today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: windsor, ontario, canada
Posts: 201
today
Good morning every one.
I am writing to ask a question.
yesterday, my boyfriend came into my computer room and exclaimed that it was a mess. Which it is but its my room. He asked wouldnt i feel better if it were cleaned up and everything put away. (mind you, we have lived here for two months and i have yet to unpack it)
I tried to explain my lack of motivation and the fact that with each day of sobriety, it was getting easier to do things that i have put off. And then i said something that really made me think. And i have no idea where it came from because, i guess my brain is thinking just a little more clear.
I told him I thought better and did my activities better in a cluttered state because my mind is usually so cluttered that is was more comforting to me then a clean room.
I guess I wondered if being cluttered is maybe a trait of alcoholism? And if this seems like a silly question, please remember that I am new and am just trying to understand.
Thanks for reading,
and enjoy another sober day.
(p.s- i am now cleaning my room)
I am writing to ask a question.
yesterday, my boyfriend came into my computer room and exclaimed that it was a mess. Which it is but its my room. He asked wouldnt i feel better if it were cleaned up and everything put away. (mind you, we have lived here for two months and i have yet to unpack it)
I tried to explain my lack of motivation and the fact that with each day of sobriety, it was getting easier to do things that i have put off. And then i said something that really made me think. And i have no idea where it came from because, i guess my brain is thinking just a little more clear.
I told him I thought better and did my activities better in a cluttered state because my mind is usually so cluttered that is was more comforting to me then a clean room.
I guess I wondered if being cluttered is maybe a trait of alcoholism? And if this seems like a silly question, please remember that I am new and am just trying to understand.
Thanks for reading,
and enjoy another sober day.
(p.s- i am now cleaning my room)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: windsor, ontario, canada
Posts: 201
ahhhh yes. The cluttered kitchen. Actually, when i cook, you cant get in or out because there is pots and pans and cans... didnt think about that till you said that. Maybe we are onto something here, NYCGirl.
Well, today, i am gonna do my best to make everything a cleaner more uncluttered place. And right now I am unpackratting this room.
Well, today, i am gonna do my best to make everything a cleaner more uncluttered place. And right now I am unpackratting this room.
Addict
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 131
That's a great question, Mertyl... It reminds me of something I've heard or read before, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Sort of like "You are what you eat," or "You are defined by the friends/people you associate with"??? I don't know... my brain is trying, but sometimes it fails to spit out what I want it to. 
Anybody know what quote/saying I am speaking of?
Anyhow... I think you are right. When my life is cluttered, my environment at home tends to be cluttered. When I feel good, I take the time to enjoy my home and its contents, inside and outside. I think you may be onto something here!
Jennifer
Anybody know what quote/saying I am speaking of?Anyhow... I think you are right. When my life is cluttered, my environment at home tends to be cluttered. When I feel good, I take the time to enjoy my home and its contents, inside and outside. I think you may be onto something here!
Jennifer
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
That's an interesting question!
I am the opposite and if I have clutter around me at work or at home, I become anxious. I'm not a clean-freak, but things have to be put away before I can relax. I used to really struggle when my kids were teenagers, especially my daughter. I would feel physically anxious when I went past her bedroom door, even if it was closed.
I am the opposite and if I have clutter around me at work or at home, I become anxious. I'm not a clean-freak, but things have to be put away before I can relax. I used to really struggle when my kids were teenagers, especially my daughter. I would feel physically anxious when I went past her bedroom door, even if it was closed.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: The Big Woods
Posts: 521
How interesting it is to peruse the inner workings of our own mind, from the clearer vantage point of a mind not under the influence. It's like getting to know a different person, who's been sleeping inside for so long.
What you write of here is more a personality trait than one of addiction specifically. You'll likely retain this same state of preferred "clutteredness" (for lack of a better term here) regardless of addiction. It's more to do with having a very active, engaged mind that LIKES to have a lot of projects ongoing at once; it's not so much about seeing a task completed that interests you, as it is about the process of working through the project, the process of learning and discovery, that intrigues you.
Very curious if I'm accurately assessing this... a deep-seated interest of mine is considering personality traits, what motivates people, why we behave/ act/ react as we do.
Wish I could pinpoint the quote you're thinking of Jennifer, I hear what you're reaching for but can't grasp it either. Well, something to toy with in mind today, all part of the ongoing processing....
