.
Soooo, once again, I pulled it together, husband was deployed to Iraq, and that's when you thought I would have drank the most right? NOT!! Amazingly I just focused on working out, going to work, would have a few beers on the weekend all was good for 4 months I was the most sober I'd been in years.
Hubby came home safe (Thank Goodness) and all was well. We went to a welcome home party for him, I drank...then there I went AGAIN. Drinking everyday, trying to hide the bottles...or drinking the beer, then filling them up with water and putting them back in the fridge thinking he wouldn't know. UGH...this is painful. BUT HE KNEW!
Anyway, he has stuck by me through thick and thin. He's put up with the drunken rages, the fights, the black outs...the panic attacks...
Anyway, I got pregnant, probably best thing that happened to me. Didn't touch a DROP for 9 months then another 4 months after that because I was breast feeding. It felt sooo good to feel "good"!!! The 5th month I had to switch the baby to formula as I was not "producing" enough millk.
Wen't out a few weeks ago with friends....had a drink.....here I am!! Dammit! Not as bad as I use to be, but am drinking everyday, a few beers, hiding them from hubby....but I know he knows.. We talked about it last night..I haven't had a drink in 2 days, and I feel so much better, and know I am better, then why the hell do it do it?? Guess none of us would have a problem if we knew the answer to that question.
My main question to you all is how do you tell that voice, that comes out of nowhere and says......Hmm...Monday, you'll stop Monday...then Monday comes and goes...Or, just get a six pack, no big deal, then you pick up a few minatures while you are there. How do ignore that voice, or shut it up?
I get out of the house and walk, call friends, but that damn voice is still there. Any tricks or advice that would help me I would be forever grateful for.
Where I live, the AA meetings are SCARY and I do not feel safe in the places they hold them nor can I relate to the people at the ones here.
Sorry I talked your ear off.....GOSH it feels soo good to get it off my chest. I just want to see what has worked for other people now that I know I'm not the only one in the world like this.
Thanks for listening!
Well...let me bare my soul for a minute....or maybe a few..
I'm a 33 year old stay at home mother that has been blessed with a wonderful husband and a beautiful 6 month old baby. (I know then why do I drink?)
Well, I started drinking socially at 18 getting married (WAY TO YOUNG) and my ex-husband liked his Wild Turkey ALOT. I dabbled in it..but didn't really enjoy drinking. After a divorce 7 years later, I was 25 single, living on my own....PARTY TIME!! Out with the girls everynight, drinking. Then I started drinking at home, then I was drinking a little in the morning.
Met my now husband (my angel of mercy) and we dated for awhile. He was not a drinker got sick of seeing me and my girlfriends party so much and got sick of my drunk calls in the middle of the night....so he dumped me. I pulled my head out of my butt for a while, got him back.....and was doing good. Drank on occasion, but could still knock off a 12 pack alone and still function.
I did pretty good but started drinking every other night, then it was every night, then I started drinking harder stuff. I'd wake up next to my husband and he would ask me stuff about the night before and I had black outs.
After a year or two of that looked into rehab...which scared the heck out of me they cornered me and tried to keep me against my will. Tried AA meetings, and that was AWFUL.
Soooo, once again, I pulled it together, husband was deployed to Iraq, and that's when you thought I would have drank the most right? NOT!! Amazingly I just focused on working out, going to work, would have a few beers on the weekend all was good for 4 months I was the most sober I'd been in years.
Hubby came home safe (Thank Goodness) and all was well. We went to a welcome home party for him, I drank...then there I went AGAIN. Drinking everyday, trying to hide the bottles...or drinking the beer, then filling them up with water and putting them back in the fridge thinking he wouldn't know. UGH...this is painful. BUT HE KNEW!
Anyway, he has stuck by me through thick and thin. He's put up with the drunken rages, the fights, the black outs...the panic attacks...
Anyway, I got pregnant, probably best thing that happened to me. Didn't touch a DROP for 9 months then another 4 months after that because I was breast feeding. It felt sooo good to feel "good"!!! The 5th month I had to switch the baby to formula as I was not "producing" enough millk.
Wen't out a few weeks ago with friends....had a drink.....here I am!! Dammit! Not as bad as I use to be, but am drinking everyday, a few beers, hiding them from hubby....but I know he knows.. We talked about it last night..I haven't had a drink in 2 days, and I feel so much better, and know I am better, then why the hell do it do it?? Guess none of us would have a problem if we knew the answer to that question.
My main question to you all is how do you tell that voice, that comes out of nowhere and says......Hmm...Monday, you'll stop Monday...then Monday comes and goes...Or, just get a six pack, no big deal, then you pick up a few minatures while you are there. How do ignore that voice, or shut it up?
I get out of the house and walk, call friends, but that damn voice is still there. Any tricks or advice that would help me I would be forever grateful for.
Where I live, the AA meetings are SCARY and I do not feel safe in the places they hold them nor can I relate to the people at the ones here.
Sorry I talked your ear off.....GOSH it feels soo good to get it off my chest. I just want to see what has worked for other people now that I know I'm not the only one in the world like this.
Thanks for listening!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Charlottesville, Va
Posts: 632
NA works too, Alcohol is a drug, one that abused very easily as you can get it at almost any store in America.
http://www.arscna.org/mtg/mtgs_a-e.htm#CABOT
http://www.arscna.org/mtg/mtgs_a-e.htm#CABOT
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 859
Hiyas Turkey and welcome to SR!!!
