a tedious post about my life
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: wales
Posts: 13
a tedious post about my life
hello agian its hank,
firstly the reason i chose that as my name is because its the nickname ive been given because when im sober im quite as a mouse yet after a few jars im loud and a bit crazy, so like me myself and irene im charie when im sober and hank when im drunk.
anyways, im gonna try and write and not worry about what ive written otherwise id get nowhere so i appologise now if any of this is boring or makes no sense at all.
from a very little age i was considered to be really shy, and this was always quite a natural shy, but by the time i was turning 13 this shyness had became o problem for me...i couldnt talk to mates let alone girls without feeling hugely insecure....so that when i started drinking. i drank to avoid my fears, the fear of being ridiculed my fear of being seen as shy.
the thing with drinking is that it immediately cured my fears and i would have a luagh with people and wed have fun joking around, juping on beds etc...this made it harder for me to be sober.i hated and still do to a degree who i am. why am i so quite.
by the time i turned 15 my drinking was quite regular, every weekend, and i no longer got to the giggly stage of getting drunk, my sole mission was to get as drunk as i could...or smashed as i call it.
i have lots and lots of memories now of being paraletic and passed out on people lawns in the middle of the day...one thing i would like to point out now is i only feel the need to get this drunk when im in social situations and that i dont often wake up to a bottle o vodka but when i do get drunk...there is no half measures.
when i went to university i had a huge wke up call...becuase i wasnt comfortable in social situations sober back home i could lay low for a while...however in uni this wasnt an option and lookng back this period of my life is the worst for my drinking. i thought and still do think that people only like me when im drunk...and so everynight id be absolutly slaughtered on alcohol...one morning i did wake up and finished a bottle of vodka..i then went down the shop and bought some cans of lager and drank them in broad daylight behind a skip....then a security gaurd came over and said " mate sort yourself out"....this was an all time low for me....it was around this time that i tried to end my life...id had enough of being me.
then one morning i woke up nd saw to white figures standing at the end of my bed...maybe just still dreaming but i lke to think it was an angel looking over me and since that day i have battled with my sa and my drinking.
to be fair to me ive come a very long way but recently my drink has picked up again and likewise my social anxiety...actually my social anxiety has never relieved its a constant battle with in myself that has worn me down and down.
well..this is about all i can think of to write for the time being...if youve read to here then thanks soo much and i hope i havnet been a bore.
thank you all
firstly the reason i chose that as my name is because its the nickname ive been given because when im sober im quite as a mouse yet after a few jars im loud and a bit crazy, so like me myself and irene im charie when im sober and hank when im drunk.
anyways, im gonna try and write and not worry about what ive written otherwise id get nowhere so i appologise now if any of this is boring or makes no sense at all.
from a very little age i was considered to be really shy, and this was always quite a natural shy, but by the time i was turning 13 this shyness had became o problem for me...i couldnt talk to mates let alone girls without feeling hugely insecure....so that when i started drinking. i drank to avoid my fears, the fear of being ridiculed my fear of being seen as shy.
the thing with drinking is that it immediately cured my fears and i would have a luagh with people and wed have fun joking around, juping on beds etc...this made it harder for me to be sober.i hated and still do to a degree who i am. why am i so quite.
by the time i turned 15 my drinking was quite regular, every weekend, and i no longer got to the giggly stage of getting drunk, my sole mission was to get as drunk as i could...or smashed as i call it.
i have lots and lots of memories now of being paraletic and passed out on people lawns in the middle of the day...one thing i would like to point out now is i only feel the need to get this drunk when im in social situations and that i dont often wake up to a bottle o vodka but when i do get drunk...there is no half measures.
when i went to university i had a huge wke up call...becuase i wasnt comfortable in social situations sober back home i could lay low for a while...however in uni this wasnt an option and lookng back this period of my life is the worst for my drinking. i thought and still do think that people only like me when im drunk...and so everynight id be absolutly slaughtered on alcohol...one morning i did wake up and finished a bottle of vodka..i then went down the shop and bought some cans of lager and drank them in broad daylight behind a skip....then a security gaurd came over and said " mate sort yourself out"....this was an all time low for me....it was around this time that i tried to end my life...id had enough of being me.
then one morning i woke up nd saw to white figures standing at the end of my bed...maybe just still dreaming but i lke to think it was an angel looking over me and since that day i have battled with my sa and my drinking.
to be fair to me ive come a very long way but recently my drink has picked up again and likewise my social anxiety...actually my social anxiety has never relieved its a constant battle with in myself that has worn me down and down.
well..this is about all i can think of to write for the time being...if youve read to here then thanks soo much and i hope i havnet been a bore.
thank you all
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
so why don't you look into some counselling to assist with the social anxiety (I have a real issue with shyness... that is partly why this forum is great) and / or seeking medical assistance with some meds for social anxiety... it is actually treatable with drugs like effexor.
Glad you are here... keep on asking the questions and answers will come.
Levi
Glad you are here... keep on asking the questions and answers will come.
Levi
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: wales
Posts: 13
thanks for replies....about seeking medical advice about my sa..well i dont think i could actually handle explaining my problems to a doc at the mo..but hopefully thing will get better and i will..thanks you
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