What you write of here is more a personality trait than one of addiction specifically. You'll likely retain this same state of preferred "clutteredness" (for lack of a better term here) regardless of addiction. It's more to do with having a very active, engaged mind that LIKES to have a lot of projects ongoing at once; it's not so much about seeing a task completed that interests you, as it is about the process of working through the project, the process of learning and discovery, that intrigues you.
Very curious if I'm accurately assessing this... a deep-seated interest of mine is considering personality traits, what motivates people, why we behave/ act/ react as we do.
Wish I could pinpoint the quote you're thinking of Jennifer, I hear what you're reaching for but can't grasp it either. Well, something to toy with in mind today, all part of the ongoing processing....
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
When I was drinking I had a cleaning lady
so my apartment stayed neat and clean.
"See...drinking is not cousing me problems"
In sobriety...I pick up as I go. It pleases me to
be neat.
Right now..I am in a tizzy.
Waiting for a new kitchen installation
No stove or sink
and the kitchen stuff is spread everywhere!
Anyway...for me..a uncluttered place is a positive sign
of an organized alcohol free mind.
I love it!!!
so my apartment stayed neat and clean.
"See...drinking is not cousing me problems"
In sobriety...I pick up as I go. It pleases me to
be neat.
Right now..I am in a tizzy.
Waiting for a new kitchen installation
No stove or sink
and the kitchen stuff is spread everywhere!
Anyway...for me..a uncluttered place is a positive sign
of an organized alcohol free mind.
I love it!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: windsor, ontario, canada
Posts: 201
Jennifer, not sure if you were trying to be funny but you made smile. thanks. I think it was the big bag of doritos calling at me now that i have these urges to eat more. I am not sure what line you are thinking of but if you think of it, please let me know.
Anna, I have now, after reading all of this had time to reconsider the whole thing. Perhaps the clutter around me subconsciously added to my anxiety, which was another excuse to drink...You know, feeling overwhelmed. Because as i continue to work on this room today, and getting rid of things, i feel a little better.
Way to much mind clarity and way to much time think now too.
Time for some music
Aloneagainor- You like to see what makes people tick? Something i have always enjoyed doing as well. Maybe not so good for the boyfriend..(poor guy) but now that i have a wee bit clearer mind, i am wondering things. Thanks for your feedback. Do you have any psych books at home?
And Carol- funny thing. At Christmas of this past year, I was still living alone. I went to a meeting, after a whole day of sobriety, and made a friend who offered to drop some books off for me. Because at this point, I was about to hit bottom my small apartment was in shambles. I actually called a cleaning company, instead of prolonging the meeting by a few hours to do it myself. And realized later how foolish that was.
After that, i have picked to the best of my ability, straight away and have been appreciating my new home more because of it. (well, except this room)
Thanks you everyone today.
I haope your day is good.
Anna, I have now, after reading all of this had time to reconsider the whole thing. Perhaps the clutter around me subconsciously added to my anxiety, which was another excuse to drink...You know, feeling overwhelmed. Because as i continue to work on this room today, and getting rid of things, i feel a little better.
Way to much mind clarity and way to much time think now too.
Time for some music
Aloneagainor- You like to see what makes people tick? Something i have always enjoyed doing as well. Maybe not so good for the boyfriend..(poor guy) but now that i have a wee bit clearer mind, i am wondering things. Thanks for your feedback. Do you have any psych books at home?
And Carol- funny thing. At Christmas of this past year, I was still living alone. I went to a meeting, after a whole day of sobriety, and made a friend who offered to drop some books off for me. Because at this point, I was about to hit bottom my small apartment was in shambles. I actually called a cleaning company, instead of prolonging the meeting by a few hours to do it myself. And realized later how foolish that was.
After that, i have picked to the best of my ability, straight away and have been appreciating my new home more because of it. (well, except this room)
Thanks you everyone today.
I haope your day is good.
Addict
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 131
Hi mertyl!
I honestly wasn't trying to be funny... but reading over it now makes me see what you mean. I am in one of those goofy good moods today, and I guess my posts show it. These good days make all the hard ones so worth it.
Take care!
Jennifer
I honestly wasn't trying to be funny... but reading over it now makes me see what you mean.
I am in one of those goofy good moods today, and I guess my posts show it. These good days make all the hard ones so worth it. Take care!
Jennifer
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 859
MertylI can relate on the lack of energy or interest for doing things. It does get better though, I have found. My biggest problem through the first few weeks though is that all I wanted to do is play around on my puter or sleep BUT then my OCD kicks in and I start having a panick attack because there is clutter and off I go on a rampage dragging the kids and hubby out and making them help me pick things up.
