JoanB

Hello,

This is my first post here. I was sober for 18 months and then I blew it - went back to drinking every single night. I am so ashamed and scared to start all over again.

I feel just awful and hope that some of you can share some words of support.

Thank you,

JoanB

CarolD

Glad you are here...


If you want recovery...AA is where I found mine.
Did you use AA during your sober time?

If not...please check it out.

If you did...simply start again on Step 1

Meetings are vital to my continuing sobriety.
Don't be stuck in shame and let your alcoholism kill you.

Blessings...Keep posting..we care

Chy

Hi Joan and welcome. You had 18 months of sobriety and that's huge! Don't discount that so easily. The important thing is you've experienced sobriety and know what to look forward to. We're imperfect beings and we make mistakes, we have to learn things over and over till it sticks, don't be afraid you can do it again!

Sugasnaps

Hi Joan,

Guess what... you fell down. Not the end of your world because you're here and YOU picked your bruised butt back up off the floor, YOU dusted your battle worn self off and YOU came here to post. Those 18 months are still yours - you still earned every single blessed one of them. I know you can't tell me you regret them - not like you regret the ones you've lost to alcohol. Surrender to the war again - stop fighting it. Throw up your hands to alcohol and say "I give up - you win - you have control over me." You can do it... you did it before and now you're armed with the knowledge of your successes of the past. Use what you already know and find a group that can support you.

Welcome back, Joan and thank you for posting because your telling your story helps everyone that reads it. Thank you.

Suga

Cathy31

I really admire you Joan for getting back up again - you did it before, and you can certainly do it again. Welcome!
Keep reading and posting.
Cathy31
x

dreamutopia

Yeah Joan you owe it to yourself to actually take the step and visit this forum, start a thread and seek support. Don't give up just yet!

raerob

Welcome back, Joan! I hope you realize how blessed you are to have made it back...not everyone is that fortunate, you know. As alcoholics, we all have another drunk left in us...but, no one is guaranteed another recovery.

Now that you're back...just keep comin'...it's much easier to stay here, than to keep comin back!!!

Hang in there! It's worth the effort!

daddysgirl29

Hello, from a fellow Virginian.

We can all relate, JoanB. Don't beat yourself up. The good thing is that you came back and didn't sink further into the deadly disease. This site has been a lifesaver for me. I hope you find the same deal here. We all make mistakes - the point is, we learn from them and move forward. Only human, right?? Have you been to a meeting lately?

Please keep posting. You're not alone!!

freedom4me

I am brand new today, too. I have never experienced more than 2 weeks sobriety in the past 3 years (three years ago it OCCURRED to me that I MAY have a problem). I threw in the towel 6 months ago and said I was tired of trying to quit. Too much shame and embarrassment every time I failed. BUT....I don't want to die from this. So, two days sober and counting.

JoanB

Thank you all for your welcome. I really feel like it's going to be life or death this time. I am/was a closet drinker so I feel very alone. I look forward to getting to know you all better.

freedom4me

I have been busy trying to keep my addiction and abuse "nice and tidy." (lies lies lies)

Who wants to admit they are a drunk? I just hid in my closet drinking myself into an absolute stupor. Ugly drunk. Wretching my guts out at 2 AM-going outside so that I don't awake anyone in the house. Trying to keep my secret. My secret is killing me.

It is an insidious disease. It lies and tells you that you can be a "polite" drinker, one..two drinks tops. Ain't never gonna happen for me that way. Trust me, I tried.

Choose life, stay sober.

U24LIFE

Hi Joan! Keep fighting! From the looks of things, there is a lot of friendly support here from many good people. My kind of stuff! Hope all is well.

Nickaddict

Welcome Joan

I was clean&sober for 3 years once and started drinking&drugging again after that.
I wasn't in any 12 step program back then and thought I was cured.
Now I'm a year in recovery, had multiple relapses, and have a current clean time nearing 3 months.
This time it feels different, however, because my last relapse and the subsequent cravings and utter negativity defeated me. That's what it took for me - I had to be 100% on my knees and powerless.
But some people are ready the first day they walk into the rooms.
Guess I'm just a stubborn, thick-skulled one

Then the miracle happened. The obsession to use/drink was taken away.
It has only come back for 1 hour during my almost 3 months and I was able to counter that hour with applying the tools I learned in NA and AA.

So my experience, strength and hope is: There is a solution! You can get a daily reprieval from your disease if you fully surrender to the 12 steps as suggested in the program.

I take it 1 day at a time. Or even 1 moment at a time if need be. I try to surrender every day again and ask for help every day again. It's working for me and it can for you too

Nick.

ASH

Welcome Joan, 18 months is great, you have had lots of practice,
now you just need to get back to it
hope to see more of you here

ASH

Hi Freedom, welcome to you too. Glad you have found SR and made a decision to quit drinking. Life gets so much better, keep reading and posting.
Take care

freedom4me

Thanks. I just want to say that reading all of posts have really helped understand the scope of the disease. Truly, all of the feelings I have had where I have felt so alone in my struggle I have realized that all fellow addicts have experienced. It takes away the "aloneness". There really are people who understand. Day 3 and still angrier than I have ever been at the addiction. I mean, I am really ticked off. Not sure if that is normal?