That evil voice is just that ..... EVIL!!!! I have actually talked outloud to myself just to make it go away! Well, yeah, Im a bit crazy but Im sober lol.
Ya just gotta keep fighting it, finding things to do, people to talk to etc. ANYTHING to put the voice back in its cage!!!!! Remember, One Day At A Time!!!! I go hour by hour sometimes.
Liss
That evil voice is just that ..... EVIL!!!! I have actually talked outloud to myself just to make it go away! Well, yeah, Im a bit crazy but Im sober lol.
Ya just gotta keep fighting it, finding things to do, people to talk to etc. ANYTHING to put the voice back in its cage!!!!! Remember, One Day At A Time!!!! I go hour by hour sometimes.
Liss
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Lost in translation
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by Lollipop
Hiyas Turkey and welcome to SR!!!
That evil voice is just that ..... EVIL!!!! I have actually talked outloud to myself just to make it go away! Well, yeah, Im a bit crazy but Im sober lol.
Ya just gotta keep fighting it, finding things to do, people to talk to etc. ANYTHING to put the voice back in its cage!!!!! Remember, One Day At A Time!!!! I go hour by hour sometimes.
Liss
That evil voice is just that ..... EVIL!!!! I have actually talked outloud to myself just to make it go away! Well, yeah, Im a bit crazy but Im sober lol.
Ya just gotta keep fighting it, finding things to do, people to talk to etc. ANYTHING to put the voice back in its cage!!!!! Remember, One Day At A Time!!!! I go hour by hour sometimes.
Liss
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: California
Posts: 972
((( Turkey )))))
This problem isn't ALL about just the booze. The real problem for us comes in making a REAL BAD choice when we pick up and get sloshed. It was easier for me when I committed myself to making good/better choices.. picking up a drink lost it's obsession for me because it was a "stuck out like a sore thumb" bad choice for me and my family. I can't let my past become my future. In recovery I have learned to make good choices for myself and with that frame of mind the voice that tells me I can drink no longer has it's same power.
Welcome to SR and congrats on your sober time!
This problem isn't ALL about just the booze. The real problem for us comes in making a REAL BAD choice when we pick up and get sloshed. It was easier for me when I committed myself to making good/better choices.. picking up a drink lost it's obsession for me because it was a "stuck out like a sore thumb" bad choice for me and my family. I can't let my past become my future. In recovery I have learned to make good choices for myself and with that frame of mind the voice that tells me I can drink no longer has it's same power.
Welcome to SR and congrats on your sober time!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Sobertown, USA
Posts: 26
I've gone for years just like you. I've tried everything to limit my drinking. I'd swear never again & see a beer commercial on TV & go get a case. Not a 12 pack, a CASE & drink the whole thing!!! Of course not only is there major guilt, depression, & anger about not being able to keep a promise to myself for even one day, there's the agonizing hangover, nausea, etc for a couple of days afterward. Luckily if I just start drinking as soon as I wake up the next morning, I won't have to deal with it until sometime later - who cares when, just not now.
That describes a big chunk of the past 10 years for me. I finally decided that I just can't do it anymore. I'm a grown man and I'd be in a dark room crying like a baby & have no idea why. I finally faced the fact that I've been slowly killing myself for the past 20 years, but the pace has picked up over the last couple of years. I know that if I don't quit drinking now and forever, I'll be dead within 5 to 10 years. That's not the future I want for myself or my daughter who is only 10 years old. I just woke up one morning and said I can't do this anymore. I've reached the point where I don't care who does or doesn't know I'm a raging alcoholic. I don't care what they think of me and I don't really care if I never see any of my drinking buddies again if it's because I can't drink anymore. They say alcoholics are the most selfish people on the planet and I surely believe it. How else could we dedicate so much time to an activity that hurts so many people around us, and hurts us too, but we keep right on going. I'm not going anymore.
I am the worst drunk I've ever seen, and if I can try, so can you! You can do it. Don't keep going and get as bad as I've gotten, it's the nearest thing to hell you can experience on earth.
I feel better now...
That describes a big chunk of the past 10 years for me. I finally decided that I just can't do it anymore. I'm a grown man and I'd be in a dark room crying like a baby & have no idea why. I finally faced the fact that I've been slowly killing myself for the past 20 years, but the pace has picked up over the last couple of years. I know that if I don't quit drinking now and forever, I'll be dead within 5 to 10 years. That's not the future I want for myself or my daughter who is only 10 years old. I just woke up one morning and said I can't do this anymore. I've reached the point where I don't care who does or doesn't know I'm a raging alcoholic. I don't care what they think of me and I don't really care if I never see any of my drinking buddies again if it's because I can't drink anymore. They say alcoholics are the most selfish people on the planet and I surely believe it. How else could we dedicate so much time to an activity that hurts so many people around us, and hurts us too, but we keep right on going. I'm not going anymore.
I am the worst drunk I've ever seen, and if I can try, so can you! You can do it. Don't keep going and get as bad as I've gotten, it's the nearest thing to hell you can experience on earth.
I feel better now...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Finding out what I have been missing!
Posts: 1,011
Sometime when I want a shot or a beer (I used to fill the vodka bottles up with water) i guzzle a bottle of water or even a few shots, some might say I'm not really helping myself, but I wlak around packing the same pack of Marlboro lights for a year 16 years ago but I havn't had a smoke since.
The cravings and urges don't last long though they sometimes come often, find something to do till thiose moments pass. And remeber those voices are just the other you.
The cravings and urges don't last long though they sometimes come often, find something to do till thiose moments pass. And remeber those voices are just the other you.
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