No Hangovers
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: California
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No Hangovers
I have a question. . . I am in the process of deciding whether to continue trying to help my alcohol-dependent husband (who refuses to help himself at this point) or to simply end my marriage. In my process of learning about him and his dependence I have wondered about something that I cannot seem to find any info. on. . . why does he not get hangovers? He drinks every night - at least 3 or 4 pints of beer (often as many as 6-8), occasionally rum and coke, he doesn't sleep much, and he gets up every morning at 6 or 7 and goes to work. I understand the tolerance thing (I think) but shouldn't there still be a hangover? Ever?
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 99
How long has he been drinking? It took a few years of heavy drinking before I started really feeling the effects. Also, I was VERY good at hiding how awful I felt when I did have hangovers. I got up and went to work every morning also. You get good at covering it up. Alcoholics are experts at disguise.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Welcome.
The final years of my drinking, there were no more hangovers.
It was more or less continuous intoxication to varying levels.
I drank every night too, and went to work in the morning.
And until I wanted to get sober, no one, including my ex wife, could help me.
Here's a link to the Friends and Family forum, just down the hall
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...splay.php?f=24
Best of luck to the both of you.
The final years of my drinking, there were no more hangovers.
It was more or less continuous intoxication to varying levels.
I drank every night too, and went to work in the morning.
And until I wanted to get sober, no one, including my ex wife, could help me.
Here's a link to the Friends and Family forum, just down the hall
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...splay.php?f=24
Best of luck to the both of you.
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: California
Posts: 5
Dan and Lively - Thanks!
Lively, you asked how long he's been drinking. He's 39 and admits that he has been drinking - often heavily - since college. I've only been with him for 4 years - married for 2+. He stopped and attended AA for 6 mos to a year when he was married to his 1st wife. Needless to say, that marriage failed. She has her problems (boy, does she ever) but she's not chemically dependent. She blames the divorce on his drinking. I didn't use to believe her - now I know just what she was talking about. At least we don't have kids - he has two with her. I'm regressing and rambling - sorry.
Please tell me more about hiding the hangovers. I suppose you may be right - that he's just hiding the fact that he does feel the effects because to admit it would be like admitting that he has a problem. He does often pop a couple of Excedrin first thing in the morning but that's it. How could I tell? Or could I?
Ubetcha
Lively, you asked how long he's been drinking. He's 39 and admits that he has been drinking - often heavily - since college. I've only been with him for 4 years - married for 2+. He stopped and attended AA for 6 mos to a year when he was married to his 1st wife. Needless to say, that marriage failed. She has her problems (boy, does she ever) but she's not chemically dependent. She blames the divorce on his drinking. I didn't use to believe her - now I know just what she was talking about. At least we don't have kids - he has two with her. I'm regressing and rambling - sorry.
Please tell me more about hiding the hangovers. I suppose you may be right - that he's just hiding the fact that he does feel the effects because to admit it would be like admitting that he has a problem. He does often pop a couple of Excedrin first thing in the morning but that's it. How could I tell? Or could I?
Ubetcha
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 99
Well I'm no expert on alcoholism, I only know of my own experience. I could and did drink 8-12 beers every single night, go to bed around 10:00pm, get up at 5:30am, get my children ready for their day and head off to work. I work with the public in a busy office. I felt like **** but no one knew it. I popped a tylenol every morning, drank a load of water, and sipped coffee all morning. I'm sure my eyes must have betrayed me more than once, since I can now see such a difference in my appearance. My eyes are no longer bloodshot nor are they tinged with any yellow. I no longer have deep dark circles under my eyes and my complexion is a healthy color, not red. I can eat breakfast, which I could not do before due to an upset stomach. My walk is more confident and steady.
I must say, there are tons of alcoholics out there that function quite well day to day with no outward signs. Whether or not he has a hangover does not determine whether or not he's an alcoholic.
How important is the alcohol to him? One of my co-workers just left her husband about a month ago because his drinking had progressed to a 12-pack of beer every night and sometimes half a bottle of whiskey too. They hadn't made love in over a year. He passed out at the kitchen table every night. To his friends, he may not have seemed to have a problem. But she is his wife....she lived it. You know....