They probably think I have gone completely off the deep end at this point because usually, I HAVE to be the one that cleans because they just "dont do it right" (I have been busted pulling towels out of the closet and refolding them because they werent "done right"!!!! EEEESH!!!! LOL)
So needless to say, instead of booting them out the door so I can "do it right", I am freaking out and barking orders and flying through the house like some sort of madwoman trying to clean and bake and garden and feed the dog and bark more orders and going behind them after they just scrubbed the bathroom because yet again they didnt "do it right" and so on..........I know it isnt funny, OCD sometimes takes over really bad for me but I have to sit here and look back over the last few weeks and think about how it would look to someone who doesnt know me LOL INSANE!!!! Thanks for letting me laugh at myself, it actually feels good!!!
Congrats on your progress, stay strong!!!
Liss
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Plymouth, MN
Posts: 960
Hi Mertyl -- congrats on your sobriety!
I always wondered if maybe our environment is a reflection on what is going on inside. When I was drinking I really procrastinated on things like cleaning. i still procrastinate, but I find that things are neater and I make myself do more. Progress, not perfection. Hmmmm, sounds like another AA slogan finding its way into my reality. Funny how they all start to make sense sooner or later.
I always wondered if maybe our environment is a reflection on what is going on inside. When I was drinking I really procrastinated on things like cleaning. i still procrastinate, but I find that things are neater and I make myself do more. Progress, not perfection. Hmmmm, sounds like another AA slogan finding its way into my reality.
Funny how they all start to make sense sooner or later.
My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 338
Hi, Mertyl, fellow Canadian. I'm interested in how many people posted to this thread! Sometimes I guess we need something light on this forum because there's so much heavy hurting here. Read "When there's two of us" by Nice2nou, you'll get a fresh example.
I sobered up in 1988. My wife seemed to like clutter. Nothing was dirty, but stuff was everywhere, not an empty tabletop or corner anywhere. I left her in 1998, put some stuff in a storage unit, and lived in the sleeper of a long-haul truck for five years. A place for everything and everything in its place, but no room for clutter or messiness. Then I got a bachelor apartment. Still no extra room, had to keep things tidy and put away. Two months ago I moved into a one-bedroom apartment. It's big enough to be cluttered and messy, but it isn't! Everything's put away, neat and tidy, and clean. I keep it that way. So I guess I've picked up some good habits! I'll work at keeping them!
I sobered up in 1988. My wife seemed to like clutter. Nothing was dirty, but stuff was everywhere, not an empty tabletop or corner anywhere. I left her in 1998, put some stuff in a storage unit, and lived in the sleeper of a long-haul truck for five years. A place for everything and everything in its place, but no room for clutter or messiness. Then I got a bachelor apartment. Still no extra room, had to keep things tidy and put away. Two months ago I moved into a one-bedroom apartment. It's big enough to be cluttered and messy, but it isn't! Everything's put away, neat and tidy, and clean. I keep it that way. So I guess I've picked up some good habits! I'll work at keeping them!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: windsor, ontario, canada
Posts: 201
Hey hector, thanks for the post. I am not sure how many people have threaded but It was nice to have a smile.
I am not messy, either, just cluttered. And when i say messy, i mean, like, dirty? Everything is clean and tidy, and i have been making a huge solid effort to make that stop.
But what really made me want to respond, and since i gather you drive truck, and you live in it, by choice or dispatchers choice, I feel you on the neat and placed items. It is your home and when I had a sleeper on mine(before my daycab) everything had a place. I loved it.
A bachelore apartment, though, forget it!!!!! Boxes stacked to the kitchen ceiling.
Wishing u a great day, and i just want to say how incredible it is that you have been sober for as long as you have.
God bless
I am not messy, either, just cluttered. And when i say messy, i mean, like, dirty? Everything is clean and tidy, and i have been making a huge solid effort to make that stop.
But what really made me want to respond, and since i gather you drive truck, and you live in it, by choice or dispatchers choice, I feel you on the neat and placed items. It is your home and when I had a sleeper on mine(before my daycab) everything had a place. I loved it.
A bachelore apartment, though, forget it!!!!! Boxes stacked to the kitchen ceiling.
Wishing u a great day, and i just want to say how incredible it is that you have been sober for as long as you have.
God bless
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