I must say, there are tons of alcoholics out there that function quite well day to day with no outward signs. Whether or not he has a hangover does not determine whether or not he's an alcoholic.
How important is the alcohol to him? One of my co-workers just left her husband about a month ago because his drinking had progressed to a 12-pack of beer every night and sometimes half a bottle of whiskey too. They hadn't made love in over a year. He passed out at the kitchen table every night. To his friends, he may not have seemed to have a problem. But she is his wife....she lived it. You know....
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: California
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Lively -
I don't know how long you've been sober. . . all I can say is. . . WOW!!! You go, girl! I am not an addict (trust me, I know I'm no saint), I have no kids, and still, I can hardly take care of myself sometimes. I'm 41 and dealing with my own baggage and sometimes I'm just so exhausted. I cannot imagine functioning the way you did and handling all of your responsibilities at the same time. It must have been so tough. Did you realize that then? Or did the tough part not come until you chose to seek sobriety? I'm so proud of you for taking care of you and, dare I say, you're a life saver - you saved your own!
The alcohol is so, so, sooooo important to my husband. When he's sober (not drinking at the moment) and when he believes I'm serious about leaving, he doesn't want that and he admits that he may have a problem. When we've been to counseling, he has even admitted it. He even made a doctor appointment last spring and asked me to go along because he wanted to ask the doc about some meds he'd read about that take away the desire to drink. He and I honestly told the doc how much he was drinking. The doc put him on the meds. My husband cut back but never completely eliminated the alcohol. After only a few weeks he was off the meds and back to his same old routine.
Mostly, though, he denies. He refuses to stop. Once he starts, even after just one, his personality and behavior change. If I trip while tip toe-ing (or just plain get in his face which I sometimes do because, after all, I'm taking care of me), he gets arrogant, controlling, belittling and mean.
He also has a unique situation. A PhD we saw for marital problems last year believes (and so do I) that he has had ADD/ADHD since childhood and because it was never properly diagnosed/treated (because they didn't know then what they know about it now), he, at least in college, learned to self-medicate. He smoked marijuana until just a few years ago, too, when I told him I drew the line with illegal stuff. He drinks to feel normal. Even though alcohol is a depressant, it act as a stimulant with him. He comes home, starts drinking, and he's go, go, go all night long. He's constantly working on something. He rarely relaxes. I don't have the complaints some women do - he's always working around the house. He gets a few hours sleep and he's up to do it all over again.
I don't mean to unload all of this on you. You're a kind heart to even hear me out. . . and then to respond. Thanks.
I don't know how long you've been sober. . . all I can say is. . . WOW!!! You go, girl! I am not an addict (trust me, I know I'm no saint), I have no kids, and still, I can hardly take care of myself sometimes. I'm 41 and dealing with my own baggage and sometimes I'm just so exhausted. I cannot imagine functioning the way you did and handling all of your responsibilities at the same time. It must have been so tough. Did you realize that then? Or did the tough part not come until you chose to seek sobriety? I'm so proud of you for taking care of you and, dare I say, you're a life saver - you saved your own!
The alcohol is so, so, sooooo important to my husband. When he's sober (not drinking at the moment) and when he believes I'm serious about leaving, he doesn't want that and he admits that he may have a problem. When we've been to counseling, he has even admitted it. He even made a doctor appointment last spring and asked me to go along because he wanted to ask the doc about some meds he'd read about that take away the desire to drink. He and I honestly told the doc how much he was drinking. The doc put him on the meds. My husband cut back but never completely eliminated the alcohol. After only a few weeks he was off the meds and back to his same old routine.
Mostly, though, he denies. He refuses to stop. Once he starts, even after just one, his personality and behavior change. If I trip while tip toe-ing (or just plain get in his face which I sometimes do because, after all, I'm taking care of me), he gets arrogant, controlling, belittling and mean.
He also has a unique situation. A PhD we saw for marital problems last year believes (and so do I) that he has had ADD/ADHD since childhood and because it was never properly diagnosed/treated (because they didn't know then what they know about it now), he, at least in college, learned to self-medicate. He smoked marijuana until just a few years ago, too, when I told him I drew the line with illegal stuff. He drinks to feel normal. Even though alcohol is a depressant, it act as a stimulant with him. He comes home, starts drinking, and he's go, go, go all night long. He's constantly working on something. He rarely relaxes. I don't have the complaints some women do - he's always working around the house. He gets a few hours sleep and he's up to do it all over again.
I don't mean to unload all of this on you. You're a kind heart to even hear me out. . . and then to respond. Thanks.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: canada
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I used to get hangovers, but for the past few years, I was never sober enough to tell. I was just always in some stage of intoxication. Either drinking, or still drunk from the episode before and waiting to get more to stave off the withdrawels.
I was so used to feeling like garbage all the time, that I didn't even realize how terribly ill I was.
I don't know if that helps, but I just think if you are not experiencing the hangovers anymore, your disease is pretty progressed and you need to get help!!
PS, I also found that I barely slept at the worst point in my addiction. Always up super early and still drunk from the night before. A quick hair of the dog and the alcoholic machine was up and running.
I was so used to feeling like garbage all the time, that I didn't even realize how terribly ill I was.
I don't know if that helps, but I just think if you are not experiencing the hangovers anymore, your disease is pretty progressed and you need to get help!!
PS, I also found that I barely slept at the worst point in my addiction. Always up super early and still drunk from the night before. A quick hair of the dog and the alcoholic machine was up and running.
Last edited by j'ade d'arcy; 10-28-2005 at 07:03 PM. Reason: spelling
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J'ade D'arcy -
Thanks. He does not drink in the morning or during the day while working. When he's off, he'll start in the early afternoon. The worst I've seen with him was this past May. . . when I thought he was still trying to quit and still on the meds I described below. We were in Hawaii trying to make our marriage work. I noticed one morning while we were eating breakfast in our condo that he had put vodka in his oj - this was at about 9:30 am - and it wasn't to cure a hangover. But I can always tell - I can see it and I can smell it. He thinks I cannot. So, no hair of the dog for him. I don't know. . .
Thanks. He does not drink in the morning or during the day while working. When he's off, he'll start in the early afternoon. The worst I've seen with him was this past May. . . when I thought he was still trying to quit and still on the meds I described below. We were in Hawaii trying to make our marriage work. I noticed one morning while we were eating breakfast in our condo that he had put vodka in his oj - this was at about 9:30 am - and it wasn't to cure a hangover. But I can always tell - I can see it and I can smell it. He thinks I cannot. So, no hair of the dog for him. I don't know. . .
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: USA
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I have 131 days under my belt I took my last drink on June 18, 2005. Thanks for the thumbs up
I did realize I had a problem a long time ago and it scared me. I was terribly ashamed but I was even more scared to be sober, to be real, and to face the truth about myself and my life. I was so afraid I was going to die a drunks death. And I was even more afraid that if I continued to drink my children would follow.
I think anyone here would tell you your husband definately sounds like he has a problem with alcohol. He's even admitted it before. I'm sorry he doesn't want to stop yet. You need to take care of you though. I can't even imagine how terribly frustrating it must be to live with an alcoholic. You sound like a lovely, caring woman. He has no idea how lucky he is to have someone willing to stand by him if he chooses recovery.
Since he's admitted before that he drinks too much do you think he would be willing to sit down at the computer, by himself, and check this site out?
I took my last drink on June 18, 2005. Thanks for the thumbs up I did realize I had a problem a long time ago and it scared me. I was terribly ashamed but I was even more scared to be sober, to be real, and to face the truth about myself and my life. I was so afraid I was going to die a drunks death. And I was even more afraid that if I continued to drink my children would follow.
I think anyone here would tell you your husband definately sounds like he has a problem with alcohol. He's even admitted it before. I'm sorry he doesn't want to stop yet. You need to take care of you though. I can't even imagine how terribly frustrating it must be to live with an alcoholic. You sound like a lovely, caring woman. He has no idea how lucky he is to have someone willing to stand by him if he chooses recovery.
Since he's admitted before that he drinks too much do you think he would be willing to sit down at the computer, by himself, and check this site out?
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: pacific northwest
Posts: 45
My husband also functioned well and no hangover. but as time goes by that high tolerance seems to start reversing. when he was 48 it seemed to be catching up with him. he quit after he got a nasty wake up call. (well then he found he was also addicted to opiate pain killers...long story) no telling how long your husband will get away with it. interesting about the ADD/ADHD....my son whom I didn't realize until he was 16 is ADD (he's 29 now) .... he drinks too much and says the same thing that it's the only way he feels "normal". He also works hard is never hungover... works aroung the house always has projects going.
check out alanon....it'll help you keep your sanity....mari
check out alanon....it'll help you keep your sanity....mari
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
I agree that he does sound like he has a problem and will admit it when the chips are down and then goes back into denial when the heat is back off. I did this with my family also. On the other side of the coin I've also been the wife of an alcoholic (before I became one myself) who would become mean when drinking. I tried begging, threatening to leave, silent treatment and everything else I could to make him stop. He would quit for a few days. Things were peaceful but he was miserable, nervous (which I now know from experience was the shakes from withdrawals) and irritable as hell. He'd start sneaking a beer on the way home from work. Then he'd tell me he was just going to have "just one" and then within a few days we were back at square one. If he ever had a hangover I sure wasn't aware of it.
I started drinking along with him (with the mindset if you can't beat em join em) and within 3 1/2 years we were divorced and I was a full blown alcoholic. Our last night together we were in a horrible fight and he called me an alcoholic. In my drunken state I just blew it off as the pot calling the kettle black but it stuck in the back of my head and bothered me. It wasn't for another couple of years before I got sober though.
My suggestion for you at this point would be to check out Al-Anon to get support for you, a support system in place of people who've been where you're at. An alcoholic is not going to stop drinking because their spouse demands it or threatens to leave. Sure they may scale back until the heat is off but their addiction will rear its ugly head and at some point they will get loaded and then it will be back on. You are powerless over his actions. He is not going to seek help until he is ready to honestly look at his problem (I repeat, you can say you have a problem all day long, but what are you doing about it?). I used the fact that I had a problem for a while to get family off my back and/or to justify drinking more. Hell, I was an alcholic, what else should I do but drink. I didn't seek help until the pain of the drinking was literally killing me. No amount of pleading from my kids or family did the trick. Made me feel guilt, shame and remorse but not enough to give up the alcohol. It was my god at the time. I had constant hangovers in the mornings but when I finally got sober and admitted to a few close friends at work most were shocked because even though I felt like total hell apparently I hid it well.
Back to my point. You can only change you and your response to what is going on. Al-Anon and the Al-Anon boards here would be a great place to start.
Hugs,
Kellye
I started drinking along with him (with the mindset if you can't beat em join em) and within 3 1/2 years we were divorced and I was a full blown alcoholic. Our last night together we were in a horrible fight and he called me an alcoholic. In my drunken state I just blew it off as the pot calling the kettle black but it stuck in the back of my head and bothered me. It wasn't for another couple of years before I got sober though.
My suggestion for you at this point would be to check out Al-Anon to get support for you, a support system in place of people who've been where you're at. An alcoholic is not going to stop drinking because their spouse demands it or threatens to leave. Sure they may scale back until the heat is off but their addiction will rear its ugly head and at some point they will get loaded and then it will be back on. You are powerless over his actions. He is not going to seek help until he is ready to honestly look at his problem (I repeat, you can say you have a problem all day long, but what are you doing about it?). I used the fact that I had a problem for a while to get family off my back and/or to justify drinking more. Hell, I was an alcholic, what else should I do but drink. I didn't seek help until the pain of the drinking was literally killing me. No amount of pleading from my kids or family did the trick. Made me feel guilt, shame and remorse but not enough to give up the alcohol. It was my god at the time. I had constant hangovers in the mornings but when I finally got sober and admitted to a few close friends at work most were shocked because even though I felt like total hell apparently I hid it well.
Back to my point. You can only change you and your response to what is going on. Al-Anon and the Al-Anon boards here would be a great place to start.
Hugs,
Kellye
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Join Date: Dec 2004
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Originally Posted by ubetcha
I understand the tolerance thing (I think) but shouldn't there still be a hangover? Ever?
Ever heard the little quip people say ...."You have too much blood in your alcohol stream" ??
It seems he keeps a continuous amount of alcohol in his bloodstream at all times. 24 hours isnt nearly enough time to diminish the booze. He "restocks his inventory" daily. I know that when I was drinking, for a long long time (years), I never had a hangover. And I drank about a gallon of whiskey a day for 5 years.
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